Chapter 5 #2
Her saying McBride Mountain helps with that gives me hope. “Do you think you’ll stay?”
Because though I want it for her, I also want it selfishly for me.
I’m drawn to her like a moth to a flame, and even though she’s the type of woman who will probably burn me in the end, I just keep circling the light, hoping to feel the heat.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t stay anywhere very long, and I’ve already stayed far more than the few days I had planned.”
The sadness in her voice when she says those words makes my chest tighten even more. If she’s constantly moving, it doesn’t sound like that’s by her own choice, or if it is, it isn’t necessarily because she wants to, but more like she feels like she needs to.
“I’m the opposite. I’ve spent my whole life here.
” I pull my hand out of my pocket and spread it out as we reach the end of Main Street.
Pausing, I turn and look back at downtown McBride Mountain.
“It’s always been home, this town and the mountain itself, but sometimes, I can’t help but wonder what’s beyond it. ”
She glances back and looks at everything, the dark mountain towering up behind the quaint street lined with small shops. “I don’t know why you’d want to leave when you have a place like this.”
Because she doesn’t know who I really am or what really happened here.
To anyone else, this place probably feels ethereal. It exists in a bubble of sorts, where the outside world rarely enters and everything is predictable and understood. That bubble burst for me, though, and I don’t know how to get it back.
I shrug as we return to walking toward Elaine’s. “I don’t know that I want to leave. I’m just curious, I guess.”
If going somewhere else would end these nightmares and visions…
If leaving McBride Mountain might quash the agony I’ve lived with wondering what I’ll become because of this poisoned blood flowing through my veins…
Lucky peeks at me again. “So, why don’t you go somewhere?”
I chuckle. “Well, my brothers and I own a lumber company here. We have a lot of really big contracts, and we’re the largest employer in the area.”
“And they couldn’t handle it without you?”
I think about that for a moment, but I don’t really need to. The answer is yes, they could. When Killian took so much time off to try to figure out what happened to Willow, then to be with her and their son, Connor and I held everything down just fine.
“They might be able to, but I’d feel guilty about leaving them, abandoning the business and everything my mom built for us.”
“Your mom?”
“Yeah.” I smile thinking about the woman who did so much for so many people, especially me.
“Killian’s father died when he was really young, and Connie raised him by herself as well as took over his family’s business.
Then she took in Connor when he was two.
And I was left on her doorstep as a baby. ”
“Left on the doorstep?”
There I go again, dropping information I never had any intention of giving her because around Lucky I’m just more open, more relaxed. I feel more like the person I was before I knew about Earl Byers.
“It’s a long story…”
One I definitely don’t plan on telling her, but thankfully, she seems to sense that I don’t want to talk about it and doesn’t push.
Elaine’s house comes into view, and we slowly make our way toward it in a comfortable silence, nothing but the chirping crickets and the occasional call of a night bird filling the air.
It is peaceful.
It’s home.
I never really could leave McBride Mountain.
I love this too much.
Even if it does hold the darker realities that haunt me at night.
* * *
LUCKY
Walking up the stairs to the small apartment above Elaine’s garage, I can’t help but feel every step Liam takes behind me as strongly as I hear them. Heavy boots thud on each tread, matching the rhythm of my heart beating in my chest.
Somehow, completely in tune with him.
Because I understand him so much better now after a five-minute walk than I think I have most people I knew for years.
The way he talks about his family, about how much love there is between people who aren’t even related, makes so much sense to me because that’s how I always felt about my foster brothers and sisters in the various homes I spent time in.
We had to stick together.
We had to protect each other from all those things children shouldn’t have to worry about, but we did.
We had each other’s backs, but then, I’d get moved again without warning and I’d lose all of them.
I would lose that sense of safety and family and start all over in a new place with new people who didn’t always have my back or my best interests at heart—if they even had one.
The good homes, the ones with truly caring and loving families who wanted to help us, were few and far between back then, and when I did find one, it was always fleeting.
Almost like a dream dangled in front of me and snatched away quickly.
And that’s the way it went for years and years, until I was finally forced to break the cycle. Until I finally made that decision that I was better off on my own than being caught up in a system that didn’t seem to care about what happened to me as much as I did.
No child should ever feel that, should ever wonder if their actions will bring violence, or starvation, or physical or mental abuse, yet that was my life for so long.
Never truly having a home or place to rest my head where I could close my eyes and not worry that the nightmares would come true when I did.
But Liam didn’t have to suffer that.
Liam had this.
This place. These people.
He was so fucking lucky that whoever put him on the McBride doorstep chose them. That someone loved him enough to ensure he was going somewhere warm, and safe, with people who would care for him as if he was their own.
It explains why he is the way he is.
Why he’s so warm.
So kind.
So giving.
So willing to bend over backward for someone he doesn’t even know.
It explains why I’m so drawn him—something so pure and unadulterated. Like this town is. Not tainted the way I am.
I pull my key out of my purse with a shaky hand and slip it into the lock. The moment I open the door, Gizmo shoots out, immediately bounding for Liam instead of me.
After all our years together, his loyalties sure changed quickly.
Liam squats on the small porch and pets Giz affectionately. “Hey, buddy.”
“Well”—I release a little sigh that really isn’t filled with any hostility, just more shock at how easily he took to Liam—“it is now one-hundred percent confirmed that he is a little traitor.”
Though, who can blame him with this man?
It would be so easy to give into this attraction and the easy way my body and soul drift toward him.
Too easy.
Liam grins up at me, and my heart skips a beat, my blood heating at the way his eyes rake over me with so much appreciation. He holds my gaze for a moment, the silence between us drawing out as Gizmo excitedly accepts scratches on his belly.
I finally can’t handle the tension anymore. It thickens the air so much that it almost hurts to breathe. “Um…thanks for walking me home.”
“You’re welcome—”
An engine revs on the street, and I whirl toward it, every muscle in my body priming as I reach into my purse. Liam simply glances that direction at the huge, lifted truck that rolls past slowly.
He waves at the driver, then returns his attention to me. “Manny Metzler. He’s always been kind of a show-off. Just ignore him.” He inclines his head behind us. “He lives down the street.”
“Ahh.”
I relax slightly, but Liam keeps watching me curiously, then pushes to his feet, tilting his head slightly. Gizmo finally comes over to me, and I squat to greet him, though I’m clearly old news compared to Liam.
“Lucky, are you sure you’re all right?”
Liam’s question draws my gaze back up to him, and I do my best to appear confused even if he clearly noticed my response to the neighbor’s preening. “What do you mean?”
He leans against the railing, his gaze intense while he tries to appear nonchalant.
“What I mean is…shit.” Running his hands over his hair, he gives me a sheepish grin.
Almost as if he’s embarrassed to even be bringing it up, maybe because he can sense my unease.
“I just wanted to make sure you know that if you need anything, you can come to me or one of my brothers.”
Hell…
The incredibly sweet offer makes something unexpected ignite deep in my chest. My eyes burn, threatening to release something I refuse to let happen. I look down to Giz so Liam won’t notice how easily something so simple as what he said can bring me to tears.
And for a split-second, the truth sits on the tip of my tongue.
The thought of coming clean and telling him everything crosses my mind long enough to consider what that would look like, how he would react to learning what happened, what I did…
But looking up into his green eyes so filled with compassion and worry, I absolutely cannot throw my baggage on anyone else’s shoulders. Nor could I bear seeing the way his gaze would change. Knowing he would see me so differently would break me right now when I’m so close to that already.
I can’t.
“I’m good. Really.” I force a smile and push to my feet, keeping my focus on Giz instead of Liam, whose eyes remain locked on every movement I make.
“Gizmo, go potty.” He darts off down the steps and out into the yard, then comes shooting right back up after he’s done doing his business.
I can tell Liam is waiting for more. He’s expecting me to address his concern head-on, and the simple brush off I have offered it’s enough.
“I have Gizmo here, and he’s the best guard dog I’ve ever met. ”
He’s also my only true friend.
The only one I can rely on.