Chapter 32
Elia
Even though I’m outside, I can’t get enough air. My lungs seem to have stopped working, and a heavy pressure has settled on my chest, Rafe’s words ringing in my ears.
Ever since your idea of the Golden Hunt.
I’d almost laugh when Rafe had spat that sentence out. Ten years ago meant that Callum must have been no older than eighteen or nineteen. Could an eighteen-year-old devise something like that?
But then I remember how poorly planned and executed it all was. How the whole event wasn’t thought out, and seemed silly in hindsight. And I could, now, easily see how it could have been a teenager’s idea.
A teenager desperate for the King’s approval - isn’t that what Rafe had been reaming Callum out for?
The fact that Callum didn’t argue or protest that statement, when he fought back on others thrown his way, told me all I needed to know.
I step back off the porch. Everyone is too close to me now, the air becoming thinner as my breaths shallow.
“Elia, wait – I can explain.” Callum reaches a hand out in my direction but I ignore it, already steps away.
I whip my head around. “Go ahead, by all means. Please, explain why you haven’t mentioned the fact that you’re the reason I lost ten years of my life. The reason why my parents never returned for me!” I seethe.
Callum is ghostly white, seemingly paralyzed where he stands. I doubt Rafe knew that he was dropping a bomb of information on me, but I bet he is amused at my unraveling, probably enjoying the fact that our relationship is blowing up in front of him, based on the truths that he told.
Callum opens his mouth and closes it again.
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he confesses in a low voice.
“How do you think I feel now?” I’m almost shouting. “Why didn’t you tell me when I opened up to you about my past?”
Tears form at the corners of my eyes. “I trusted you. You promised me no more lies.”
Callum starts to speak but I cut him off, predicting his next words. “Lies by omission are still lies, Callum.”
Rafe coughs into his fist, and I can’t tell if it was covering up a laugh or not.
“This is what he does, Elia,” Rafe chimes in, swallowing his cough-laugh.
“He invites people into his life, giving them a glimpse behind his walls - of the person he could be. And just when you’re in too deep, too committed, falling in love –” Rafe jabs a finger into Callum’s chest. “You realize he’s hiding behind half-truths, tucking away certain parts of himself.
No one will ever truly understand him until he learns how to be himself, instead of a puppet of the King. ”
Rafe retreats back to his spot next to Adrienne and crosses his arms. “He’s not man enough to break things off himself, so instead he builds relationships on crumbling foundations, hoping everything doesn’t come crashing down.”
“But yet here we are. In the rubble,” I finish Rafe’s silent thought aloud.
Callum doesn’t react to anyone’s words, and I don’t know if his silence is better or worse. He’s completely shut down, like the power to his body is disconnected.
When Callum at last speaks, his voice wavers, giving us the first physical indication that our words were affecting him.
“You do know me.” His eyes land on Rafe first, then me, then on Ginna. “Gin - you’ve been with me the longest. You know I’d never do anything to hurt anyone, especially them. Tell them,” he pleads with Ginna, desperation heavy in his tone.
“I –” Ginna fidgets uncomfortably at being put on the spot. Her eyes meet Callum’s. “I do know you, Cal. Every version of you - good or bad.”
Callum seems a bit relieved before she continues.
“But Rafe has a point. Somewhere along the line I think you lost track of who you are, and instead you’re whoever the King made you into.
The Callum we knew when we were kids isn’t the Callum standing in front of us today.
You’ve built up so many walls that none of us know the real you, including yourself. ”
“This is ridiculous. I am who I’ve always been! If anything, the King has only made me into a stronger, better version of that. I’m no longer the weak, lonely, bastard child that I once was. So what, I’m being punished for that?”
This is another side of Callum I had yet to see – the unpolished, chaotic version. His typical calm and collected demeanor is nowhere to be found.
“Anything else to add?” Callum glares at Ginna and Rafe. “Are you about to say you’ve never been friends with me? That there’s no bond between us?”
Ginna hastens to answer. “No, of course not, Cal,” she states plainly. “We’re only trying to suggest that maybe you’ve become someone…different because of the King. Someone that isn’t who we know you to be.”
“The King’s cruel puppet and a pathological liar,” Adrienne spits. I almost forgot she’s still here.
Ginna grimaces but doesn’t contradict Adrienne.
Neither does Rafe.
Neither do I.
Seeing his violence and cruelty towards the pirates rattled me, but since they attacked us it was easier to brush off. But exploding a civilian ship was something completely different, whether he’d known it or not.
And as for the liar part, well…that speaks for itself.
“So this whole trip was meant to be a…what? An intervention?” He scoffs and turns his attention to me. “The ring was a farce, wasn’t it? A lie you made up to drag me here. I doubt Rafe even has it still. He only wanted us to come to his house so he could have Adrienne yell at me too.”
Callum is going haywire, like a lit fuse trailing its way to the explosion.
It’s Rafe who steps in on my behalf. “Cal, listen to yourself. You can’t blame Elia for any of this. She’s only finding this all out now.”
Callum has turned the tables on this whole conversation. He’s now mad at me, when I still haven’t even processed all the information that I found out in such a short time.
“I need some space.” My breathing still hasn’t returned to normal, and speaking out of anger would only make me regret my words later.
This time, Callum doesn’t try to follow me. I aimlessly follow the stream behind the cottage until I can no longer hear the conversation that continued after I left. When I’m satisfied I am alone, I find myself sitting on a stump and staring at the flowing water, trying to process everything.
I was so caught off guard by the whole Golden Hunt being Callum’s idea I almost forgot what Rafe had said right before.
You can’t tell me that you didn’t know that the King was going to name you as heir.
Yet another piece of information Callum had never mentioned to me.
In all his talks of Rafe and the King, never once did he mention that he’s now in line to take over.
What else is Callum hiding behind those skyhigh walls of his?
How can I presume I know him when Ginna and Rafe don’t think that they do?
Maybe I’ve just been falling in love with the idea of Callum.
It had been nice having both his attention and his company.
He is a true gentleman - the likes of which I’d never experienced before.
I know he felt strongly towards me, though.
That is something, I think, he wouldn't lie about. Something that couldn’t be faked.
Then again, I also feel like I have strong feelings for him, too, and now I’m not so sure.
How could I have misread someone so much?
I don’t trust my own judgment anymore, nevermind my emotions.
“Do you mind if I join you?” I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t heard Rafe’s approaching footsteps.
I don’t have a good enough reason to tell him no, so I nod wordlessly, and Rafe sits on the mossy floor, leaning against the stump I’m using as a stool.
“I would ask if you’re okay, but that’s probably a dumb question.”
A laugh escapes me. “That is a dumb question.”
“I’m sorry for the way everything came out. I didn’t know about your parents.”
“It’s not your fault. If anything, I’m glad I found out now and not years later.” I pause. “So you’re really King Corvin’s son? But Callum is being named heir?”
“Yep. That about sums it up.” Rafe tosses a stone into the stream, watching as it wordlessly sinks. “I’m guessing you also didn’t know about that?”
“No.”
“What are you going to do?”
I haven’t thought that far ahead yet. Rafe offers a stone to me, and I accept, tossing it as hard as I can. The large splash brings me a small sense of satisfaction.
“I can’t go back to Ashven.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I think, but hearing them aloud only solidifies that that is the right decision. “I never met the King, your father, but based on what Adrienne said… I don’t want to live somewhere with a ruler like that.”
“I don’t blame you. I would have left a lot earlier if it wasn’t for Cal.”
The softness of his voice reminds me of my own emotions towards Callum.
“You loved him.” It wasn’t a question, but Rafe answers anyway.
“Yeah. Probably still do or else I wouldn’t care this much.” He lifts one shoulder. “What about you? You must feel the same way if the information hits you this hard.”
“I thought I was falling in love with him.”
“And now?”
Another question I’m not sure how to answer. “My heart and head aren’t aligning at the moment right now.”
Rafe chuckles lightly. “Isn’t that always the case?”
We fall into a somber silence - the two of us loving someone who doesn’t have capacity to love us back in the way we deserve. A relationship built on lies is never a relationship.
“What are you going to do?” I selfishly hope Rafe might provide me direction as to my own plans.
“Well –” Rafe starts, digging into his leather vest’s breast pocket. “I should probably be the bigger person and give this to Cal.”
He holds out the clover-patterned ring to me, the same one I had found in the Traps all those years ago.
My mouth falls open. “You had that on you this entire time?”
Rafe grins lopsided at me. “Guilty as charged.”
“And you didn’t give it to us when we asked because…why? You did want Adrienne to yell at him?”
Rafe spins the ring around in his palm. “Partially, I guess.” Another stone is tossed in the stream.
He sighs. “Adrienne never fully recovered from that explosion. She’s had a hard life.
And whether or not Cal knew who was on the ship, he still caused that ship to sink.
She deserved to face him, and I had to jump on the opportunity. ”
I can sense there is more, and I patiently wait as we alternate throwing rock after rock into the water.
“But also, I think a part of me wanted to spend as much time as I could with him. See if I made a mistake.”
“And did you? Make a mistake, I mean?”
There is a long enough pause that I wonder if Rafe had heard me, but then he speaks.
“If I could do it all over again, I would still have left, for Adrienne. I had to leave to save her life.”
“But?” I’m beginning to predict Rafe’s thought process.
“But,” he casts a knowing look my way. “I should have communicated better with Cal. I don’t know why I didn’t at least write him a letter, but I was so angry and frustrated at everything, I didn’t think it would help.
I missed Ginna and Hanson a lot, too. I only wrote that one letter to Ginna, but I should have kept in touch with both of them more.
Then again, I wanted a clear cut from Ashven, though - no ties to anyone or anything. ”
“I can understand that.”
Silence again. More tossing of stones.
Rafe fiddles with the ring. “I’m not sure if this relic has any magic left in it. I sure was never lucky with it.”
I hum, not wanting to say one way or the other. If that’s true, this journey would have all been for nothing, another failed lead on the hunt for the Stone.
Rafe squeezes his eyes shut. “I stopped wearing this before I left Ashven - the whole cutting ties thing, you know? I could never bring myself to get rid of it, though. Must have tried to throw it off the ship a dozen times on the way here.”
“I’m glad you kept it.”
“So Cal can find whatever relic he’s looking for?”
I shake my head. “Because keeping it shows Callum that you loved him. That what you had was real and meant something to you.”
Rafe doesn’t respond, watching as his fingers trace the ring’s pattern. He sits up straighter, suddenly, eyes wide as if an idea is slowly taking shape in his mind.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Stay here in Sevrin.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean it. You said you don’t want to go back to Ashven, so stay here.”
My brain is slowly connecting the dots. “You want me to stay in Sevrin with you, and what? Become a pirate?”
“Not with me, with me. Of course, you’re welcome to stay at our cottage as long as you’d like. Adrienne would probably love a woman’s company. And not everyone here is a pirate. We’re not. You could do whatever you want.”
Whatever I want. I’m not sure I know what that is anymore.
The longer I stayed trapped in the camps, the easier it was to forget my dreams I once had.
Even when Callum rescued me, I was only focused on helping him find the Stone.
Could this be an opportunity to remember those long lost dreams?
Resurrect my buried plans for the future?
The more and more I imagine it, though, the better the fantasy becomes.
I can start my own business like I’d always wanted – have a store in town or maybe become a traveling merchant.
I can’t remember the last time I focused solely on myself, on my needs and aspirations, and not just the wants of others. Isn’t it time to put myself first?
But staying here would be giving up on Callum. A life in Ashven with him, Ginna, and Hanson. Hadn’t I felt like I belonged there? Or was I only clinging to the first people I met outside of the camp?
“Do you think Callum can change?” I want to know Rafe’s thoughts before I abandon any future I had planned with Callum.
“Can he? I hope so. Will he?” Rafe shrugs. “I don’t know. The King has Cal wrapped around his fingers tightly.”
“And you’re okay with that? What if we never see Callum again?” I don’t hide the crack in my voice.
Rafe passes me the ring and I’m able to see and appreciate all the details I hadn’t before.
“Bound by Fate,” Rafe repeats the ring’s inscription. “I believe that, and you have to, too. Somehow, Cal and I have always found our way back to each other, and we will again. You’re a part of it now, bound to Callum through whatever destiny the world has for us. We’ll see him again.”
There is a strength and confidence to Rafe’s voice, a tone that allows me to believe in a world where the three of us are tangled together in a woven fate. A future with no lies or half-truths or omissions, but of love and joy.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay, I’ll stay in Sevrin.”
The grin that spreads across Rafe’s face tells me I made the right decision.