18. Matt
18
MATT
B ecause I wanted to talk to Loren, she made herself unavailable and hard to get to. Of course, she did. That was how things went between us.
Monday came and she wanted nothing to do with me. The rest of the team noticed. When we split to delegate tasks, she jumped at the opportunity to go with Rupert and go over notes. Then later, after lunch, she volunteered to work with Brad in his office on something she hadn’t really dealt with yet.
We all had our specific tasks. I catered to everyone’s strengths and weaknesses so we’d work as the best team possible. But it was clear on Monday, even Tuesday and Wednesday, that she was going out of her way to avoid being near me.
It’s because of how we left things, you moron. The last time I saw her, I had my face in her pussy. Licking and sucking, then lapping up her cream. Unzipping my pants and slamming into her had been my last thought that evening at work, but this week, that seemed like a fantasy, an impossibility that would never happen again.
Sure, she had to be embarrassed. Tom walked in on us, after all. Loren and I knew it was a forbidden tryst at the workplace, but she was really taking this avoidance thing too far.
The more I thought about it, though, we had no reason to be embarrassed about anything. Well, it was wrong to try to get together at work, but if we could talk and figure out how to be together outside of work, there wouldn’t be anything to be embarrassed about. We were all adults. And yeah, coworkers sometimes got together. Workplace romances weren’t unheard of.
Tom was the only outlier that threatened to derail any chances of us getting together without issue. The moment he told someone that he caught us in an incriminating position, a peaceful start to the relationship would be over.
He hadn’t told anyone yet. John wasn’t waiting to speak with me about a complaint from him.
Instead, he resorted to glowering at me, then her. When he wasn’t giving us beady stares, he was snarky with all of us, but especially me and Loren. Rupert, Brad, and Eli noticed too, because they’d put Tom on the spot and asked why he was being such an asshole.
Fortunately, he didn’t tell the rest of the team about what he walked in on. But that, again, seemed to be a decision ruled by ulterior motives. Bad motives.
I tired of seeing her aloof and acting so distant around me. When we were in that one smaller conference room where she’d kissed me, I looked at the chair I had sat in with a longing to have another hot moment with her. But she paled and seemed more tense and clumsy, as if the table held terrible secrets. She looked uneasy, and it bothered me that something that had felt so right and so good between us could now make her cringe.
Regardless, I couldn’t handle this waiting game. I refused to. I needed action to happen. I would talk to Loren. Or Tom. Or something. We had our big meeting with Gammon tomorrow. It was our second meet with them, and the stakes would be higher. They were interested in us thus far, but after this gathering, they could be more informed about staying with us or leaving to shop around after rejecting the direction of our pitch.
“I hope everyone wakes up on the right side of the bed tomorrow,” Brad quipped at the close of Wednesday’s work.
He emphasized looking around the room, noting each person who hadn’t gotten along well today. All of us seemed off. And that wouldn’t do with the upcoming meeting. This wait had gone on long enough.
Thursday morning, I broke down and decided enough was enough.
“Loren,” I said loudly so she and Eli would hear me when I popped into his office. She’d chosen to “hide” with him this time, saying they needed to readdress some of the details for this afternoon.
I was cutting it close, talking to Loren just an hour and twenty minutes before we’d need to be at the Gammon building for the meeting, but it would be better if she and I were on the same page and smoothed out the awkwardness that had been dogging after me since we kissed.
“A word,” I said. A please almost slipped out of my mouth, but I caught myself in time.
She turned toward me but didn’t make eye contact. “Now’s not really a good time, Mr. Richards.”
“Now is an ideal time to talk,” I replied through clenched teeth.
It stung that she’d want to hide and avoid me to escape the bliss of being with me, of kissing me. But I got it. She was new here. We weren’t supposed to matter to each other. Maybe I was crimping her style or she wasn’t ready to settle with just one person.
Maybe she was just coming out of a bad breakup. Maybe she wanted to explore the city as a single woman. She’d emphasized wanting to celebrate changes in her life, but maybe she didn’t see including me as being one of them, despite how quickly she caved to want me.
She set her lips together in a tight line and followed me out of the room.
I didn’t wait. Tugging her by the hand, I positioned her in an empty hallway, further from where anyone could see us through glass walls or walk by and overhear what we said.
For the last four days, I'd rehearsed how I would make my case. That I wanted a lot more with her than a forbidden quickie in the conference room.
“What’s wrong?” I hissed as soon as I had her cornered. She sulked at me, almost pouting that I’d dragged her out and put her on the spot like this. So short and petite, she was absolutely caged in and trapped.
I put my right hand on the wall and stepped closer with my left foot, making sure she didn’t try to dodge me and slip away.
The position messed with my mind. It triggered my libido too. Everything she did triggered me to want her more and more, and I gave up wondering if there was any stop to this addiction. I didn’t want this drugging pull to her to stop. It made me feel alive. Wanted. Adventurous, even. This antagonism running beneath the surface between us was too much of a thrill to want it to slow down or stop.
The last time I had her held up against the wall was that first night, when I walked her over to the hotel next to the bar. That night, I had picked her up and kept her high within my embrace so I could kiss her and pleasure her.
Now, I struggled not to let my thoughts go back there—yet.
“What do you mean, what’s wrong ?” she snapped.
Anger glittered in her bright green eyes. Her plump lips stayed pursed in a sassy scowl.
“We were… caught. He walked in on us, and I’ve been nervous that every day I came into work, it would be my last.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think he’s said anything.”
“ Yet .” She narrowed her eyes, as if daring me to say something else. “That doesn’t mean he won’t. And when he does, I’ll be the one in trouble.”
“I would be too. I know better.”
She crossed her arms, defiant. “I thought I knew better too.”
“But he hasn’t said anything yet.”
“Maybe to mess with us. He knows that we know he knows about us. With the way he’s been acting this week, maybe he’s holding off on telling anyone and reporting about us because he wants to mess with us and make us squirm.
“I’m his boss. He can’t make me squirm.” I considered another possibility. “Is he bothering you?”
“What? What do you mean?”
“He’s been an ass to everyone this week. At first, I thought he was just bitter, that after flirting with you and going nowhere for months, he’s frustrated to see that you’re really not interested in him if you’re doing something else with someone else.”
“Like you?” She huffed. “Someone I have no business messing around with here?”
I wanted her to have the right to mess around with me—here or anywhere else. It was a shock to realize it, but that was the truth. I wanted to belong to her. To be hers.
“Has he been bothering you? Or threatening you about this?”
She smirked, looking away for a moment before laying her peeved jade gaze on me again. “Why?”
I scowled. “Why?”
“Yeah. Why do you even care?”
I did, but I hadn’t exactly expressed that. Yet. “Of course, I care.”
She deadpanned at me, unconvinced.
“Why would you think I didn’t care?”
“Look at us, Matt. We’re toxic people around each other. We’re always butting heads and arguing. Always ready to fight.”
I shrugged. That just showed how much we affected each other.
“We haven’t gotten along since I started working here. We can work together, but other than that?” She grunted a weak laugh.
“I care.”
“About me?” She arched a brow.
“Yes. How can you think that I don’t after…” I licked my lips and stepped closer. “After I kissed you?”
Her lids lowered, and I fell in love with the dark lashes lying on her smooth skin. So coy, so delicate. So gorgeous and demure.
“After I…” I brushed her hair over her shoulder, letting it drape back and cascade like a golden flow of soft waves. “After I made you come on that table, Loren. How can you think I don’t care ?”
“That was just lust. A conquest. Nothing more.”
God, I hated when she said that phrase. Nothing more? She was dead wrong about that. I wanted it all with her.
“It wasn’t. I care about you, Loren.”
“As your employee?” Her voice quieted then. It almost sounded shaky, like she was warring with some intense emotions to get the words out.
“Yes. I care about you keeping your job and moving up however you want to.”
“That’s it? You don’t want to lose me on the team?”
“No. Yes.” I sighed, aggravated as I shook my head. “Yes, I care about you as my brilliant employee. And I also care about you as a…” Another deep breath soughed out of me. Fuck. This was it. This was the big moment where I’d need to lay it all on the line. Where I’d need to define us or what I wanted. I wasn’t having second thoughts about wanting it all with her, but I had to do so in such a way that it wouldn’t compromise her wanting to stay as my employee too.
“As a lot more. But right now, today, before this damn meeting, I need to know that you’re okay. I need you focused on the job.”
She didn’t reply, and I worried that I was screwing this up by not defining what I wanted with her. It wouldn’t be a simple, quick chat. I wanted to do this right, to be honest and earnest and really let her know that a fling wouldn’t cut it where she was concerned. And we would have that conversation as soon as this meeting was done.
“Are you okay?” I repeated.
She swallowed hard, but then stopped the gesture halfway and nodded weakly. Then she shifted into a shrug.
“Loren?”
“I am okay. But also not.”
“What?”
She licked her lips, looking down for a tense moment. When she glanced up again, I worried about the uneasy expression she showed me.
“I am pregnant,” she whispered in a rushed, anxious blurt, making time stand still.