Chapter 26 #2
“The book is still being edited, so it’s not on sale yet … or ever.” My lips pulled into a smile. “But Aunt Addy always ends up being right somehow, so who knows. Now, how is she doing?” I asked.
“She’s a little groggy, but she’s comfortable,” Monica answered. “I was just about to get her some breakfast, but I knew she wouldn’t have wanted to miss your call.”
“Well, I’m glad you answered.” I pulled the key out of the ignition. “And I’m glad that you’re comfortable, Aunt Addy. I have to run into work because I’m a little late, but I love you, and I hope you have a great day.”
I ended the call, grabbed my stuff, and ran toward the building. I made it to my classroom and had a few students in there already. I had less than ten minutes before the first bell was going to ring. After a quick greeting, I rushed to get my laptop out of my bag and pulled out my files.
“Ms. Payne.” Drea, a first-period student, came up to my desk with another student, Gianna, in tow. “We have a question.”
“Yes?” I finished logging into the school website before I looked up at them and smiled. “How can I help you?”
“Are you really dating a football player?” Drea asked in a hushed tone.
I froze. “What?”
“There’s this picture of this football player named Hollywood with a woman, and she looks like you,” Drea explained carefully.
“And we think it’s you,” Gianna added.
“Some people at lunch yesterday said that it couldn’t be you because you wouldn’t be working here if your boyfriend was a famous football player,” Drea continued.
Gianna flipped her phone toward me and showed me the picture. “But we have eyes and it’s clearly you.”
I stared at the image. “That does look like me,” I said as evenly as possible.
“Because it is you,” Gianna insisted, putting her hand on her hip. “Unless you have a twin sister, that is you.”
I looked between them. “Even if it was me, do I ever discuss personal business with my students?” I asked, deflecting.
“No,” they said in unison.
“So, instead of worrying about if someone looks like me or not, worry about if you read chapter four in your textbook.” I quirked an eyebrow. “Did you?”
Drea turned on her heel and went back to her desk immediately, but Gianna remained.
“Ms. Payne.” She lowered her voice. “I know it’s you, and I just wanted to say that I think it’s cool.
The homecoming dance is in a few weeks, and I was hoping AJ was going to ask me.
” She glanced over at the boy in the corner of the room.
“Drea said even though he likes me, he’s not going to publicly claim me by taking me to the dance.
She thinks because we’re bigger than the other girls, popular guys like AJ aren’t going to be out with us in public.
And based on how things went down this summer at camp, I agreed with her.
But after I saw that picture with you and Hollywood, I know if he wants to, he will. ”
The bell rang, and she immediately returned to her seat.
“Good morning, class,” I greeted everyone, standing behind my desk. “Open your books to chapter four…”
When class was over, I watched AJ stare Gianna down as she was leaving class with Drea.
Gianna and Drea were on the heavier side and just as beautiful as any of their classmates. It made me sad to think they expected not to be taken out on dates publicly and not to be loved out loud. That mindset in childhood could stick with them and carry into their adulthood.
I couldn’t shake that conversation. I planned to circle back with them to make sure they knew their worth. Also, I needed to find out what they’d meant by people at lunch and if the rumor was widespread yet.
A dark cloud was looming over Tuesday, so I tiptoed into Wednesday, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As far as work was concerned, Wednesday was a good day.
No one mentioned that photo, that rumor, or insinuated knowing something about me.
I hadn’t gone online because I wasn’t trying to stress myself out.
But I knew it was only a matter of time before the bullshit made its way to Lamar and he found out about it.
And maybe that day is today, I thought as I looked at the clock.
I hadn’t heard from Lamar all day. I tried not to let any negative thoughts get to me.
I reminded myself that Wednesdays and Thursdays were his long days.
But as I climbed into bed, I thought about the woman I’d seen at my aunt’s hair appointment.
Like Decca, Lamar may not want to risk the social pitfalls of involving himself with me.
Lamar’s new to the active roster, and maybe he’s realizing the extent of all this, and he decided that this is too much of a distraction—
“Oh, thank God,” I muttered aloud as my phone vibrated. I answered immediately. “Hey!”
“What’s up, Jazz?” Lamar greeted me, sounding exhausted.
Just hearing his voice calmed the chaos within me. “Just got in bed. I’m glad you called.”
I could hear his smile as he responded, “Is that right?”
“Yes.” I exhaled. “I needed to hear your voice.”
“I needed to hear yours, too.”
There was something in his tone that was different. “What’s wrong?”
“Just tired.” He sighed. “It was a tough practice.”
I rolled onto my side. “What happened?”
“I was off my game a little bit. Nothing too crazy.”
“Did you get enough sleep?” I wondered.
“Yeah. I went to bed right after we said good night.”
“Walk me through what happened that made you feel like you were off.”
As he went into detail about what had happened, it occurred to me that he’d told me about only a couple of rough practices—one was during the preseason and one was during the first week. And the scenario sounded pretty similar, but he was taking it way harder this time.
“So it sounds like you’re saying you missed the tackle. Am I understanding that correctly?” I clarified.
“Yeah.”
He wasn’t short with me, but I could hear his frown through the phone.
I smiled. “You missed one tackle. One.”
“I shouldn’t have missed it. I should’ve anticipated what he was going to do. It wasn’t the play. It wasn’t that anybody did anything tricky. I just … blew it.”
“You are extraordinarily talented, Lamar. You literally have all the qualities that make you a great defensive tackle. You can open-field tackle and rush the quarterback. Missing one tackle doesn’t change that.”
“This happened at the end of practice. My position isn’t cemented, so blowing my coverage was the last thing coaches saw.”
“I hear what you’re saying completely, and I’m not invalidating that. But I want you to get out of your head. Don’t overthink this because it was practice. It wasn’t the game; it was just practice.”
“I just don’t want to do it in the game.”
“It’s unlikely you will. But even if you do, it’s okay. That’s what linebackers are for … they are backing the line.”
He was quiet for a moment. “You’re right,” he murmured.
“And maybe you needed to miss a tackle today to remember that you are not meant to be perfect. You are meant to play your game. Because perfection doesn’t exist, remember?
” When he didn’t say anything, I asked another question.
“What do you think the difference is between today and when it happened at the beginning of the season?”
The silence was so absolute, I had to pull the phone away from my ear to make sure he hadn’t hung up.
“I wasn’t on the active roster when it happened before,” he answered finally. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“When there’s love and respect for what you’re passionate about, you won’t fuck it up. What’s for you is for you. And it’s been clear from the moment I met you that football is your passion. It’s your first love. It’s your gift. So I know you won’t fuck it up.”
I heard him breathing, quietly mulling over what I’d said.
He cleared his throat. “I’m glad you’re in my life.”
“I’m glad you’re in mine.”