Chapter 22 – Zeb
Chapter Twenty-Two
Zeb
Iget back late after a hard night. The details are not important and would only land the person hearing them in trouble.
I had to get into a little bit of dirty work to help get information about the new biker gang that tried causing problems for us.
While Janelle and I did a decent job of disabling the small phalanx that attacked us, we have it on good authority that this pervasive problem extends across every mile of highway and is much bigger than we thought.
I never paid much attention to politics, but the shit with immigration has everybody on edge and something strange started to happen.
Disgraced cops, felons, ex-convicts, disgraced corrections officers, and those types of folks began to cluster up.
There are solid rumors they are funded by official government channels and intended to act as a paramilitary group operating with even greater secrecy than mainstream immigration enforcement.
It’s about money and control – making sure that the small cabal of bastards who want control over the country can keep all three hundred million in a tight grip.
Those gripped by their own hatred are just as torn up by it in the end as their victims, although that might take a long time.
You learn those things the hard way when you’re in war.
And there was a time when all our fathers and grandfathers remembered the truth – that there’s nothing pretty about killing.
I happen to have the special combination of things that makes killing a little easier for me than the next person, but that doesn’t make it a pathway I would recommend.
To my surprise, once I get back to the guest bedroom we’re sharing in Ruger and Zayna’s place – the room that was Eden’s when Ruger first had her – Janelle is still awake and sitting up on the edge of the bed.
I was under the impression that she would be drunk off her ass after spending all night with Zayna Blackwood.
Instead, she’s awake with her dark brown cat eyes fixed on me like she wants to suss out what I’ve been doing all night.
“You didn’t have to stay up.”
“Maybe I was worried about you.”
I chuckle. “I’m the one people have to worry about.”
She gets off the bed – not a good sign for avoiding conflict. I pretend that I don’t notice, as if that could get her to go back to sleep. I’ll try to keep my responses simple and guide Janelle towards easing her mind. I don’t need her involved in any of this.
“Are we in danger?”
She folds her arms, crossing them over her chest and pushing her breasts together.
Great. The last thing I need to think about right now is how good her tits look.
I’ve survived plenty of torture crossing the highway with her glued to my back avoiding any reaction whatsoever to having this beautiful woman’s form pressed up against mine.
“What makes you ask that question?”
“Answer me,” she insists.
My answer will piss her off, but getting information about tonight out of me won’t be so easy for her. This is the way things have to be if I really want her safe. “No.”
“Who were those men? And that guy’s weird jacket… Who was that man?”
“A dangerous one.”
“Where were you?”
“Christ, Janelle. Wherever I was, I’m tired. I would very much like to go to bed.”
I respond to her as calmly as possible, but this doesn’t go over very well with Janelle, who seems to desperately want something from me.
Fuck if I know what it is. If she wanted to fuck me, she would jump my bones the way it’s been with every other woman who got sick of me and wanted me to get the hint.
Instead, she’s just as closed off as I am because we both know something about her that for some reason she just can’t admit.
She fell into my life by mistake and there’s no way in hell she wants to be here…
“I don’t understand what we’re doing here, Zeb.”
“We’re getting ready for bed.”
My neck tightens. I know what she means, but I don’t want to have this conversation right now.
She might not know the night I’ve had, and I want to do my best to protect her from the details that could keep her tossing and turning or land her in deeper trouble.
I wish it weren’t so hard for me to admit how I feel about her, but now that I’m looking at her, the emotions swell.
The second I laid eyes on her, I knew what it was.
It’s unfortunate that I’m not the kind of man who has the right words for everything.
I don’t know exactly how to express the words for what I feel.
It seems overly simple to say the same things that anyone else would say to someone they loved. Janelle deserves a better word.
I stare at her, trying to find it. I love her – and I would do anything in my power to protect her.
That’s all I know. Maybe saying that word out loud would scare her, or maybe it wouldn’t, but it feels terrifying to have it hanging there between us when she’s still so new to me and still so…
jumpy. But it’s the truth – I love Janelle.
Desperately. Urgently. More than I’ve ever loved another living being.
Admitting it to myself feels… strange. I never knew what the feelings were that sparked in me the moment I laid eyes on Janelle, but now there’s a deep and unyielding sense of knowing. But I do love her – so fucking much.
“I want to leave,” she says, yanking on my heart.
I wish telling her my feelings was easy for me.
I wish I could just jump out and say that I loved her with no fears attached to it.
Given all that Janelle has been through, it doesn’t seem fair somehow.
And while I love her so damn much… I can’t force her to share my feelings.
It’s too soon for her, maybe. And I’m all alone out here with the way I feel. That’s how it seems, at least.
“Janelle. Please. Can we just talk in the morning?”
“I want to talk now,” she says.
I take my shirt off and climb into bed. She glares at me and turns around to face me – more like to glare at me with all the force of her fury. She doesn’t understand how much my body hurts and how badly I just want to sleep.
There’s nothing I can say tonight that would change the situation between us. The situation being my impossible attraction to her that I have to force myself not to act on every single day just to keep us both steady.
Maybe this will be easier to explain to her when the job is done.
“I hate you, Zeb,” she hisses at me. “I hope you know that. I wish I had just gone to prison instead of following a stubborn, rude, secretive asshole across the country where he might traffic me anyways.”
I don’t respond. She makes a frustrated grunting sound and then climbs into bed next to me, surprising me entirely by not attacking me once she’s next to me in bed. I suppose I lucked out there.
Her body feels warm next to mine. I know she’s pissed off, but I’m not skilled enough with women’s feelings to know the right things to say to make it go away.
“I don’t mind if you hate me.”
“I don’t need your permission,” she hisses, turning on her side to face me.
I turn over to face her too, but mostly to look into her eyes.
I’m too tired to care if she’s pissed off.
I could probably easily fall asleep with her hitting me or spitting on me or whatever it is she wants to do from this position under the covers.
I’m too smart to reach over and pull her closer to me while she fights, although the temptation comes to me.
“Good. Then hate me. But I swear, I never meant to do anything in the world but help you out, Janelle.”
“You are such a liar.”
“Am I?”
“You like killing, Zeb. I don’t think you’ll admit it to me right now, but I know there is a part of you that enjoys killing and that’s why you’re scared of letting me in. You don’t want me to know that this little biker club is more than a group of ex-military friends.”
Did I ever say it wasn’t? I grew up admiring the club.
I grew up desperately wanting to be a part of the club that made Gideon Blackwood such an impressive force of nature to me.
I looked up to Ruger too, especially since he was the one closest to me growing up and the most vicious person I knew.
I wanted some of that viciousness for myself to make it easier on me being a skinny kid with big teeth and big ears that stuck out.
They’re not so bad now, but back then I got teased a lot and looked up to the older men in my family for being crazy motherfuckers who could defend themselves and make people fear them.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Janelle. I want to respect you, that’s all. I want to protect you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted since we’ve met.”
“What does that mean, Zeb?”
“It means…” I can’t say anything out loud.
It feels too real. And given everything Janelle has shown me, I know if I tell her my true feelings, I will scare her away.
I don’t want her taking off like a bat out of hell.
Especially not since the Texas heat would probably kill her eventually. My fingers move to her lips.
I expect her to bite my finger off, but she lets me touch her lips. I can’t stop myself. I put my thumb into her mouth and feel the inside a little bit.
“It means…”
I move closer to her so I can smell her skin.
I can feel her desire for me. I know it’s there despite the way she fights me.
This asshole who cheated on her must have broken her heart.
At some point, I’ll have to take care of that and make sure she understands what happens to anybody who hurt her.
The distance between us shrinks. My breath comes out slowly and I just have to do it with the nerves.
I kiss Janelle. Her lips are soft and yield to me instantly.
It’s been so long since the last time I kissed her that my dick jumps to attention, ready for action that I never even promised.
Her lips are mine right now and that’s good enough for me.
I might be tired, but I would never turn down an opportunity to properly taste Janelle.
Losing myself in her lips is easy. One soft kiss turns into a deeper one.
Within a few more kisses, I have my tongue in her mouth and my dick is ready to burst out of my underwear.
I’ve done everything in my power to control myself up until this point.
I’ve been good. I’ve been patient. How can she doubt my affection for her because I hold myself to a standard of respect?
I thought I showed her how I felt with my tongue but now…
I push her onto her back and pin Janelle to the bed with my body. I don’t stop kissing her. She is totally at my mercy in this position. I know she can change her mind at any moment about wanting this, so I am caught up in this moment with her, desperate to keep her wanting more of me.
“What do you want me to say, Janelle? You and I just met…”
I kiss her neck, stopping her from talking by kissing her sweet spot.
She bites down on her lower lip to stop herself from moaning.
I touch the contours of her body, silently planning which of her clothes I’ll strip off of her first. We’ll have to be quiet.
If she won’t keep quiet voluntarily, I can keep my hand over her mouth.
Janelle whimpers and I keep kissing her neck, sucking on her flesh hard enough to leave a possessive mark on her skin.
“Fuck,” I grunt. “I took you across the country. I want you with me. I want you. Is that what you want to hear?”
She whimpers and her hands move to my face. My heart thumps nervously with an expectation that she might scratch me or fight me off, but Janelle just pulls my face to hers and kisses me. Her lips surprise me with their eagerness, but I don’t pull away. If she wants this… I want it more…