Chapter Thirteen – Liana
”You finished?” I asked Kara, as she pushed around the fries and chicken nuggets on her plate. She had been struggling with eating the last few days, and I figured the most appetizing food in the world to a toddler was the best thing for her.
And yet, she didn’t seem that interested in actually eating anything. I sighed, cocking my head to the side as I looked at her. I didn’t know exactly what I was meant to do with her, but everything I was doing felt like it was wrong.
I hadn’t had my mother around much growing up – she had been flighty, Dad had told me, dropping me off with him and pretty much hitting the road to go tour with a band – he didn’t even know what name she was going by now, and I did my best not to think too hard about that or think too deeply about what it might have meant that she was so willing to just run off and leave me behind like that.
Whatever her reasons, it meant that I hadn’t had anyone around to give me lessons on taking care of a little girl – and now, I was groping around in the dark, trying to figure out how to handle all of this without losing my mind or making a mess of things.
Kara was...struggling. That much was obvious. The first few days she had been here, she had seemed to be handling all of it pretty much okay, but now...now, it seemed to be sinking in that her old life was well and truly behind her, and she didn’t seem to know what to do with that information.
And now she was seeing what was outside the four walls that had held her for so long, it was clear she was starting to realize how much she had missed. How much her mother had failed to provide for her – not that I blamed Hadley, she hadn’t been the one who had chosen to get into that mess, but still. I wished I could just see inside Kara’s head and find a way to soothe whatever was going on.
”You want some dessert?” I asked her, trying to keep my voice bright. She shook her head.
”I’m not hungry,” she muttered back. She didn’t speak much, especially not when Lee wasn’t around. She seemed to be more comfortable around him than me, but I knew I couldn’t ask him to just drop everything he had going on to help take care of this little girl. He promised me he was going to bring an end to the reign of terror Lombardi had brought to so many women in this town – and that didn’t exactly leave a lot of time for bedtime stories and playtime.
”How about you get Gerry set up in bed?” I suggested, nodding to the toy that was sitting in the seat at the dining table next to her. She glanced over at her and pulled the stuffed animal into her lap.
”Okay,” she replied, with a nod, climbing out of her chair and heading to the small bed that Lee had helped me put together. It was pushed kind of awkwardly up against the wall not far from my bed, but it was something, at least. I just wanted her to have a space of her own, something she could rely on – after so long locked up in that room, she deserved to have something she could call her own, right?
I cleared up the plates as I let her get Gerry into bed. She seemed more willing to take care of her than she did herself most of the time – I guessed she was still struggling with believing that she was worth all of this care and attention, which made my heart ache. I might not have had the most normal upbringing, but at least I never doubted for a moment that my dad cared about me.
I got her tucked up in bed and suggested reading her a story, but she just turned over, pulling the covers up and over herself without a reply. I patted her shoulder, and she jumped beneath my touch, not ready for it, not wanting it. Oh, God, I didn’t know how much of this I could take...how much of this obvious pain and struggle I could live with before I started to blame myself for it.
I stood in the doorway for a moment, wondering if she wanted me to stay – but she had made it pretty clear she just wanted to be alone right now, and I wasn’t going to push for anything more than that. I flicked the light out and pulled the door to, praying she would rest well tonight. The nightmares seemed to have gotten a little better, but she still had dark rings beneath her eyes when she woke up, as though she was still carrying the weight of everything with her just as much as she had ever been.
I let out a long sigh, resting my head against the door for a moment. I hadn’t asked for this. I hadn’t asked to become responsible for a little girl who had already been through so, so much – I hadn’t asked for something like this to drop into my life out of nowhere. I had been alone for so long, and I had been happy like that, I had been okay with it – I hadn’t felt like I needed anything more than what I had.
But now...now I didn’t have any choice but to accept that my life had just gotten a whole lot bigger. It wasn’t just my life anymore, it was Kara’s. And I... I didn’t know if I was up to the task of being everything she needed me to be. I wanted to be, of course, I did, but I just didn’t know if I had it in me. To be a... caregiver? A parent to her? To a little girl who had been through the kind of hell most adults wouldn’t have been able to live with? It didn’t feel like it was real, didn’t feel like it possibly could be.
But there was nobody else who understood it. Nobody else could wrap their head around it, not like me. I had seen it, in stark detail. I was the only one who got it.
And that meant I was the only one who could give her what she needed.
Well, maybe Lee, too.
She seemed so attached to him, and there was no doubt that he was amazing with kids – it was in the way he carried himself around her, with this gentle, sweet curiosity, as though all he wanted was to take care of her. I knew there had to be more to his past than he was telling, but whatever it was, that wound that remained, he obviously didn’t want to deal with.
I headed into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea; I didn’t have a whole lot to do these days, now that the Kennel had been destroyed. There was some talk of rebuilding it somewhere else, but I knew it would be a long time before I could get behind the bar again. I had a decent amount of savings, enough to keep me going for the time being, and I was okay with relying on that for now – though I knew I would have to start the hunt for a new job soon.
A job that I could use to support both Kara and me. And I would need to get a bigger place. She would need her own room soon, right? And would I have to go through social services to explain exactly how I had come into caring for her in the first place? Where exactly did I start with that? And what were the chances that they would even believe me if I told them every inch of the truth?
Before I could ponder on that for too much longer, I heard a key in the door – and turned to see Lee stepping inside a moment later. I had given him a key a few days ago, it just seemed to make sense; I liked having him around, and, if he was working late, it meant he would never have to worry about getting in. He had been so busy that I’d hardly had a chance to catch up with him about everything that had been going on, but I felt a smile spread across my face the moment I saw him step over the threshold.
”Oh, there you are,” I murmured, and as I went to hug him, – I noticed him flinch slightly, and I pulled back.
”Are you okay?” I asked with concern, looking him up and down. He nodded.
”I’m fine.”
”No, you’re not,” I told him, and when I saw his hands – I noticed they were grazed, marked with light scratches across his palms. My eyes widened.
”What happened?” I asked, gasping. He shook his head.
”It’s nothing,” he replied, tucking his hands into his pockets quickly. I planted my hands on my hips.
”If you think I’m going to believe that you must think I’m stupid,” I remarked, raising my eyebrows. ”Come on. Tell me. What happened?”
I led him into the kitchen, where I kept a small first-aid kit – nothing much, but it was enough to help me out when I got little cuts and bruises on the job from hefting around big crates of beer. I gestured for him to take a seat at the dining table, and he slumped into it, exhausted.
”I was at Lombardi’s compound,” he muttered. ”One of the men caught me. Attacked me.”
”Holy shit,” I breathed, as I grabbed bandages and antiseptic. ”What happened?”
A small smirk crossed his face.
”They got the worst of it, trust me,” he replied. I figured it was best I didn’t hear more. I could only imagine what he had done to deal with that fucker.
”Here,” I murmured, and I turned his hands over and rested them on the table. I dabbed some of the antiseptic onto them, and he winced but didn’t protest.
”Thank you,” he told me, as I worked to clean him up. Given that he’d had a scuffle with one of Lombardi’s men, it seemed like he was in better shape than I would have expected – but then, it wasn’t like Lee didn’t know how to handle himself, that much was obvious. I wrapped a bandage around each of his hands, carefully tying them off, and then slipped into his lap.
”What did you find out?” I asked him softly, brushing a hand through his hair. He linked his hands around my waist to hold me up, gazing up at me.
”Where Lombardi’s hiding out,” he explained. ”It’s not much, but it’s a start. We know what compound he’s hiding in, and that means we know where to hit when the time comes.”
I sighed, resting my arms on his shoulders.
”You think you guys are going to be able to take him on?” I asked, and he nodded.
”Of course we will,” he replied, a smile crossing his lips. ”You trust me, right?”
”I trust you,” I replied, smiling back. God, I really did. After all the shit I had been through, he was the one person who had seen all of it – and the one person I knew didn’t view me any differently because of it. He didn’t see me as some helpless victim. He knew I was capable of handling myself. I just needed a little help from him to make it happen, that’s all. Especially when it came to flat-pack furniture.
”So, how’s your day been?” he asked, as he brushed his nose against mine. Something was intoxicating about being this close to him, and I was sure he knew that.
”I missed you,” I admitted softly. God, it was so strange, laying myself out on the line for someone like that. When I had worked at the Kennels, I had been used to deflecting the interest thrown my way. It just felt safer like that, like I could handle myself better if I didn’t take anything too seriously. But with him? Yeah, with him, it was different. I wanted him to know every part of me, everything that was on my mind.
He smoothed a hand down my back, pulling me a little closer.
”I missed you too,” he replied. And, slowly, he lifted his mouth to meet mine once more.