36. Theo
THIRTY-SIX
THEO
Our meal had long been dusted. Now, Taylor Swift blared from the speakers, and the laughter and voices of my family floated on the easy air since Raven had called for a dance party. The girls and kids had rocked right into action.
The day waning into night.
Just a typical Sunday evening when Raven had anything to say about it.
Only nothing about this family gathering felt typical .
Not when I felt every brick inside me being chipped away.
“Like this, Miss Piper Poo,” Maci shouted, jumping on her adorable feet to get Piper’s attention before she did a pirouette in the middle of the floor. “I’m an expert. I got dance lessons and everything.”
Joy filled Piper’s gorgeous face as she mimicked the little girl, and she twirled around with Finn in her adoring arms.
He squealed and hung on, though he sang, “Faster, Mommy, faster!” in his little garbled drawl.
Giggles erupted from Piper as she kept spinning them around.
Raven, Emery, and Charleigh were in the middle of the mix, and they hadn’t hesitated to join in on the antics.
Probably couldn’t help themselves since River and Kane were sitting on the couch, egging them on.
Cash was the only one missing, giving another lame excuse that he had work to do on his property.
“Watch this!” Nolan dropped down onto the makeshift dance floor, spinning around on his butt in his signature move.
“Whoa, that is awesome,” Piper enthused as she slowed her spinning, now just rocking Finn back and forth to the beat, her breaths shallow and short from the exertion.
“You want to try it? I can teach you,” he told her, spinning and spinning.
Giggling, Charleigh looped her elbow with Piper’s. “I think that may be too crazy a move for the rest of us,” she told him. She sent Piper a smile like she was saving her life.
“Not too crazy for me!” Maci dropped to her butt and started spinning, too.
“Me, too!” Finn wiggled, demanding to be put down, and the tiny tot dropped to the floor and attempted to spin himself around, though he basically just kicked his feet in the air.
I took a sip of my beer as I leaned against the island, facing the perfect bedlam going down in the middle of Otto and Raven’s house.
The kids on the ground spinning while four stunning women danced around them, laughing with each other as they gave themselves over to the easiness that had taken over the atmosphere.
Walls reverberating with it.
Joy and happiness.
Even though I could never have a direct tap into it.
“Fuckin’ cute, yeah?” Otto mused, quiet enough that I was the only one who could hear as he elbowed me in the arm from where he rested against the counter beside me.
“Yeah.” No use in trying to deny it.
He seemed to contemplate as he took a swig of his beer before he lowered the glass. “No shame in it, you know. What you’re feeling.”
My spirit thrashed.
He was wrong.
That’s all that there was in it.
Shame.
The truth that I wanted something so fucking bad that I’d lost all sense of devotion.
My will bending and buckling.
So close to breaking.
My head barely shook. “Think you know better than that.”
Air huffed from his nose. “What I know is you’ve been holding onto a guilt for something that wasn’t your fault for far too long. Beating yourself the fuck up when you don’t carry the blame.”
My insides roiled.
Didn’t carry the blame?
“Pretty sure I’m responsible for everything.”
I brought her into that world. Made her a piece of who I was.
Then I turned my back on her when she needed me most. Left her to the fucking wolves.
“She never would have gotten involved if it wasn’t for me.”
Otto buzzed with discomfort, and he scuffed a hand over the top of his head. “We all fucked up back then, Theo. We all were involved in shit that made us monsters. But the thing is, we have the choice to stay stuck right there in the mud or move on from it. Be fucking better human beings.”
“It’s not that easy.”
Disbelief filled the slow shake of his head. “You think what I went through was easy?” he challenged.
My stomach fisted.
I knew what that life had cost him.
What he lost.
His own blame he carried over his sister.
“And I could let that destroy everything I’ve been given,” he continued. “I could turn my back on the love that Raven offered me. Hurt her more than I already did. And it still wouldn’t absolve what happened to Haddie.”
Hope wound with his bitterness and pain.
And I could feel his gaze boring down on Raven.
Raven must have felt the force of his stare, because she shifted to face him as she swiveled her hips to the beat, her face full of the seductive smile she always wore for him, her thin sweater wrapped around her big baby belly.
“Otto, you get that cute butt over here and dance with your woman,” she called. She turned around and wagged her ass at him as she peeped at him from over her shoulder.
“Little tease,” he muttered with a grin under his breath. “That sweet fuckin’ heart wrapped up in a delicious package. Not gonna be the fool who rejects it. Not any longer.”
He drained his beer and set it on the counter. “Maybe it’s time you asked yourself exactly what it is you think you’re achieving by rejecting that gift.”
The second he said it, Piper peeked at me.
Arctic eyes warmer than they’d ever been. Her stunning face flushed and her cheeks pinked. Those lips tipping up at the sides.
Like that was what she wanted to be.
A gift.
Like all the secrets between us didn’t matter. Like my sins didn’t count. Like maybe she’d let me hold the fear of whatever she was running from.
“That’s what I thought,” Otto gruffed as he reached over from the side and smacked me across the chest before he went sauntering around the couch to get to Raven. “I’m coming for you, my Moonflower.”
He grabbed her and slipped an arm around to her lower back. With his other hand, he took hers and started flinging her around the way he always did.
The two each other’s perfect match.
Kane and River popped up to join the riot, these guys who were hard and dangerous as fuck going soft when it came to their women.
Standing there, I knew that Otto was all fucking wrong. What I did was unforgivable.
Reprehensible.
And it still didn’t seem to matter as I drained my beer and set the glass next to Otto’s and went ambling out into the fray.
Scooping Finn up before I slid my free arm around Piper’s waist.
She froze for a beat as I pulled her close. Her eyes widened, whirling with a thousand questions before she gave, just the same way as I was apparently trying to do.
Her hand slid up to lock at the nape of my neck while the other went to her son’s back as we began to move.
Finn held between us as I gazed down at his mom’s perfect face.
This woman I shouldn’t want.
The one who’d weaved her way through every crack that she had made.
This woman I could feel like thunder through my veins.
And I dropped my nose to hers as I whispered, “I told you I had nothing left to give, so why do I want to give you everything?”