30. Piper
THIRTY
PIPER
“Mommy! You get back from wook ?” Warmth rushed me the second I stepped through the door to Finn’s adorable smile.
His little face lighting up the room from where he was playing with blocks on the floor.
He jumped up and bounced my way with his hands thrown over his head.
“I am home, my sweet boy. Did you miss me?” I asked as I maneuvered the mess of bags that had been in the backseat through the doorway, stomping off the snow that clung to my boots at the same time.
“I miss you dis much!” Finn stretched his arms out wide.
My heart expanded in a fist.
Joy pulsing in a riot of extra beats.
Each one compelled by the hope that bashed at the fortified barrier where I’d kept it locked tight, like a high tide eroding the shore.
I knew I was in trouble when that hope was marred by the worry that spread through my consciousness when I noticed that Theo had made a sudden U-turn in the middle of town.
Something was wrong.
And as hard as I tried to fight it, I cared.
Cared in a way that was reckless and foolish.
Finn collided with me, and he wrapped his little arms around my legs. Tipping his head back, he beamed up in my direction. “I got happy hearts, Mommy.”
Mine just about exploded.
I set the bags onto the floor so I could kneel in front of him, and I ran my fingers through the soft locks of his nearly white hair.
“I have a happy heart, too.” I whispered it low.
I could feel Nelly peering at me from where she was chopping something at the counter in the kitchen.
“I bet I know why you have a happy heart.” Innuendo colored her voice. “Did that charmer show up to give you a ride home?”
Heat hit my cheeks, and I attempted to hide the smile that wanted to break free as I pushed back to standing and wound out of my coat. “Oh, he showed up, alright, but he didn’t give me a ride. He brought me a ride.”
Confusion quirked her brow. “He brought you a ride?”
“Yep, a rental, you know, since he figured I was going to need it to get around. And it’s ridiculously fancy.”
I might as well dish it. It wasn’t like she wasn’t going to notice the car that was suddenly sitting in the bay attached to our cabin.
She cast me some wry, victorious grin, like I’d finally caught up to something that she’d been clued into all along.
She continued chopping, pieces of her gray hair sticking out of its twist as she muttered under her breath, “That one’s a keeper.”
Uncertainty flickered and flew, and I hoisted Finn into my arms, hugging him tight, loving the feel of his weight as I carried him through the living room and around the end of the long counter where Nelly stood.
“I’m worried you might be dreaming too big, Nelly.” I brushed my free hand over the top of Finn’s head like it might offer me peace as I pushed into our reality.
She shook her head as she scooped the potatoes she’d diced into a pot. “No dreams are too big, Piper. It’s when you lose sight of them that you get stuck or just plain lost.”
“Or maybe you can still see them hanging out in front of you, but your mistakes are so grave, you’re forever cut off from them, and the only thing they become is temptation.” It tremored off my tongue like a confession.
Sorrow weaved through Nelly, and she set the knife aside and turned to fully look at me. “Is that what you really think? That any of this was your fault?”
Grief tremored through my insides. The loss so severe that my lungs closed off. “You know that it was.”
Her head shook. “No, Piper. You were blinded.”
“I was a fool.”
A heavy stream of air blew from her nose, and she wavered as she carefully chose her words. “You were young and thought you were in love?—”
Fear streaked through my being.
Love.
That’s what I was so freaking afraid of.
“I didn’t think I was in love, Nelly. But I was caught up. Caught up in a feeling.”
Her head shook. “You can’t keep blaming yourself.”
How could I not when the consequences were eternal?
“I just…”
She reached out and set her hand on my forearm. “I know you can never forget what happened or ignore what we’re going through, but I want you to answer something honestly. I want you to tell me what it is you really want. If none of those things were a factor.”
I squeezed Finn tighter. The cotton candy scent coming from his hair offered me the barest sense of comfort. I pressed my nose into it as I whispered, “I want a life. I want stability. Safety. A home.”
“And why are you so afraid of chasing after those things?” she pressed.
Hot tears blurred my eyes, and I warred, a ball of sorrow and hope fighting for dominance in my chest. I finally spoke around it. “I’m afraid of being broken all over again. Afraid of repeating every mistake I’ve ever made.”
Afraid of the pain and the loss.
Because the loss would come.
It was inevitable.
“I’m afraid he’ll find us. I keep getting that same sense…” Fear pinched my brow. “Like he’s right there, tracking us.”
Worry held her expression. “Have you…seen something?”
“No. I just…” I breathed out the strain. “I think I’m just being paranoid.”
She shook her head in compassion. “I think it’s the thought of settling down that scares you most. The idea of it when you haven’t known anything else. Maybe the only mistake we made was running in the first place.”
“You know it was the only thing we could do.”
“I know it felt like it at the time, but now…?”
That hope she stirred billowed inside me, butting with the worry of what it might cost.
I hugged Finn tighter, pressing kisses to his temple.
He giggled. “No Mommy kisses.”
“All the Mommy kisses,” I teased as I continued to press my lips to his soft skin, inhaling all that he was.
Maybe…maybe I had been fighting for my son in the wrong way.
Nelly’s brow tightened in emphasis. “I think we knew that day that what we were doing couldn’t last forever. All roads end. Maybe that road we’ve been running has come up to a sharp dead end. Maybe everything new begins here.”
“And what if I lose it all again?” It sounded of a petition.
She reached out and set her hand on my cheek.
Tender.
Supportive.
True.
Affection squeezed my chest.
“I want the world for you, Piper. The world for you and our Finn. I want you to live life to its fullest, and what’s living if you’re doing it in fear? If you’re running from every opportunity and from every chance?”
She shifted and set her hand on the back of Finn’s head. “What kind of life is it if this little man never has a home? How’s he going to go to school? Have friends? Build his own life? It just doesn’t work. Eventually, all secrets are exposed.”
“I guess that’s what I’m afraid of most.”
Discernment filled her soft nod. “I will always support you in every decision you make. I will be right here for both of you for as long as this old body will allow. I just want you to remember that you have a choice.”
I knew what she was suggesting.
Go to the police.
But how could I entertain it after what happened last time?
Then she stepped back, clearly knowing I needed the reprieve. “Now, why don’t you show us what is loaded down in those bags? Looks like you bought the whole store.”
Nelly shuffled back to the cutting board and started slicing carrots.
A soggy laugh rolled out. “I certainly wasn’t responsible for all those bags.”
Curiosity arched her brow. “How’s that?”
I blew out a long sigh. “More of that charming.”
A knowing chuckle rumbled out of her. “That boy has it bad.”
“Whatever is going on between us is just temporary.” I ignored the quivering of my heart when I said it.
Knowing eyes speared me as she continued to chop. “And when did you two decide that? Before or after he came slinking out of your room right before dawn this morning?”
“Nelly.” It shot out of me like reproach.
“What? Did you think I wasn’t going to notice that you two nearly burned the house down last night?” She casually tossed the carrot slices into the pot.
Aghast, air rushed from my lungs. “We did not. We were…just talking.”
She picked up the pot and shuffled for the stove. “Whatever you kids want to call it these days.”
I placed my hand over Finn’s ear and pressed the other against my chest to keep him from the sordid details. “I didn’t sleep with him.”
“No need to lie on my account.”
“Nelly. I didn’t.”
She turned the knob for a burner, bringing a ring of fire to life. She settled the pot over the top. “Well, if this thing is only temporary, then I sure don’t understand why you’re wasting time. I’d be all over that like glue.”
I gave an exaggerated huff. “Great, my grandmother telling me to get naked with the hot guy next door.”
“I have to be good for something.”
“Hugs!” Finn shouted, wiggling out from under my hand that kept his ear against my chest.
“Awesome. Best mom ever,” I mumbled.
Nelly fully turned around, and all the teasing drained from her face.
“That’s exactly what you are, Piper. The best mom ever. Willing to sacrifice it all. But maybe you don’t have to.”
Emotion clotted at the base of my throat. “You’re the one who’s the best, Nelly.”
She let a playful smile take to her face. “Now who’s trying to charm who?”
With a soft giggle, I turned to Finn, bouncing him a little as I carried him back into the living room. “How about we check out what we have to decorate the tree with?”
“We got lights?”
“I bet we do,” I told him as I set him onto his feet next to the pile of bags.
He immediately dropped to his knees and started digging through them and tossing everything out.
Lights and ornaments and bows.
“ Wook it, Mommy!” Finn squealed in glee. “I got a owl.” Finn held up a red box that contained a large snow owl ornament.
Warmth crawled and whispered and wound.
How was Theo so thoughtful?
“Wow, that is so cool.”
“Owls is Finn’s favorite.” He patted his chest.
“That’s right. And Theo got it for you.” I forced it out around the lump in my throat.
“I wike Feo .”
I did, too. So much. And that was terrifying.
A sudden flash of headlights glinted through the crack in the curtains on the window next to the door.
Relief.
The gush that rushed through me couldn’t be described as anything else.
I couldn’t do anything but move toward the window.
Drawn.
I pushed back the drapes an inch and peeked out to find Theo’s giant truck coming into the small round drive. The big tires had no issue as he pulled off to the side and parked half on the pavement and half on the snowbank.
The light inside flicked on when he popped open the door, and his shock of black hair struck beneath it.
The man looked like an avenging angel as he slipped out and into the drizzling snow.
His sinewy strength rippled and shook, and his steely gaze swept over the area before it landed on the cabin across from ours.
Ferocity fired from him.
The man was a ball of volatility as he stood there appearing as if he were about to come unglued.
Violence a vapor that skimmed his being.
My stomach twisted.
I could almost see the fury he emitted.
Steam radiating from his body as he clenched and unclenched his fists, his movements slow and stealthy as he began to move across the round drive.
Unease billowed through my spirit.
A snare that reminded me that I’d known this man was dangerous from the start. But there was something about him tonight that sent a chill rushing across my flesh.
The way he slunk around the perimeter, disappearing into the shadows for moments before he would reappear again.
Hunting.
Or maybe the only thing I felt was jealousy and confusion. The way pain sliced through me when he again reemerged from the forest.
I thought he’d be coming for my cabin but, instead, he diverted, his footsteps slow as he took the single step onto the porch of the other cabin.
I could barely make him out from my vantage. Just a minimal outline of his profile as he rapped his knuckles at the door. The door that opened a fraction.
A wedge of light illuminated him as Alicia appeared in the gap.
A few words were exchanged between them. Theo’s demeanor was acute and Alicia’s was timid. She shook her head, her lips moving as her own gaze traveled the area.
Fear.
I could taste it emanating from her.
Theo leaned in and uttered something else before she nodded again and shut the door.
He stood there for a few moments, irritation buzzing from him as he roughed his fingers through the longer pieces of his hair.
Then he turned, and there was nothing I could do but stumble back when those piercing eyes landed on me.