Chapter 10
TEN
It’s been a while since I went on a date and I’m not sure how they are supposed to pan out, but I think it’s common to spend time with said date.
It all started very well. Nick and I walked around and took lovely selfies with the lights and skeletons.
I followed a waiter around until I’d had my fill of Yorkshire puddings and beef, a few crispy prawns and smoked salmon blinis and, well, the champagne did go down well because I’ve had three glasses and am now cradling a very beautifully spiced winter negroni.
It was the mingling that was the killer.
Pretending I knew Roger was fun but every other meeting and conversation has been less so.
There were a lot of balding men talking about finance, the size of fish they’d once caught and their holiday homes.
I played along to start with but there’s only so many marlin and mountain lodges in Switzerland you can hear about before realising a lot of people in this room are absolute asshats.
Where are you? I’m stood next to a very big rock.
I look down at my phone, at a message I sent an hour ago.
It’s not particularly sexy, which is why he’s likely not replied, but it hasn’t even been read.
I’m not sure what to do now. All I did was go to the toilet and I took a bit longer because I am wearing a jumpsuit but when I went back to the spot where we were standing, he was no longer there.
Or maybe I went back to the wrong group of greying old men.
Since then, I’ve walked around on my own trying to track Nick down, trying to work out if I’ve been dumped by someone who possibly hasn’t changed much at all.
If so, then that sucks. What if he’s so knee deep in financiers, he hasn’t noticed I’m not by his side?
What if he left with someone else? What if he’s hurt?
Oh God, he could be passed out in the gents.
Or mugged. Maybe I should check before I think the worst, of the situation and of him.
I head over to the darkened corridor and hover by the door to the gents.
Do I shout in? Maybe I should try and look for him as the door swings open and closed.
‘Ummm, are you OK?’ a man asks me as I stand there, slightly bent over, peering inside. I look up. He’s got particularly curly hair and is wearing a red velvet tuxedo jacket and Vans on his feet. I feel an immediate affinity to him.
‘I was looking for someone. I’ve kind of lost my date,’ I say.
‘I can check for you. What’s his name?’
‘Nick.’
He swings the door open and heads inside and I hear his voice shout out. ‘Is there a Nick in here? Nick? Nick? Your date is waiting outside.’ I’m impressed that he’s doing such a thorough job of this. I wait a couple of minutes before he reappears. ‘I’ll take it that he didn’t make an appearance?’
I shake my head. ‘Thank you for checking.’
‘I checked the stalls, no feet. Unless he’s hiding, which would be weird,’ he says. He notices the concern in my face. ‘Have you called him?’
I twist my phone in my hand. ‘Yeah.’
He grimaces as he tries to figure out what that means.
‘Then what an absolute fucker if you ask me. Are you OK?’ I hold up my negroni.
I don’t know who you are, curly haired stranger, but I have alcohol so I’m fine.
I’ll just leave here and spend the rest of my evening kicking myself for being so stupid and investing my time in that man again.
I’ll also take a few more canapés for the ride.
‘I’m Jasper.’
‘Kay.’
‘You’re not in finance are you?’ he asks, scanning down to my heels.
‘No, is it obvious?’
‘No, it’s a bloody relief, that’s all. Come…’
He starts to walk, beckoning me to follow as he turns down another corridor by the gents to a group of people propped up by a display of ammonites. They’ve set themselves up with bottles of champagne and a platter of assorted canapés, sitting on assorted tables that have been dumped there.
‘Troops, this is Kay. Some financier wanker has abandoned her so she is now in our party.’ I turn to him, glad to have been adopted so immediately.
‘We are IT… Frank, Leo and Leo’s wife, Maggie.
’ They all put their hands up in turn as Maggie pats a table space next to hers.
‘We don’t bite. Come, join our little shindig!
’ She is warmly drunk in her sparkly blue dress which I recognise instantly as last season’s H&M.
‘Say that again? Someone left you at the party?’ Frank asks me.
‘Yeah,’ I admit, slightly ashamed.
‘It’s cool. Nick, you say?’ Jasper says. ‘You’re with the right people. I can shut down his computer Monday, upload a virus or something, pour a can of Coke in his hard drive.’
‘We have our ways and means,’ Leo says, winking at me.
‘So is this a long-term boyfriend? First date?’ Maggie asks me.
‘He’s just someone I used to date and bumped into and I thought I’d give it a second go. But it’s been a strange evening… I guess I’m a different breed to the people swanning around that room.’
‘So, normal then?’ Maggie says, and they all cheer, raising their glasses. And then downing their glasses. I agree, this is normal. The drinking but also the joy. From walking around out there, the joy really seemed to be missing from this so-called party.
‘Oooh! LUGE!’ Jasper suddenly shouts out, holding his empty glass aloft.
‘Jasper, no,’ Maggie says.
‘Maggie, yes.’ He steps aside and I see it glistening in the shadows.
‘Shouldn’t that be out…’ I point out into the main party, recognising it from before.
Jasper is doubled over laughing. ‘Oh, it got sidelined because…’ He goes into the shadows to wheel out the trolley it’s resting on and I look at it curiously, flinching slightly as luges remind me of university nights filled with dentist chairs and continuous shots.
The difference is that this one is shaped as Father Christmas.
Jasper still can’t stop chortling. ‘So I don’t quite know who designed this but look…’ He grabs a bottle of Grey Goose underneath the trolley and pours it into the back of Father Christmas, the stream of vodka then emerging from his mouth.
‘That’s…’ I mutter.
‘Because that’s what we all want to see – Father Christmas vomming out vodka,’ Jasper chuckles.
I cock my head curiously to watch while Maggie angles herself under the stream to catch a bit in her mouth, Leo filming her as she swallows her shot then stands up, both arms in the air in celebration.
Leo peers at his phone in hysterics. ‘This video looks like you’re into some very festive kink, wifey.’
‘When I saw it out there, they had shot glasses,’ I say. ‘Or I guess you could snog him to get your vodka? It might look less dubious,’ I suggest.
‘The lady has spoken!’ Jasper says, raucously. ‘Come on, Kay with the good hair, that’s one way to get over one Nick, snog another.’
And I giggle at the thought but they all start to clap and cheer me on and maybe it’s the negroni or the ice-cold feeling of date failure in my veins but I jump down off that table. Why the hell not? I reach into my clutch and grab my phone. ‘Maggie, right? If I’m doing this, I want a video too.’
‘Of course…’ she says obligingly.
I go up to the trolley with the luge. Santa is conveniently at eye level with me and I beam at him.
Alright, Nick? I can’t stop giggling. Merry Christmas.
Maggie puts her thumb up and I go in to catch the falling vodka emerging from Santa’s lips.
Crikey, that’s cold. I hear Jasper in hysterics as I put my hand to Santa’s arse, for video purposes of course. I close my eyes for the authenticity.
‘Excuse me, I was wondering if you’d seen a lady… she’s wearing a green jumpsuit…’
My eyes ping open as I hear the voice at the end of the corridor and I try to back away from the ice sculpture but feel a tug on my bottom lip that makes me flinch.
What the actual? I side eye Leo who runs over to Nick, realising who it might be.
Maggie stops filming but looks up at Jasper who doesn’t know whether to laugh or run away.
‘I’m stuck,’ I say in muffled tones. I put my hands on Santa’s chest trying to extricate myself from the ice as Jasper covers his face.
‘Oh shit, we’re so going to get fired for this,’ Frank says, trying to help me.
I look further down the corridor past the melee of waiters and bottle fridges to see Nick engaging in conversation with Leo. He hasn’t seen me yet, thank God.
Jasper follows my gaze. ‘Shit, is that the date?’ he asks. ‘He’s fit. I know him, new guy on the fifth floor.’
‘Yeah… but… I…’ I say, gesturing at my immediate situation. I was snogging and now am stuck to an ice sculpture. Could I lose a lip? I am half-laughing, half-mortified.
‘Jasper,’ Maggie says, clicking her fingers to get his attention.
‘Let’s wheel her around the corner. You good to walk with me, help me push it?
’ she asks. I’m not sure I have much of a choice, but we wheel ourselves as slowly and carefully as possible into the shadows of a little alcove out of sight.
‘I think we did see her. She was looking for you but then went home when she couldn’t find you. Sorry, mate…’ We all go silent, listening to Leo cover for me. Given he doesn’t really know me, he’s doing an excellent job. ‘She was pretty upset.’
‘Crap. I just got caught up with one of the senior execs and then…’ I listen to Nick carefully from the shadows. ‘She didn’t deserve that.’
‘No, I guess not. Maybe a text might help? Or a big gesture to get back in her good books, eh?’
‘Perhaps. Thanks. Leo, isn’t it? Head of IT?’
‘Yeah. Nick, right? From the fifth floor?’
‘Yeah. I should get back and show my face.’
I stand there for a moment, listening, pondering.
At least he acknowledged that this evening may not have been great for me.
At least it wasn’t a complete abandonment.
I hear his footsteps pad away. I’m still trying to remove my lip from this ice when Frank reappears with a small glass full of water.
‘It’s room temperature. Physics dictates that it should…
work…’ He tips a little onto my lip and, as if by magic, my lip flips back to my mouth, slightly cold and swollen but attached to my face.
I had had visions of the fire brigade being called that weren’t great.
‘Oh my… you are a genius,’ I say to Frank as he looks at me with relief that this wasn’t a complete disaster.
‘Are you alright?’ Maggie asks me, putting an arm to my back.
‘I’m mortified but crisis averted, eh? Did you get a video?’ I ask her.
‘And many photos,’ she giggles.
‘Then it was all worth it,’ I say, taking my phone back. I laugh at one of the photos and the fact I’m really going for it. I send it to Lucy and then put it back in my clutch.
Leo returns to us and I nod to thank him for his stellar work. ‘Are you going to find him?’ he asks me. ‘I think he knows he’s effed up.’
I shrug my shoulders, thinking of my options, knowing that Nick has returned to the party and all those bores. ‘Oh, I think I’ve had enough excitement for one evening. I reckon I’m going to call it a night. Thank you all though. That was quite a moment.’
Maggie comes to give me a hug and Jasper puts his arm out to offer me the half-drunk bottle of vodka. ‘Bye, Kay with the nice hair.’
‘Bye, Jasper with the Vans,’ I say, blowing him a kiss.
‘SEE! They do go with this suit!’ he says to the group, and they all wave, wishing me a merry Christmas. I turn back to look at them, grinning widely, glad that they were there to save my evening, happy to see the friendship and joy they obviously share as a work family.
I walk back into the bustle of the main hall, looking out across the large crowd and see Nick deep in conversation with a group of silver-haired men.
It doesn’t look as though I’m missed or would add anything to their chat.
I think I’m going to go. There was something in me that thought this wasn’t the best idea, and maybe tonight proves as much.
We are from very different worlds. I go out into the foyer of the building, handing my cloakroom ticket to a waiter, loitering as he goes to fetch my coat.
‘Are you the management then? It’s been awful service all night, I hope you do investigate that.
Our company has spent a lot of money on tonight.
’ The lady’s complaints seem to carry louder given the high ceilings and tiled floors of this place, so I have no choice but to eavesdrop.
I turn slightly to see her frosty blonde hair, long and sleek, a face that looks vaguely familiar.
She turns to look at me for a moment and then storms off.
I suppose she didn’t get one of the wagyu sliders.
‘Your coat, madam…’ a waiter says.
‘Thank you.’ Do I check my name tag inside too? Of course I do. As I put my coat on, I walk over to the person who was on the receiving end of that woman’s harsh complaints. ‘Hi…’
‘Evening, madam.’
‘I wanted to say I had a lovely night. The service was exceptional, well done,’ I say warmly, hoping they haven’t noticed the half-drunk bottle of Grey Goose under my coat.
Her shoulders drop, she stands a little bit straighter for the feedback. ‘That is very kind, madam. Thank you. Have a lovely Christmas.’
‘You too.’
I turn to leave, exiting through the large wooden doors, not even looking back.
I’d assumed the chill outside would be unbearable but the alcohol in my system tells me otherwise.
Am I a tad disappointed? Maybe. But it’s still reasonably early and I know there’s a matcha café in South Kensington, so my evening might be saved.
My phone suddenly pings. And a message pops up from Nick. Perhaps there was no signal inside.
Where are you? Have you left? I’m so sorry. Can I find you? Make it up to you?
I stand there for a moment looking at the message. I could go back. Do I dare go back? But then my phone starts to ring. I smile and answer it.
‘WHAT THE ACTUAL?’ Lucy shrieks, and I hold the phone back from my ear. ‘Are you still there? Can I come?’
‘I’m actually leaving. Where are you? Do you want to grab something to eat?’ I ask her.
‘Urgh, I can’t. I’ve got another hour left on this gig. Come to me? I’ll ping you the location. We can do something after?’
‘Will it be fun?’
I hear sleigh bells in the background. ‘Have we not met before? Of course it will.’