16. Fern
16
Fern
“ I hear you, Theo.” Fern rocked him from side to side as he fussed. “Your bottle’s almost warm. Just one more minute. Almost there.”
He stopped fussing and stared up at her with wide, trusting eyes that melted her heart. They were beautiful, golden sunbursts on a field of gray, framed by dark lashes.
“I’ve got you, Theo. Lunch is on the way.”
He stuck his little bottom lip out, looking like he would burst into tears at any second, and she snatched the bottle out of the warm water that surrounded it.
“Good enough,” she decided after a quick test on the inside of her wrist.
She gave him the bottle, and he grabbed at it with both hands. She kept her hand on it too, holding it steady while he drank.
“You don’t have to guzzle,” she chided gently, walking across the tiny apartment to settle onto her loveseat. “I promise I won’t take it away from you.”
He stared at her, his faint eyebrows coming together in a scowl as he drank. She just smiled down at him, floating in that cloud where nothing existed beyond her and Theodore.
It scared her sometimes, how deeply she had come to care for someone else’s baby. She tossed and turned in bed at night, trying to convince herself to back away from her upstairs tenants before she got her heart broken.
Then Ethan would knock on the door, asking if she could watch the baby while he ripped up moldy carpet or replaced the mildewy cabinets with open-concept shelving… and she accepted with a joyful heart, because that meant another day with Theo.
And every day that she took care of him, she loved him a little bit more.
As a thank you, Ethan had started fixing things downstairs as well. He had replaced her tiny kitchen sink with a bigger one that he’d found at the transfer station, and he had treated early signs of termite damage as well.
In that moment, while she fed Theo, he was walking the entire perimeter of the property and applying an eco-friendly spray to guard against the tiny fire ants that had become a menace in recent years.
Fern’s eyes tracked him as he moved past her window. His t-shirt pulled tight over his broad shoulders as he worked, and she forced herself to look away.
She didn’t know which was more dangerous: the pure love that she had for the baby in her arms or the intense attraction that she felt towards his father.
Her heart was going to get broken. She knew that. She wasn’t stupid.
But in that moment, she couldn’t force herself to care. It was only her heart that she was risking. She would soak in every minute that she could with Theodore… and when his father inevitably moved him away, she would pick herself up and keep going.
She had dealt with heartbreak before, after all.
She would survive.
Theodore finished his bottle, and she set it aside. She lifted him higher, and he rested his cheek drowsily against her shoulder as she rubbed his little back. By the time the extra gas worked its way out in a tiny burp, he was already asleep.
She was content to sit there with Theo in her arms, just holding him. Seated meditation had always been a challenge for her, but not this. This came as easy as breathing.
A sharp knock on the door startled her and Theo both. He jerked in surprise but didn’t wake. She shushed him, rubbing his back to ease him back into a deeper sleep, as she rose to open the door.
Her stomach dropped with a sudden vertigo when she saw Chad.
“Fern, I wa–” he cut himself off mid-sentence and stared at Theo. “What the hell?”
“Keep your voice down,” she hissed.
“Whose baby is that?”
“Just a minute.” She went back inside and gently lowered Theo into the cradle that Ethan had carried downstairs. His little forehead crumpled into a frown, but his eyes stayed closed. She made soothing sounds and kept one hand on his chest until his frown faded away. And then, reluctantly, she went back out the door.
Chad was still there, staring at her like she had grown a second head. She closed her front door against mosquitoes; she would hear Theo through the window if he cried.
“Who’s baby is that?” he asked again.
“What are you doing here?”
“Did you start babysitting as a side gig?”
She crossed her arms and stared him down, waiting for him to get to the point.
“I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Fern narrowed her eyes. She had assumed that he was there to ask about something that had been lost in the move or talk about some shared subscription that they had yet to untangle, not… whatever this was.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he said. “I tried to do the right thing, to stand by the woman who told me that she was carrying my child, but I never really cared about her. Not like I care about you. You’re my twin flame. Being away from you is tearing my soul apart.”
His little speech felt less like a heartfelt plea and more like she was watching an overwrought performance from someone who was bound to flunk out of theater school.
“I’m coming home, Fern.” Chad smiled and opened his arms like he expected her to rush into them.
“There’s no home to come back to.”
“I know you had to rent out the second floor, but I don’t mind staying downstairs with you for a little while.”
“No.”
He looked confused. “I’ll go back to paying half the rent – I’ll even pay for the weeks that I was gone.”
“I don’t want you here.”
The line of confusion between his eyebrows etched itself deeper. “How long are the people upstairs here for?”
“Indefinitely.”
“Oh, Fernanda,” he sighed in exasperation. “Don’t tell me you let long-term renters in. Vacation rentals make five times as much!”
“I don’t want people coming and going.” She crossed her arms and stomped her foot in frustration – a silent and futile gesture given that she had no shoes on. “And I don’t have to explain myself to you!”
“Never mind. I’ll get them out. Did you sign a lease?”
“You’re not hearing me. I don’t want you here. Not downstairs, not upstairs. I don’t want you in my home or my life.”
Chad’s jaw dropped in shock. A moment later, he covered it up with a forced smile.
“You’re still angry at me for letting that Jezebel lure me away. That’s understandable. But–”
“You’re blaming Tiffany?” Now Fern was shocked. “You’re old enough to be her father .”
His expression turned cold. “Let’s not stoop to insults.”
“That’s not an insult. It’s just a fact.”
He closed his eyes and took a long breath, acting like she was the unreasonable one. “Okay. I’ll make it up to you. You wanted to go to counseling? We’ll try counseling. I’ll do whatever you want.”
“I. Don’t. Want. You.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“What about Tiffany?” Her stomach dropped as she thought of the sweet, innocent girl who was now tied to Chad for life. “She’s carrying your child .”
“So she says,” he scoffed.
“ Excuse me?”
“How do I even know it’s mine?”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Look, I’ll pay whatever child support I’m ordered to – if she gets bloodwork done to prove it’s actually mine. But Fern, she doesn’t get me like you do.”
“Get out.”
“What?”
“Get off my lanai. Get off my property. I never want to see you again.”
“You don’t mean that. You’re just hurt.”
“I’m really not. Honestly, I’m relieved. My life is better without you.”
“Is it?” he sneered. “You’re living in a shoebox and working as a babysitter . You’ll be forty in a few months, and you have nothing. No partner, no savings. Is this really better?”
A fierce certainty rose in her chest, and she looked him dead in the eye.
“Yes.”
Fear flickered in his eyes as his composure slipped.
“You did me a favor,” she said. “Thank you. Now leave.”
“Fern, please.” He stepped closer, backing her into the wall. “I miss you.”
“Go back to Tiffany. She’s going to need you.”
“There’s no Tiffany to go back to.”
“What?” Fern felt a jolt of fear. “What happened?”
“She moved back to the mainland. She’s staying with her sister.”
Fear dropped into relief, then turned to fresh anger.
“What did you do?”
“I didn’t do anything! Jesus! She couldn’t handle a bit of constructive criticism, that’s all.” His voice switched from biting to cloying as he said, “She’s a child, Fern. I see that now. I’m sorry I let myself be blinded by her beauty.”
“You disgust me.”
He jerked back as if she had slapped him.
“Go back to the mainland,” she told him. “You never liked it here anyway. I don’t know what you did or if she’ll take you back – and good on her if she doesn’t – but one way or another, you need to be there for your child.”
“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” he growled, moving forward until his face was inches from hers.
Rage simmered beneath her skin, but it was dampened by fear. She needed to deescalate the situation, not make it worse. Theodore was just a few feet away.
“Everything okay here?”
Chad jumped back, and a full breath of relief filled her chest as she turned to look at Ethan.
“Fine,” she assured him. “He was just leaving.”
Chad glared at her, but Ethan’s presence kept him in check. The man was a coward.
“Go,” she said. “And don’t come back.”
He spat at her feet and walked away. As soon as he’d disappeared around the corner, her legs started to shake. She sank into the nearest chair, bracing her arms on her knees.
“Are you okay?” Ethan knelt in front of her and looked up into her face.
“I will be,” she said, but her voice was shaky.
“Teddy?”
“He’s asleep inside.” Tears burned her eyes, and she blinked them back. “I am so sorry. I never thought he’d come here.”
“Did he hurt you?” Ethan’s hand brushed her cheek, just a whisper of a touch, and then dropped to grip her fingers.
“He didn’t touch me.”
“Good.” There was a ferocity to his tone that surprised her, and his eyes narrowed as he watched Chad’s Lexus drive away.
Once it was gone, he turned his attention back to her.
“Do you need anything?”
She shook her head. But when his hand started to slip out of hers, she tightened her grip.
“Could you just…” she paused, cleared her throat, continued, “sit with me a while?”
He squeezed her hand and pulled away, but he only went as far as the nearest chair.
“I’ll sit with you as long as you need.”