Chapter 20
I woke up Tuesday morning a few minutes before my alarm like a kid on Christmas. Excited didn’t even fully encapsulate how I felt about seeing Lamar. When I walked into the school, I had an extra pep in my step.
The school day dragged a little bit because I kept checking the clock.
I found myself randomly smiling between classes as I thought about how I wanted to celebrate his big game.
My body was almost vibrating in anticipation of a reunion with Lamar.
And when the final bell rang, I grabbed my bag and damn near ran to the parking lot.
I dug my keys out of my handbag, and in the process, my phone fell between the seat and the middle console.
“Shit,” I muttered, sticking my hand in the space to see if I could feel it. Knowing I was going to have to move my seat back, I decided to just worry about that when I got home.
I pulled out of the teachers’ lot, fully intending to speed to my apartment complex. But in my planning, I didn’t account for the fact that school buses would be dropping kids off on my route.
And I got caught behind one.
It was a quarter to four when I finally pulled into my parking spot.
Lamar was going to be there any minute, so I was pressed for time.
Moving my seat, I was able to access my phone.
While checking it for scratches, I noticed the text notification and missed call from Lamar.
Grabbing the rest of my stuff, I hurried to my apartment.
Dumping my bags in the living room, I opened his texts. And froze.
Lamar Anderson: I’m sorry Jazz. A four o’clock meeting came up that I can’t reschedule. If it’s over at five, I can make it down there by six.
Lamar Anderson: Call me as soon as you get this. Please.
Disappointment punched me in the gut. I didn’t realize how bad I wanted to see him until the chance had been snatched away from me.
I looked at the time, and it was five minutes before his meeting.
I contemplated texting instead of calling since it was about to be four o’clock, but before I knew what I was doing, the phone was ringing.
“Jazz, I’m so sorry,” he answered in a hushed tone.
Just hearing his voice tugged at me. I swallowed my emotion. “Hey, is everything okay?”
“More than okay. Very okay. Shit is getting wild. But I’m sorry I’m not there.”
“I’m sorry about that, too.”
“My agent set a meeting, and I can’t get into all the details now, but I’m sorry about our plans. I was really looking forward to being there with you right now. I meant what I said. I want to see you. I need to see you. I’ll call you when it’s over.”
“Okay, talk to you soon. Good luck with your meeting.”
We said goodbye, and I just stood in the middle of my living room for a minute.
I shut my eyes tightly and let my head fall back.
I reminded myself that he’d told me he was busy from the beginning.
I wasn’t trying to take it personally. I wasn’t trying to make a big deal out of nothing.
But that sting that I felt was still stinging.
And this is exactly why you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up, I chastised myself.
Exhaling loudly, I had to acknowledge that me getting hurt would be my own fault. Lamar’s back-to-back missed dates weren’t intentional. He’d been up-front with me and told me he was busy. He’d told me his schedule was why he wasn’t in a relationship.
This is on me.
It wasn’t just about the sex even though I’d been craving that man since the last time we’d been together.
I wanted to see him. I wanted to spend time with him.
I wanted to feel the way only he could make me feel.
The disappointment was heavier than I’d expected it to be.
My feelings were deeper than I’d expected them to be.
No, no, no. I put my hand over my heart. This is not happening.
He’d said he was too busy for a relationship from the beginning. Even though we had crazy chemistry, an amazing connection, mind-blowing sex, and genuine affection for each other, he and I were technically just friends.
No matter what it feels like.
From my innate reaction to his missed date, it was clear my feelings were deeper than I’d intended for them to be and that Lamar could hurt me if I let him.
Because how do I look getting upset about something he already told me? I asked myself. He’s busy. He doesn’t have time for anything. Enjoy it for what it is.
I was just sitting down to eat dinner at six o’clock when Lamar called. I squared my shoulders and mentally prepared to keep it cute.
“Hey!” I answered on speakerphone with a little more enthusiasm than I felt.
“First and foremost, I’m sorry,” he said. “This is the second time work has messed up a date, and I don’t want you to think I don’t want to see you. Because I do. Bad.”
Despite my best efforts, I folded.
Butterflies fluttered haphazardly throughout my belly, and I had to fight to keep myself in check. “I accept your apology. I know you’re busy.” Taking a bite of my salad, I tried to chew as quietly as possible. “How was your meeting?”
“Jazz.”
The way he said my name gave me pause. “Hm?”
“Talk to me. Are you upset with me?”
“No. I’m not upset with you.” I planned to stop there, but my truth came tumbling out.
“I’m just … disappointed that we didn’t see each other.
But it’s not on you. You don’t owe me your time.
You told me from the beginning that you were busy.
So, I promise, I’m not mad. I just…” I stabbed at a cucumber. “I got ahead of myself.”
“What do you mean?”
I put my fork down and stared at my phone as if I could see him.
“Asking you to come on your only day off from practice. We were only going to be able to spend a few hours together before you would’ve needed to go back home.
We both have early mornings. If I’m tired, I can push through the workday.
But if you’re tired, you could get hurt. I shouldn’t have asked you to come.”
“I’m glad you asked. I wanted to be there. I want to be there with you. So yes, you should’ve asked. Anytime you want to see me, let me know.”
I did. I pursed my lips. Twice.
As if he could read my mind, he continued. “I can’t guarantee it won’t happen again, but I’m going to make it up to you. Okay?”
I bit my lip and shook my head. The earnestness in his tone and the sincerity of his words got me. “Okay,” I murmured.
“So, you forgive me?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you.” He sounded relieved.
“Now can you please tell me about this meeting?” I insisted, taking another bite of food.
“The Crocs are interested in picking me up to bring onto their active roster—”
My eyes bulged. “That’s incredible, Lamar! Wh-what are you going to do? What did you say? Is that allowed?” My questions came at him in rapid succession.
He chuckled lightly and continued talking.
“My agent and my manager asked me what I wanted. I told them I wanted to play, but if I could stay in Maryland, that’s what I would want to do.
So the four-o’clock meeting was with the Monarchs’ front office.
We used the Crocs as a bargaining chip because you can’t deprive a practice squad player the opportunity to go to a team and be on the active roster.
So we talked about what that would look like, especially with Channing being on injured reserve for the rest of the season.
And long story short, I have a contract.
As of tomorrow morning, I’ll officially be number one on the depth chart for the Monarchs. ”
“Lamar!” I gasped, dropping my fork. Even though I’d known where the story was headed, hearing him confirm that he was taking over Channing’s spot as the first string defensive tackle made me want to shout. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you! This is so cool! How do you feel?”
“Thank you! I feel good. I feel ready for the opportunity. I’m not even going to front like this ain’t a dream come true. I had my exit strategy ready, my business is almost ready, and I was ready for it not to happen. I didn’t think it was in the cards for me, but I guess it is.”
“When it’s your time, it’s your time! This is so exciting!”
“I told you it was an important, can’t-miss type of meeting. I wouldn’t miss seeing you for some bullshit.”
I smiled. “Not you hitting me with an I told you so after burying the lede!”
“No, I led with what was most important. It was the second time work interrupted our plans. I’m not trying to waste your time. I have every intention of following through when I make plans with you, so I needed to let you know I was sorry first.”
My stomach fluttered. “I know it wasn’t intentional.
And I appreciate the apology and the fact that you handled it the way that you did.
” I shook my head, in awe. “This is such a big deal. It wouldn’t have taken away from your apology.
This is major, Lamar. I’m so happy for you.
You should do something to celebrate tonight …
but not too much because you have practice and a contract to sign in the morning. ”
“I can’t do the only thing I want to do,” he whispered.
My lower body clenched.
It wasn’t just what he’d said; it was the way he’d said it. I knew I could either feed into the sexual undertone of it, or I could keep the conversation friendly. I stuffed salad in my mouth to give me time to think.
“What are you eating?” I asked after swallowing. “You could celebrate with a nice dinner.”
He scoffed. “You want me to celebrate with the wings I’m going to throw in the air fryer?”
“Nothing wrong with air fryer wings.” I paused. “Except the lack of grease to make it taste the way it should. Outside of that, you’re good.”
He burst out laughing. “In the offseason, I fry chicken. During the season, I bake it or air fry it. But don’t sleep on my air fry chicken until you’ve tried it.”
“Let me find out you do your thing in the kitchen.”
“I have skills.”
“Yes, you do,” I blurted without thinking.
Shit.