Chapter 11 – Zayna
Chapter Eleven
Zayna
Ruger & Zayna Blackwood’s Home
Oklahoma
Afew years ago, I told my husband that he could bring anything weighing on his heart to me.
This has never failed to bring us closer.
I know he’s been through dark times and there’s a part of him that will always carry that darkness with him.
Everything has been different since the news got bad.
Immigration enforcement raided Deacon Hollingsworth’s casino last week and the only reason Ruger didn’t get caught up in the mess was because Deacon sent him across the border to get the first shipment of weapons his cousin Zebulon is on his way to pick up.
My husband and I are fluent in each other’s silent methods of communication. When he comes to bed after putting Eden and Talitha to sleep, I set down my book and wait for him to start talking. Ruger looks over at me.
“You didn’t have to stop reading.”
I don’t say anything. He hates bringing his feelings to the surface, exposing any of his worries, or acting like he’s anything other than a tough, buttoned-up veteran who fights his way through every problem.
I know that Ruger’s hands can kill, but his hands are also the most loving I have ever experienced in my life.
When God threw me onto this crazy man’s doorstep, he had a plan for me that I could have never even conceived.
“My problems are not more interesting than…” Ruger tilts his head to the side to read the title of my book. “Verity?”
He doesn’t have to worry about my sick obsession with Colleen Hoover. I snap the book shut and set it on my side table.
“You have a way of surprising me like that.”
Ruger takes his shirt off, which doesn’t exactly distract me, but it definitely makes me want to get closer to him.
Lucky for me, I don’t have to wait long as Ruger climbs under the covers and grabs onto me like a monkey holding onto a tree branch.
He smells delicious. My husband kisses my neck and my shoulders before pulling away and resting his head gently on my shoulder.
“Zeb might have kidnapped a girl.”
“You mean… your baby cousin?”
“He’s not a baby anymore. The military discharged him on medical leave a year ago. He’s happily working for Ethan Shaw back East… But he’s still a Blackwood.”
“And what does that mean?”
“He’s more like me than Gideon is what it means,” Ruger whispers, kissing my shoulder again. I get the strange sense that he’s buttering me up to give me some bad news.
“I can tell you have something on your mind.”
Ruger answers with just one word. “Yes.”
His closeness spreads familiar warmth through me. He’s the first guy that I’ve ever met where the first burst of feeling between us never faded. I can’t let Ruger’s kisses distract me, even if it’s so tempting to just close my eyes and let him work his magic on me.
“What is it?”
I push his head away from my shoulder, my fingers slipping through his wispy, pale blond hair.
He hasn’t been growing it out intentionally, but since we live thirty miles away from the nearest barbershop and Ruger has always hated small talk, he’s let things slide a little bit.
His hair is shoulder length now, and still very sexy.
Ruger mutters over the words, keeping his teeth closed like mumbling has ever stopped me from understanding him. “Zeb might have helped this girl kill somebody.”
“Explain.”
My heart pounds instantly with anxiety that I should no longer really feel in the presence of the bikers considering everything that I’ve seen.
Ever since Eden started running instead of walking and practicing words everywhere she goes, Ruger has become protective to the point of paranoid.
I keep him updated, hoping for complete sentences soon.
She can ask for more. And of course, her first word was ‘dada’.
Her second word might have been ‘gun’, but both Ruger and I pretend that never happened.
My wild biker husband keeps me posted about what happens with the club back East, but he stays away from club business unless the job will take less than twenty-four hours. And as far as I know, he hasn’t killed anyone since…
Let’s just say he hasn't killed anyone in a very long time.
“It’s been a shit show back East.”
Since everyone in the club agrees that keeping Ruger away from the scent of blood will keep him at home and responsible, I don’t love the idea of his unhinged cousin coming this way with blood on his hands.
“Did Zeb tell you anything?”
“No. But frankly… I never knew he was interested in any women.”
“There’s no way you thought Zeb was gay,” Zayna says with a laugh. “Remember when he got drunk last year and you caught him staring at my butt?”
“Yeah, he was staring at your butt. Guys have butts too.”
I don’t know how to argue with Ruger’s logic, or if it makes sense.
“I kept out of his business,” Ruger says. “I don’t care whose ass he gets into but… he doesn’t attach to things or people the way the rest of us did. I always had a close relationship with Doc. He’s always been a loner.”
“Do you think he’s going to hurt this woman?”
“Maybe not directly. But not everybody is like you, Zayna…” His fingers interlace with mine and his head returns to my shoulder as I wait for Ruger to explain how that statement relates to my question.
“If Zeb gets involved with some woman, he will make her worse in every sense of the word. He might not know it yet, but he doesn’t know how to care for anything or anyone. He’s always been selfish and dangerous.”
“He’s not too selfish to be part of the club.”
“I don’t need to tell you that a man who obeys another man might not hold the same principles with women.”
When Ruger’s sentences get longer and he details the thoughts whirring around in his head, I feel like I’ve really won.
Cracking open a man who keeps all his thoughts to himself feels like a victory.
I touch Ruger’s stubbly cheek and he tilts his head to kiss me.
Soft light hair falls away from his face and I tease the stubble on his jawline with my fingers again.
I love this man and how much he cares.
After sharing a deep, slow kiss with Ruger, he looks up at me with his confused icy eyes. What was that for? His gaze seems to ask.
“Don’t give up on Zeb. I didn’t give up on you and I wouldn’t give up on anyone with love in their heart.”
“How do you or I know if he has any love in his heart? His loyalty to the club and this family could be purely out of self-interest.”
My fingers keep teasing the strands of Ruger’s hair apart.
“We have to trust and believe in love, Ruger. That’s all.”
“I don’t like that.”
“And keep a close eye on them while they’re here. Maybe we can separate them and I’ll interrogate her – find out the truth.”
“What if she’s as dangerous as he is?”
This time, I can’t hold back my laughter.
Does Ruger not realize that I held his bloody hands and stared into his murderous eyes, still seeing the man beneath all the darkness for who he really was?
There isn’t a person on this earth who can scare me now that I’m married to the same man I saw rip the heads off his enemies and fight for the people he loved.
“I’ll be fine.”
“It’s not funny,” Ruger murmurs, touching his finger to my lips, desperate for another kiss but almost too shy to ask for it. He prefers to speak without his words, anyway. Our bodies readjust so that we’re more than cuddling each other.
“If I’m not fine, I give you permission to kill anyone who hurt me. Does that help?”
Ruger grunts. “I didn’t need your permission, teacher Zayna…”
I haven’t been a teacher in what feels like forever. But I love the way Ruger still sees me as his teacher in so many ways, especially because I’ve learned just as much from loving him.
“We have an agreement then?” I confirm, running my fingers down Ruger’s toned chest. He nods, keeping his eyes locked with mine.
“Yes, ma’am,” he says. “We have an agreement.”