Chapter 25 #2
She’s pretty and you can tell she has ass. Now that he’s getting a contract, I bet he’s going to get her a tummy tuck, breast implants, a nose job, and a wig so she’ll look the part.
He’s making that league money now. I hope she enjoyed the party. She’s cute, but she won’t be seeing him again!
Honestly, they look cute together but now that he’s in the league, he’s going to trade up. There’s no way he’s staying with her. She was fine when he was on the practice squad, but now that’s he’s Hollywood, he needs a baddie.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I put my phone down, pulled the covers up, and went to sleep.
I woke up with a start a few hours later. My heart was racing, and there was sweat on my brow. I pushed myself into a seated position and tried to shake off the nightmare.
The problem was that it was easier to forget a nightmare than it was to forget a memory.
It had been mid-October of junior year of high school, and people were campaigning for homecoming king and queen.
Someone hung flyers that featured a picture of me with the words fat chance beating Olivia Chapman for homecoming queen around the entire town.
It wasn’t just embarrassing; it was humiliating.
I was getting stared at, talked about, and laughed at during school.
I received a bunch of sympathetic looks from random adults around town.
For a full week, I had those flyers on my locker, at my desks, in my classrooms. After homecoming, all the flyers seemed to come down.
That was the incident that broke me.
I’d shied away from attention before then, but I’d gone out of the way to avoid the spotlight after that. The only thing that differed between real life and the dream was that the flyer had said, Fat chance with Hollywood.
I put my hand over my heart and tried to steady my heart rate and calm my breathing.
It’s not happening again.
It took a while, but I finally got to sleep. So Monday was a long day.
While I felt like I played it cool, I was stressed all day at work and ready to get home.
Ben Riker appeared at my classroom door. “Hey, Ms. Payne … oh wow, you’re in a rush!” he exclaimed as I came barreling toward him.
He moved out of the doorway just in time.
“Sorry, Mr. Riker, I have an appointment at four o’clock,” I said as I passed by him. “If you’re heading out, we can walk and talk, or you can just call me.”
He jogged to catch up and then fell into step with me. “Jazmyn,” he started, his voice low. “I was looking up info for my fantasy team, and I came across something.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “Is that you in that picture with Hollywood Anderson?”
We approached the door to exit the school. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. “It is.”
“Holy shit,” he mumbled as we made it outside. “Is that your—”
“Ben,” I interrupted, pointing my key fob toward my car and starting the engine as we approached. “I can’t say anything else, and I don’t want my name out there. So, if you could keep it on the low, I would appreciate it.”
“Yes, of course. But wow!” He walked me to my car and watched me throw my stuff in. “Tell him I said good work on Sunday. He’s on my fantasy team.”
I nodded. “Bye, Ben.”
I hopped in the driver’s seat and pulled off, shaking my head. I knew Ben was going to tell Alexa and his wife. Outside of that, I was confident he wouldn’t tell anyone else or make videos on social media about it.
I pursed my lips as I sped home.
As soon as I got in my apartment, I called my best friends to talk about what I’d found out last night.
“‘I think it’s kinda cool that he likes a regular-looking woman who don’t fit the beauty standards.
’” I was reading the social media post to my best friends on a three-way call.
“‘She has a real body, a wide nose, locs, and looks kinda short. She looks regular. She’s probably getting cheated on, but I know she cooks for him and treats him right. I’m rooting for this couple.
’” I paused. “And this was a post defending me!”
I paced from one side of my living room to the other, trying to work off my annoyance.
“Wow, I’m so sorry.” Aaliyah sighed. “You don’t deserve this.”
“That’s some bullshit. But none of that is true, so I hope you didn’t take any of it to heart,” Nina responded.
“Apparently this has been going on for the last few days,” I mentioned.
“The topic—me and my worthiness to date a rising star—has gone viral. I saw it just last night, but there are so many videos and posts about it. There are so many people in the comments who are saying the meanest things about the way I look, and I just don’t understand it.
They are so pressed about Lamar’s relationship status that they are dragging me and then projecting what they think he should be attracted to onto me. It’s … dumb.”
“It’s fucked-up is what it is,” Aaliyah corrected.
“You’re right,” I agreed, nodding. “It is fucked-up. But it’s also dumb!”
“People say wild bullshit unprovoked on the internet because it’s easy to talk shit behind a keyboard,” Nina pointed out. “They feel like there’s no consequences.”
“I know you know.” I sighed, thinking of all the online nonsense Nina endured.
“But it just brings me back to the reason why I left Chance, those bully ass bitches and all the people who let that shit slide. That was the last time I felt like I wasn’t a person but an idea to be scrutinized.
And it started in middle school with Olivia saying, ‘How could that cool guy like her?’ And now, it’s like the world is saying, ‘How could that cool guy like her?’ All because I got some meat on my bones? ”
“I signed up to be in the public eye, and I was still surprised by how horrible the comments could get,” Nina admitted. “So I get it. But they don’t know you or Lamar. They don’t know shit. And honestly, they don’t matter.”
“Nina’s right. They don’t matter! What are Lamar’s thoughts on this?” Aaliyah wondered.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged even though they couldn’t see me. “I haven’t talked to him about it because I just found out about all this last night before bed. I called the two of you as soon as I left work, so I don’t know. He’s still at practice.” I hesitated. “But honestly, this is embarrassing.”
“They should be embarrassed, not you,” Nina argued.
“Yeah, they should,” I agreed. “But if Lamar has seen this, has been sent this, that is embarrassing—”
“You should tell Lamar so he knows what’s going on,” Aaliyah suggested, interrupting what I was saying. “But I don’t want you to feel embarrassed by this because you are not the embarrassment in this situation—”
“I love you both, but I want you to hear me,” I interjected.
“I’m not saying that I’m embarrassing or that any of the bullshit they are saying is true.
I’m saying that this situation is embarrassing.
Lamar is new to the active roster. He’s living his dream.
And because he was my date to the party, they are critiquing me instead of talking about how well he did on Sunday. ”
“Ahmad said he did really good in the game,” Aaliyah mentioned.
I nodded. “He did. But listen to this…” I went to the screenshot I took of the popular comment.
“DaPrize48237 said, ‘I think we should all question Hollywood’s ability to be a leader on the field when we see him making questionable choices off the field. The big-backed beauty may be an anchor to his career and until he frees himself from the deadweight, he won’t be able to elevate his career.
As soon as Channing got with the model Lourdes, he elevated and quickly.
When they separated, he wasn’t playing so hot last year.
And their divorce finalized and that same week, he tears his meniscus.
The moral of the story is that if Hollywood wants to see success on the field, he needs to see it off the field.
For that reason, I can’t vote for him for Defensive Player of the Month.
’ That has six thousand likes, almost double that in shares!
That’s bullshit for several reasons, but Lamar’s level of play deserves to be rewarded and not hindered by this.
And I don’t deserve to be disrespected for no fucking reason! ” I let out an angry shout.
“The fact that you seem more concerned about how it affects him than how it affects you tells me that you love him,” Aaliyah said in a dreamy tone.
“It doesn’t matter how I feel because a week and a half ago, I told him I wanted to be with him, and he … isn’t interested in that. So—”
“Wait, what?!” Aaliyah screeched.
“Explain,” Nina reacted.
I told them about the conversation. For them to understand the circumstances, I told them about him tying me up, and the conversation deviated for at least ten minutes because I had never had back-to-back orgasms like that before.
But when I got them back on track, I told them verbatim what was said … and not said.
“You should talk to him about all this. He didn’t say he didn’t want to be with you,” Aaliyah reasoned.
“He didn’t say anything,” Nina pointed out. “I mean, I believe he does. But I feel where you’re coming from, Jazz.”
I let my head fall back. “Either way, he told me from the beginning that he was too busy for a relationship, so I’m not mad at him. But now with him not saying anything and then the rumors that we’re together and then the bullshit people are saying … that’s a lot.”
“He’s a big boy,” Aaliyah pointed out. “He can take it.”
“Well, I don’t know if I can,” I replied. “With him being a public figure and me hating all these unnecessary eyes on me, I think it’s for the best that he’s too busy for a relationship. I’m not trying to put myself through that again unnecessarily.”
“These people don’t matter, Jazz,” Nina reminded me. “And if they don’t matter, they don’t get to have any kind of power over you. Give it twenty-four more hours, and they’ll have a new story in the news cycle.”
“And I’m sorry,” Aaliyah apologized. “You wouldn’t even be in this bullshit if Mecca’s nosy ass didn’t post the picture online. I already told her about herself. But I feel like this is kinda on me. Mecca’s bullshit put you both in some mess.”
I shook my head. “It’s not on you,” I assured her.
“And, Nina, I get what you’re saying. But Chance scarred me.
I don’t ever want to go back to the version of myself that place created.
And all day at work, I had to fight the feeling of being in a high school, being publicly ridiculed, and not knowing when it was going to end.
I had students whispering, and granted, they’re teenagers, and it could’ve been about anything.
But it was the kids that I know watch football. ”
“I get that,” Nina said gently. “You deserve better than this. And I would love to tell you that it won’t ever happen again, but it might.
Not to this degree. It’s like this right now because it’s new and because they’re trying to figure out what’s up with Lamar.
Once he sets the record straight, the whole thing will be a nonissue. ”
“That’s why you should talk to him as soon as possible,” Aaliyah added. “In an ideal world, what would you want?”
“I would want none of this to have ever happened,” I groaned, collapsing onto the couch.
“Meeting Lamar?” Aaliyah asked.
“No,” I balked. “I’m talking about the internet stuff.
I don’t regret anything about meeting Lamar.
I can’t imagine how things would be if I didn’t.
But when we met, he was Lamar. And now he’s Hollywood.
” I opened my mouth to continue when I got an incoming call.
Pulling the phone away from my ear, I saw who it was, and my eyes widened. “Lamar is beeping in right now!”
“Answer it!” Nina demanded. “Russ just got here anyway. So I’m going to go, too.”
“Answer it and call back and let us know what happens,” Aaliyah added.
“I will. Thank you!” I said in a rush before answering the incoming call.