23. Bikar
BIKAR
Breathing—wheezing—through the pain in my pivvy and stones, I attempt to soothe my flighty little mate.
The only good thing about my current suffering is that the scent of her panic has faded, replaced by extreme embarrassment.
Pulling her towards me, I adjust her delicate form for optimal comfort against my larger bulk.
When she does not tense or pull away from me, I take it as a victory, and bask in the feel of her body tucked against mine.
Releasing my right hand’s grip on my mate, I allow it to phase into the tech on the pilot’s chair.
Initiating the command is a fluid process, but Bamib startles when the heavy black leads slip out from under the comm console and float around behind us.
Activating a command, the mid-portion of the seat slides down, allowing the leads full access to my back.
It is a modification I made after my first disastrous foray into linking myself to the shuttle—it offers much easier access while still maintaining lumbar support.
Hissing at the sensation of the leads locking in place, I start talking.
“I think it would be easier for both of us if I show you what was done to me. That way you will witness the full scope of how… unique I am. I find it difficult to talk about my experiences with the Aynar scientist, but if you insist, I will do so.”
The scent of sympathy and understanding wafts from Bambi’s body as she reassures me. “If you can show me, do it. I don’t have an issue with how you tell me. I just want to understand you.”
“Very well.”
Digging deep into my interface, I locate a line of code I told myself I would never access ever again.
But.
For my mate…
I will do anything.
Even this.
BAMBI
I’m not sure how long I’ve been sitting in Bikar’s lap watching what I can only describe as a graphic horror film—a film that’s somehow also an account of Bikar’s life—but it’s been a good long while.
I’ve been silently crying for some time because he started at the very beginning, when he was just an infant.
The things those… monsters did to him.
I don’t have the words to describe how horrendous they are. It’s no wonder he didn’t want to talk about this.
Good God above. How did he survive this shit?
I watch as they take him apart and put him back together.
Piece by piece.
Over and over.
I watch as they shove tiny pieces of metal into his brain, fusing flesh with technology, and place mad scientist machinery throughout his body.
I watch as they reinforce his bones with metal, making him almost indestructible.
And I watch as they use syringe after syringe full of multi-colored cocktails to kill what makes him… him.
Not bothering to wipe the tears freely streaming down my face, I turn my head and look up at Bikar.
The lights from the holoscreen in front of us cast shadows around the room and illuminate his face while he watches his younger self writhe in pain.
His eyes are blank, not the vacant look they get when he’s researching, but truly blank.
They’re reflecting nothing that’s Bikar.
“They tried to erase everything that made you an individual, so that you were nothing but a…”
When my voice falters, he fills the silence with what I couldn’t make myself say aloud.
“An unfeeling creation that would follow orders to the letter, no matter how distasteful?” His words are hollow, and it’s so vastly different from how full of life he is every other moment of the day… I can’t stand it.
Lifting my left hand from where it’s been clenched in my lap, I hesitantly run my fingers through the hair of his full beard, faintly smiling when his eyes close and he leans into my touch.
“Well, they failed. Epically. You are so… full of life. You’re loud, precocious, and borderline obnoxious at times, but you are not without a soul, Bikar. ”
That’s when I finally get it. “You didn’t think you would ever have a… Starshine.” I stumble over the unfamiliar word before carrying on. “After everything the Aynar did to you, you thought you weren’t… well… human isn’t the right word… but Ruk enough to spark a mate bond.”
Tension oozes out of his big body, and he relaxes back against the seat in relief.
“Yes, little doe. I worried that the modifications done to me altered my body chemistry to the point that I would spend my life alone. My brothers, while different, are all organic. Falon is the only one similar to me, but even he is more flesh than machine. By my calculations, I am barely over fifty percent organic Ruk. Everything else is some form of tech.”
“I’m hesitant to ask, but how did you get all this footage?”
Gold eyes flick down and gaze at me intently.
“They got complacent and thought their creation was subservient. I hacked every single one of their systems right under their noses. Our sire was organizing a revolt against the Aynar, and I’m the one that brought their entire complex down from within.
That is how we were all able to ultimately escape.
My processors have everything that they did to us stored inside my mind. ”
Sheesh. Note to self. Don’t piss off Bikar. He is actually an intelligent being.
“Do your brothers know that?”
“I have an inkling that Slavic and possibly Einar are aware, but neither of them has ever outright asked me. Falon is the only other who was experimented on for technological purposes, but his were more geared towards engineering. He can comprehend any piece of machinery in the cosmos.” Bikar’s tone is full of acceptance, and I don’t know if I would’ve been able to deal with what he has.
To be forcibly made into something else…
It’s a concept I find difficult to comprehend.
“Falon would be the only one to partially understand me, but it is not a topic we have ever openly discussed. All of us suffered. All of us were altered against our wills, so I am not alone in my experiences.” His words are heavy… sad… and I figure he’s had enough for one evening.
Glancing over at my bright green Kindle-tablet, I quirk an eyebrow. “What do you think about downloading every book and movie I’ve ever wanted onto that thing?”
A strained smile pulls the corners of his lips, and his eyes shine with gratitude at the change of subject. “I would be delighted.”