Chapter 11
Cordelia
If someone had told her even a year ago she’d find herself snuggled in bed, fully naked, not just with her babygirl, but with a man who had also escaped the prophets, she would have laughed in their face.
It still amazed her, and humbled her, to think of how far she’d come since she’d fled her late husband’s home over a decade before.
And it wasn’t just that she was comfortable with them in ways she’d never been with anyone else.
The love she felt for them, the sheer intimacy of what they shared, even in the most mundane, everyday moments, sometimes rocked her to her core.
There were times when she looked at them, and wondered how her heart didn’t simply burst with what she felt for them.
Running her fingers through Jacob’s hair, one of those small things he enjoyed as part of his aftercare, she pressed another kiss to his forehead. With his face practically buried in her breast, she couldn’t see him smile, but she could feel the movement as his lips curved.
As much as she hated to ruin the moment, they did need to talk. Now that her system had settled, the conversation she’d had with Holden when they’d picked Jacob up from Beckett’s was running through her mind again.
“How was your evening with the guys, Jacob?”
Humming softly, he snuggled even closer to her, his hard, lean body pressed flush against her still cooling skin. “It was good. We just kinda hung out and talked.”
“What did you talk about?”
He hesitated, his shoulder lifting in a shrug before he replied. “I dunno. Stuff.”
Beside her, Ivy shifted, pushing herself up to frown at their boy. “What happened? Did they say something to you? Why do you sound so sad?”
“It’s nothing, Ivy, I’m fine.” But there was a snap to his tone that clearly said he was not fine.
“Ivy’s just worried about you, baby. And so am I.
” One thing she’d learned about their boy over the past few months was that if he didn’t want to talk about something, it could be like pulling teeth to get him to open up.
Sometimes the best way was the most direct way.
“Holden told me about your conversation. He said you don’t think you’re as smart as Hannah. ”
Jacob pulled away, and though it hurt, she let him go. Let him have his space. Pushing up in the bed, he wrapped his arms around his knees and shrugged. “So? I’m not. Even Ivy knows I’m not.”
“What makes you say that?” Now it was her girl’s voice turning sharp, and Cordelia slid a hand down to her bottom to give it a warning pinch. The last thing she needed was for the two of them to get each other worked up. Ivy frowned, but didn’t protest the quiet rebuke.
“Hannah does better than me on all the tests. She always understands things faster. I’m not trying to put myself down,” he hurried to add, probably because they’d already had several very long conversations about him doing exactly that.
“But it’s true. She’s insanely smart and I’m really proud of her but… ”
“What, baby?” Cordelia kept her voice low, soothing, in the hopes it would encourage him to open up.
It took several long moments, but eventually he sighed. “But I’m never going to be a lawyer like her. I’m never going to do anything really important with my life.”
“Oh, Jakey.” Climbing over Cordelia, Ivy wiggled herself under his arm, sandwiching him between the two of them. “You don’t have to go to law school to do important things.”
“I know that. It’s just… I don’t know if I even want to do anything really big and important like that. And I know how selfish that is, and I know I should want to help people like me, and part of me does. But all I really want is a quiet life with you two. Does that make me horrible?”
Her poor, sweet boy. “No, baby. It makes you human. You are perfectly entitled to a quiet, boring life if that’s what you want.”
When he finally lifted his head, her heart broke at the tears shimmering on his lashes.
She wasn’t the only one who’d come impossibly far since she’d left the Prophets.
There’d been a time when Jacob would have sworn he didn’t even know how to cry.
And some days it was still a struggle for him, but then there were moments like this, when his guard was down and he wasn’t thinking about what it meant to be a man, where he let himself simply feel.
And in those moments, she was more proud of him than she’d ever been.
“You really think so? It just seems like I should do more. For people like us.”
“You already helped put a number of dangerous men behind bars for the rest of their natural lives, baby. You’ve done more than enough.
And if you really do want to help, there are plenty of ways for you to do that without making a career out of it.
We can volunteer, donate, even just speaking out about it can help others like us. ”
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” Even though he was nodding like he agreed, it was clear from his tone he wasn’t convinced.
“Jacob…” Ivy’s voice turned thoughtful. “If you could do anything at all, without taking the cult, or Hannah, or anything else into consideration, what would you do?”
“Dinosaurs.” The answer came so quick and easy, it seemed to catch him by surprise. Eyes wide, he blushed, his lips curving in a sheepish smile. “You know how much I love dinosaurs. But there aren’t really a lot of options for that around here.”
“You could always teach, like me. Kids love learning about dinosaurs. And I’m sure there are other options we could look into.”
“And we don’t have to stay in Charleston.” Cordelia shrugged when they both stared at her in shock. “I’m not saying we should move. I’m just saying… if you went that route and you found a job you really loved that wasn’t here, we could talk about moving.”
Jacob frowned. “But all your friends are here. My sisters are here.”
“True. But there are plenty of ways to stay in touch.” Rising up onto her knees, she cupped his face in her hands.
“All I’m saying is, don’t let fear hold you back, baby.
If you want to study dinosaurs, then study dinosaurs.
Even if the only thing you ever do is satisfy your own curiosity, then it will be worth it.
You don’t have to decide your whole future today.
Do what you want to do, not what you think everyone else wants you to do. Understood?”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Good boy.” She leaned forward to press a kiss to his hair. “I don’t know about the two of you, but I’m starving.”
“Midnight pancakes!” Practically squealing with happiness, Ivy all but vaulted out of the bed, then paused. “Oh. I should clean up first, though.”
“Jacob and I will take care of the toys. You go get started on those pancakes.”
Ivy’s face lit with joy. “Okay! And can we watch a Christmas movie? Please, Daddy? I’m not sleepy at all, I swear.”
Cordelia hesitated, weighing the options. If she let them stay up late, she’d likely be kicking herself for it in the morning, especially considering how early they had to be up for the wedding. The responsible thing to do, as their Daddy, was to tell Ivy no.
But then again, wasn’t that half the fun of the holidays? Staying up too late and gorging yourself on junk food while watching cheesy movies with your family?
“Of course, baby. Whatever you want.”
Beaming, Ivy hurried toward their closet to grab one of her robes. Wrapping the blue silk around her, she raced out of the bedroom and to the kitchen.
Alone with their boy, Cordelia smiled down at him. “I hope you know that from now until the twenty-sixth, it’s going to be nonstop Christmas insanity around here.”
“Really?” His smile bloomed to a full-on grin that had her heart tripping in her chest. “I’m kind of looking forward to it.”
The sound of Ivy belting out one of her favorite Christmas songs drifted into the room, and Cordelia couldn’t help but return his smile as her heart once again melted for the pair of them. “Me too, baby. Me too.”
If you missed out on Cordelia, Ivy, and Jacob’s love story, you can find it in Melt For Us, Daddy.