Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
A ubrey
The next day, a knock sounds on my door.
I’m still in my pajamas even though it’s two in the afternoon. I have no intention of getting out of bed today, much less getting dressed.
Tomorrow I will drag myself back to school, get through finals, and graduate. I have the money from painting Billy’s mural to live on while I figure out next steps.
I still owe him the second one, but I can’t be in his penthouse right now. Not even with him at work.
The tears I’ve been holding at bay would overwhelm me.
Getting through the wedding last night was painful, but I couldn’t run away and cry my eyes out.
It was my best friend’s big night. I had to put on my game face, smile, dance and cheer her on until she and Brick drove away in the limo we decorated with shaving cream and tin cans.
I had to hide the fact that I was dying inside.
Billy haunted me like a ghost last night. He remained in robot mode–withdrawn and silent–but every time I turned around, he’d positioned himself on the sidelines where he could watch me like a bodyguard. Available to jump in and help when I needed it. Hanging back when I didn’t.
He’s still worried about my safety, but I refused to stay at his place, so he had two burly guys drive me home. They’re still parked outside on the street.
Sensing that he was hurting, too, made my heart break even more.
I kept questioning myself. I know he was in a trauma response from seeing his father. It’s not that I don’t cut him all the slack.
But twice he’s been directly asked whether I’m his mate–once by Brick and once by me–and he couldn’t answer.
I have too much pride to let myself get dragged around in his mess without even knowing if he wants me to stick around.
I figure I’m doing him a favor. Either he’ll decide he wants me, and he’ll show up for this relationship, and we'll get it all out on the table, or I let him out of a complicated situation, and he’ll feel relieved that he didn’t have to slum with a human anymore.
The knock sounds again. “Ms. Cook?” Even if I didn’t recognize that formal baritone, the accompanying yip of my dog forces me to sit up.
How did Grayson even get into the building? I didn’t buzz him in.
I groan and roll out of bed. I wrap a purple robe around my shoulders, so I don’t reveal too much in my braless state, and I stumble to the door.
The idea that Billy sent Pepper to me via Grayson stings. It more than stings–it’s like being flayed and having salt poured over the wounds. I guess he made up his mind.
We’re done. Have your dog back even though you’re not allowed to have pets in your apartment.
I pull the chain back, unlock the door, and open it. “Hey.”
Pepper is on a leash rather than in his travel bag, and he goes crazy for me, making joyful whimpers like a squealing pig and wagging his butt so hard it turns him in circles.
Tears spear my eyes. “Hi, buddy. I missed you, too.” I pick him up, and he licks my face frantically.
I blink hard, trying to keep from crying in front of Grayson.
“Mr. White thought you might want the company of your dog today. He worked things out with your landlady. He paid a generous pet deposit, so she’s willing to bend the rules for Pepper.” He unhooks the leash and folds it up.
Oh. I guess he does care. That makes my nose burn even hotter. My throat clogs with emotion. This might be easier if he was a big jerk. Then I could hate him and move on.
Right now, I just miss everything about him.
I mourn not just what we did have–because that wasn’t much more than mad, hot sex–but I’m mourning the glimpse I had of more.
Of getting Billy to open up and be vulnerable.
Of me showing more of myself to him, even though he seemed to see more than I thought I was sharing.
Of me being a part of his world–not the billionaire world because I’m still uncomfortable with that but the wolf world.
But maybe I’m not supposed to know about that anymore.
With a sharp spike of fear, I remember Billy and Brick discussing wiping my memories. How did that work? Was that why Grayson was here? What if I never remembered any of this?
At least my heart wouldn’t be breaking.
But no. I wouldn’t give up these memories of Billy for anything.
I draw a breath and lift my chin. “Anything else?”
Grayson shifts on his feet, looking uncomfortable. “Mr. White ordered 24/7 bodyguards on you until we’ve found whoever shot at you. He didn’t want you to be scared if you saw them.”
Oh. He definitely cares.
God, I really need to cry. Why didn’t I let myself last night when I got home? Holding it in now chokes me.
I manage to bob my head, holding my breath. “Okay.” My vision swims.
Grayson looks alarmed at the tears. He clears his throat. “I would like to offer you a hug, but I’m not sure if Mr. White would cut off my balls for touching you.”
A watery laugh tumbles out of my lips. “I would like to accept, but I’m about to fall apart.”
Pepper tries to lick me some more.
“Tell Billy thank you.”
Grayson nods and thrusts the leash in my direction and steps back after I take it. “Our guys are outside in a black Range Rover. If you need anything, let them know.” He bows his head.
“‘Kay. I will,” I choke. “Thanks.” I shut the door and lean my forehead against it as the first sob rockets from my throat.
God, this hurts.
I let the emotion spill in tears and sobs. I stumble to the sofa and throw myself on it.
Fuck.
I wish I could call Madi to talk this through with me, but there’s no way I’m going to bother her on her honeymoon.
I can’t control the outcome of this situation. Either Billy will show up or he won’t.
Or he’ll try to wipe my memories, in which case I will throw down to keep them.
I’ll get through it. I’ve had breakups before.
None of them felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest still beating, though.
I roll to face the back of the couch and close my eyes, letting another wave of sobs roll through me.
For all my efforts to stay in fling territory, Billy White wormed his way firmly into my heart. Now it’s flayed open, bleeding, and still beating for him. And there’s nothing I can do but grieve the loss and hope he figures his shit out.
Billy
Aubrey is gone.
I’m alone.
I know she’s safe–I’ve done what I can to ensure that–but there’s a sense of loss that’s unfathomable. Like I’m missing a part of me I never knew I had. And never will have.
My wolf whines, wondering why we’re not with her.
“She doesn’t want to see us,” I tell him. He doesn’t understand. To him, things are simple. A mate is the one person in the world you want to be with. So you be with them. You protect them. You hunt for them. You help lick their wounds. And when it’s night and you’re together, you howl at the moon.
It's taking everything in me not to go to her. But …she asked for space, and I respect that.
I also have some things to deal with on my own.
That’s why I’m in Maine, back on the lands where I grew up. I’ve always loved the woods here. The vibrant green moss and ferns, the lichen-covered rocks. The cold, spring fed lakes and deep quiet.
But the beauty is tainted because when I’m here, I hear my father’s voice from the past. Right now it’s morphed into an angry mocking. “Are you sad? What, are you going to cry? Stop moping, boy,” followed by a punch to the head.
And if he knew I was broken-hearted over a human? I can’t imagine what he’d do to me. If I was small and weak again.
I pace through the woods, heading toward the pack houses. I pause when I come to the clearing where my father made me watch a human die.
A twig cracks.
“I know it’s you,” I call. “And I know you stepped on a stick on purpose. You’re usually quieter than that.” I look back, and there’s a giant wolf. A white and gray wolf, like mine, except she has a splash of black on one ear.
“Hey, Boo.”
My sister shifts to human form and stands.
“You’re nuts,” she informs me.
“This is going to end today.” I told her everything on a phone call on the way up.
“Mm hmm.” She walks past me to a tree with a big hollow about head height. She rises to tiptoe and pulls out a black waterproof bag, the sort that campers use. It seems she has a stash of clothes at the ready.
Once she’s dressed, I study her. She’s in jeans and a faded “Dark Side of the Moon” t-shirt. Even dressed, she looks a little wild. Her bare feet are tanned, and her long hair hangs snarled down her back.
I remember how, when she was first exiled, she showed up on pack land in an old pickup truck, desperate to see me. I was so scared my father would order his enforcers to kill her. She was strong enough to fight him, but if he sent enough wolves, they would all be able to overpower her.
Back then, I wrote a note to her and had a trusted pack member smuggle it to her. In it, I told her to stay away and not worry about me. I wanted her to be happy and free. I planned to escape as soon as I could. I just had to survive my teenage years under the tyranny of my father.
And now I have, and I’m back for closure.
“Are we doing this?” she asks.
“Might as well. I came all this way.” We grin at each other.
We review our plan. I ask her how she’s going to hide her scent until the right moment, and she just gives me a smile. “I have my ways.”
“You’ve come here before,” I point to the tree where she stashed her clothes. “Visiting friends?”
“Someone has to watch over this pack.”
“And that someone is you?”
She nods, and I accept it. “Let’s do this then.”
She disappears, and I walk deeper into the woods to find my father.
After a few minutes, the wind shifts. It was blowing past me towards the pack. This would carry my scent straight to my father’s door. Now it carries his scent back to me.
He’s coming. He has a few enforcers with him. Of course he does.
Not Chip and Dale but some other thugs. My father is a bully, but he’s also a coward, and he’s incapable of fighting his battles alone.