Chapter 26
26
DEAN
T he engine’s roar filled my skull as I leaned into another curve, the bike responding like it was part of me. I’d been riding more than working this past week, chasing that fleeting moment when the wind drowned out everything else. But today, like every other day, the quiet always came back.
I had been riding so much, I felt like I was permanently vibrating. I’d wake up in the middle of the night feeling the vibration in my soul. I’d taken the long route around Larkspur Lake, the kind of ride that was more about emptying my head than getting anywhere.
My bike growled beneath me, its power humming through my grip on the handlebars. I liked it like this—just me, the machine, and the road. No distractions. No noise in my head. Just the steady thrum of the engine and the occasional flash of sunlight breaking through the canopy above.
A lot of guys had helmets with headphones so they could talk on the phone or listen to music. Not me. I wanted the silence. I was riding the bike because I wanted the noise of the engine. And it was a damn good running engine. Perfectly tuned. The muffler was loud, but that was good. Loud pipes let people know I was coming.
I could see a few boats out on the lake. For a moment, I let myself imagine what it would be like to be out there instead of here, to feel the water beneath me instead of asphalt. Sometimes, I needed the serenity of the lake. When I did that, I took the boat out. When I wanted noise and chaos, I hopped on the bike.
It was strange not to have Seth around. I was so used to cleaning up after him metaphorically and literally. He disappeared after the festival. He knew he was in deep shit and had chosen to run instead of face the consequences. That wasn’t a surprise.
I pulled into the gravel lot of Ma’s Diner. A neon sign flickered, announcing the place was open. I killed the engine and the sudden silence pressed against my eardrums. I stayed planted on the bike, leather gloves flexing against the handlebars. It always took a few seconds for my brain to slow down.
“You look like hell.”
I scowled and turned to see my old friend Eddie leaning against the wall of the diner, smoking a cigarette. His salt-and-pepper beard had gotten longer since I’d last seen him. I pulled my helmet off and hung it on my handlebars.
“Nice to see you too,” I muttered, swinging my leg over the seat.
Eddie pushed off the wall. “Heard about the fireworks show. Town’s still talking about how Dean Jackson went full action hero.” He smirked. “Though the version I heard had you carrying three kids and a puppy out of the flames.”
I scoffed. “People need better hobbies.”
“Come on.” Eddie jerked his chin toward the door. “Coffee is on me. You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
The diner smelled like twenty years of fried food and stale coffee. The smell of stale cigarettes permeated the walls. I had a feeling the place wasn’t big on following the no smoking law. We slid into a cracked vinyl booth by the window. A waitress named Darla—the same one who’d worked here since high school—brought two mugs without asking.
Eddie dumped three sugars into his. “So Seth.”
I clenched my jaw. “Not talking about Seth.”
“Fine.” He stirred his coffee slowly. “Then tell me about the girl.”
My fingers tightened around the mug. I frowned at him. “What girl?”
Eddie’s grin was all teeth. “The one you were making out with before playing hero. Half the town’s got opinions about you two. And I’m not blind. I saw the picture in the paper. Looked serious.”
I was so sick of people running their mouths. “People need to mind their damn business.”
“Small towns, brother.” Eddie took a loud slurp. “So? She the reason you look like death warmed over?”
I stared into my black coffee. Eddie was a good guy, but I wasn’t necessarily interested in spilling my guts. “Portia’s…” My throat closed around the words. What was she? A complication? A distraction? The only thing that made sense in this mess?
Eddie waited. When I didn’t continue, he leaned forward. “You know, when my Lisa left, I drank for six months straight. Nearly lost everything.”
I glanced up. Eddie never talked about his ex.
“I fucked up. If I could go back, there are so many things I would have done differently. Women are different. They need things we don’t.”
I gritted my teeth, my fingers tapping a restless rhythm on the table. “I don’t need a lecture, Eddie.”
He raised his hands in mock surrender. “Just saying, man. Women don’t stick around for half-assed effort. You either show up or you don’t. And from where I’m sitting, it looks like you’re too busy running to figure out which it is.”
“Portia’s not Lisa,” I said finally. “And I’m not looking to make the same mistakes you did. I’m not with Portia. I’m certainly not married to her.”
He chuckled. “If you let her walk away without even trying, you’re a bigger idiot than I thought.”
I didn’t respond. The truth was, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing with Portia. She was this force of nature, all fire and determination, and I was me. Grumpy, closed off, and better at fixing machines than people. But every time she looked at me with those green eyes, it felt like she could see right through the walls I’d built.
“I’m not the type to do relationships,” I said. “Besides, her family is never going to want her anywhere near me.”
He chuckled. “I’m guessing she’s a big girl and can make her own decisions.”
“Yeah, but still,” I said.
Darla came by with a pot of coffee in hand. “You guys gonna eat or just shoot the shit?”
Eddie grinned up at her. “We’re doing both, Darla. Bring me the usual. And for him—” He jerked his thumb toward me. “Whatever he wants, as long as it’s greasy.”
I shook my head. “Just a burger and fries.”
Darla raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue, scribbling the order on her pad before disappearing back into the kitchen. Eddie leaned back in the booth, his arms crossed over his chest. “So, what’s stopping you? From going after her, I mean.”
I took a slow sip of coffee. “It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is,” Eddie shot back. “You either want her or you don’t. And from the way you’re brooding over here, I’d say it’s obvious.”
I glared at him, but he was unfazed. Eddie had always been one of the few people who could call me out without backing down.
“She doesn’t need someone like me,” I said. “She’s got plans—big ones. She’s not looking to stay in Larkspur Lake for long. We’re her fallback. Soon as she picks up the pieces of her life, she’s going to leave again.”
Eddie shrugged. “So? You think that means she wouldn’t want you along for the ride?”
“I’m not exactly good at riding shotgun,” I muttered.
“Sometimes the thing that wrecks you is the same thing that saves you.” He tapped his temple. “But you gotta stop running long enough to figure out which is which.”
“I’m not running.”
Eddie just raised an eyebrow.
Darla came back with our plates, the smell of grease and fries hitting me like a brick. She slid Eddie’s stack of double bacon cheeseburger and fries in front of him with a smirk, then plopped my burger and fries down in front of me like she was daring me to complain.
“Here you go, sunshine,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Try not to scare it off with that face of yours.”
I grunted, grabbing the ketchup bottle and shaking it harder than necessary. Eddie chuckled into his coffee, clearly enjoying himself.
“You know, Darla, if you weren’t already married, I’d say Dean here could use a woman like you to straighten him out.”
She snorted, tucking the tray under her arm. “I’d rather wrestle a bobcat. I’m a little too much woman for this guy.”
Eddie burst into laughter while I shook my head. That was not a scenario I wanted to think about.
We both ate our burgers, neither of us bothering to worry about manners.
“How’s the business going?” he asked.
“Good. Staying busy. What have you been up to?”
He shrugged. “Not a lot.”
“So, what are you doing out here?”
“Just riding,” I answered.
“So, what now?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
Eddie shrugged. “You spent your whole life trying to keep your brother from crashing and burning. Now you’re not doing that anymore. So what do you do with all that energy? If you’re not chasing women, what else is there?”
“Riding,” I answered. “There’s a lot.”
He chuckled. “There’s got to be more to life than building bikes and chasing yourself in circles.”
“Man, eat your burger. I don’t want some two-cent psychobabble.”
He laughed. “Alright, fine. Where is this woman that has you all twisted up?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
Eddie wiped his mouth with a napkin and leaned back, patting his stomach. “You know what we need? A day out on the water. Just us, a cooler of beer, and no one breathing down our necks. What do you say?”
I shrugged, picking at the last of my fries. “We definitely should. It’s been a while since I’ve taken the boat out.”
“Exactly,” he said, pointing a fry at me like he’d made some grand point. “You’ve been holed up in that shop of yours too long. You’re gonna turn into one of those cranky old hermits who yells at kids to get off his lawn.”
“I already yell at kids to get off my lawn,” I muttered, crumpling up my napkin and tossing it on the plate.
Eddie laughed, shaking his head. “See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You need sunlight, Dean. Fresh air. Maybe even a little fun, if you remember what that is.”
“Fun,” I repeated dryly. “What’s that?”
“It’s that thing normal people do when they’re not busy brooding over women they refuse to admit they care about,” he shot back, grinning.
I leveled him with a look. “You’re really interested in my love life. It’s weird, man.”
“Hey, someone’s got to keep you in check.”
Eddie paid the bill, which was silly considering I was the billionaire, but I appreciated him not expecting me to pay.
I walked to my bike and picked up my helmet.
“Quit being an idiot,” he said. “If you care about her, go tell her. Before she makes decisions thinking you don’t.”
“What if I screw it up?”
Eddie barked a laugh. “Oh, you will. But that’s life, brother.” He walked backward toward his truck. “Better to screw up trying than spend the rest of your life wondering.”
I got on my bike and started it. I knew exactly where I was going. And I knew why I was all twisted up. I was falling for Portia. The idea was terrifying. I didn’t fall for anyone.