Chapter Twenty-Six
Blake
T ilting my head, I take in the new painting in Catalina’s office. It’s an abstract blob of colors that reminds me of that rainbow fish book we used to read in elementary school.
“I see you finally replaced the vulva,” I snark as my head rolls back in her direction, catching her playful smirk. “Did your wife make you do it?”
She points her finger at me. “We don’t talk about her.”
I roll my eyes but expect that response when I try to deflect attention off of me. “I guess we’re done for the day then,” I joke and turn on my heel to face her.
She narrows her eyes at me, trying to hide another smirk. “Not so fast. Let’s talk about your love life.”
I scoff in derision, but the way I anxiously shift in my seat clues her into the fact that there’s actually something to talk about.
“Something did happen then,” she states more gently.
“The last few days have been… a lot.”
Nodding, she asks, “How so?”
I give her a dry look. “Adrian and I went on a date.”
She audibly gasps and looks as excited as a schoolgirl at the news. “Wait, what h—”
“Then we ran into Morgan, Becky and Marissa on the way home.”
I watch her face fall into sympathy and concern. “Oh, Blake.”
“Then I told Adrian about who they were and the big incident . And we kissed.”
Her mouth pops open, yet even through her surprise, I sense a small spark of pride. She’s always encouraging me to be more open about my experiences and reminding me that I have no reason to be embarrassed by other people’s actions toward me.
I haven’t told anyone about the events of my life since Sunday morning, so it feels good to get it off my chest.
“Why don’t we start from the beginning?” she slowly asks.
With a long, drawn-out breath I unpack the events of that weekend. I tell her about walking into the clinic to find Polly sitting alone. Benji’s surgery and how we may have turned over a new leaf. “Okay, maybe not a leaf? More like a single blade of grass,” I insist, making Catalina laugh. She knows all about my feud with Polly—it might even be one of her favorite things to talk about.
I surprise myself by telling Catalina every detail of the evening. From Adrian asking me to dinner and the moment I found Adrian in my kitchen talking to my mom, to meeting his grammy and how we slowly began to open up to each other.
“It wasn’t until we were on the way home that it all imploded. He stopped to get gas, and I stupidly went inside for a water.” I shake my head. “I didn’t even notice them until I practically ran right into Morgan. And I just… froze.”
“That’s understandable, Blake.” She leans forward, trying to catch my gaze, but I can’t make myself look. “Was Adrian with you?”
“No.” I shake my head again. “He waited outside and didn’t push the subject, which I appreciated. Except when we got back to my house, I broke down on the front lawn.”
Her brows scrunch in concern, and before she has to ask, I tell her about that too. I wasn’t even mad at Adrian. He clearly hadn’t done anything other than try to be there for me. It’s just that everything was bubbling inside me like a pressure cooker. I needed to get it out, and had planned to do that in my room, alone.
But even just those extra two seconds of shock were two seconds too many. I couldn’t hold it back anymore, and Adrian put himself in the wake of it.
“It was an already stressful day, Blake. And I can only imagine how it felt to run into your old classmates, especially in such a random setting. It’s okay to give yourself some grace.”
“I mean…” I shrug, kind of unsure. “I know that, but he didn’t deserve it.”
“You’re right,” she agrees, “he didn’t. It’s good you realize that, and that you’re sitting here reflecting on your reaction. Sometimes, we take out our hurt and fears on the people we feel the closest to because we trust them not to leave. So, I’m not condoning your actions, but hopefully I’m putting them into perspective for you.”
“I hear you, I really do. And he’s been great. More than great, or anything I could have ever expected. He held me while I cried on my lawn and told me I was safe. And what’s even crazier? I believe him, Catalina.”
She smiles, and it’s so genuine it actually hurts my heart. “That’s a huge step for you, Blake.”
I nod as tears brim my eyes. “I know. And then he held me while I told him about everything—from the stupid sleepover to the pictures.”
“Then he kissed you?” she offers in a gentle tone, but the curiosity is clear.
Suddenly, the tears turn into sobs. “Yes, then he kissed me .”
The last hint of playfulness has left her features as she leans forward and asks in a somber voice, “What’s going on, Blake?”
“I just suddenly feel so… lonely . I don’t have anyone to talk about this stuff with.”
“You don’t?” she questions in a way that alludes to it being a trick. Instead of answering, I cautiously try to catch my breath and see where she’s going with this. “Because I can think of three people who would love that phone call.”
Scrunching my face, I turn away.
“Margo and Meera would love to hear about who the guy from the grocery store has turned out to be. And I know it’s hard to believe sometimes, but your brother loves you, Blake.”
I roll my eyes—snarkier than I mean for—but it’s a genuinely touchy subject for me.
“I know he objectively loves me. I mean, obviously, I’m his sister. Yet he never tells me things. He hasn’t wanted to be closer ever since he moved.”
She tilts her head back and forth, seeming to think through her words. “I think Grady’s problem is that he doesn’t want his baby sister to fix his problems or see him as less than .”
I scoff in offense. “I’d never.”
“I believe you, but maybe that’s how he feels.”
I purse my lips, understanding what she’s saying. Maybe my brother’s brain lacks rationality too, just in different ways.
“I think your big brother, who cried with you when you were going through all of that, would want to know that you still know you can come to him. Maybe that’s the middle ground with Grady right now.”
“I want to be there for him though,” I argue, lip trembling. I can hear the petulance in my voice, I just can’t help it.
“But maybe what Grady needs is for you to let him be there for you.”
It’s not fair , I want to whine, however a part of me knows she’s right. Grady’s always been my protector, and I think a part of him feels like he failed me, even though it was so far out of his orbit while we were in secondary school. He couldn’t have ever known how bad it was because I didn’t want him to.
“He’s such a fucking martyr,” I mutter and bat at my tears.
She laughs, not denying it. “Give him a call. I think it’ll make you feel better.” I cross my arms and nod, still feeling a bit childish but holding firm with all my stubborn strength. “Then call your friends. They’d want to know about the gas station. And you can save the big kiss news for when you need an out from the conversation.”
Now it’s my turn to tilt my head and assess her for a long moment. “That’s actually the best advice you’ve ever given me.”
“Glad to know you’re finally getting your money’s worth,” she retorts. With a warm smile, she redirects the conversation to something a bit lighter before our session ends. “What are your plans for the rest of the week?”
“Ugh,” I dramatically spat. “I’m babysitting the Paulson boys this weekend.”
“Oh, good luck with that one.” Her voice is teasing but I know she means it. The Paulson boys always have something up their sleeves. I’m their favorite babysitter, and they’ve made it known to every single person who’s been hired. Part of that is only because I can keep up with the little shits… which also means they see it as a challenge to get one past me.
Not this time.