Chapter 11 #2
Time passes, the cabin lighting up until most of the pre-dawn shadows have been chased away, but that darkness still lingers in his gaze, and he eventually presses his lips together in a firm line.
“I told you I wasn’t going to push you, and I meant it when I said it.
And I don’t want to make this any harder for you than it already is, but you have a gun.
You’re scared enough to pull it on my brother.
Lucky, you have to tell me what’s going on. ”
Tears flow down my cheeks, and I don’t even bother trying to stop them now that they’ve started. Now that he’s opened Pandora’s Box and the dam has cracked, I won’t be able to push back the tidal wave of terror that has kept me running for what feels like forever.
But it isn’t this man’s responsibility to solve my problems or to dig me out from under the weight of what I’ve done.
I shake my head. “I can’t, Liam. I can’t put you in that position.”
“What position?”
A sob slips from my lips. “I’ve already said too much.”
The more I say, the more I talk about it, the harder it will be to keep the rest of it in. But I promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone else pay for my bad decisions. And if I tell him, that’s exactly what will end up happening.
“I just…can’t.”
He releases a heavy sigh, then tugs me up against him again, squeezing me tightly and pressing my face into his chest protectively. “You will. When you’re ready.”
* * *
LIAM
If I had to describe the feeling permeating Killian and Willow’s kitchen this morning in one word, “tense” wouldn’t even begin to cover it. I’m not sure anything would.
Connor exchanges a look with our older brother as Willow finishes laying out the breakfast spread she always makes for us before we head out for the morning.
But something tells me that none of us are likely to be eating much this morning.
Despite the fact that we’re going to miss lunch because all three of us have to go up beyond the gorge to the far side of the mountain to deal with ongoing issues with the clearing operation over there, I don’t think anyone has an appetite.
It’s impossible to think about eating after what happened this morning, when I’m sitting here looking at her like this.
Lucky sits in her chair next to me at Killian’s table with a cup of hot tea in front of her, grasped between her hands as tightly as she had clutched that gun this morning.
Christ.
I scrub my hands over my face and take a sip of my coffee, trying to shake off the last vestiges of that fear that soared through me when I heard Connor call out my name and got to the top of the steps and saw through the filtering morning light that Lucky had a weapon pointed at him.
The true terror I saw in her gaze, that I felt in her body when I took the gun from her and held her, was enough to convince me that maybe letting her come to me and talk when she’s ready isn’t an option.
Not if she’s carrying a gun.
Not if it’s that serious.
She doesn’t seem like the type to have a weapon, let alone be willing to pull it, unless she believed there was a very real threat. And I can already tell Killian and Connor will have a million questions once they get me alone.
Rightfully so.
I have a million of my own for the woman beside me.
Willow takes her seat at the table, setting down the final plate of food, and smiles, completely in the dark about what went down this morning.
Though, just because she wasn’t given any details doesn’t mean she’s clueless.
She knows us all well enough that she can sense something happened even though we didn’t tell her about it.
Connor went straight to Killian before we came over, but there was no way he was about to throw the situation we faced this morning at her without more information.
None of us will.
There isn’t any point in getting Willow worried or worked up when we don’t know what brought on that reaction from Lucky.
Willow looks at all of us and at our empty plates. “Why isn’t anyone eating?”
She raises her dark brows, and we all clear our throats awkwardly and reach forward to pile our plates with pancakes, bacon, eggs, and sausage.
Killian leans over and presses a kiss to her cheek with a smile. “Thanks, Honeybee, this looks great.”
It does.
And any other morning, we would have already dug into it and half-cleaned our plates by now.
Which is exactly what Willow does because we all know Niall will be awake soon and she’ll lose the opportunity to eat without a baby on her hip.
She chews a few bites as the rest of us force ourselves to do the same—except Lucky, who continues to sit motionless, as if in a trance.
Willow watches her for a moment. “So, are you coming into the shop again today?”
Lucky doesn’t respond, just stares down into her cup of tea.
I clear my throat, sliding my hand onto her thigh and squeezing gently. “Lucky?”
She glances up at me, and I incline my head toward Willow.
Lucky’s blue eyes widen, then move over to her. “Oh, sorry, what did you say?”
Willow offers her a confused look laced with concern. “Um, I asked if you were going to come in and help today.”
Shit.
I hadn’t even thought about today.
With us gone up the mountain, that would leave Lucky here alone at the cabin on the unfamiliar homestead, but she likely planned to go into town and help Willow today—which probably isn’t a good idea given how she reacted to the sheriff yesterday and after what happened this morning.
Willow’s gaze cuts over to me, as does Lucky’s, but I honestly don’t know how to respond to Willow’s question.
Without knowing what’s going on with Lucky, none of the options sound particularly appealing. I would much rather bring her with me up the mountain, to keep her near me, but that is the last place in the world I want her to ever set foot.
I don’t want the evilness that permeates that whole area to taint anything about Lucky.
She’ll be better off here, at my place, with Gizmo to keep her company until Willow or I can get back and be with her. “I don’t think—”
Lucky holds up her hand to stop me before I can fully voice my objection. “Yes. If you want me there, I’d love to come help at the shop.”
I bite back my instinct to intervene, to object on her behalf, but she gives me a pleading look not to say anything.
She doesn’t want Willow to know what happened any more than we do.
Instead, I force myself to take a few bites, even though I’m not hungry, because Willow is watching and she already suspects something is going on that we aren’t revealing to her.
Killian and Connor do the same while peeking at Lucky out of the corners of their eyes.
Lucky hasn’t attempted to put any food on her plate, but forcing the issue isn’t going to get me anywhere. After what she went through less than an hour ago, I can’t blame her for not having any appetite, but worry for her gnaws at my empty gut.
“Are you hungry?” She looks over at me and shakes her head, and I push back my chair. “Then why don’t I walk you around and show you the rest of the homestead before Willow is ready to leave?”
Willow’s brow furrows, and she gives me a questioning look, but I return one that tells her not to ask. She lets it go—for now—returning to eating while keeping one eye on us.
I reach out for Lucky’s hand, and she slides it into mine, rising from her seat.
She’s still trembling, though the worst of it has subsided.
If it hadn’t, I never would have brought her here with the family.
But showing her that everything was fine, that Connor wasn’t angry and that things were normal, seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now, I’m not so sure.
Lucky lets me lead her out of the cabin and onto the front porch. I usher her forward as I close the door behind us with a click.
Before I can say anything, she releases a long, shaky breath. With her back to me, I can’t see her face, and she doesn’t turn toward me. “I’m so sorry.”
I step up behind her and wrap my arms around waist, pressing a kiss to the side of her neck.
“Stop apologizing. I just want to make sure you’re okay.
Do you really want to go to the shop today?
There’s no reason you have to be there. You can stay at my place.
I have to go up the far side of the mountain with Killian and Connor all day, otherwise I’d stay with you. ”
She doesn’t say anything, just leans into me slightly, staring out at the sun rising over the mountain, sending long fingers of pinkish-orange light reaching across the clearing through the morning mist toward where the cabin stands.
It’s one of those perfect mountain mornings, the ones that draw tourists up here and make people stay forever.
I peek at Lucky’s face and see her chewing on her bottom lip again, her hands twisting in front of her nervously. Capturing them with mine, I press them against her stomach. “Lucky?”
She turns her head slightly toward me, peeking at me out of the corner of her eye.
“I want to go. I need to do something, not sit around here. I’ll be okay there.
With the paper on the windows, it’s closed off.
There aren’t customers coming in or anything like that.
” She offers a half-smile. “And being around Willow and Niall is nice.”
I grin at her. “Yeah, it is.” Something about seeing them, his innocence and her absolute joy around him is enough to make even the shittiest of days better. “Are you going to take Giz with you?”
She nods. “Willow said it was fine if I bring him.”
This morning was the first glimpse I’ve gotten of the Gizmo she warned me about—snarling and snapping at Connor when he thought she was in trouble. That dog will defend her as fiercely as Willow will. Which makes a little of my concern over the coming day dissipate.
But she’s already started the morning on an incredibly stressful note, and she needs time to fully come back down from that scare before I send her off to town again.
“Let me show you around the property.”
She nods, and I take her hand in mine and lead her off the porch and across the clearing to the main barn.
The weather-worn building has stood for at least a hundred years, its main wooden structure still almost as solid as the day it was built thanks to the incredible skills of the men who erected it.
Lucky examines each of the stalls and meets some of the animals who aren’t out in the pasture or the pens, then gawks at one of Killian’s unfinished projects as we move into his workshop. “That’s incredible.”
I nod, staring at the half-carved mountain lion that appears to be climbing out of the massive log he’s being formed from. “I know. Killian is far more of an artist than I am.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t believe that.”
“Why? Because you saw a few shelves?”
Her shoulders rise and fall softly. “No. I can just tell. You have an artist’s soul.”
“I’m not exactly sure what that means, but I’ll take it as a compliment.”
A small smile graces her lips, lighting up her face for the first time today. “It is.”
I take her hand in mine again, squeezing it gently as I push a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Come on…I want to show you something.”
We wander out of the barn and behind it, up the slope toward my cabin and the secondary, smaller barn there. I slide open the door and her breath catches. “Is this yours?”
I nod as she circles the partially finished rocking chair in the middle of my workshop.
“My God.” Her gaze flicks up to meet mine. “It’s beautiful.”
“It’s not finished yet.”
Because I haven’t been able to do it.
I made some progress the other day when I woke from the nightmare and needed to do something with my hands, but the intervening conversation with Killian had snuffed out my ability to focus on it without all those horrible visions returning.
“What are you going to do with it when it is?” She raises a brow. “Sell it?”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure yet. It’s…complicated.”
An understatement if there ever was one…
Her brow furrows as she trails her fingers over the partially sanded wood. “A chair is complicated?”
I lean back against my workbench. “That one is.”
“Why?”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I watch her as she studies it. Willow’s story isn’t mine to tell, and I don’t want to scare Lucky any more than she already is by telling her what happened here, or who perpetrated it.
“Lots of history in that wood.”
It’s all I say, but she seems to accept it with a nod.
“Well, whoever ends up with it will be very lucky.”
“Come on.” I push off the workbench and hold out my hand. “Let me show you the fire pit.”
“Ooh, that sounds fun.”
I lead her back down the slope toward the far side of the clearing, away from the buildings. “We spend a lot of time out there in the evenings, especially during the summer.”
“Doing what?”
“Drinking, talking, staring up at the stars.”
She glances up at the blue sky just starting to lighten with the coming of morning. “I’ve never seen as many as I did up here last night.”
“I know. It’s like you’re at the center of the galaxy and it’s spread out around you, completely enveloping you.”
Lucky nods, keeping her head tipped back as if she can still see all of them even though they’ve almost all winked out until later tonight. “That’s exactly what it’s like.”
“It makes you feel incredibly small.”
She lowers her gaze to meet mine. “Is that a bad thing?”
I shake my head. “Not really. At times, I wish I could disappear into them.”
Her footsteps falter, and she pulls me to a stop. “You don’t mean that.”
I hadn’t meant to say it, but now that it’s out there, I don’t know how to take it back. “There are a lot of things you don’t know, Lucky. About me. About my family.”
She tilts her head slightly. “Does any of it change who you are?” Her hand rests directly over my heart. “In here?”
I want to say “no” so badly, but I just don’t know anymore.
Because it’s definitely changed me.
I offer a slight shrug and she leans in, feathering her lips across mine.
“I don’t believe it could.”
Her faith in me is completely unwarranted at this point, but I let it soak in, let it soothe some of my frayed edges as I lead her toward the fire pit.
Maybe one day I’ll tell her everything.
Maybe one day she’ll learn my deepest, darkest secrets.
But that day is definitely not today.