45. Theo
FORTY-FIVE
THEO
TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD
Theo had been dreading this day for so long. Dragging his fucking feet. Hating the idea of hurting her but knowing he was only making it so much worse by prolonging the inevitable.
“Scar, I’m fuckin’ sorry, but I’m not feeling this thing the way you want me to.”
Theo sat on the end of the bed, not sure why it felt like his heart was getting shredded. Stomach in knots as he yanked his fingers through his hair.
Scarlett looked like he’d stabbed her.
Crestfallen and filled with disbelief where she stood across the room. “What do you mean, you’re not feeling the way I want you to?”
“Come on, Scar. You know what I’m talking about.” He gestured a hand between them. “This thing between us. You know I care about you, but?—”
“Don’t tell me but , Theo. I love you, and I know you love me.” She gripped a fist over her chest.
“I do, but not like that.”
Tears blurred her eyes. “Not like that? Not like the way you’ve been touching me for the last six months? Not like the way you’ve had me on the back of your bike like I belong there?”
Those tears streamed down her face, and she frantically swiped them away.
Torment ripped Theo in two.
Because he wanted to. He wanted to love her like that. But how? He’d never felt anything that powerful. Not once in his life.
And he knew he never would.
“I’m sorry, Scarlett. We need to get you home. Where you belong. Where it’s safe and you can live a good life.”
“My home is right here. With you. This is where I belong.”
Regret shook his head, and he slowly stood. “No?—”
Scarlett gasped a choked sound and cut him off. “No, Theo. Don’t tell me that. Don’t tell me you don’t love me. This is where I belong. With you. You saved me. I never had anything until I had you.”
The words spilled from her on a plea. Her desperation pouring into the room and into him.
Pain ricocheted through his being, and he almost gave the way he’d been doing for all this time. But he knew it wasn’t right. Leading her to believe that he felt something that he didn’t.
“I love you, Scarlett, but not in the way you deserve to be. And I don’t want to be the one who stands in the way of you finding someone who’s going to adore you. Wholly. Because you will. I know you will.”
“I’m pregnant, Theo.”
He reared back, struck by what she said.
She edged toward him, hope and despair winding into her voice as she clutched his shirt. “We’re going to have a baby, Theo. We’re going to have a baby.”
His head shook as a rush of fear streaked through his veins. “I’m not in a position to be a father, Scarlett. I’m?—”
“What?” she cried.
“I’ll take care of you. Of the baby. But you need to go home. To your parents. Where it’s safe and good. This is no place to raise a kid, and I’m no man to be a father.”
Grief curled through him at the confession. But it was true.
Look at him.
The things he did.
The life he lived.
Everything about him was wrong.
So fuckin’ wrong.
A garble of disbelief rolled from her. “You want to send me back to Virginia?”
“That’s where you belong. You know this isn’t a good place.” He reached for her like he was going to give her comfort.
She jerked out of his hold. “I can’t believe you.”
“It’s for the best.”
Incredulity gushed from her, and she stepped back, shaking her head. “You don’t have the ability to love anyone, do you? You just use them until you’ve had enough of them, then you toss them aside. Just like everyone else.”
“Scarlett,” he attempted, his stomach in knots.
He hated it.
Hated hurting her.
But he couldn’t continue living this charade.
“No. Fuck you, Theo. Fuck you for making me believe there might be someone in this horrible world who could actually feel something for me. Fuck you for making me trust you. For making me believe in you. I should have known. I should have known.” The last rambled out of her, frantic as she raced to the drawer where she kept her things.
She grabbed her bag and started to stuff everything inside.
“Scarlett—” Theo attempted as he inched up behind her. “I’ll take care of?—”
She whirled on him. Scorn and disgust were written on her face.
“Don’t you dare say it. Don’t give me some bullshit about taking care of us so you don’t have to feel so bad about yourself.”
Air huffed from her nose. “I guess your mother was right, wasn’t she? You aren’t worthy of love.”
Her words fuckin’ ran him through like a blade.
And he stood there wishing he was different. Wishing he could make it right. Wishing he could love. That he could stand up and be the person he should be.
But he wasn’t.
He guessed his mother had been right all along.
“What the fuck are you doin’ here, Scarlett?” Theo demanded as he backed her into a corner at the Iron Owls’ club bar.
He hadn’t seen her in two weeks, not since he gave her all the cash he could get together and bought her a plane ticket to Virginia. He’d told her he would give her whatever she needed.
A house.
A car.
He’d be sure they were taken care of.
Now she was there, dressed in black cut-offs and a lacy white tank.
She arched a sarcastic brow. “I’m pretty sure anything I do is none of your concern.”
Fear and guilt clotted his insides, and he angled in close, trying to keep his voice from shaking. “Pretty sure it’s my concern if you’re carrying my kid.”
She laughed a caustic sound, and anger flashed across her face. “You lost that right the second you kicked me out.”
“You’re supposed to be in Virginia,” he gritted through clenched teeth.
“I never wanted or agreed to go back to Virginia. Just because you say I should doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to a thing you say.”
Dread curled in his guts. This was his fault. His fuckin’ fault.
He took her by the wrist, not even caring that he was begging. “Listen to me, Scarlett. It’s not good here. You gotta see?—”
“The only thing that I see is that you’re a dick.”
He deserved that. He was an idiot. Selfish and stupid and… “Come back to the house. We’ll talk about it.”
They could figure this out. He could find a way to love. To change. To be something better.
He could. He just?—
“Too late, Theo. I gave you the chance, and you lost it.”
He felt the sticky, foul presence from the side, and he looked that way to find Toga smirking at him from a barstool like he was a six-year-old bully who had stolen his favorite toy.
Theo’s attention jerked back to Scarlett. “Tell me you’re not with that prick,” he begged.
She hiked a shoulder. “It’s none of your business who I’m with.”
Panic surged, and he gripped her wrist tighter and lowered his voice in emphasis. “Listen to me, Scarlett. Toga is bad news. In the worst fuckin’ way. You can’t?—”
Theo was bad enough himself. But Toga was scum. An awful fucking person who would destroy any chance she had of a good life.
“Let’s go back to the house and talk,” he implored.
“Don’t appreciate you touchin’ what is mine.” Toga’s claim pelted Theo from the side.
Bile raced Theo’s throat, a clash of rage and disbelief. He attempted to ignore Toga and get through to Scarlett. “Please, let’s get out of here.”
“It’s too late, Theo. I’m finished begging you to love me back.”
Theo was fucking sick. Sick from not sleeping. Sick from worrying.
Scarlett getting caught up in whatever the fuck Toga had planned for her.
He had put a property patch on her.
But what was fucking with Theo’s head the most was she was acting sketchy. Showing up in places she shouldn’t. That motherfucker dragging her to places she should never go.
Her battered face flashed behind his eyes, the way she’d looked the night he first found her, and he sat up on the side of the bed, gripping the back of his head as he rocked in the middle of the night.
He was supposed to take care of her.
He knew there was a reason she had been placed in his path.
He needed to stand up and be the man his mother had told him he could never be.
Sacrifice.
That’s what love was, wasn’t it?
And he’d failed at that.
Fuck.
He failed.
Now he had to figure out how to get her back so she would be safe.
No. Maybe he would never love her. But it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.