Chapter 15 #3
“I know.” I return to packing my supplies. “But at least they can prepare.”
She steps in further and sets the drive on the table beside her laptop, then sinks to the floor on her knees next to me, and my breath catches at the way her face softens. “You know that arguing with you is pretty much my greatest joy in life.”
Her admission pulls a smirk across my lips. “I know.”
“Pushing your buttons, getting you all riled up, it’s always been at the top of my to-do list.”
“No shit.”
“But I don’t want to argue with you today.” She releases a long sigh, reaching up to run her fingers through my beard. “What I want is for you to stay tonight and leave in the morning.”
There’s a plea in her voice and in her gaze, even in her touch, a hint of that damn vulnerability I’ve only ever seen up here and that terrifies me so much.
Because it changes her. It takes her from that hard, unyielding force of nature she’s always been to me and turns her into someone who has soft spots and fears she can’t always keep hidden.
And right now, it feels like she thinks I’m abandoning her here.
“I’m coming back, Raven. I won’t be gone more than a day. Two, if the weather doesn’t cooperate.”
I’ve hiked the path up here and back to the homestead so many times that I could practically do it in my sleep. Even in the dark. Nothing will prevent me from getting back up to her once I’ve accomplished what I need to.
Nothing.
Her bottom lip quivers, and she swallows thickly. “I know, but the thought of you hiking down the mountain by yourself in the dark tonight…I won’t sleep. And you’ve been out there working all day. You need to rest before you go.”
She takes my hand in hers, wrapping the much smaller one around mine and brushing her thumb across the callouses on my palm. The ones that have skimmed across her smooth skin every night, trying to memorize what it feels like in case I never get to experience it again.
“Please, Connor. I asked you for something important once before, and you said no and walked away from me.”
I flinch.
“Please don’t do that now. Go tomorrow. Go in the morning. And I won’t fight you. Whatever instructions you leave me with, I’ll follow them.”
“You know the instructions. Stay in the cabin as much as possible, watch and listen for anything unusual. You’ve been up here long enough to know the mountain.
I’m leaving that.” I point to the handgun I brought up with us that I left on the stack of crates when we got done shooting yesterday. “You use it if you have to.”
I spent several hours the last couple days ensuring she was confident using it, and her aim is shockingly good, just like it always has been with her verbal barbs.
If all goes as planned, she won’t need it, but knowing she has a way to defend herself without me here gives me one more layer of confidence in leaving.
“Don’t hesitate, Firefly. Hesitation will get you killed.”
It’s easy to say to someone else, but the fact that I didn’t hesitate to kill those men that night has haunted me relentlessly. My greatest hope is that Raven never has to experience that, that she is never put in the position of having to pull the trigger to save her life.
The mere thought is enough to send a shiver down my spine and bring those dark memories to the forefront again.
As if she can sense it, she settles her free hand on my cheek, forcing my eyes to meet hers. “Okay. I won’t.”
One thing I never have to worry about when it comes to Raven Perry is her sheer ruthlessness. Whether it’s running down a story, talking Willow into some crazy idea for the store, or attacking someone who poses a threat to her, she never fails in that regard. She won’t here, either.
“You just wait for me to come back…”
And then…
And then, I don’t know.
Despite how close we’ve been physically during our time up here and the fact that I had to come clean about a lot, there are still so many hidden truths and unspoken things between us.
This place forced us together in one way, but it has also allowed me to keep her at arm’s length in others. Because I’ve been able to distract myself by working on the cabin instead of concentrating on figuring out what’s been happening between us.
The same uncertainty occupying my head stares back at me from mossy eyes. “You haven’t answered my question, Connor. Are you going to leave now?”
I close my hand around hers and squeeze it.
There are so many reasons I should leave now—for the good of everyone. But looking at her on her knees in front of me, with her soft hand on my cheek and the other clutched in my own, I can’t think of one better than giving her what she needs right now.
“No.” I shake my head. “I’ll leave in the morning. Before dawn.”
I’ll do it before she wakes because it’ll be that much easier to walk away without having to look her in the eye. Without having to see the fear there…and the other thing that I’ve seen flashes of the last few days that’s even more unsettling.
Raven Perry might actually be starting to like me.
And that can be a much bigger problem than the one on the tiny drive.