Big Bad Wolves

Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-five

Genie

“You bit him.”

Parker's smile stretches wide as he inspects the damage on Drew's arm. I don't feel a drop of guilt about it. I know he's littered with other smaller cuts and gouges but he won't find those until he takes his clothes off. I don't feel bad about them either.

“I deserved it,” Drew says and goes to the bathroom to clean it off.

Parker turns to me after the water turns on. “I'm sorry.”

“It wasn't your fault.” I shrug.

He shakes his head and drags his hands through his hair again as he sits down on the couch. “It is. Every bit of this is my fault. He rejected you the first time because of me. I tried to step away but I was called back for the second claiming ceremony. I should have ignored the call.”

“You can't ignore the call, Parker. And Drew is a big boy. He made his own choices throughout everything. You may have influenced his choices, but he still made them.” I drop onto the couch next to him. “He has to take responsibility and mend the things that have been broken.”

Parker leans back, letting his head fall against the wall behind the couch with a soft thunk.

“Can you do it? Can you accept everything and move forward?

You don't even know him as a person, you just know the fucked up version of himself he's been since the first ceremony. I wanted to keep him for myself so bad back then that I lost part of him that night, and I kept losing chunks of him until we got here. It might take time for him to become himself again.”

I know. I know it's going to take time for Drew to become his whole self again.

Parker is right, I don't know him the way I need to, but we don't have time for me to get to know him.

We don't have time for me to let go of all the hurt.

For right now, it has to be enough that our Goddess put us together for a reason.

I have to trust that she made the right choice because I don't have the time or energy required to wait for Drew to put himself back together or take time to get to know him after he figures it out.

We've spent too many years trying to fight this pull and everything's a mess because of it.

We are responsible for the future of our packs.

Generations of fighting and outright war are on hold because of us.

I can be patient with him and myself because we will have years together.

“I know,” I say, meaning it. “We'll figure it out as we go. I have to trust that he's not a horrible person, right?”

“He really isn't, Genie. Drew loves his people. He would do anything for them. He'll be a good mate. You'll see.”

I sigh. I know Parker didn't mean for that to sting but it did.

Drew would do anything, including me, for his people.

But, really, I'm no better. I'm willing to let him claim me and accept my role as Luna for both packs without even knowing what his favorite food or color is because I also love my people and would do anything for them. “What's his favorite color?”

“What?”

“His favorite color. I know you know what it is.”

“Pink.”

I blink. “Pink?”

“Pastel fucking pink. Since he was a kid.”

That might be the most interesting thing about him as it stands. “What is his favorite food?”

Parker rubs his eyebrow and starts to push his fingers into his hair again but stops. “You could ask him.”

“I could,” I agree. “But I'm asking you. You know more about him than anyone.”

“What's your favorite food?” he counters.

“I don't have one,” I answer. “I'll eat almost anything. It's all the same. I don't like strawberries, though.”

“How do you not like strawberries?” Drew asks, coming back into the room. “And I like all shades of pink, but the light one reminds me of my grandmother. My favorite food is stuffed peppers. His is his mom's spaghetti casserole.”

“I don't like the seeds,” I tell him.

“What about blackberries?” he asks. “They have seeds.”

I forgot about blackberry seeds. “I like the taste of blackberries, but not the seeds. I like black raspberries better.”

“I thought black raspberries were blackberries until I was to old to not know that,” Parker says. “I don't like those big seeds, either.”

“The seeds are the best part,” Drew argues. “They pop when you bite them. It's good.”

“I'll stick with seedless jam,” I say, smiling. This is the first actual conversation we've ever had.

Drew sits down on the other side of me and all three of us just sit there for a while letting things settle. I don't feel very much like talking. I don't feel like listening or thinking, either. I want to just be. Just for a while. But Drew is apparently a talker.

“Thank you for watching over him,” he says, breaking the silence. “I know that was hard.”

I shrug. “Not really. Those jerks shouldn't have come after something of ours.”

The pen drops, almost like a bell, and we all feel it. Even if it was only verbal, I claimed Parker and I meant it without noticing. Not only did I claim Parker, I used the word ours. I created an us that is separate from everything else in the word with just those words.

“You're going to be a perfect Luna,” Drew says, turning to look at me. “Our pack is going to be strong.”

I know it will be. There are going to be challenges, especially once Drew and I take over completely, but there always are and we will deal with them as they come.

“So, you're just going to dive in head first?” Parker asks. “Just fuck it, no claiming ceremony, nothing. Just... do it?”

I look at Drew and what I see in his eyes is enough. “I think so.”

“I want a ceremony,” Drew announces. “I want a do-over. At the next Summit. I want to host. I want everyone there.”

The next Summit is months away. I am not waiting that long, and I can't believe he wants to.

“You want to wait that long to mark me? Drew, I go into heat very, very soon.

You know what will happen. I don't want you to do it when I'm in heat. I want to feel it. I want to remember it. I want one thing to be what I want it to be.”

He shakes his head quickly. “No. We don't have to wait. I'll mark you whenever you want. Whenever you're ready.”

“Are you ready for that?” I ask him. “You've gone from hating my guts and wanting nothing to do with me, for years, to telling me you'll claim me whenever I want you to do it. That's a massive change of heart.”

He reaches across and takes my hand and holds it against his chest, his thumb pressing warmly into the center of my palm as he rubs a circle against it.

“I need you to understand, both of you, that I never hated you.

Never. I was terrified of you because I love Parker so very much.

But I didn't hate you. I didn't even dislike you.

I was afraid of losing him and I couldn't bear it.

I knew him. I knew I loved him. He was real to me.

Please don't take that the wrong way, you are real, Genie.

But he was mine, and he had been mine forever.

You were a stranger to me. I knew who you were but I didn't know you. You were an end to everything I knew and that terrified me. And then I saw and felt his hurt when he saw you at the ceremony, then the mate bond came barreling at me and it was too much. I ran. I was scared and I ran.”

I'm noticing a theme. “Are you going to run every time you get scared of something?”

He squeezes my hand. “Not anymore.”

Parker has been uncomfortably quiet this whole time and I look away from Drew and at him. His head is still resting against the back of the couch and his eyes are closed, but I can smell the hurt. “Hey,” I say, poking his knee with my finger.

He cracks open his eyes and glances at me.

“I'm not taking him from you. I'm not changing what you and Drew have. I was never going to.”

He closes his eyes again. “You shouldn't have to share your mate, Genie. I already said that I would step away.”

“And I already told you that that isn't happening,” Drew interjects.

“No,” I say, poking him again. “You aren't going anywhere. I am very capable of sharing. I have the distinct feeling that my jealousy will not extend to you. Other females need to stay far, far away, but somehow you don't register as a threat at all. So you can just stay where you are.”

He nods and we go back to sitting together in the quiet.

The longer I sit, the more I think, and the more I think, the more sure I am of what I said earlier.

I want to rip the bandage off. I may not have the emotional attachment with Drew that I always fantasized about, but that will come with time.

I know how I feel during my heats, I know what goes through my head before I'm lost to the inferno of need.

I will present myself to Drew and beg him to claim me.

I will demand it. The only things I really remember about my heats are when they start and when they end.

The entire middle is missing when I try to think about it.

I have thought about being claimed, longed to be marked; to think that it could be lost to flame. ..

“Do it now.”

Both of their attention snaps to me.

“I mean it. Do it now.”

“It...?” Parker says, trailing off.

“Now?” Drew asks. “Tonight?”

“Yes.” I shrug. “Why not?”

“Here?” Drew asks, brows knitted together.

“Are you saying no?”

“I,” he stammers. “I mean, no. I'm not saying no. But, not to sound like stupid, don't you want it to be, you know, special?”

“Are you incapable of making it special?”

Parker laughs, but Drew blusters through a response. “Of course I can make it special. I mean, I should... I can make it special. I just thought you'd want to be... not here. Home.”

“We haven't decided where home will be yet. Here is good.”

He stares at me, eyes still comically wide. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“Well,” Parker says, pushing up off the couch. “You kids have at it. I'm going to make myself scarce.”

My hand snaps out to grab his wrist. “You're staying right here.”

He gapes at me. “He doesn't need me to hold his hand.”

“I might,” Drew says. “If she wants you to stay, stay.”

Parker's mouth drops open as his eyes move from Drew's to mine. “This is more serious than just a fuck, Cross.”

“Maybe I want you to hold my hand,” I tell him, trying to sound much more confident and brave than I feel. I've always been more inclined to just get things done than drawing them out with sentimental theatrics, but this is a huge step and it will affect all three of us.

“I'm not holding your hand while he fucks you.”

“You said it was more serious than just a fuck,” I counter. “And you were perfectly willing to hold my leg for him last night. What's the difference?”

Drew barks out a laugh and Parker glares at him. “That was different.”

My head tilts. “Was it?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” I say, getting up off of the couch. “I'm taking a shower while you figure it out.” Then I pull Drew's shirt over my head and drop it onto his lap on my way to the bathroom.

It's all bravado. I'm a nervous wreck. I want the mark now, before anything else happens.

I know there will be a whole lot of discussion about where we'll go when we leave here, but none of it will matter because we're going to my pack's territory.

Drew did the rejecting, he can be uncomfortably surrounded by people who have an opinion about it.

I am going into heat within two weeks, probably less based on how I've been feeling, and I need to be somewhere familiar, somewhere I feel comfortable.

But the discussion will be stressful and the travel will be tedious and getting him welcomed and accepted on pack land will be exhausting and nobody can say no to any of it if I'm wearing his mark.

Besides, I just want it. I want it so much.

I want the immediate stability that comes with a mating bond.

I need balance more than anything else. I've heard stories.

I know that I will feel him like a constant presence inside me.

When he marks me, it will create a link between our wolves that goes beyond the normal pack bond. We want that bond. We need it.

But I'm still so nervous. Drew really doesn't know me. He touched me last night, and did a damn good job of it, but he doesn't really know anything about me other than my berry preferences. I know he wants me, but it's instinct. Primal. Not personal.

My hair is still dripping when I walk out of the bathroom wearing a towel.

The living room is empty and the door to the bedroom is shut all but an inch or two.

I can hear them whispering back and forth.

Whatever they're talking about is either interesting enough or important enough that they haven't yet realized that the shower has stopped.

I focus my hearing, straining to catch their words while I drip tiny puddles onto the floor.

“I can't be here for this,” Parker hisses. “It's between you and your mate.”

“I want you here,” Drew whispers back. “She told you to stay.”

“She doesn't mean it,” Parker argues. “No female wolf would ever share this moment with her alpha's ex.”

“You are not –“

“Shh!”

“You are not my ex,” Drew continues.

“She doesn't want me here, Cross. She's just saying it for you. She tolerates me because of you. She doesn't like me and she doesn't want me here. Let it go. I'll wait in the hall.”

“You can stay your ass right here. She likes you just fine.”

Parker scoffs. “She's obligated to like me.”

“Is that what your problem is?” Drew asks. “You want her to like you?”

“No,” Parker says. “That's not... I shouldn't be here when you mark your fucking mate, Cross. It is an intrusion.”

“Not if she invites you.”

“Fuck!” Parker hisses, agony heavy in the word. “It hurts. It hurts to be separate. It hurts to be included. It hurts to see her get what I want. I want her to have it. Really. I do. It just hurts to be separate. I don't know how else to say it.”

And that's about all I need or want to hear.

I know exactly how he feels. I am an obligation.

A means to an end. It hurts when I am included in their closeness and it hurts to be separate from it.

But I will have Cross's mark tonight. I need it and I'll have it.

Parker can help me get it. If I can be satisfied with that, so can he.