Chapter Eleven
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ADDISON
What in God’s name was I thinking? Not only did I masturbate in front of this man—my boss —but I shouted his name and then sat on his damn lap and kissed the hell out of him. I’m throwing away my vibrator. It’s dead to me.
I heard him speaking to Tristan just now, their voices trailing away as they both went downstairs. But I know with absolute certainty that Alex is coming back to finish the job, so to speak! No, no, no! Why do I have to continually humiliate myself in front of this man? Before I can think too much about it, I secure the towel around me and flee from his room, not stopping until I’m safely down the hall behind the locked door of my own. I quickly throw on as many layers of clothes as I can and sit on the bed, my phone in my hand.
I consider calling my brother and asking him to come get me, but that’s ridiculous. I think about a couple of my old friends, but they’ve probably erased my number after the countless unreturned calls. I have nobody. My mom is disabled and can’t drive, and I have no friends. How has my life gotten to this point?
But I have a job, and I have three sweet boys to care for. And I need this gig, regardless of what just transpired between Alex and me. I’ll simply have to explain that it can’t happen again and hope he doesn’t fire me. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal anyway, so there’s some comfort in that.
The only problem is I really want it to happen again. And again. And again. I’ve never felt so alive as I did when he was touching me, caressing me, kissing me. Shit. I’m so not the type of girl to have a one-night stand. I’m sure Alex thinks of it as no big deal. Just screw the nanny to get it out of his system before moving on to the next girl. I’m sure he has women lining up to bed him, what with his baseball career, his money, and his ridiculously good looks. I could never compete.
I drop the phone onto the bedside table and resign myself. Alex will, no doubt, come looking for me. I’ll just have to tell him I don’t feel comfortable screwing my boss. He’ll have to understand. Right?
The knock startles me, even though I’ve been expecting it.
“Addison, open the door.” His voice is quiet but firm.
I trap my bottom lip between my teeth and shake my head, though I know he can’t see it.
“Honey, what happened?” he continues.
I practically whimper at the endearment and force myself off the bed and over to the door. It’s not as if we can raise our voices without alerting the boys.
“I can’t,” I say, my hand against the door.
“You can’t what?”
“Be with you like that,” I try to explain.
“Yes, you can.” His voice is insistent but kind.
I try to make mine equally firm. “No. We just got carried away. It’s a bad idea.” And I’m in danger of falling for you if we do.
“We can both be adults about this, can’t we?” Translation: we can have hot sex, and then you can continue being the nanny while I screw half of North Carolina.
“Yes, which is why it has to stop. You know as well as I do that it’s not smart.”
I hear him sigh, then fall quiet for a few moments. “Maybe so. But, Jesus, didn’t you feel what was between us?”
I’d have to be dead not to feel the fire he lit inside me. I shake my head again. “Alex. Mr. Noble. I just can’t.”
He chokes at my ridiculous use of his formal name. “Okay, Addison.” I assume he’s done, but, of course, he isn’t. “But you know where I am if you change your mind,” he finishes, conveniently leaving the ball in my court—where it will remain firmly planted until it grows cobwebs.
“So, you’re not firing me?” I force myself to ask.
“No!” he responds a bit too loudly before bringing his voice down again. “Of course not. We’ll just try to go back to the way things were.”
As I recall, the way things were involved lots of heated looks, but I’m grateful, nonetheless. “Thanks. Goodnight.” I let my hand fall from the door.
“Goodnight, Addison.” I hear his footsteps receding down the hallway, and a part of me wonders if I just made the biggest mistake of my life.
The next week is…awkward, to put it mildly. Alex does everything in his power to avoid being in the same room as me, and I’m grateful for his attempts to give me space. But this can’t continue. We need to find a balance where I can do my job and he can spend as much time as possible with his kids.
Most days, he’s busy with meetings and appearances—the latter of which he clearly dislikes. I wonder how he got through his days as a star pitcher if he abhors the limelight so much. I ask Gary about it one day as he waits for Alex in the expansive entryway of the house. He just laughs and tells me that many players feel that way and that Alex isn’t alone in just wanting to focus on his job. He explains that team ownership will involve fewer spotlights in the long run.
When I see Alex with the boys, it’s increasingly easy for me to forget that he’s so damn famous. Watching him show Tristan the correct grip on his small baseball bat is ridiculously charming, and seeing him connect in conversation with Aiden while tossing the ball back and forth on the vast lawn makes my belly do flips.
I can feel it. I’m becoming attached. And that’s way too dangerous for my heart. Every time I catch myself smiling dreamily, I force my thoughts to Keller and get back to work.
Despite the temptation of Alex and the awkwardness of our interactions, I love my job, and the Noble boys have me entirely wrapped up under their spell. Aiden, despite his attempts at flippancy, has a core made completely of marshmallow. He watches out for both of his brothers without being obvious about it.
Everett is on a constant hunt for approval and reassurance, his insecurity sometimes painfully obvious. His soul is a sensitive one, and I’m guessing his uncertain state is inextricably linked to the disappearance of his mother.
Tristan, on the other hand, is a funny, carefree, gregarious kid, easily distracted and always quick with a joke or a hug. All three boys are wonders, and I look forward to seeing what each new day brings with my little charges.
About a week and a half after my “encounter” with Alex, as I’ve been calling it, I’m rallying the troops for a planned trip to the nature center when the doorbell rings. Since I’m closest to it and the kids seem to be ignoring my orders to get their booties in gear, I go to answer it. A peek through the ornate glass shows the form of a tall, thin, blond woman elegantly dressed in designer wear and sky-high heels. Figuring I can take her if she turns out to be some crazy stalker, I open the door. Tristan chooses that moment to duck under my arm, and I try to hold him back.
“Hi. Can I help you?” I ask with a distracted smile, just as Tristan utters the last word I expect to hear.
“Mommy?”
Oh, shit.