Chapter 23
Casey
Shit. I feel like such a jerk because Sage is quiet. But for the first time, I felt safe enough to tell someone how I truly feel. I wish I wasn’t such an asshole about it. I try to get us back on track.
“There’s this great burger joint around the corner. I think you’ll love it.”
“I might just grab a smoothie instead. I’m not that hungry.”
My heart sinks. I don’t recognize this morose Sage. She always tells me exactly what she feels.
We walk for another twenty minutes in silence. Every second, and every breath is painful as there’s this tension between us.
I stop and rub the back of my neck. “Shit. I’m sorry, Sage. I can’t take this.”
She stops and her eyebrows draw together. “Take what?”
I point between us. “This. This silence. It’s killing me.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I take it back. Tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about… Tell me I’m an asshole… I don’t care… just tell me what you’re feeling.”
She steps closer to me and the lemon-scent of her essential oil clears the fog from my head.
“Fine,” she nods and breathes deeply through her nostrils before saying, “You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like to be you or all the expectations that you carry on your shoulders.
But I don’t want what others think to stop you from being happy.
” She puts both her hands on my face. “Casey, whatever you decide, and no matter what happens, I will be here for you.”
I swallow and can barely get the words out as they are like sand in my mouth. “What if I fail?”
“Then you fail,” she says matter-of-factly, and I cringe.
I’ve never failed at baseball in my whole life. I’ve had a dream and I just needed to work hard to get it. Nothing stood in my way.
“But just because you fail at baseball doesn’t mean you’re a failure.”
Whoa.
I exhale loudly, my chest shaking from the power of those words.
Fuck. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear them. “It wasn’t supposed to go like this,” I confess.
She nods. “I understand that better than anyone else.”
I look into her eyes and there’s a sadness that I don’t see in them often.
She licks her lips. “I thought the same thing when my parents died. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
My father was supposed to walk me down the aisle.
Instead, I took care of him in a hospital bed until his body finally let go.
My mother was supposed to make my children their first bracelets the way she made mine.
But that dream died a long time ago. I had to move on.
I had to create a new life, one without them.
It’s hard, but necessary. I know that you’ve got to keep on living, even when life doesn’t seem worth it anymore.
You’ve got to keep on living because what is meant for you is on the other side of this pain. ”
She places her hand on my chest, and it thaws something inside of me. A barrier I haven’t just built recently, but one I put up a long time ago. One that I thought would protect me from others, but it just kept everyone I loved at a distance.
I inhale a shaky breath and nod. “You’re right. I’ve been scared and bitter. I’m terrified of wanting more and losing it all again. But living like this isn’t working, either.”
She presses on her lips, holding back her emotions as her eyes water. Her intoxicating fragrance surrounds me and my need to stay away crumbles.
Cradling her face in my hands, I kiss her lips once.
I wait for her to pull away, as she probably should after what I’ve put her through.
But she doesn’t. My heart leaps from my chest and I lean down and kiss her again.
Her lips are fervent now, pressing firmly against mine.
She lets out a little groan, and it awakens a primal urge deep inside of me.
I place my hand at the back of her head and walk her toward the side of the building next to us. I take my time kissing her lips, exploring her mouth with my tongue, tasting her desire that I’ve missed for far too many months.
Now that I’ve said what I’ve been ashamed of out loud, a new fear grips me. I don’t want to lose her. She has taken a hold of my heart and I feel as though I can’t breathe.
“I want you, Sage,” I whisper when I finally find my breath.
“I want you, too,” she whispers back.
I grab her hand and we walk five blocks back to my apartment. We don’t say a word, but my thumb caresses her hand the whole time and I sneak glances at her at every intersection.
When we get to my building, we rush inside the elevator and wait for the doors to close. She throws her body onto mine, her lavender fragrance wrapping itself around me. My fingers dig into her soft curves as they press against the hard ridges of my hips. I’m ready for her, with only a kiss.
The elevator doors open and I fumble for the keys to my apartment. Her hands are on my back and then my backside and I turn around and she has the naughtiest grin on her face.
“God, you’re incredible,” I tease and she laughs.
Inside, I lock the door and pull her back into my arms. Our lips meet without hesitation and my heart pounds as though I’ve run a mile.
My fingers rake through her hair, the soft curls coiling along my wrists like fragile chains.
We stumble toward my bedroom, knocking frames on the walls along the way. We kick off our shoes, and I shuck off my pants, all without breaking free from her touch. Our arms are around one another, even if we give space to remove each other’s clothing.
She stands in front of me naked, and my throat seizes.
“You’re even more beautiful than I remember,” I whisper.
Her pink nipples harden either from my words or from the chill in the room. I bend to take one in my mouth. Her head falls back and she groans in pleasure. I don’t make a sound, but my body reacts all the same.
The last time I made love to Sage, we were out by the falls, and a part of me was afraid we’d be discovered. Now, inside my bedroom, with the world outside, I take my time exploring every inch of her smooth skin. I inhale every part of her body, burying my nose between her thighs.
Her groans grow louder as my tongue teases the lips of her entrance. I press further into her folds and find the tender bud up top. I flick it with my tongue and Sage teeters.
Rising to my feet, I pick her up and carry her to the bed. Moving back to my knees, I pull her legs to the edge of the bed. She drops her head back against the pillow and sighs.
There’s no better feeling than knowing I’m pleasuring my woman. There’s no greater height than moving my tongue in a circular rhythmic motion until her hips buck up and she screams out in pleasure.
Fuck.
I tamper down my own desire because I don’t want to come too soon, and definitely not before I feel her around me again.
Crawling beside her onto the bed, I smile as I revel in her afterglow. Her hair is wild around her face and across my white satin bedsheets.
I caress her cheek with the back of my fingers and she closes her eyes.
When she opens them again, there’s a look behind them that grabs a hold of my heart.
The look squeezes as though it wants to transform me into something I’ve never been before.
Someone I want to be but never thought I could.
It gives me hope and scares me all at once.
I kiss her so I don’t have to think about it too much. I just want to feel. I want to feel her and consume every warmth her body is willing to give me.
Sage inhales and pushes me back onto the bed. “My turn,” she whispers as she straddles her thighs around me. Her soft fingers curl around my rigid cock and it takes every ounce of self-control not to come.
Her breasts are pert and round, and I take the time to survey every inch of her.
My eyes land on every beauty mark, every indention, and land on the mole on her hip.
My thumb circles it, and the movement ignites her.
It’s as though I’ve pressed a button that turned Sage on.
I smile at my analogy, wondering if that would work in the future as well.
“What’s so funny?” she asks as she inches her way onto my cock.
My smile falls and I grit my teeth instead. “Absolutely nothing,” I say. Then, she sinks her bottom down and we both groan from the pleasure of it. Her body tightens around me, and I pant from holding myself back.
She rocks back and forth, her breasts bouncing and her hips gyrating. It is the most exotic thing I’ve ever seen. Sage Summers is a dream, and I don’t ever want to wake up.
My thumb finds her clit and I circle it slowly. She drops her head back, her hair falling behind her shoulders. She is like a goddess in complete control of herself and me. I am at her mercy, only wanting to bring her pleasure again.
Her hips move faster and she grinds her mound against my pelvic bone. The pressure builds in my groin, and my balls are ready to burst, but I bite my lip instead, waiting for my girl to come again first.
The pleasure mounts and mounts, and I grunt to hold back. Sage’s movements grow wilder, jerkier, and finally she screams out my name.
I grasp her hips and push her deeper inside of me. Her orgasm squeezes the sides of her pussy, and my cock responds with one of the greatest orgasms of my life. I scream out in pleasure, a hoarse cry on my lips.
She falls onto my chest, and I hold her as our hearts pound against one another, beating together.
I’ve never felt closer to another human being before. I’ve never felt as though someone else’s pleasure would mean more to me than my own release. God, I’ve been a selfish bastard. I’m only thankful that this woman didn’t run out on me.
No. She came back. She came back to me.
“Sage,” I whisper as her breath fans my neck.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
A small sob escapes her lips, and she covers it with her hand. “I love you, too, Casey,” she says with a sniffle. “I have for a while now.”
My eyes burn from emotion stirring in my chest. I press her body closer to mine. I don’t ever want to let go of her. Even if I lose baseball, or if I lose everything I thought I wanted, I realize at this moment, I don’t ever want to lose her.