Chapter Four
CHAPTER FOUR
MADISON
Six months later
“Ava!” I yell at the little girl who has decided climbing trees is her new favorite hobby.
“Miss Madi! Watch me climb!”
“We don’t climb trees unless Daddy is here,” I try, walking up behind her and lifting her off the tree. Ava giggles the entire time. “But if I fall, you can call Daddy and he’ll come get me and you can see him.”
I purse my lips to keep from laughing. This girl.
“And why would I want to see your daddy?” I ask.
“Everyone wants to see my daddy. I hear the ladies at the store say he’s hot.”
“Is that so? Next time, I think you should tell those ladies to keep their eyes to themselves.”
“But it makes Daddy’s ears turn red, and I think that’s funny.”
I’d think it was pretty funny, too, if I were there. But I’m not. And I agree with the ladies at the store. The man is fucking hot.
“You don’t need to hurt yourself, Ava. Your daddy will be here in ten minutes to get you.”
“Promise?” she asks this every day when it’s time to leave.
“Promise. When has he ever not shown up?”
“He might. But my mommy doesn’t. She doesn’t love me.”
This is also something she says frequently. Carter knows, and Ava has been in therapy with him for a few months. Some days are better than others.
“Well, sunshine, that’s a her problem. Because I find you very, very loveable.”
“Love-ble enough to go out with my daddy?”
I do laugh at that. “You’re just a little schemer, aren’t you?”
“What’s a sheemer?” she asks, trouble dancing in her big, blue eyes.
“Someone who creates secret plans to try to get something.”
“That’s not me,” she squeals as I tickle her. “I’m a love-ble girl!”
“That you are, sweetheart, that you are.”
“Miss Madi, do you think a mommy will ever love me again?”
I kneel down, getting on Ava’s level, and rest my hands on her shoulders. “I think your mommy does love you. She just doesn’t know how to show it right now.”
“No.” She frowns. “She told my daddy last time he called that she didn’t want anything to do with us and she wishes I had never been born.”
“Well, fuc—dge her. You don’t need someone negative in your life like that. And maybe one day your daddy will fall in love with someone who wants nothing more than to be your mommy.”
Every time. Every fucking time she brings up that woman, I want to track her down and do things that would put me in jail for life. How Carter ended up with her is beyond me. He’s always been nice to everyone. Has manners and is courteous. Goes to the team charity functions and, really, the asshole just has a great freaking heart. Also, he’s not an asshole. He’s one of the good ones who picked a really bad one.
“Miss Madi?” Ava leans in close and almost whispers, “Were you about to say fuck?”
I hear him laughing before I realize he’s standing behind me. How long has he been there? How much of that did he hear? I’m cringing as I turn to look up at him, and he’s close. So close I can see the outline of something in his jeans. Is that thing soft? Good lord, what happens when it’s hard? Snap out of it, Zoe—Madison! You will not think about Carter Bailey’s…package while kneeling in front of it and standing next to his daughter. You. Will. Not.
“Miss Madi.” He grins at me before turning to Ava. “Baby girl. What are you two talking about?”
Before I can reply, Ava speaks up. “I was going to ask Miss Madi if she could be my mommy because we think you’re hot and we need a mommy to love us and take care of us and she won’t let me climb the tree because she’s afraid I’m going to get hurt and if I get hurt we have to call you and what if you don’t show up and I really like her and she’s super pretty, right Daddy? Even if she does say bad words like fuck sometimes. That’s okay as long as it’s not all the time, right? That’s what you told me when I heard you say it. Oh, and I’m a sheemer, too. Did you know that?”
Carter blinks a couple of times and opens his mouth. Then closes it. And opens it again.
“Daddy, you alright? Did a kitty get your tongue?”
His eyes fly to mine, and there’s so much in that look that my own kitty clenches. Oh, that sounds so bad. He finally looks away from me and back at Ava.
“I’m good, that was just a lot of words.”
“I know. I’m a gooder speaker than all the other kids, aren’t I?”
“You’re a great speaker, baby girl.” He smiles at her. This smile warms my cold, dead heart. Ugh. “But Miss Madi is your teacher, not your mommy.”
“But she’s your friend, Daddy. I know. We see her at Aunt Twish’s and Aunt Lottie’s. You look happy when you’re around her. And you happy makes me happy. And if you love her and she loves you, then you can both love me and we can all be happy.”
I chuckle, drawing their attention. “Ava, my sweet, sweet girl, if only it were that easy. But it doesn’t really work that way. Your daddy isn’t just going to wake up tomorrow and decide he loves me like that, no matter how much you might want him to.”
“But why?” she asks, a very serious look on her face.
“Because love isn’t just something you decide is going to happen. It’s a feeling. It’s when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you think of is that person. Or when you want to call them first whenever something happens to you—both good and bad. When you walk into the room and you know they are there because your body feels them and the hair on your arm stands up like you stuck your finger in a light socket and all the butterflies fly around in your tummy. But mostly, it’s when you close your eyes and you can’t imagine a future without them.”
“Oh.” There’s a little pout on her face, and I feel so bad. If there was ever such a thing as overstepping, I just did it with a giant leap. “But, you didn’t say yell at each other. Does that mean you didn’t love Mommy?” Ava turns to look at Carter, whose ears do indeed go red.
“I, um, well…” He blows out a breath. “I very much love that she gave me you. I also really think it’s time to go home.”
Ava seems to accept this answer. Thank goodness. “Are you comin’ to Aunt Twish’s tonight? I heard Uncle Davis tell Daddy he was going to toss some meat on the grill.”
I grin, nodding. “Yeah, I’ll be there later. Have to stay until all the kiddos go home this evening.”
“Okay!” Ava smiles. Carter tips his chin in my direction and they leave before Ava can embarrass him further.
I have a feeling tonight at Trish and Davis’s is going to be a long, hard night of avoiding the man I’m trying to be friends with. But I’ve been doing it for months. What’s a few hours?