12. Zac
Chapter 12
Zac
T here are two certainties in a cowboy’s life. One is that wearing camo to a wedding is always a good idea. The second is that no matter how hard he works around the farm, there will always be something in need of fixing.
After all the radio interviews, I drive home and start my round of chores with my brothers. Today, we’re on another fence repair. Out of all the farm chores, this is the one I hate the most, usually because my brothers take great delight in teasing me as we work.
“Oh, look,” Greer, my older brother drawls, “our favorite celebrity has deigned to join us.”
I nod to Noah, who tosses me a pair of gloves. I pull out the blade and take the wire cutters to cut the wire that my other brother, Barrett, is working with.
“Hey, go easy on him,” Noah says. “You know he has a face for radio. That’s why he was out there doing all those interviews.”
I flip him the bird and cut the wires.
There are still a couple of hours of work left. There’s no way we’ll finish it before my date tonight. The usual wave of guilt hits me because I’m not around to help my brothers carry the farm load anymore.
For all the money I’ve poured back into keeping this place afloat from my earnings, I still feel guilty for not being here to help them with the manual labor most days.
Greer opens his mouth like he’s about to insult me again. But before he can, I hear one of the utility vehicles and glance across the field.
I frown when I see Walt in the driver’s seat. I don’t even know if he should be driving that thing these days.
He hobbles out, favoring his hip slightly. He needs surgery on it, according to Noah. I’m assuming that’s who he’s here to see today. Not only is Noah dating his granddaughter, but he and Walter have been friends for years.
I tip my head to greet him and focus my attention back on the fence while Noah talks with him. The two of them shoot the breeze for several moments. It’s obvious from the way Noah keeps looking at him that he thinks something’s wrong.
Finally, Greer is the one to call it out. “Not that we don’t like your company, Walt, but you don’t normally come visit us at the end of a long day on the farm. Is something going on?”
Walt scratches his salt-and-pepper beard.
Noah asks, “Do you need help down at the bookshop?”
Walt finally shoves his hands into his pockets and says, “The thing about it is, your mama’s a pretty lady.”
My brothers and I exchange a look. All work on the fence stops.
We wait for him to say something else.
When he doesn’t, I think about the looks I saw him sending my mom at the picnic. “Are you here looking for our permission to date her?”
The idea seems crazy to me. Mom has been single ever since dad passed away. I never imagined that she would find someone else.
“Not quite,” Walter answers, “but you’re closer.”
Greer swears under his breath.
Noah pieces what Walter really wants together for the rest of us. “You’re not looking for permission to date her. You want to marry her.”
Barrett looks at the three of us before he shrugs, all of us communicating wordlessly with each other. “She’s a grown woman, Walter. She doesn’t need us to tell you that. You don’t need our permission.”
“It’s not our permission you’re looking for, is it?” Noah says after a beat of silence has passed.
Walt finally glances at me. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why he’s looking at me. Then he says, “It’s not permission I’m seeking.”
I pull off my work gloves and clap Walt on the back, happy at the thought of adding him to our family. While I never thought my mom would date, I want her to be happy with someone, the same way I’m happy with Dotty. “If it’s a blessing you’re looking for, you’ve got it.”
Again, Walt blows out a frustrated breath. “It’s not your blessing I’m after.”
Noah’s expression changes, lighting up with awareness. “It’s Mom. Mom wants our blessing.”
Walter jerks his head toward me. “One in particular.”
For a moment I wonder why my mom could possibly want my blessing. Then the answer comes to me because I was there. I was the one with dad as he took his final breaths.
“She’d never want to do anything that made you feel she was disrespecting him,” Walter explains.
I think about Dotty and how desperately I want her to marry me, how I want to build a whole life with her. I imagine Walt feels the same way about my mom, so I give him a brief nod. “I’ll talk to her.”
After a quick shower, I head right over to Mom’s place. If I hurry, I can still make it in time to pick up Dotty for our date this evening.
I find Mom in her craft room, working on her blanket. She smiles when I come into the room but doesn’t stop her work.
I kiss her cheek and take a seat in the rocking chair opposite her. She loves spending time in the craft room. Even though multiple sclerosis is making her more tired and slowly taking her energy away, she still continues to engage in her favorite hobbies.
It’s important to my family and me that she stays active for as long as possible, so we try to encourage her to keep running her candle business and doing all of her favorite things… which apparently includes dating Walt.
“You look snazzy today,” Mom says. “Are you headed out somewhere?”
“To see the girl I love,” I tell her.
“Dotty is special. You make sure to treat her right.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I nod.
We drift into silence for a moment before she looks up at me over the top of her glasses. Her eyes are still the same piercing blue they were when I was a kid. She could always look at me and know exactly what I was thinking.
“What’s on your mind? Are you’re worried about all that celebrity gossip? You know it will die down in a little while.”
The truth is, I haven’t paid much attention to the gossip around me and Dotty. I’ve been too consumed with finding ways to make her mine to care what anyone else thinks about our relationship.
“Actually, I was thinking about Walt.”
It’s slight, but I see the way her hands still on the needles for a moment before she goes right back to her work. “What about him?”
“Seems you and him have gotten awfully close.”
She nods. “He’s a good friend.”
“Bullshit.”
I’ve never cursed in front of my mom, so the moment I say the word, she lifts her head and glares at me. “Don’t you swear in my house, Zac Maple.”
“Don’t be telling lies in the house,” I challenge. “Walter is more than a friend.”
She ducks her head and goes back to her work on the blanket.
“You know,” I say softly, “I’d be happy for you, for both of you, if you ever…” I swallow hard, forcing the words out. I never imagined in a hundred years we’d be having this conversation. “If you wanted to marry again.”
She still doesn’t look up at me. “That’s lovely, dear. I don’t need your permission.”
“No, you don’t,” I agree. “But if you were looking for it or wanting it, well, there it is. I want you to be happy, Mom. You and Walt both deserve it.”
“Well, that’s mighty nice of you.”
I chuckle because, of course, that’s how she takes it. Linda Maple has always been so strong. She found it in her heart to love countless foster kids before she eventually adopted five of us.
When her husband died and left her with a farm deep in debt and five kids, she started a candle-making business and carried on the way she always has.
“How do you do it?” I ask softly because the truth is, I don’t know how to do it. I want her to give me the answer.
She finally looks back up from her craft work. “How do you love again?”
“How do you still breathe? Because every time she walks out that door, I’m terrified that one day she’s not coming back to me.” My voice breaks on the last word. I thought the hardest thing in the world was losing my dad. But to lose Dotty—the woman who’s meant to be my wife—that would break me.
“Oh, Zac,” she says my name so softly, so filled with pity. “It’s always scary to love someone after loss. Love the second time around is different. You understand how precious and rare it is, how easily they can be ripped from your life. But that’s also a blessing, because you don’t take it for granted the way other folks do.”
“She’s the most special thing to me in the whole world,” I admit. When the recording contracts started and the money began rolling in, I thought my life was complete. I thought I had everything I needed. Then I discovered Dotty and I know how hollow all of it is. The only thing that matters is my girl.
“Then hold on to her. None of us are promised tomorrow. And you know the one thing that brings me comfort about your father’s death?” She asks.
I shake my head, blinking back tears. “What’s that?”
“That he died the happiest man on earth.”
“How can you know that?” They told me he died on impact and Mom wasn’t there. She couldn’t have known how he felt in his final moments.
“Because he told me. Every single morning, your dad woke up and let me know how very much he loved me and loved his children. He always told me he was the happiest man on earth because he had us, and he lived every single day of his life trying to make sure we all felt that love.” She sets her needles down long enough to wipe away a stray tear. “If this were her last day, you’d want her to know how very loved she was, right?”
“I love her more than life.”
Mom nods. “Then show her that. Show her that every single day. And when grief knocks on your door one day, whether it’s expected or unexpected, you can take comfort in knowing all the love you shared.”
“Do you still love him?” I ask softly.
She gives me a sad smile. “He was the best part of my heart. Walter understands that because he’s already faced his own loss.”
“Then go be happy with him,” I tell her as I stand. I can’t predict the future and neither can my mom. But I can hold onto my girl with everything in me. I can make her feel loved every day for the rest of our time together.