19. Jackson
The idea that I needed to tell her hung heavy over me as I watched her. The soft hum of the plane was the only sound between us as she stared out the window into the night, watching the stars move at their glacial pace. She looked tired, and I couldn’t place whether that was because of everything going on or the sheer amount of exploring we’d done today.
I could do this, I had to do this. We were alone in the cabin, the door to the cockpit closed.
“Mandy,” I began, leaning forward on the couch I was seated on across from her. She turned, her expression unreadable as she wrapped her arms tight around her knees. I wouldn’t tell her that I could see the dark patch where the cotton of her tights came together between her thighs. “Can I talk to you?”
She nodded, her gaze wary as she watched me.
She deserved to know the truth. The whole reason I’d moved my company to Boulder was because of her. If what had happened between us all those years ago was the only thing holding her back from being able to let herself go with me, then Wade was right—I needed to tell her.
Wade was always right.
“I…” I took a deep breath, my palms already beginning to sweat. I wiped them on my slacks. “It’s…”
“You okay?” She asked, her brows creasing as she watched me.
“Yeah, fine,” I lied. “I’m just… I’m trying to figure out how to word this.”
“I can get you a dictionary,” she joked, her eyes softening.
I breathed out a laugh. “It’s about that night.”
Her brows rose, her breath going silent. “Okay.”
“I don’t even know where to start,” I admitted, pushing my hands through my hair to calm myself. I hated talking about it. I hated thinking about it, but I had to do this for her. “ I guess I should start with the military.”
“The military…?” She asked, clearly confused.
I nodded. “So, while I was studying, I was working on the side within the intelligence section of the military. My family has ties going back generations, so I was a shoo-in,” I explained, forcing my voice to be calm. I didn’t want to scare her, I just wanted to explain. “I’ve always been good with tech, Mandy. I didn’t need a degree to further that. But it was useful in the meantime.”
“I don’t really understand,” she sighed.
“That’s okay. I’m not done yet.” I flexed my hands, wringing out the tension. “Do you remember when you’d call me and I’d be too busy to see you for a few days? It wasn’t because I was too busy studying for a test or had a project to complete. I whipped those out easily. It was because I had been called in to dig into something or someone. I didn’t really get to choose when or where I was needed, and I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about what I was doing. Only my family and Wade knew.”
She narrowed her eyes at me, her finger playing with a hole she’d ripped in the stockings she wore. “So Wade did know.”
“Yeah. He did. But he wasn’t allowed to speak about it.”
“I knew it.”
“You did,” I nodded, giving her the smallest smile I could muster. “Thatnight, I got a call around three in the morning. I can still remember how warm you felt pressed up against my back, your arms holding me as tight as they could. They told me I had five minutes until someone would be there to collect me.”
“I don’t remember that,” she said.
“Thankfully you slept through all of it. I thought about waking you up, but you had class in the morning and I knew you were stressed out of your mind because of midterms. I didn’t want to ruin your sleep and besides, I didn’t think it was going to be anything different than what I was used to,” I explained, my voice cracking at the end. I cleared my throat again, forcing my hands to grip my thighs to calm down. “I had no idea what was actually happening.”
“And what was that?”
“Three of my colleagues’ family members had been kidnapped. And a fourth had been taken about an hour before they came to get me. Wives, kids, partners. They’d followed them, held them at gunpoint, and took them. I needed to be secured because apparently, they were actually after me. And that put you at risk,” I said. The backs of my eyes were burning, the memories too much. I refused to allow the tears to escape, though. I needed to get through this. “They came into your dorm. There were four of them, armed with assault rifles, there to escort me somewhere safe. Nothing like that had ever happened before.”
Mandy’s face was pale as she lowered her legs to the floor. “There were four armed men in my bedroom?”
I nodded. “Thank God you never woke up. They broke my phone and told me I’d be gone for a while. I asked if I could leave you a note and they said there wasn’t time.” My voice had dropped to a whisper, little cracks breaking through. “I wanted to wake you up. I wanted to tell you I was sorry that I had to leave. I wanted to explain everything. I wanted to tell you I loved you. I just kept seeing you lying there, your hands resting where I’d been, the sheets turning fucking cold?—”
“It’s okay,” Mandy said quickly, her body shuffling out of the chair. She crossed the aisle, sitting down on the couch next to me, her knees bumping against mine as she took my hands in hers. “Breathe, Jack.”
I nodded as I took in a shaky breath. “They kept me away from the world for a year,” I sighed, directing my gaze at the floor. I couldn’t look at her. Didn’t want her to see the wetness building in my eyes, didn’t want her to think I was weak. “An entire year, Mandy. I couldn’t speak to anyone outside the program apart from Wade and my family. Everyone was told to act as if I didn’t fucking exist. I tried so many times to sneak a message to you, to get onto Facebook or anything where I could reach out, but they blocked it all in ways even I didn’t know how to get around. Wade kept me updated on your studies, how you were doing. He told me when you graduated. Even showed me a photo of you in your cap and gown.”
Her hands squeezed mine. Just as I’d taken care of her and calmed her when she was overwhelmed, she was now doing the same for me.
“When I was finally released, they told me that I’d have to be extremely careful. That security would always need to be at top of mind and although I was used to that in my family, I wasn’t used to having armed men around me twenty-four-seven. It was a lot. I wanted to come to you, to explain everything, but at the same time… fuck,” I gasped, wiping the dampness from my eyes with the back of my hand. “I didn’t want that for you. A life of secrecy, a life of always looking over your shoulder. Wade said you’d moved on, and even though it hurt like a fucking bitch, I stayed away, keeping tabs on you through social media. I couldn’t bring myself to cross that line and bring you in on my shit. Just the thought of you getting hurt because of it was too much to bear.”
“Jack,” she whispered, her own voice cracking.
“I left the program. I started my own business. I still have security, but I’m not a massive target anymore. And so when I was presented with the opportunity to move my campus, my team…”
She nodded, one hand coming to rest on my cheek. She gently turned my head, forcing me to look at her, and damn I wished I knew how to read minds. Her face was unreadable, her eyes glassy. She was too beautiful, too good for me but I needed her. I would always need her.
Without a moment’s hesitation, I pressed my lips to hers, too much emotion churning in my mind to know how to deal with all of it. I just wanted her, and I hoped beyond hope she wanted me too.
Her body reacted in my favor. Within a second, she climbed into my lap, kissing me hungrily, her fingers burying themselves in my hair. It felt like I could breathe again, it felt like home.
I dug my fingers into the small of her back, gripping her blouse, twisting it in my palm. She sighed against my lips, and I took my chance to delve into her mouth, to taste her, to claim her. If I only had this for the rest of my life, I’d be happy. “Mandy,” I breathed, moving my lips across hers, down to her chin, her neck. I kissed, nipped, licked at that spot beneath her ear, the one I remembered so fondly. It always set her on fire.
She groaned, the sound so soft, so sweet. Leaning into me, she trailed her hands up and down my chest, hesitating at the belt buckle beneath her hips before making their way back up to my collarbone. She was overwhelmed, fighting with herself for what she wanted.
“Do you want this?” I asked, dragging my fingertips up along her stocking-covered thigh, beneath the hem of her skirt. I dug my fingers in her flesh, my thumb so close but so far from what I already knew was a little damp patch. Her back arched into me. “Do you want me to touch you?”
“Yes,” she whispered, her hands springing back to life and unbuttoning the top of my shirt. I stopped her. I wasn’t ready for her to see the tattoo. “Please, Jack.”
Please, Jack. It echoed in my mind as I let my fingers explore more of her, reacquainting themselves with her body. I grabbed the gusset of her stockings with my nails, pulled, and ripped it. Fucking nothing underneath.
Blood pooled in my cock immediately. She hadn’t worn underwear. Was she expecting this? Was she hoping for it? Whatever the reason, it excited me that much more, and I knew damn well that when the time was right, I’d tease her about it.
I slid my fingers in through the tear, brushing them against her. She was slick already, eager, wanting. “Fuck,” I sighed, finding her clit and brushing my thumb against it gently. She shivered. “You’re perfect. So goddamn perfect.”
She ground her hips forward, pushing my thumb harder against her. “More,” she begged. She buried her face in the crook of my neck, her breath fanning out against my flesh. “More, Jack.”
She moaned as I slid two fingers inside of her, so easily, like slicing through butter. She ground against me again, and I circled my thumb over her clit, taking in every sound she made and memorizing it. If this moment was all I’d be getting, I wanted to keep it forever.
My cock pressed painfully against my zipper. She had to have felt it beneath her, but I wasn’t going to push. This was enough. “Please,” she begged again, her dampness pooling in the palm of my hand. “Fuck me. I need you to fuck me.”
Holy shit. I paused, every part of me going stiff, the words lingering between us. “Do you mean that?”
“Yes,” she whispered without any hesitation.
“Look at me, Mandy.” I grabbed her gently by the back of the neck, forcing her to make eye contact with me. “Do you mean that?” I repeated, emphasizing every word.
She breathed heavily, her breasts sliding against my chest with every rise and fall. “Yes,” she said again, giving me a little nod. “I mean it.” Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
She was going to fucking break me.
I groaned a sigh of relief as I pressed my lips back to hers, more demanding this time. She was giving herself to me on a silver platter and I would take every bite she would allow me.
I stood, picking her up with me, gripping her by her thighs. Her stockings ripped more as I carried her, little holes with lines spreading down her legs, and without giving myself a moment to chicken out, I sat her down on the table in front of the seat she’d occupied only moments ago.
She hooked her legs around my waist as I fumbled with my belt, releasing it as quickly as my shaking hands would allow. I kissed her lips, her neck, her jaw. I wanted more of her body, but I wasn’t going to let this slip away. It was now or never.
My cock sprang out as I pulled my slacks down, the freedom of it making me gasp. The tip rested gently on her entrance, the warmth of it feeling like heaven, and I hooked my fingers into the top of the hole in her stockings, ripping it just a little bit more, giving myself further access.
I’d slept with women since her. I’d been in relationships since her, but nothing, absolutely fucking nothing, would compare to this.
She laid back on the table, her back arching, her moans growing louder as I slid myself inside of her. She fit around me like a fucking glove. “Yes,” I grunted, leaning over her, the sense of rightness almost too much to bear. “Yes. We fit together so fucking perfectly.”
Heat flooded her cheeks as she watched me, a little smile tugging at her lips. I found her clit again, my fingers slowly beginning to circle as she shivered, little ripples from her muscles massaging my cock before I even started to move.
But then I did.
“Jack,” she gasped, her hands flying to my collar, my neck. She pulled me down further toward her, her eyes wild, her body wriggling frantically beneath me.
My hips met hers, moving slowly at first, but soon picking up speed. I couldn’t hold back my grunts, my moans, not with her. It was too much.
Her eyes glanced down to where our bodies joined, her skirt flipped up against her stomach. “Oh my God,” she whispered, as I buried every inch of myself inside of her, the feeling of her walls gripping me tighter driving me insane. “Harder. Please. I want to see you fuck me harder.”
How could I not give her what she wanted?
I picked up my speed, slamming into her with more force, my own release building. I could hold out for her, but it had to happen soon.
“Is this what you wanted?” I asked, pushing her legs further up, opening her more to me. I kept my pace on her clit, knew damn well that if she wanted something different she would ask, but just looking at her like this made me want more from her. “Tell me, princess.”
“Yes,” she moaned, her head falling back against the table with an audible thud. Her muscles squeezed me tighter, her little groans growing more desperate, more frequent. “It’s what I wanted. Fuck. You’re gonna make me?—”
She cried out, a guttural, frenzied noise ripping from her throat as her body seized and then released. She gasped for air, her orgasm ripping through her, her walls pulsing. My own orgasm chased hers and she shook gently beneath me as it hit me like a wave, pulling me under the surface, drowning me in her. I’d gladly go out like that.
I kissed her and held her as our climaxes subsided. “Jack,” she muttered, still catching her breath as our movements stilled. Every part of me was blinded by piercing satisfaction, pleasure rolling through my veins like ecstasy. I struggled to focus. “Jackson.”
“Hmm?”
Her hands rested gently on my cheeks as I lowered her legs, minimizing the space between us. “Did you mean what you said before? That I wasn’t the only one in love back then?” She asked, her voice small, words a little broken between breaths.
Her question pulled me back to the present. I slid an arm under her waist and lifted her so she was sitting up. I kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her lips. It hurt that she still didn’t quite believe me, but it was something I was willing to keep reinforcing until she did.
“Jack,” she whispered. A quiet request for an answer.
I rested my forehead against hers, unwilling to let this moment be ruined but knowing damn well she wouldn’t appreciate my silence.
“I don’t think I ever stopped loving you, Mandy.”