Chapter Nine
Cross
He told me. I listened. I just can't believe it. And now I'm watching him pack his bag.
“Stop,” I choke. “Just stop.”
“I have to go, Drew. It's the right thing to do. I'll come back. After things settle down, I'll come back. Go claim that girl before someone else does. It's not too late, I saw it myself.”
“Parker,” I rasp, misery dripping from every letter.
“Drew.”
“Please. Don't. I can't do this without you.”
He steps between my knees and wraps his arms around me.
I turn my face into him, breathing in his scent and feeling the end of us looming starkly in front of me.
I don't want to give him up. Everything I've done for most of my life has been for and with him.
Even if we aren't together, we're always together.
He's my Second. He is a permanent fixture in my life.
I don't want to live this life without Parker beside me.
“If it's because of her, I already rejected her. I can do better. We can leave. We can go far away.”
“No, Cross. No.” He steps away from me, leaving me to slump against the couch.
“I'll be back. I'm just giving you room and time to fix this without me in the way.
I'll be back and I'll try to be your Second, like we always planned. But you deserve a good life. Go get that life, Cross. I want you to have it.”
He bends down to press his forehead against mine one last time, then he turns away to grab his bag and walks out the door.
The emptiness is immediate and deafening. I don't remember a time, even when we were pissed at each other, that we were truly separate. I don't have a single memory from my entire life that doesn't include Parker. What am I going to do without him?
Realistically, I understand that I don't have to let him leave. I can go after him. I can order him to stay. But the fact that I'm still sitting on this couch instead of running out the door after him says more than anything else could.
I hate that he might be right. I hate it so much. But we've tried everything else, and things are just getting worse. I'm going to end up hurting Parker. Really hurting him. I've already done enough damage as it is.
I won't go to Eugenia Barrett, though. I can't. It would be disrespectful to her and to Parker.
I don't care how good she smelled. I don't care that I crave that scent every waking moment of my life.
I don't care that her scent is as much a part of me as my own.
I don't care. I know what it means and I. Just. Don't. Care.
If she wasn't my honest to Goddess mate, I wouldn't have to give up Parker.
If she was just another female, I could have taken her on as Luna and kept Parker and it would have been fine.
But I felt his heart break when I caught her scent.
He and I may not have a mate bond, but we're bonded, nonetheless.
I felt his heart break into pieces and I couldn't let it happen.
I will find another female that can accept Parker.
And Eugenia Barrett will have to find another alpha to replace me.