5. Loren
5
LOREN
I woke up unsurprised that I was disoriented. I just moved. My apartment was a new place, and it would take a while to adjust to getting up in a bed that wasn’t the same as what I had at my parents’ house in Hamming.
But this morning, the big morning that heralded my first day on the job, I was thrown off even further.
This wasn’t my new bed in the studio apartment with the shockingly high rent. That warm presence pushing against my naked body wasn’t a pillow.
I was at the hotel. And that was the sexy stranger I’d met at the bar.
Then fucked.
Twice.
No. I opened my eyes wider, shaken awake with the hot memory of when he took me from behind, his fingers digging into my ass as I pushed back against him. My cheeks heated from the mental image of the third and final time I enjoyed the exhilarating rush of sleeping with a stranger at…
I blinked, peering at my watch.
Oh, my God.
Just an hour ago. We last had sex, all sweaty and frantic, an hour ago.
We’d kept each other busy all night, acting like lovelorn, playful, horny idiots without a care in the world. I didn’t know anything about this man, other than how much faster he came when I rode him and played with myself. Or that he was definitely a boob man, addicted to teasing my nipples. But I had things to do. I had other stuff to care about and prioritize other than getting dick.
I had to go. I needed to shower and compartmentalize and get ready for the biggest first day of my life. Still, I let the panic and urgency simmer on the back burner as I turned my head on the pillow and looked at the man sleeping next to me.
It was early, in the middle of the night yet, but I couldn’t linger. Now that common sense was starting to trickle back in, since the itch to have this stranger was scratched, I knew it was time to come down from the clouds. To return to reality.
I’d never had a one-night stand to know how to react the morning after. So far, shame was slipping in. Shock was prevalent too. I figured this would be the new me, more open to taking risks and living large, but honestly, I wasn’t confident that I’d repeat this.
Somehow, this black-haired man with the sexiest stubble on his lean jaw would be my only. My preference was to actually know a guy before I got frisky between the sheets. And it seemed like that wouldn’t change. Because I wanted to know him, this stranger who blew my mind. I wanted to know more about him than how to make him come. Getting physical was a rush, but I missed that deeper connection I enjoyed building.
Quit being a softie, Loren. Time to get moving. Live and learn.
So, a one-night fling wasn’t my thing. Now I knew. Staring at this guy couldn’t be normal, and I willed myself to ease out of bed as quietly as possible.
I gathered my things and started a walk of shame from the room. The second I closed the door after me, I hurried onto the elevator and willed away the memories of last night, when I rode up to his floor.
Shocked and stunned, I left the hotel and walked back to my apartment. Part of me felt tethered to him as I replayed the memories in my mind. How quickly he could pleasure me. How filthy and wicked he was as he took me hard.
I want him again.
I slapped my hand on my face as I got out of my shower an hour later. It was unbelievable that I’d go out and have my first one-night stand and get attached. It defeated the purpose of it. No names, no details. Those two things were supposed to mean no strings attached.
“Focus, Lor. You’ve got bigger things to think about,” I mumbled, wishing I had the enthusiasm to give myself a better, more convincing pep talk.
Once I dressed, then changed into option two of my outfits, then changed between options three and one again, I huffed out a sigh of frustration.
Nothing felt right. Nothing looked right. And I wished I could revisit that unique confidence I felt when I stripped for the stranger last night. Or when he crooked his finger as he lay on the bed, beckoning me to stalk toward him. The way he’d stared at me, fully nude with nothing to hide, made me feel like a goddess. Invincible. And so sexy.
I needed that . That energy of knowing I was competent and wanted.
When my phone rang, I assumed it was Hailey, calling like she'd promised to. If I didn’t have that woman as a friend, the world would be such a lonely, gray place. Without looking at the screen, I sighed at my reflection in the mirror as I answered.
I wish I could have his opinion on what looks better on me. I had to shrug off this stupid doubt now. Richards Consultation hired me for my brain and wits. My skills. Not how I looked.
“Hey,” I greeted.
“Boy, you sound glum for the first thing in the morning,” Becca drawled.
I cringed, hating that I hadn’t checked the caller ID. “What do you want?”
“Just seeing if you’re still going through with this whole shenanigan.”
“Shenanigan?” I shook my head, sticking with outfit option two. I could pin a flower pendant to my blouse, and it would be just enough color to make me stand out. “I’m starting a job.”
“That’s what you said.” She exaggerated a sigh. “I wouldn’t put it past you to have made that up to look impressive.”
“Gee. Thanks for the vote of confidence. Too bad I don’t care about impressing you.” I couldn’t help a yawn. That night of little sleep was catching up to me. “I only care about impressing my boss.”
And that hottie from the bar. A smile curved my lips. I know I impressed him.
“I doubt that’ll happen. Why would some rich dude running a company ever be impressed by a nobody from Nowhereville, Pennsylvania?”
I hung my head and rubbed my brow. It didn’t matter that I was used to her bullshit. I grew up knowing she was the golden one. The “good” sister. The older daughter who could never do anything wrong.
But now that I'd moved away and struck out on my own, her remote bitterness gnawed at me in a different way.
“You sound half asleep.” She huffed. “I bet you’ll make a shitty first impression. How bad are the dark circles under your eyes? You started moisturizing way too late to salvage your skin.”
I deadpanned, looking at my reflection and hating that she was right. I did look like a zombie. “Becca? Go to hell.”
“Ooh, prickly too. Did you sleep on the wrong side of the bed?”
“I didn’t sleep much.”
“Aw. Poor baby. Why not? Scared of all the noises in the city?” She laughed.
“No. I was fucking a stranger I met at a bar. All night long.” I pressed my lips together in a firm line as I lowered my phone and jabbed my finger at the screen. Disconnecting a call had never felt better.
I held the device still, glowering at it. “I hate you.”
I did.
In a normal, ordinary world, that call should’ve gone differently. Yeah, right. Why expect anything but the norm with her?
She could’ve been a concerned sibling, calling to check on me with the knowledge that I’d be nervous about starting a new job. Not investigate whether I lied about getting the position, calling my bluff.
She could’ve been contacting me to wish me luck, wishing me well. Not bicker and put me down. Again.
“She’ll never change,” I muttered as I dropped my phone to my bed. I told Mr. Sexy last night that I wanted to celebrate the changes in my life, the newness of this adventure in New York, but Becca would always be the same bitchy sister who loathed my existence.
It was a huge part of why I wanted to move away, to get a clean break from her. And still, I couldn’t have that peace.
If she calls one more time, I’m blocking her damn number.
I got ready, perfecting my look as best as I could. Lingering in the back of my mind, her negativity festered and ate away at me.
Then when I walked out of my apartment, heading toward the skyscraper the Richards family owned, it picked at my resolve to stay positive and excited. The glow of giddiness dimmed. My enthusiasm fell, and I debated getting another coffee to infuse myself with a little extra pep.
Caffeine wouldn’t fix anything, though. Not with how low my mood sank after hearing Becca’s voice. It was too easy to imagine her whiny voice spewing more of the same.
“You’re so flat footed, you’ll never be able to walk in heels without looking like a dork.”
I stumbled—again—on a hole in the sidewalk.
“Do you really think that going natural is a good look for you?”
I licked my lips, likely removing the last of my pink gloss.
“Your freckles make you look like you’re thirteen. Especially when your hair is all frizzy like that.”
I smoothed down the low braid I’d done.
“You look like an idiot. Always with the flowers.”
I checked that my pin was still on my shirt.
Enough. I wouldn’t be able to handle it if I let her negativity berate me all morning.
I walked carefully, avoiding cracks or puddles. Already, I was clued in to the fact that making eye contact with strangers wasn’t typical here. Keeping my head down, I tried to resist all my doubts and worries. Even if Becca hadn’t dragged me down with that call, I felt out of place. Like a small town girl in the big city with too much noise.
Smoke and exhaust hung in the air. The stink of sewers and garbage wafted close. Near the intersections, pedestrians hurried faster than me, jostling me and making me nervous that I’d drop my purse or tote bag.
By the time I reached the building, I felt my face falling in a frown.
Fortunately, though, I wasn’t alone to wallow in my nervousness and feel out of place.
“Loren!”
I turned to the sound of Hailey. An instant smile crossed my lips, and I gave in to the freeing sensation of knowing I wasn’t completely alone. Last night, in the arms of that stranger, I felt so secure and wanted that I doubted I’d ever feel melancholy or lonely ever again. He’d wrapped his arms around me so tightly, like I was a precious rarity to protect.
Yet, one call from my sister, and my self-confidence plummets.
I smiled wider, forcing a fake calm for my friend as she rushed up to me. We laughed, catching each other in a hug. She rocked me from side to side, giggling with glee.
“I’m so happy you’re here.”
“I appreciate your putting in a good word for me to even get here.”
She blew a raspberry. “Oh, nonsense. I heard that the head of HR was on your interview panel. If you persuaded him, that was all on you. John McKenny doesn’t pay attention to referrals and recommendations.”
I felt better at that.
I knew I was smart. I was good at what I did.
“Let me help you find your way in,” Hailey said, bubbly and all smiles as she linked her arm with mine.
“Thank you,” I gushed. Just like that, she was erasing the nerves about navigating this huge monstrosity of a building. I’d memorized the walk from my apartment to this address countless times until I knew I wouldn’t get lost.
“This is going to be great! Almost like college again.”
I smiled back at her, more optimistic by the minute. “This is it,” I said, welcoming the tickle of anticipation running through me. “My first career job.” It’d taken me long enough to get to this point. “It’s so exciting to finally start.”
“It is. I’m so happy for you. It’s past time you get the hell away from Becca the bit?—”
I shushed her, laughing. “Please, no more mentions of her.”
I drew in a deep breath as we stepped through the entrance to the tall building.
“Nothing can go wrong now,” I vowed.
I’d made it here.
And I would stay to be successful and thrive, no matter what.
It’s time for a whole new me.
Last night, I experienced it by taking the plunge to have a one-night stand with a hot man out of my league.
Today, I’d experience it all by doing the best I could as the Richards’ newest employee.
I grinned and held my head up high, facing the bank of elevators with a deep sense of knowing I had to be right where I belonged, on my own terms, and finally taking charge of my life.