14. Bambi
BAMBI
Bikar kept our conversation light while we ate.
Almost like he was giving me mental breathing room to acclimate myself to his presence.
I can’t say that he was wrong to do that, because he’s the first male I’ve ever had a sit-down meal like this with…
and he’s not even human. So, definitely outside my comfort zone.
Thankfully, he really isn’t as stupid as he often acts, and drastically lightened the mood by cracking jokes.
As our meal ends, I push my empty plate away, sighing in satisfaction. “Bikar, that was delicious. I haven’t had a meal like that since we were at Janet’s. How did you know steak and potatoes was one of my favorite meals?”
Scooping our plates up, he takes them back over to the magic box they call a replicator, talking as he goes. “From my research, this was a common meal prepared for individuals who grew up in the same localities as you. I am glad I was correct.”
Leaning over, I watch the plates and utensils disappear after he hits a series of buttons. The level of technology is mind-boggling to me.
No sink.
No water.
No dishes.
It’s absolutely wild compared to how I grew up. Bikar must see the look on my face because he quirks an eyebrow in question.
“Y’all’s casual use of things like that replicator is so different from what I’m used to. Especially considering how I grew up.”
His steps pause for a moment as he mulls that information over before continuing back over to our table. “What do you mean by that? You were raised on the same continent as Heather, Ruby, Rowan, and Gwen, yes?”
“Yeah, that’s true. We were raised on the same continent and even in the same country, but our upbringings couldn’t be more different.
I was raised in what everyone else would describe as a cult.
But to me, it was just a small community where we lived as close to nature as possible, while rejecting most of what modern society had to offer.
” I pause to think about what I just said, and have to admit that the way I phrased it still makes it seem less than desirable. “So… yeah. I was raised in a cult.”
Shrugging off the discomfort, I glance over to gauge his reaction, only to see that he’s still standing still, eyes glowing with a strange intensity, yet oddly vacant. “Bikar?”
When he doesn’t immediately respond, I hop out of my chair and walk around the table to where he’s loitering. It’s kind of starting to creep me out—I can see him right in front of me, but it’s like the lights are on and nobody’s home behind his empty eyes.
Standing on my tiptoes, I wave a hand in front of his face before prodding. “Bikar, are you alright?”
His head twitches and his pupils expand before shrinking as he focuses on me right in front of him. “Ah, apologies for that, little doe. I was researching what the term ‘cult’ means, as I do not have a reference for that word. What I learned is…”
When his words trail off hesitantly, I fill in the gaps. “Yeah, nothing positive for sure. They’re all pretty terrible as far as I’m aware. Mine wasn’t any better than anything you probably read, though, that’s for sure.”
Curiosity is eating at me, and I have to ask, even though it’s off topic. “How do you know what my name means?”
“You must promise not to get mad at me for answering truthfully?”
Crossing my arms across my chest, I quirk an eyebrow at him, rest my hips against the table’s edge, and tap my foot expectantly. To my surprise, he takes a small step back before speaking, face guilty.
“I may or may not have tapped into Falon’s room on the Zenith from time to time to listen to you talk with the other human females.
Hearing the sound of your voice… soothed me.
I always cut the comms when you started speaking of…
sensitive topics, but I listened to Heather joke about your name.
It was not until I absorbed the literature from the data block that I received contextual understanding. ”
Glaring up at him, I have to force myself to take a breath.
“Ugh! That’s so not cool, Bikar. Listening in on other people’s conversations is super rude, and kinda creepy.
” Bikar studiously starts avoiding eye contact with me and takes another small step away, as if I’m a potentially hazardous object.
Why is he acting so guilty?
Then the proverbial light bulb goes off.
“Is that why you apologized to me in the helm room? If you eavesdropped on the Zenith, there’s nothing to stop you from doing it here, too.
” Pausing, I mull something else over before surmising.
You must have heard me talking to Heather in my room right after we boarded this shuttle.
A shuttle, mind you, that you weren’t even supposed to be on in the first place!
You and your sneaky fucking brothers finagled this whole situation. ”
My chest is heaving by the time I’m done, and Bikar is grinning at me like an idiot, nodding his head in agreement with what I just shouted at him. That’s when I realize I’ve been yelling. Horror washes over me, and I reflexively curl in on myself.
Oh no, oh no, oh no! I shouldn’t have yelled at him.
Cringing, I wait for the reproving blow to land.
When nothing happens after a few seconds, I peek out from between my forearms to see Bikar on his knees in front of me, sorrow painting his face, and arms spread away from his massive body.
“Little one, you are safe. You need not fear any kind of reprimand for taking me to task over something you object to.”
His voice is low and soothing, and I feel myself relax in tiny increments. Embarrassment is quickly followed by white-hot shame. Hiding my face in my hands, I apologize.
“Bikar, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think you were going to hit me. Realistically, I know that. It’s… just hard to reprogram yourself after being treated a certain way most of your life.”
A feather-light touch grazes my shoulder, and I freeze in reaction. Lifting my face from my hands, what I see fills me with wonder.
Bikar’s vivid turquoise wings have emerged from his back and are wrapped around me—close but not touching—creating a barrier between the rest of the dining hall and my current emotional state.
As far as I’m aware, not even his brothers knew he had wings until a few days ago, so it’s a big deal they’re out in a highly trafficked area of the shuttle.
Inching closer, Bikar keeps his hands in clear view. “This is permissible, yes?”
Hiccupping, I wipe the tears off my face and offer him a tremulous smile. “Yeah, Bikar. This is just fine.”