Chapter 16 #2
Lamar slid beside me and put his arm around me. I automatically leaned into his warmth. I inhaled his cologne, and the mixture of bergamot orange, cedarwood, and musk caused me to nuzzle my face into his chest. When I realized what I was doing, my eyes flew open.
What is in these drinks?
I glanced around to see if anyone noticed, and Nina was staring me dead in my face.
Heat traveled to my cheeks when she winked at me.
I looked away before I burst out laughing.
Tamara lifted her cup and gave a sweet and funny toast.
“To Aaliyah!” we cheered in unison.
Tamara and her wife walked off, and Mecca, another one of Aaliyah’s cousins, took a picture of the couple. Once done, she headed our way.
“Aaliyah, her best friends, and their dates,” she stated as she got closer to us. “Can you get together for a picture?” Mecca asked.
The six of us huddled together and posed.
“Got it,” she said.
Someone toward the edge of the lake called her name, and she ran from the dock without a goodbye.
Nina gestured with her thumb. “I can’t remember if she’s the nosy one or if—”
“It’s her,” Aaliyah interrupted.
We all laughed.
The six of us talked for a few minutes, and it wasn’t lost on me how well we all meshed.
We probably could’ve stood there and talked for the rest of the night, but the DJ put on a song from our college days, so we scrambled toward the dance floor.
After fifteen straight minutes of high-intensity dancing, I was done.
“What’s wrong?” Lamar asked.
“My feet are killing me,” I admitted. “Will you sit with me?”
Lamar and I got drinks and then went in one of the tents to sit down on a bench.
“Your friends are cool,” he said.
“Yeah, they are,” I agreed, smiling toward the dance floor where they still were.
“I didn’t know what to expect.”
“Why?”
“The way you were in Chance. And whenever I asked you what you were doing, you were at your aunt’s house.” He smirked. “I had no idea y’all would be this lit.”
I laughed. “You can’t judge me by my days in Chance.”
“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I fucked with you in Chance. I like that version of you, too.” He gestured around. “But I like seeing this side of you, as well.”
“You like seeing me tipsy.”
He shook his head. “No, even before these drinks—by the way, what is this shit? It tastes like punch.”
“Right!” I took a sip. “It’s so good. It’s a Malibu Sunrise with a twist. Something Ahmad came up with for her a couple of months ago.”
“It’s good as hell.” He paused, taking me in.
“But even before the party and the drinks. The side of you I saw at the dinner table when you were talking, on the dance floor when you went to support your friend, when you wanted to make sure everyone had cake. I mean, yeah, I did enjoy how after you got a couple of drinks in you, you were grinding on me and talking reckless like you wanted me to take you up to that bedroom.” He chuckled to himself.
“But really, I’m talking about the whole night. I like seeing you happy.”
I took a sip of my drink, letting his words wash over me. “You didn’t think I was happy in Chance?”
He seemed to consider his words before he answered, “You were preoccupied in Chance.”
“I hope you didn’t feel that way when we were together, because I was very much occupied with you.” I placed my cup on the table and scooted closer to him. “No matter what was going on in Chance, when I was with you, I was able to be in the moment.”
“I never felt like you were being rude or you weren’t fully there,” he explained. “But I knew from the moment we met that you were carrying something heavy.”
“I was,” I admitted softly. “I am.”
“You can talk to me about anything. You do know that, right? After everything you’ve done for me, I got you.”
I closed my eyes. The alcohol was making it really easy to admit things, and I wasn’t sure I was ready.
“Hey, look at me,” he said, taking my hand and bringing it to his lips.
When I opened them, my eyes locked with his and automatically started to water. I wasn’t completely inebriated. But that last drink had me tipsy enough to face my fear.
He shook his head. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me.”
Worry had my heart racing. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you,” I started, feeling my truth welling up inside me. “It’s that I don’t want you to look at me differently after I tell you.”
Concern flickered across his face. “Why would I look at you differently?”
“I like you. A lot. And I have from the beginning. You saw me for me. You didn’t see my hurt or my pain. You didn’t look at me like I was going to break. And I loved that. I was able to be with you and forget everything else because you didn’t know…”
His eyes begged me to tell him, but he didn’t say a word. He silently held my hand, running his thumb over my knuckles.
“My aunt Addy has had health issues for a while. But a few hours before we met, I found out she had a stroke,” I whispered after an extended silence.
“The stroke and the rehab that followed took a toll on her, and she is…” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word.
“I stayed in Chance to be with her because they wouldn’t release her to be in her home alone.
My parents came back earlier this week, and now they’re with her.
But I’m going to lose the person closest to me any day now, and it is crushing me. ”
He squeezed my hand comfortingly, and I squeezed his back.
“So being with you and having you not know was nice because I could pretend it wasn’t happening,” I continued.
“Aaliyah and Nina knew Aunt Addy was on hospice and declining, so it always felt like they were worried about me. And sometimes it was too much. Which sounds ridiculous, I know. How dare I have amazing friends who care about my mental and emotional health?” I gave him a rueful smile before sighing.
“But because I knew that they knew, I couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening.
So, when I met you and you didn’t know, and we just clicked …
I wanted to hold on to that for as long as I could.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Especially as we got closer, I should’ve told you.
I just wanted you to see me for as long as possible. ”
“Don’t be sorry.” He kissed my hand again.
“You don’t owe me an apology. But you need to know that I see you, and I like everything I see.
Every part of you that you’ve shown me, I’ve liked it, and I’ve wanted more of it.
You don’t have to hide any part of who you are with me.
You’re funny. You’re sexy. You’re perceptive. You’re deep. I like all that shit.”
“Thank you for saying that, but I want you to still see me as happy, too. I don’t want you to look at me as sad. I don’t want you to look at me differently—”
“I don’t. I haven’t.”
“—because being around you makes me happy.”
His words overlapped my own.
My brows furrowed as I repeated what he’d just said in my head. “What?” I whispered in confusion.
“Your aunt told my mom that she was dyeing her hair as part of a list of things she wanted to do before she’s gone … and that she’s on hospice. And when I called my mom after I got back from Dubai, she told me. She thought I knew. I told her that you’d tell me when you were ready.”
My eyes widened. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait … you’ve known for two months?”
“Yes. And I never looked at you as anything other than the beautiful, smart, intriguing woman who got me to order a burger instead of wings. Who made an ordinary trip home … more than that. A woman who had a lot going on and still made room for me, still made my business idea a viable plan.” He leaned forward, holding my gaze.
“I knew you were carrying something heavy, and nothing changed. I found out what it was, and nothing changed. And now you know that I know … and nothing has changed.”
Blinking back tears, I was overwhelmed by his words. I could only manage to utter his name. “Lamar.”
“You want me to see you, and I do.” He put his arm around my shoulders and his mouth against the shell of my ear. “I see all of you.”
Shivering, I leaned into him before turning to crash my lips against his.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as our tongues gently teased each other.
I pulled out of the kiss as abruptly as I’d initiated it.
One more second and I was prepared to climb into his lap and show him how much his words meant to me.
I stared into his eyes. “I like you.”
His lips spread into a smile as he pulled me close. “I like you, too.”
“Tomorrow is the last Sunday before school starts. Would you like to spend the day with me?”
He ran his fingertips down my back. “I would love to.”
When the DJ announced that the party was over, most people headed to their cars.
Lamar and I went straight to one of the three bedrooms upstairs that Aaliyah had assigned to us upon arrival.
I took a shower and slipped into a silky nightgown.
Then I climbed into bed to wait for Lamar to finish his shower—and fell asleep.
Between the way Lamar had put it on me before the party, all the action during the party, and those delicious-ass drinks, I was knocked out cold.
It wasn’t until the wee hours of the morning that I was cognizant of his arm draped across my midsection and his body pressed against my backside.
His breath tickled my neck as I roused from slumber.
Turning carefully until I was face-to-face with him, I watched him sleep.
I reached up and caressed his beard. The soft coarse hair was well moisturized and perfectly framed his mouth.
His full, kissable lips turned slightly downward at the corners as he slept.
His long eyelashes rested on his blemish-free cheeks, hiding the most soulful brown eyes.
Lamar Anderson was so incredibly handsome.
And for all the shit I’d been talking on the dance floor, I woke up next to that sexy man well rested and unfucked.