Chapter Ten #2
She wanted him to be involved with the baby, but if it all felt like a dream to her, maybe it felt the same way to him.
It was an effort to cook. If she wasn’t pregnant, she would have simply eaten cereal for every meal.
But having managed to scare off the baby’s father completely, she was determined to do everything right nutritionally for them.
And after a shower and a fusion-inspired Cobb salad, she felt less unhinged.
Maybe she needed to follow up on Maggie’s suggestion. Not the beer, obviously. But a movie would be nice. And she should start to unpack. She had moved in a few weeks ago but had left to go to Greece soon after, and since getting back, she hadn’t had the energy—
She frowned as the sound of her door buzzer startled her.
Who could that be? Hopefully not someone campaigning for the upcoming local election. She had got stuck with a candidate the other day who couldn’t seem to understand that she was in London on a work visa and had no right to vote in the UK.
Oh, seriously!
The buzzer cut into her thoughts, and scowling she got to her feet.
‘I didn’t order anything, I’m not eligible to vote, and—’ She yanked open the door, and her rant was silenced mid-flow. There was a man standing on her doorstep
‘Hello, Willa.’
‘Dad.’ The word was automatic, and she pressed her hand against her mouth. ‘I’m sorry, I know you’re not—’
‘Not biologically, no. But if I had my choice, you would be mine,’ Robert Hamilton said quietly. And there were tears in his eyes that matched the ones in hers as he pulled her into a hug.
‘What are you doing here?’ she said finally as he released her and she led him back inside.
‘I came to see my daughter.’
‘Would you like some coffee? Or tea? Have you eaten?’
‘Yes, no and yes.’ Robert gazed admiringly around the sitting room. ‘This is nice. Amber would love that fireplace. And that ceiling rose.’ He took a sip from the mug Willa had handed him. ‘Coffee’s not bad either.’ He took another sip and breathed out shakily.
‘I’ve been so worried about you. Amber too.’
‘Does she know?’ Her stomach clenched. ‘Did you tell the girls?’
‘The girls don’t know. We’ll tell them when you’re ready.
But I had to tell Amber. She’s my wife. She knew something was upsetting me more than just you leaving.
And I should have told her before. I didn’t because I hadn’t told you.
’ He shook his head. ‘I waited all that time, and I made such a mess of it.’
‘Is there a right way?’
‘Maybe not. But when I got to the hospital, I was in such a panic. I sat waiting for you to wake up from the anaesthetic, and the doctor came in to talk about the operation, and I just kept thinking that at some point you would find out.’
His hand found hers, and she squeezed it hard. ‘I’m glad it was you that told me.’
‘I wanted to tell you, but you were so young, and after I married Amber and the girls were born, you were so anxious, and I was worried if I told you, you’d feel pushed out.’
‘I thought I reminded you of her. Of mom. I felt responsible.’
‘I know you did. But you weren’t. We were the grown-ups. Me, Meg, your dad. It was our mess.’
Willa bit her lip. ‘Did she ever want me?’
‘Always.’ Robert’s voice was gentle, but his hand was firm around hers. ‘I did too. Even after she told me. I think I already knew there was a chance you weren’t mine—’
‘And you still took me in. You had all those years when it was just the two of us, and I wasn’t even yours.’ She felt a rush of anger towards her mother . ‘Why would she do that? Why would she give you that burden?’
Robert was silent for a long time.
‘You weren’t a burden, Willa.’
‘I thought I was. And then when the triplets were born, you seemed so much easier with them than me, and then when I found out that I wasn’t yours, I understood why—’
‘It was easier. Because I knew what I was doing. Because of you. And you did get left behind, Willa. I knew that at the time. And I should have done more, said more to reassure you. But I was exhausted, and Amber was exhausted, and I knew if I said something it would be a lot for everyone to take in. But I wish I had said something. You deserved the truth. You needed to know that you were never a burden. You were a gift—you are a gift. More than that. You saved me.’
His words made something delicate and warm unfurl inside of her like petals opening to the sun. ‘I couldn’t save your mom, even though I loved her. And I did love her. She loved me too. Just not the way I wanted her to. Like I made the world tilt.’
Like the love she felt for Ares.
‘But I knew how she felt, and I married her anyway. She was beautiful like you, Willa. But you’re your own person. You always were. I could see it when you danced and when you rode. I always knew you’d fly.’
He hesitated. ‘I should have come after you. I thought you needed space, but when I told Amber she said what you needed was your father. I came up to New York once a month hoping I’d see you.
I went into all these law firms and showed your photo at the reception desk, but they wouldn’t tell me anything. ’
‘How did you find me, then?’
‘I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that.’
‘Why?’
‘He asked me not to say. But I think there’s been enough lies and half truths between us.’ Her dad’s face twisted into something was part smile, part grimace. ‘I had a visitor. He turned up two days ago. Sat me down and told me that you needed me and then he offered to fly me to London.’
He? Who? But she knew who even before her father said quietly, ‘I refused. Told him I could pay my own way. But he’s a hard man to say no to, your Ares.’
‘He’s not my Ares,’ she stammered. ‘He wanted to be, but I turned him down.’
‘You did? I don’t think there are many people who would do that.’
The stunned expression on her father’s face made her start laughing, and then quite suddenly she was crying. But then, she was always crying these days.
‘Sweetheart, don’t cry.’
‘He doesn’t love me. He thinks he does. But he just wants to do the right thing.’
‘The right thing?’ Her father was staring at her, and she could almost hear him replaying her words. ‘Are you—?’
She bit her lip. ‘I’m pregnant. He’s the father. He asked me to marry him, but I couldn’t—’
‘It was too much like what happened with your mom and me,’ her father said after a moment.
‘And I can see why you might think that. It’s the same as thinking a redwood looks like a giant Sequoia.
Except they’re not the same tree and you’re not your mother and I’m not Ares Konstantinou.
But you and this little one growing inside of you are Hamiltons.
If you don’t love him, you don’t need him because we love you. Both of you.’
How was it possible to feel so happy and unhappy at the same time? Her family loved her and wanted her. It was what she had wanted to hear her whole life and yet—
‘But I do love him,’ Willa whispered. ‘And I’ve lost him.’ And the crushing impossibility of it all overwhelmed her, and she started to cry again.
Her father rested his hand against her cheek. ‘Then, go find him. Like I found you,’ he said, as if that was the simplest thing in the world to do.
And for the first time since Ares walked out of her life, she felt a flickering hope flare up like a pure, painless flame.
* * *
‘Shall I bring some juice and water out onto the terrace, Mr Konstantinou? Or would you prefer to stay in the sitting room?’
Looking up from his laptop, Ares frowned.
Truthfully, he would rather be left alone, but Ariana had finally tracked him down at the office and insisted that they spend the weekend on Kallos because she wanted to swim and sunbathe without being bothered by the paparazzi.
And have lunch with her brother to get his opinion on something financial.
It sounded like an excuse. It probably was. But she was worried about him, and giving in to her and proving he was fine would be a quicker way to persuade her than trying to argue it out.
‘The terrace, please. Ariana’s hoping to top up her tan.’
He heard the thwomp-thwomp of the helicopter, and shutting his laptop he headed outside, holding up a hand to shield his gaze.
‘Thanks, Iona,’ he said as the housekeeper appeared with a tray of juice and water.
As she disappeared back into the villa, he heard footsteps.
Pouring out two glasses of water, he turned to greet his sister. ‘Before you say anything, I am going to go swimming—’
But it wasn’t Ariana walking across the terrace. It was Willa.
She was hovering on the step down to the terrace, her eyes steady and unblinking. And for a moment he thought he was hallucinating, and he wanted to ask if she was real. But he couldn’t speak. His breath was gone.
‘Hi,’ she said quietly. Her voice was slightly hoarse as if she had been shouting. Or perhaps it was hard for her to speak too.
Why are you here? Had he been able to form sentences, that was the question he wanted to ask, but the answer he wanted to hear might not be the one she gave.
‘Hi.’ He paused. ‘I’m expecting Ariana. Or maybe I’m not,’ he added as Willa swallowed audibly. And that hurt. That Ariana could do that to him.
‘I’m guessing you haven’t locked her in a wardrobe, so she’s in on this, whatever this is.’
His pulse quickened as she stepped onto the terrace. ‘She wasn’t at first. She was very angry. But then she was. She is.’
His throat tightened.
‘Did you tell her about the baby?’
Her eyes flared, and he felt her anger like a balm. She still cared enough to fight.
‘Of course not. I wouldn’t do that. Any more than you would tell my father.’
Robert. He had told him not to say anything, but how could Robert lie to Willa?
‘He found you, then.’ A statement, not a question, but she nodded, taking another step closer as she did so.
‘He came to my apartment. We talked about my mom and him and how I felt, and everything’s okay. I wanted to thank you for doing that. For me.’ She touched her belly. ‘For us.’
His disappointment was shattering: it hurt to look at her, to share the earth and know she wasn’t his.
‘That’s not all, Ares.’
The air was hot around them, pressing in like it had that day in London when it all started. But now it had ended.
‘I’ll do the DNA test on Monday,’ he said before she could. ‘And then you better get a lawyer, and we can sort out a financial agreement.’
‘I don’t want your money.’ Her voice was tight and trembling.
‘Then, why are you here?’
‘Because I can’t not be.’
‘You can be. You left. What’s changed?’
Willa stared up at Ares’s beautiful, taut face. He was angry, and his anger helped ground the panic that had been swirling inside of her since she’d arrived in Athens.
‘Nothing. I just didn’t have the right words to say what I needed to say.
I still don’t know if there are words for what I feel for you.
For how much I hate not seeing you. For how much it hurts not to be able to touch you or hear you laugh or watch you smile.
For how much I loved waking up with you and falling asleep with you.
And I know you’ve probably had second thoughts.
Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you. I said horrible things to you.
Hurtful things because I wanted to hurt you.
I needed to hurt you because you have such strong arms and you’re so stubborn—’
‘I’m stubborn?’ His pupils narrowed.
‘You are. We both are. You push, and I push back. I’ve been pushing back so long I got lost in the momentum, and I pushed you too hard. Because I didn’t want to be a burden to you like I thought I’d been to my father.’
‘You think I don’t know that? You think this is news to me?’ He looked furious, impatient as he had that first day in London. ‘I thought you needed space. I didn’t realise that meant leaving the country.’
‘I thought I’d gone too far. Because I’d said those things. But they weren’t true. I lied because I thought that it would make you hate me and then you would let me go.’
‘I let you leave, Willa. There’s a difference between letting someone leave and letting them go. And I never let you go.’
Willa pressed her hand against her mouth to stifle a sob, and then Ares closed the distance between them, and he was taking her into his strong, surprisingly shaky arms.
‘I’m so sorry for what I said, for how I acted.’
‘I’m sorry I let you leave. I never hated you. I wanted to. But I couldn’t. And I kept seeing you everywhere. I was going crazy. I kept replaying what you said about it being just great sex.’ He loosened his grip, his eyes finding hers. ‘You weren’t lying about the sex being great, were you?’
She laughed, then started crying. ‘I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m so happy. It’s the hormones.’ She reached around her neck and undid the chain with fingers that shook slightly. ‘But mostly it’s you. You make my world tilt, Ares Konstantinou. So would you do me the honour of being my husband?’
She held out her mother’s ring, held her breath as Ares stood there gazing down at her, a stunned look on his face.
‘You want to marry me?’
‘I do, and I know it’s not traditional and probably not what the Konstantinous do, but—’
His yes stumbled against her mouth, and then he was kissing her as the sun shone, kissing her until she couldn’t think or breathe or see, and she was weightless and soaring with a love that was as precious as it was perfect.