Chapter 8
Kylian
Agentle warmth spreads through my chest at his acknowledgment of my nonexistent bear. “Why do you say that?”
“Just because you can’t shift into her yet, doesn’t mean she’s not there.
Take this morning for example. With the way you reacted to Kash laid out on the bottom of a cage, I have no doubt that if pushed, you would’ve torn the throat out of anyone that tried to hurt him.
I saw and felt your mama bear power roar to life. We all did.”
Tears fill my eyes and I flash him a weak smile. “Thank you for saying that. I’m not sure what came over me when I saw him, but in my heart I knew it was him and I couldn’t leave.”
“Have you been feverish all day, Kylian?”
I shrug. “For the most part.”
“Have you ever felt like this before?”
Searching through my memories, I know I have but nothing specific come to mind. “Maybe a couple times over the years.”
“Were they during times of intense stress? Like you felt threatened, or somebody you love was threatened, or—” Erick rubs his hand down his face and scratches at his beard as he hesitates on his words.
“Or what?” I push.
He looks me in the eye. “You were turned on.”
A ferocious blush hits my cheeks, a recent memory popping up.
Six weeks ago, I went to a house party in Great Falls with Lana and Alyssa.
A classmate invited me and I brought the girls with me.
There was a couple on the couch, both young and beautiful and all over each other.
Neither of them gave a damn they had an audience, making out and getting more daring with their hands.
Finally, somebody told them to get a room, and they headed up the stairs to the second story.
I tried not to watch them but fifteen minutes later I went upstairs to use the bathroom and found myself with only a wall between us, the shared door ajar.
Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I couldn’t stop myself from peeking.
I’ve stumbled upon shifters fucking in the woods but there was something about watching her ride him—their naked bodies glowing in the neon lights hung overhead, his fingers digging into her hips, her head thrown back as she moaned his name—I started panting, sweat glistened my skin and dampened my shirt.
“I’ll take that as a yes considering the look on your face.”
“Ummm.” I bury my face into my pillow.
Erick chuckles, “You don’t have to be embarrassed with me, babygirl.”
He says nothing else until I bring my head up to look at him again. His eyes glow for a second before returning to a dark, rich brown. “I think your bear is trying to break free, Kylian. She just needs a push. Is that what you want? Do you want to shift?”
“More than anything.”
“Can I ask why?”
“What do you mean?” That seems like a weird question.
“I mean, let’s say tomorrow you shifted into your bear for the first time. How does your life change? What will being a bear do for you?”
I shake my head. “I’ve never really thought about it like that. I’ve only focused on the fact that I was different from everybody else. What does shifting into a bear do for you?”
“In the military it gave me strength and agility that my human counterparts didn’t have.
We integrate into missions where wild animals are possible, if not common, so we can use our animals as camouflage as needed.
Being a shifter also gave me the ability to heal faster when injured.
But the main reason we’re recruited by Colonel Packard is because of our telepathy.
He doesn’t recruit shifters without it.”
“That’s what I’m looking forward to the most.”
He frowns. “What? Speaking telepathically?”
“Yeah.” I nod. Not being left out of the conversation would be nice. Plus, they would no longer leave me behind because it’s too dangerous for a human.
“You know, Kylian, not all shifters can do that. Just because your brothers can, it’s not a guarantee that you will. I mean, Wiley’s sister Nan can’t.”
My mouth falls open, disappointment and an odd sense of betrayal breaking my heart. “Are you serious?”
“Sorry, babygirl.”
“That’s disappointing.” Erick watches me through the phone, saying nothing.
I wonder what he’s thinking. Does he think I’m silly for being strung out on the idea of shifting into a bear?
Maybe, like my brothers, he takes the ability for granted.
Why wouldn’t he? He never had to fight for it.
One day he became a bear, like everyone else in my life.
Scrunching my nose, I force a smile. “Outside of the Army, why do you like being a shifter?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been anything else. It’s never been a matter of like or dislike; it just is,” he says.
Exactly my point.
“If I had grown up somewhere else—like my brothers were shifters but we were raised in Great Falls around tens of thousands of humans—maybe I wouldn’t care so much about my bear.
But I didn’t grow up there. I grew up in a tiny town where the only other human was my da,d who gave up his bear when my mom abandoned us.
The pack ostracized him for it and eventually me too.
I held it together until the triplets shifted.
They were fourteen when it happened to them and it happened so fast—I think it was less than forty-eight hours before all three of them changed forever.
Karter took them on a camping trip that weekend.
Two weeks later, Kade and Kash came home for a visit and took them on another camping trip.
That’s when I knew I was alone. Everybody could do things I couldn’t, and suddenly Kylian was too frail to try x, y, z.
It didn’t matter what it was; slowly they excluded me from everything. ”
“I’m sure they didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”
“I know they didn’t, but I did all the same.
I played mom for eight years to three little brothers who one day had nothing in common with me.
Karter wouldn’t let me leave home because he was afraid if my bear came, I would hurt myself or someone else.
I understand his thought process, I really do, and I pretended like it didn’t bother me for a long time.
Then he met his fated mate—a human. That’s when I lost it. ”
We sit in silence for a moment as I stare across my room at a basketful of teddy bears Karter has bought me over the years.
At first I loved them but eventually they became a symbol of how I was stuck in time while everyone else was moving forward with their lives. Eventually, I resented them and him.
Shaking my head, I force a smile to my lips and turn back to look at Erick.
“Sweet Fates, you did not want to hear all that whining. I’m so sorry I unloaded on you like that.
I don’t know what came over me. I never tell strangers my secrets and I definitely don’t tell them my feelings. I swear I’m not that kind of girl.”
“First of all, I want to know everything about you—what makes you tick and what you want for your future. Second, I know we only met this afternoon, but I hope you don’t see me as a stranger because I want to be more than that.”
“You do?” I try to hide my grin.
“Kylian, we’re talking on the phone after midnight. Do you do that often?”
“Never.”
He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, his eyes warming as they travel over my face and chest that I purposely put on display in a tight, low-cut tank top.
Normally I sleep in a giant fuzzy sweatshirt to fight off the cold but tonight I wanted to flaunt my feminine assets, something I’ve only recently embraced.
Judging by the look on Erick’s face, I’d say he appreciates them.
“You don’t have a boyfriend I need to be worried about, do you?”
I hesitate. “No?”
His eyes narrow. “You don’t sound sure.”
“No, I don’t have a boyfriend but there was this guy in Great Falls I went out with a couple times. I ended it yesterday.”
“Yesterday? The same day you walked into a door?” His brow arches but he doesn’t push me further. It’s just enough to drive home the point that he knows my story is bullshit. I knew I didn’t fool him, Sly, or even Kade earlier but it’s not something I want to talk about—ever.
Rolling over, I turn off my lamp and plunge my room into darkness. Even with shifter eyesight, I’m not sure he can see me considering this is through a camera. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll never see him again. Please don’t tell my brothers.”
“What’s said between us, stays between us. Are you tired?”
“No,” I say honestly.
“How have you felt since I left?”
“Restless. I really wanted to hang out with you.”
A low growl comes from his chest as he turns off the light in his room too, our silhouettes highlighted by the moonlight coming through our bedroom windows. “Tell me, babygirl. Were you dancing for me tonight?”
“Yes.” I bite my lip, thrilled he noticed not only me but my need to show off for him.
“Good girl. I like that.” His words dance over my skin, making my flesh prickle with awareness. What would it feel like to have his breath brush over my neck as he whispered the same words to me?
“What did you like about it?” I’m more breathless than I expect.
His eyes glow in the darkness, his interest in me unquestionable.
“I liked watching your body move. The flames seemed to lick at your skin and cause you to sweat. It was sexy. I wanted to be the flames and all I could think about was drinking the sweat from your body. Watching you shed clothing while you swayed your hips to the beat was intoxicating, but what I loved most was knowing it was all for me.”
Pressing my lips together, I want to clear the air once and for all. “I’m guessing you’re not mated since you’re talking to me from your bed?”
“No, beautiful, I’m not mated. I wouldn’t have watched you like I did or held you in my arms after you passed out if I was. Once I claim my mate, I’ll never look at another woman again.”
“Do you have a long list of women you have to call that day?” I’m teasing but he doesn’t seem amused.