Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-eight
Parker
Why does he smell like that?
His feet are still cold so he hasn't been back in bed very long. Not just cold. Damp. Did he walk outside?
What is that scent? It's heavy, almost musty, and the wrong kind of sweet.
“Cross.”
His fingers dig into my side, his arm holding fast when I try to sit up.
“Come on,” I urge, gently pushing his shoulder. “Talk to me. What's wrong?”
It takes too long, but he finally takes a shuddering breath. “I'm not a good alpha,” he says quietly, almost a whisper. “I ruined... I... I'm not a good wolf.”
“Sit up,” I demand, throwing off the blanket. “What do you mean, you're not a good wolf? What did you do?”
He sits up and bends over his knees, hiding his face and his misery from me. “I put myself first and destroyed everything. Her. You. Me. Ruined.”
I stand up and stomp over to flip the light switch. “What are you talking about? I am not ruined, and neither are you. Tell me what happened. Now.”
“She's ruined,” he says, his hunched shoulders sinking further.
“Cross,” I say sharply. “I'm this close to losing my temper. Give me more information or get out.” I don't want to fight with him, not here or ever, but I don't do well when I'm woken up with mopey bullshit that lacks context. “And what is that smell?”
“I went back to her room,” he mumbles. “It's probably her.”
No. It isn't her. “I know what she smells like and this isn't it. Look at me, Cross. Stop hiding.”
He slowly raises his head and the sorrow etched into his expression cools my irritation. It's more than sorrow, and more than him. Cross is there, but I can see his wolf's dark eyes peering at me from inside. It's both of them and they are both hollow.
Mourning. This is the scent of deep, suffering loss.
I sit down at his feet and rub the top of one of them. “Just tell me what happened. You said you went to get a drink but you ended up back at the suite?”
He nods. “She had shifted. I've never seen her wolf, but it was her. And she just looked at me. She was empty. She shouldn't be empty. She should be Luna. I ruined her.”
“What did she do when she saw you?”
He hangs his head back between his knees. “Nothing. No reaction. Just looked at me with those horrible empty eyes. It hurt. I could feel it. I was scared and came back to you. I'm a coward. She deserves better. So do you. Oh Goddess. The pack. The pack deserves so much more than me. I have to –“
“You have to get your shit together,” I bark. “It's my fault. I did what I thought I had to do to fix it, but we're still where we were.”
His weight shifts when I push up from the bed to get to my feet, and he has to throw his hand down onto the mattress to catch himself.
My bag is on the chair next to the dresser and I pick it up.
The drawer complains against the runners when I jerk it open and I don't fold anything when I start shoving things into the bag.
“I am so tired of being the only person in this situation with any common fucking sense.” I go to the next drawer and jerk it open just as dramatically.
“Coward. Yeah. You are a coward, but that's a choice.
It's my fault, I know that. I should have moved out of the fucking way when we were younger.”
He starts to interrupt me but I wheel around, snarling at him.
“You don't get to argue with me about it. It was initially my fault. I own that. But this,” I gesture at the invisible mess piled up around us, “is all you.
I did what I could to help. This is something you are choosing at this point and I'm done with it.”
I pick up the book I was reading from the night stand and shove it into my bag on top of the clothes.
“You are an idiot,” I bite out, but then I turn to face him again.
“And you're just sitting there, letting this happen.” I let out a harsh laugh.
“And that stubborn jackass sitting all high and mighty in that fancy, neutral suite?
She's an idiot, too, and I'm sick of all of it.”
“Parker,” Cross says, but I cut him off.
“Shut up. I am sick to death of all of this bullshit.
I am tired. I am lonely. I want to go the fuck home.
I want to eat my mom's spaghetti and I want to hunt in our territory and I am tired of all this pitiful, miserable, back and forth that you and that asshole over there keep perpetuating. Come on.”
“What are you doing? Where? We can't leave yet.”
I laugh at him and stalk across the room to rip the door open.
“Oh don't you worry, we're not going anywhere.
You're supposed to be here to fix your shit but the shit isn't getting fixed so we're going over there to that fucking suite and do what we came here to do.
You are going to fix this shit with Genie.
If I have to hold your hand while you do it, I will, but you're going to fix it.
Sleep with her, fuck her, whatever, but you're going to end our collective suffering here tonight.
I'm not going anywhere and neither is she.
You're mother fucking Goddess-blessed, act like it.”
“We can't just –“
I drop my bag beside the doorway and stomp back over to stand in front of Cross, my bare heels stinging with the violent impact. “Get up.”
He doesn't. He just looks at me shaking his head.
“Get. Up.” I repeat. “You have too many people depending on you.”
He sighs and rises to his feet but that's it.
This isn't him. This isn't my Cross. This isn't the future of our pack. This is a husk.
I narrow my eyes and snap my fingers in front of his face. Irritation flashes for just a moment, but that's all I need. I don't need Cross right now. I need the wolf hiding inside him. “Hey,” I bark, snapping again. “Hey. You. You in there?”
A dark shadow flickers across the dull brown of Cross's eyes and I can almost feel him baring his teeth.
“Yeah. There you are. You let him leave your mate all alone in a strange place. There are unmated wolves from across the entire region here. She's alone.”
A dangerously low growl starts deep inside Cross.
“Good. Get mad. I'm fucking mad. You need to help fix this. I know he broke it, but it doesn't matter.”
Cross's eyes are overtaken all at once, all the color replaced with the dark glow of his wolf's for a few seconds and he gives me a slow nod before he closes them again.
I wait almost a full minute while he drags Cross's head out of his ass.
When those eyes open back up, they're all Cross and they're burning with purpose.
“About fucking time,” I say. “Are you ready to be the alpha you need to be?”
“Yes.”
I nod. “Are you my alpha?”
“Yes.”
I nod again. “Are you her alpha?”
The corner of his mouth lifts into a smile I haven't seen for years. “I'm going to be.”
There are still several hours until sunrise and the campus of Recovery is quiet as we make our way to the suite. We don't speak until we're standing in front of the door.
“Are you ready to face her wolf?” I ask him.
He gives me a firm nod. “I hope so.”
I put my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. “I'm going to stay on the couch. Pretend I'm not there. I meant what I said. Do what you need to do.”
“I can't pretend you aren't there, Parker. You're part of me.”
I squeeze again, pushing my warmth and strength into him. “I am. But she's your mate. Show her that. I will be wherever you are, wherever you need me to be. I'm yours. Nothing will change that.”
“Do you think she will accept you?” he whispers, not wanting to voice the fear I can sense.
“She has to,” I say, ignoring my churning gut. “She's going to be my Luna as much as she'll be yours. I'm a good wolf. She'll sense it.”
“We're still us,” he says softly.
“We'll always be us.”
Cross puts in the code and opens the door and we are greeted with glowing angry eyes.
“Easy,” Cross says gently, raising his palms. “Easy. It's me.”
She growls, shifting her attention to me.
“You know Parker. It's okay.”
It is very clearly not okay. Her hackles raise as her head lowers.
“I'm just going –“
The hair on the back of my neck stands up at the growl she releases. She takes one step closer to me and Cross moves between us.
“Don't,” he tells her, keeping his tone soft. “It's okay. He's going to stay out here. He's here with me. That's all. He isn't a threat. It's okay. I promise.”
She snorts and glares at him.
“Sit down, Parker,” Cross says. “It's alright.”
I want to laugh, but I don't think Genie's wolf would appreciate it. Instead, I back up and side step until my calves touch the back of the couch and I sit down, trying to appear as nonthreatening as possible.
“There,” Cross continues. “See? He's just on the couch. He'll stay right there. Can Genie come back?”
She growls again and I'm glad it isn't directed at me.
“I know,” he says softly, gently. “I know. But we have to make this work. I need to talk to her. I know I hurt her. I know I fucked up. But I'm here to fix it. Can she come back? Please?”
It is very interesting to me that he keeps using the word can instead of will. Why couldn't she? She was able to shift back for the hunts, what's the difference now?
She stares at Cross, meeting his eyes and not looking away when he looks back. They face each other, waiting, weighing.
“Please,” he says again. “I can be better than I have been. Let me show her. Let me prove it to you.”
Finally, she huffs and turns away from him, trotting off into the dark bedroom. Cross doesn't follow. He gives her time and room to shift without the weight of his presence.
“Are you okay?” he whispers to me beneath the familiar sound of shifting in the next room.
“I'm good,” I whisper back. “She really doesn't like me at all.”
“She will.”
“She might.”
A few moments later, Genie calls out. “Okay.”
Cross holds my gaze for a few breaths before nodding once and walking slowly into the bedroom.
I can't see far into the bedroom, I can barely make out the foot of the bed from my vantage point, but I can feel how phenomenally awkward it is inside that room.
The sound of fabric rustling as they get settled on the bed forces me to imagine what they look like right now.
Cross is probably laying on his back trying not to crowd her.
Genie is most likely balled up in a tight knot on her side trying not to touch him.
They're going to take forever to fall asleep, but once they do they will naturally come together.
Instinct will pull them to wrap around each other.
It's how it should be. It's how it needs to be.
They will fall in together like all mates do and she will wake up in the morning and allow him to start doing what he was supposed to do years ago.
He will court her and she will allow it.
He will prove to her that he is a good wolf, that he's a good alpha.
And then he will convince her to come home and be our Luna because we need balance.
Cross and I need it on a personal level, both separately and together, but our pack isn't as strong as it needs to be.
We know the threat against us. We know what will happen if he doesn't provide the balance we need.
I wasn't surprised that Bella Reeves challenged Genie tonight.
I'm surprised that it's taken her this long to do it, but the challenge itself was expected.
The Reeves pack is ambitious and growing stronger.
They are farthest from the Council of Elders and they act like they aren't subjected to the same laws and limits as the rest of us.
Bella is after Cross because she knows it will help her pack take over.
She wants to rule implicitly and she knows she can use Cross and his pack to do it.
There is a knit throw blanket folded across the back of the couch.
It will either cover me from shoulder to knee or from feet to rib cage and it smells like descenter.
I tuck it around my feet and tuck them into the crack between the arm of the couch and the cushion.
I lay there on my side and close my eyes, willing a sense of calm into my body.
It's going to be impossible to relax. I'm even trying to breathe as silently as I can to keep from making any sound that might remind them that I'm here.
I'd leave but I'm here to hold them accountable.
Genie doesn't know that Cross and I have basically agreed to make things work between them, but that doesn't absolve her from responsibility.
She has a responsibility to her pack just like Cross, and they each have a responsibility to the other's pack, too, whether they like it or not.
I'm going to lay here on this couch and make sure they know that.