Chapter 19 – Ethan
Nineteen
Ethan
I haven't been on a date in years and first dates would normally make me nervous, but Amanda is the easiest woman to talk to. She doesn't mind when I get quiet. She doesn't ask too many questions. She's smart and funny. She makes me laugh. Women don't make me laugh. I've had to play peacemaker between my brother Owen and his baby mama Kaylee-Marie a few times and handling that woman was like dry-swallowing a boulder.
Amanda is different. She complains about not having date clothes - and complains about me calling it a date - but she can't hide that smile on her face when she thinks I'm not looking. I find the best steakhouse I can. Folks out here know good food, which is how they get so damn big. Tonight, I need to eat, so I don't mind.
Amanda sits across from me with her pretty hair falling across her face as she examines the menu.
"You better eat tonight," I tell her.
"Boy, bye. I'm starving. You're the one who barely eats."
"That'll change in Missouri, since you're gonna cook for me every night."
"Excuse me?" Amanda says, raising her eyebrows. "Is that what you're dragging me out to your lair for? Cooking and... the other thing."
I smirk. "Don't get too excited."
"I was not excited."
"You were," I whisper. "I think you like all the places I put my tongue."
Amanda glares at me as the waitress materializes and we order. I watch Amanda order, the way her lips move and how fucking graceful she is with how she moves and talks. I'm getting a crush on my therapist.
A crush that stops me from thinking about gambling for the longest streak I've ever experienced.
We don't talk about the normal first date stuff, which is a damn relief. I ask her about her past, because I'm curious. She tries to dodge the question by saying therapists don't divulge that information to their clients. But I work the information out of her.
Born in Chicago. Parents were decent, tried to provide for her, but ended up disagreeing with Amanda's choice to go to graduate school instead of settling down with someone from church.
Her parents left Chicago and moved down South to Atlanta, but she has no interest in Atlanta -- mostly because of the traffic.
She's all alone in Boston now, except for her business partner and best friend, Mallory. No boyfriend. No kids.
"What about you?" she asks. "You seem... I guess like a mama's boy."
I laugh. "No. Not quite. I love her, but... I'm just her oldest fuck up."
Amanda's face looks sad. "How are you a screw up? Aren't the other men in your family dangerous criminals?"
"And gamblers," I say. "But I'm the worst of both."
"It's never too late to change," she says with a warm smile on her face.
She grounds me with that expression. And I just want to be closer to her.
"Maybe."
"Why Missouri?" she asks.
"Where I have a house," I answer.
"And?"
"Grew up there."
She leans forward curiously, flashing those gorgeous brown eyes at me. "In Joplin?"
"Closer to Springfield. Dad brought us all over with him. I liked Joplin the best. Good riding. Good spots to gamble."
"Hm," she says. "Gambling, not so good. Anything else out there?"
"Beautiful countryside. Beautiful house."
Amanda laughs.
"What?" I grunt.
"Getting information out of you is a challenge, Ethan."
"You don't need information," I grunt. "You need food."
We talk about Missouri for a little while longer. Her past in Chicago. The rivalry between the Chicago Cubs and the St. Louis Cardinals. She's playful and sweet, and eventually, I open up and tell her about how I got into riding, adventures I had with my brothers, and some of my better gambling wins.
She doesn't judge me at all for the past I've had or the mistakes I've made. But what about her feelings? I can't control those. I can tell her about my past, listen to hers, I can buy her dinner, but that doesn't mean shit about her feelings.
I finish dinner first and watch Amanda eat slowly. I pay before she realizes it and try to get closer to her as we leave the restaurant for the bike. She lets me put an arm over her shoulder.
"Tired yet?" I whisper as I hand her the helmet. She shakes her head.
"Nope."
"Good," I whisper. "Because I don't think I'm done with you tonight, doc."
Back at the motel, Amanda lets me kiss her in the doorway. It's almost like a kiss goodnight, except we're getting into bed together instead of separating. She reaches up to touch my beard and I take it as tacit permission to strip her clothes off and drag her to the bed. I toss her on the bed and get on my knees for her.
"I won't fuck you tonight but... I haven't gambled in days. Thank you."
I kiss the tops of her thighs.
"You did it," she whispers, her fingers slipping through the black strands of my hair and sending shivers of pleasure straight through me. "You did it on your own."
I peel her clothes off and Amanda's pussy scent hits me again, driving me to push my tongue between her legs and eat her out slowly. I'm still hungry for her wetness after a 13 oz steak.
My tongue enters her wetness and I fuck her properly until she cums a few times. I squeeze her thighs and drag her pussy closer to my face as I eat her out to a final climax. She pushes my head with as much force as she can muster when she can't take it anymore. There's too much pleasure for her to handle, so I pull away from her and kiss my lips dry on her thighs before I gesture to the other side of the bed.
"Bed."
Amanda looks up at me worried.
"I can restrain myself," I say to her, my heart fluttering nervously as I climb into bed next to her. I barely believe my own words. My dick is so hard she can see the tent in my pants. Her body still shivers and reverberates with pleasure. She responds to every light touch and as I stroke her shoulder, she turns to look at me.
"You can cuddle me tonight," she says. "As a reward for your gambling streak."
I grin. "See? You're fixing me already. Must be good at your job."
"Ethan. Nothing about this is real therapy. But... if it works, it works."
"Come here, doc."
She scoots over to my side of the bed and I hold her tightly, doing a shitty job of hiding how much it scares me that she could roll out of bed and away from my grasp.
"I promise you'll like Missouri."
She chuckles. "The middle of nowhere?"
"Yes," I whisper. "Trust me. It's a beautiful house and... I want you in it. Even if it's just... temporary."
My stomach tightens with guilt as I lie through my teeth to this woman. Temporary? There's no way I can handle anything temporary with her. I want her to crawl between my clothes and my skin just so I can feel her warmth directly.
Already, what I feel for her is powerful and addictive. I haven't even fucked her yet, but I can't rid myself of this deeply obsessive need for more of Amanda Yancey.
I almost convince myself I'm in love with her before I fall asleep. It's a reasonable explanation for the immediate pull I felt towards her in that therapist's office. It's another explanation for why I haven't done what I would normally do and leave her to fend for herself.
Love. I've never been in love. I have no idea what the feelings are like or how to name them.
I'm a gambler, not a lover. Except with Amanda. With her, I feel like a different man. She rests her head on my arm and falls asleep within seconds.
Good.
The next morning, I bring the continental breakfast from the motel lobby up to Amanda to eat with her in bed. She looks gorgeous with sleep still in her eyes and her hair in that sexy mess.
She puts her helmet on without trembling in fear this time, so she must be getting used to the bike. That's for the best.
"Ready to ride, doc?"
"Yes, sir," she says confidently.
I wish I could kiss her, but with the helmet on, it's just not practical. For Amanda, I'm less impulsive. So much more willing to wait.
When we get to my place in Missouri, everything looks exactly how I left it. The benefits of having a place in Joplin are everyone knowing exactly what it means to be a Barbarian. Kids around here grow up hearing legends about the club and the old Route 66 highway.
No one would dare enter my home without permission, no matter how long I left it unattended.
"Crazy Shaw boy lives up there," I heard a man say once as he walked past my turn off on the main road with a friend.
Finally, the crazy Shaw boy comes home...
I've been on the road a long time. I missed this place and the quiet countryside. I never thought when I came back, I'd have a woman on the back of my bike.
The surprises in my life never seem to stop.
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