Chapter 4 #3
Her slender shoulders rise and fall under her blanket.
“Honestly? I don’t know.” She stares into the fire.
“What the Lorells did, what happened up here, shook all of us. I don’t think anyone ever thought someone could attack the homestead.
That anyone would be able to sneak up here and get as far as they did.
I don’t think anyone ever expected the McBrides, or this town, to be a target of anything.
” Willow draws in a shaky breath. “And I know Lucky feels guilty for bringing it on us, but it isn’t her fault.
Not really. She deserved to have a place where she felt safe, too.
A family. And we’re that for her. She’s come to accept that we love her unconditionally and don’t judge her for anything that she’s ever done”—her gray gaze flicks over to me—“but I don’t know if you have. ”
Fucking hell.
I take another long swig of my bourbon and have to look away from her. The emotions are too strong—hers and mine—and if I face them head-on and let them envelop me, I’ll get lost in them.
“Connor, what you did for us…we can never repay you. And I know that you feel guilt over it, but you really shouldn’t.
If you hadn’t done what you did, what do you think would’ve happened?
It would’ve been all our blood spilled on the mountain instead of just Liam’s.
They would’ve killed all of us. Your brothers, me and Lucky… Niall.”
I flinch at the mention of my nephew.
That sweet, innocent baby asleep in the cabin.
The next generation of McBrides who is so blissfully oblivious to all the turmoil and trauma surrounding his birth and the time after it.
That’s how it should be.
This is the type of place you should be able to raise a child and build a family without worrying about the kind of violence Willow faced at the hands of Earl Byers or that we all experienced from the Lorells.
Niall should have the kind of childhood we did, free from worrying about anything but how we could talk Mom into allowing us more time to explore the woods when it was time to come in for the night.
“Connor…I need you to know that regret will only eat you alive. You have to think about the positives.”
“What positives are there to killing people?”
I instantly regret the bite in my voice, but it’s too late to take it back.
Willow’s eyes widen, and she wraps the blanket even tighter around herself, as if it might serve as a shield against me lashing out at her. “Our safety.”
“But are we really safe?” I sweep my free hand out toward the trees. “What’s to prevent them from coming again? What’s to stop them from waltzing right back through those trees on a second offensive?”
She presses her lips together, and the uncertainty in her eyes matches the one plaguing my thoughts every damn day. “The agreement that we made?”
“Fuck the agreement!” My voice rises more than I intend it to, and another pang of regret instantly hits me at the way she recoils. “It’s words, Willow. It’s nothing.”
“Maybe it is, but you know what Agent Michaelson said. They don’t have enough information to bring them down and get them behind bars right now—”
“I know, Willow, but that’s my point. Until they do, I don’t know how any of this gets better for me or for any of us, or even if it does.”
Because it sure as fuck feels like it’s impossible.
The days, weeks, and months since the Lorells came for Lucky haven’t lessened the pain, they haven’t helped ease the guilt or stop the nightmares. They haven’t changed anything for me—at least, not for the better.
Willow reaches over and rests her small hand on my wrist. “It will get better, Connor. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I promise it does.
” She offers a soft smile. “I’m happy. Killian and I are.
And if anyone had told me it was possible when I woke up in that hospital bed so lost and confused, I would’ve thought that they were crazy. ”
“I am crazy.”
“No, you’re not.” Her dark hair spills around her as she shakes her head. “You’re the most rational person I know.”
I snort. “I don’t think your best friend would agree with that.”
She laughs and squeezes my arm before releasing it and shoving her hand through her hair. “Raven and I disagree on a lot of things. I think that’s why we’re best friends. You know, opposites attract and all that.”
“They certainly don’t in our case.”
Her lips twitch trying to contain her amusement. “No, they certainly don’t. I heard about your little showdown at the bakery the other day.”
“I figured you would…”
I’m frankly shocked Raven hasn’t written a massive article about it and splashed it all over town by now.
Willow chews on her bottom lip nervously. “You don’t…know what she’s up to, do you?”
I raise a brow. “What do you mean?”
She shakes her head, staring into the fire. “I’m not sure, but she’s been lying to me lately. Says she’s been working on stories for her community page, but I know that woman and she’s definitely up to something.”
“She’s always up to something…”
Usually no good.
“I know.” Willow nods. “That’s why I’m worried.”