Chapter Twenty #2
“Who am I supposed to talk to?” I ask. “My father? An Elder? You? My father would remind me that I'm the one who created this situation. An elder would remind me that she's my Goddess-blessed mate and I threw my future away. And you? How could I talk to you about her? I won't hurt you like that.”
My heart sinks as he turns away from me, but then he reaches back and pulls my arm around him.
“You can talk to me about anything, Cross.
Even her. I know it hurts. I can't imagine how heavy that hole inside you is.
I know you're hollow and it's my fault. You chose me over your mate and I let you do it because I'm selfish.
That's why I left and why I was going to keep my distance for the rest of our lives. I need you to be whole more than I need you to be mine.”
I pull him against me and breathe in his scent. “I have always been yours.”
“Being mine isn't enough anymore. You need to be the Alpha our pack needs you to be. They need a Luna. I'm not going anywhere, but they need a Luna.”
“They'll have one. That's part of why I came here. I'll fix myself and then we'll find a Luna we can both live with. I won't budge on that, Parker.”
He doesn't say anything but I can feel the weight of what he wants to say hanging heavily between us.
There's a lot left for me to say, too, but I'm too worn to say any of it tonight.
I just want to be here with him right now, just for a while.
We can go back to navigating the minefield of this place and all the trip wires I put in our path myself in the morning.
“Hey,” Parker whispers.
“Yeah?”
“I thought about it a lot.”
“Thought about what?”
“You and her,” he whispers. “Fucking.”
***
It's impossible. I can't not look at her.
I'm trying not to, but it's like she went from being a vague specter in the outskirts of my awareness to being under a spotlight.
I'd like to say that I've been around her enough times that she's a more solid figure in my mind, which is true.
I went years only knowing the feel of her from what I heard about her or from the pull when she would go into heat; now I have a very detailed visual reference and I can't stop thinking about it.
It's like the image of her standing in the forest wearing nothing but her skin and a scowl is burned on the inside of my eyelids. I can't get away from it.
I want her. I wanted her before, but only when she was in heat or I was in rut; and that wasn't truly wanting her.
It was mostly wanting what she was, which was mine.
It was natural to want her because of the pull.
But now? Goddess, now? Now I have something real to want.
And I can't have it. She's sitting over there on the bench right now, ignoring the shit out of me, and all I can think about is how soft her skin looked in the moonlight, the curve of her hip, the strength of her thighs, and yes, her fucking tits.
Then watching her ass peek out from under Parker's shirt when she walked away.
Fuck. I liked that way too much.
And I can't do anything about it.
It's going to be so much harder during her next heat, and my next rut is going to be hell.
Ohhhh.
Oh no.
It's been months since either heat or rut.
That... I won't go into rut until the fall, but I don't know exactly when she might go into heat again.
She absolutely cannot go into heat here.
There will be nothing stopping me if we're this close, and if another male takes a run at her it would end very badly.
I'm on my feet and closing the distance before common sense can catch up with me. I stop right in front of her and stare down at her in wide-eyed horror.
She blinks up at me, more irritated than curious.
“When is your next heat due?” I ask, but it sounds more like an order.
“Stop,” she says, lifting a hand to ward off the question. “Stop talking. Don't ask me about my heat.”
“When is it, Eugenia?” I urge, glancing around quickly to make sure no one is close enough to hear what we're talking about.
“Don't call me Eugenia,” she says, opening her eyes to glare at me.
“It's your name. Please, just tell me. I lost track.”
Her brows scrunch together and a little line wrinkles across her nose. “Don't keep track of my heats. Go away.”
“Genie,” I say through clenched teeth. “You can not go into heat here.”
Her glare turns icy. “Don't worry about my heat, Cross. It's none of your business.”
I drop to one knee in front of her and she pushes away from me as far as the bench will allow.
“Genie,” I try again, almost pleading. “I know I have no right to know anything about you, especially your heat, but you are unmated and my wolf wants you.
If you go into heat while we are here, I will come for you and I will tear through anyone who tries to stop me.
It's been hard enough to keep him from you when the only thing between us was the distance.
Please, just tell me that you aren't due anytime soon.”
Her mouth drops open and it takes her a moment to recover from my blunt honesty.
When she finally draws herself together to respond, her eyes have lost some of their cold dismissal.
“My heat isn't due until next month. If I am still here, and that's a huge if, I will leave until it's over or I'll take suppressants.”
A growl slips out before I can stop it and she raises a brow.
“Please use suppressants.” Much like when I asked her earlier, it's supposed to be a request, but it comes out like an order.
“Why?” she says, both brows arched high.
I close my eyes and pull in a breath before I give her another piece of truth that I'd rather keep to myself.
“Because here I will be close enough to kill any male who comes to... aid you.” I look into her eyes, holding her gaze to make her understand how serious I am.
“I will, Genie. Any male who comes near you. Any male who smells like you. Any male who I smell on you.”
“You're ridiculous.”
“Please. Use. Suppressants.” I grit out, emphasizing each word.
“What about Parker?”
“What about him?” I ask, forcing back a snarl.
She licks her lips. “He'd stop you.”
“He'd try.”
She studies me for a long moment, her eyes becoming harder with every breath, and then leans forward.
“I knew you were coming for me the past few years. I could feel you getting closer and closer. I wanted you to suffer. I wanted you to feel what you chose to ruin.” She sits back, her soft lips curled into a snarl she doesn't hide.
“I wanted you to feel it every single time another male got me off when I was in heat.”
The growl I've been fighting so hard to suppress splits the air.
It isn't completely, or even mostly mine.
My wolf is front and center and he is pissed.
I rise to my feet slowly, intentionally, and lean into her space, planting my hands on either side of her head on the back of the bench.
My face is so close to hers that I can feel her breath brush against my skin. “Don't do that.”
“Do what?” She asks, flippantly crossing her arms between us.
“Don't provoke us. He is so angry, Genie.”
“Maybe if he had been a little angrier before now, we wouldn't be in this mess. I was right there, Drew Cross. I was right there. I offered myself to you. Twice. You made your choice. You have no right to me, and neither does your wolf. If he wanted me, he should have fought harder.”
Another deep growl crawls up from my chest and I feel the moment his eyes overtake my own. I wish there was relief in it, but all I feel right now is his righteous fury.
“I tried.” His words come from between my lips.
This hasn't happened in years. It's always one or the other with us, either me or him.
There have been a very few moments like this when we were one in this body enough to allow him to speak with my mouth.
I am genuinely terrified of what he might do if I can't regain full control, but I am even more terrified of what might happen if I force him back.
And then Genie. Fucking Genie.
“Try harder,” she says, staring straight into his eyes.
My body leans even closer, lower, close enough for me to drag my nose up the side of her neck. “Try harder,” he repeats. Then he licks the skin just below her ear before falling back into the darkness he's kept to so suddenly that my knees almost buckle.
Carefully, I pull away from her and take a few steps back. I don't say anything else, but I can't bring myself to turn my back on her and walk away.
She looks at me. Just looks. Her eyes hold mine so intently that it almost feels like a comfort. Finally, she looks away and uncrosses her arms to rub her palms on the tops of her thighs. “I'll use suppressants.”
“Thank you,” I say, clipping the words awkwardly.
“Don't lick me again, Drew.”
I raise my eyes to the sky and blow out a long breath. “I'll try not to.”
“Drew.”
I look back down at her.
“Try very hard.”