Chapter 13
LIAM
The moment I walk through the cabin door, the stress and anxiety that had drowned me all day up on the mountain evaporates, freeing me to take a deep breath for the first time in hours. And it isn’t just because I don’t have my brothers up my ass anymore.
It’s because walking into this cabin, it finally feels like a home, like somewhere I have a life and a future.
And it’s all because of who is waiting here for me, the warmth and presence that permeates the space that’s all Lucky. That light eucalyptus scent that clings to her fills the air, along with something else that makes my stomach rumble.
She’s cooking.
Gizmo bolts from where he stands near her feet in the kitchen toward the front door, barking and jumping, trying to get up into my arms. Grinning, I nudge the door closed behind me and scoop him up, allowing him to excitedly lick at my face.
It’s a great way to be greeted.
So much better than coming home to an empty cabin.
“Hey, buddy.” I scratch between his ears. “Did you have a good day?”
“I did…”
I glance up at Lucky where she leans against one of the hand-hewn beams that supports the loft above the kitchen. Her gray t-shirt hangs off her shoulder, exposing her collarbone and the fact that she’s not wearing a bra. Casual. Relaxed. She looks happy. “How was yours?”
A lot fucking better now…
Allowing my gaze to rake over her further, I imagine a million ways I would love to spend tonight with her—most of them involving my head between her legs or my cock buried inside her.
I want to keep that contented look on her face, allow her to stay so relaxed, but this reprieve is only temporary, knowing what I have to do.
Even before talking with Killian and Connor, I knew. I just didn’t want to accept it because the fallout may be something I can’t fix.
Lucky isn’t a woman you push unless you want to get pushed back. And pushing her could make her grab her backpack and this little dog and hit the road again.
That isn’t an option.
But neither is ignoring what happened this morning and pretending it didn’t change everything.
I set Gizmo down and release a heavy sigh, reaching down to take off my boots and set them beside her shoes near the door. “Honestly?”
She raises a brow, concern suddenly darkening her eyes. “Of course.”
A little humorless laugh falls from my lips. “It was kind of shitty.”
“How come?”
I make my way past the couch, forcing myself not to glance down to the end table where the gun sat until Connor came and took it away before we left to drive up the mountain, and stop in front of her, allowing my eyes to roam over her.
She appears calm, not at all the same woman who was holding a gun on Connor this morning or trembling uncontrollably in my arms on Killian’s porch. So, apparently sending her off to work with Willow this morning was a good idea, despite my reservations about it.
“I’d really rather not talk about it.”
None of that matters.
My fears, my struggles, my nightmares are mine to deal with.
What does matter is finding out why she’s so scared so I can do everything in my power to make sure it never touches her.
She nods slowly, chewing on her bottom lip, almost as if she’s trying to force herself not to ask more questions even though she clearly wants to.
“Something in here smells good.”
Definitely her, but whatever she’s cooking, too.
Lucky glances over her shoulder, and her cheeks redden slightly. “So, you don’t know me well enough to know this yet, but I’m not any better at being in the kitchen than I am taking orders and delivering them.”
I grin at her and how fucking adorable she is when she’s shy and embarrassed. “I’m pretty hopeless myself, which is why we eat at Killian’s most of the time. Willow’s a pretty good cook.”
She nods. “I figured that after breakfast.”
“What are you making?”
“Grilled cheese and tomato soup.”
I chuckle lightly. “Honestly, that sounds pretty incredible.”
It was always one of my favorites when Mom made it. Comfort food. And I could really use the comfort tonight.
I close the distance between us and pull her away from the beam, pressing my lips against her cheek. “I missed you today.”
She smiles into my neck, her warm breath fanning my skin and making heat flare over it. “Did you?”
I pull back and nod, taking her face in my hands and kissing her lightly. “I was worried all day.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that.
Lucky doesn’t seem to want my concern. She wants to act like everything is fine, hoping that I’ll move on from wanting to know more about the things she won’t tell me.
But I don’t want to hold back from this woman.
Not about anything.
Certainly not about the way I feel about her.
She swallows thickly, still looking up at me with something in her eyes I can’t entirely place.
“Bluebell, why are you looking at me like that?”
Her brow furrows. “Like what?”
“Like you have something you want to say.”
She chews on her lip again, and I reach up and tug it free with my thumb.
“You have to stop doing that.”
“Why?”
A low rumbling growl vibrates in my chest. “Because every time you do, it makes me want to bend you over and fuck you. Hard.”
“Jesus.” Her cheeks redden even deeper, and she shakes her head. “You have a filthy mouth.”
I chuckle. “I have two older brothers.”
She laughs softly, nodding. “That’s true.” But her humor fades as her gaze dips down, then flicks back up. “The truth is, there is something I want to talk to you about.”
My chest tightens uncomfortably, wondering if she is finally going to tell me the very thing I’ve been dreading asking since I walked in. Knowing it’s likely to ruin this light, happy mood. “Okay, but let’s eat first.”
Just thirty minutes to enjoy her company and the meal she prepared and pretend nothing else exists.
She pulls out of my hold and slips back into the kitchen, walking over to the small counter and stove, where I see she’s already prepared one sandwich and has a second one ready to go. She sets it down in the frying pan, and the butter on the bread immediately sizzles.
I pull the lid off the pot and inhale the steam from the soup. “God, I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”
“Did you eat after breakfast?”
Shaking my head, I return the lid and lean against the counter. “No.”
“Why not?”
She eyes me, waiting for my response, and I am not about to tell her that I felt nauseated all day due to the combination of worrying about her and being up beyond the gorge.
“I kinda lost my appetite.”
Her back stiffens. “Because of what happened this morning?”
I hear the hesitation in her voice, the twinge of guilt, and I shake my head immediately, unwilling to let her think she’s the reason for my mood.
“No. Because of something you don’t need to worry about.”
That lip disappears beneath her teeth again, and I watch as she realizes she did it and releases it with a quick glance my direction. I can’t help but grin at her, and she flips the sandwich, one side now golden brown and perfect, just like the woman in front of me is.
She glances down and swallows thickly. “Was it…because you were up on the far side of the mountain beyond the gorge?”
Hell.
The fact that she used that phrase immediately stiffens my spine. Because she’s been talking to someone. “Why do you ask?”
She gives me a hesitant look. “Fuck. Okay, umm, so Willow told me some things today.”
Shit.
I swallow through my heart lodged in my throat. “What did she tell you?”
Her nervous glance and the way she’s trying to focus on the sandwich instead of look at me tells me exactly what she’s going to say before she even opens her mouth again. “She told me about what happened last year. To her and Niall.” She looks up at me. “And you.”
People often talk about wishing they could disappear, that they want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I never really knew what they meant until the last several months. And standing here looking at her now has amplified it by a thousand.
I’ve never felt so exposed, so naked while completely clothed as I do knowing she knows who I am. What I am.
“Is that what you were alluding to last night that you didn’t want to tell me?”
I nod slowly. “Yes.”
She snags the sandwich out of the pan and slides it onto a plate, then turns off the burner and twists to face me, resting her hip against the counter. “But you don’t want to talk about it.”
Fuck no.
Not with her.
Not with anyone.
I shake my head. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Why do you think?”
She glances down at her bare feet, then back up at me. “Because you think it’s going to scare me.”
I shake my head. “No, because it scares me.”
* * *
LUCKY
I can hear how much he means it, in his words, how his voice wavers, and I step forward, closing the distance between us, and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.
“You have absolutely no reason to be scared, Liam.”
He reaches up and cups the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair while the other hand settles around my waist, holding me to him tightly.
A few moments pass as he presses his lips to the top of my hair, breathing me in, like somehow the scent of my shampoo calms him. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you’re the kindest person I’ve ever met.
That man was a sperm donor. Nothing more.
What’s in your blood doesn’t make you who you are; the people around you do.
And you’ve been surrounded by people who have loved you your entire life, who taught you right from wrong, who turned you into this incredible person. ”
He chuckles lightly, his chest vibrating beneath my ear. “You barely know me, Bluebell.”
I lift my head and look up at him. The way his green eyes seem to twinkle with a combination of fear and affection squeezes my heart almost painfully. “I know enough.”
“I’m glad you say that because I talked to my brothers today.”
My back stiffens, my shoulders tensing in his hold. “About what?”