Chapter 13
I shook my head, unsure I was hearing what they were saying. “What?”
Andrew nodded, his eyes downcast. “As stupid as it sounds, it’s true. The rumors were to keep guys away from you. Again, we were astronomically wrong. We should’ve let you do what you wanted. You always liked the biggest asshole around, though, and we had a hard time staying out of it.”
“We wanted to keep you safe.” Warren leaned back in his seat. “We couldn’t touch you back then, Cupcake. You were too young and we weren’t really sure what we wanted ourselves, but we knew that we weren’t allowed to touch you. No matter how much we wanted to.”
“And we did want to. That night we tossed you in the pool? It was the worst. We stumbled across you making out with that scumbag. You were shitfaced and he had his hand up your dress.” Lucas scowled. “No way could we let that happen.”
I stood up and walked away from the table, just to turn around and stare at the three of them. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Scowling, Andrew shook his head. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“You really expect me to believe that you three tortured me for most of my adolescence because you secretly wanted me? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Lucas grunted. “Yeah, it was pretty dumb.”
“Let me clarify. You put itching powder in my underwear for months. You cut my hair when I was eight. You made fun of me in front of your friends and made everyone believe the worst things about me. You made sure that the only person who wanted to hang out with me through my entire high school life was Macy. You were so mean to me, every single time you saw me. And yeah, I’m not over it.
It’s been a decade of me moving on and I still dreaded coming here and seeing the three of you again.
“And whatever this is between the four of us? It’s that much harder because I still expect to be tricked or knocked over at any moment.
The idea of you three wanting me is so hard to believe because you all spent years convincing me that I was unworthy of anyone.
” I was really building up my anger into a crescendo.
“And the fact that you lecture me about seeing how sexy you find me, or whatever. It’s bullshit.
Of course, I don’t feel sexy around you.
Each of you spent so much time pointing out my flaws.
I carried that with me. I didn’t get to forget it ever happened because suddenly I’m an entirely different person now.
“You really expect me to believe that you wanted me back then and that’s why you were so awful. You must think I’m the dumbest person on the face of the planet.”
They were quiet for a moment before Andrew stood up and walked around the table.
He reached for me but stopped last second and dropped his hands to his side.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry we did that to you.
We were wrong then. We were stupid boys who were at war with our desires and their perceived limitations. ”
“Not that that’s an excuse.” Lucas jumped in.
“Not at all. We did stupid things and we regret them. I’m sorry for the way we treated you. We should’ve cherished you then like we want to now.”
Warren nodded. “Honesty with each other is the only way we’ve been able to stay the way we are, Cupcake. We take it very seriously and we would never lie to you. What we did back then was wrong, of course. There was an ulterior motive, though.”
Andrew gently took my hand and pulled me to the couch. Warren and Lucas followed and sat across from Andrew and me. I wanted to resist and struggle against the tug to fall into Andrew’s side, but I couldn’t. I needed comfort.
“You were such a cute fucking kid, Cupcake. At first, we just liked messing with you because you’d fight back.
Your face would get red, and you’d ball your fists up, and there were plenty of times we thought you were going to actually try to fight us.
In the end, you’d always just disappear into the kitchen with Mom.
You never told on us, for whatever reason. ”
Lucas leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.
“You were fifteen the first time we noticed you’d started to change into a woman.
You were still wearing fucking pigtails and it was ridiculous to find a fifteen-year-old in pigtails so cute, but we did.
We were too old for you, though. Too old and away at college most of the time. ”
“But when we were in town, we saw the way the other boys looked at you. You didn’t see it, but they followed you around like puppies.
And then you started dating.” Warren groaned.
“It was awful to watch. We knew that we didn’t own you or deserve anything from you.
You were a kid and we were trying to become men.
It didn’t stop the way we wanted you, though. ”
Andrew let my hair down and combed his fingers through it.
“We were experimenting with what we liked back then, and we’d only been with one woman at the same time.
It’d seemed like a kink more than a real possibility.
There was no way of just one of us having you, and no part of us believed that this, the three of us, would ever be something you wanted.
So we acted like assholes. We kept other guys away from you and watched from afar. ”
“Then, you strolled into my bathroom and caught me and it felt like maybe there was a chance. You responded to me so beautifully, Cupcake. Then, you seemed to respond to Lucas and Andrew, too. You’re perfect. You were always perfect. The time just wasn’t right.”
Lucas pushed his hair out of his face and stared at the ground. “I’m so sorry for what we did to you. What I did to you. The idea of sharing you with other guys got under my skin so much that I didn’t think through how much I was hurting you. If I could take it all back, I would.”
“We’re all sorry. We’re sorry, too, that we hurt you so badly that you’re not sure if this is real. What you’ve been feeling from us is one thousand percent real and true. We wanted you back then and we want you even more now.”
Andrew gently pulled me into his lap and stroked my cheek. “We’d never go there again. We’ll do everything in our power to keep you happy and safe.”
I let him hold me, and I took from his strength and warmth. “It’s not as easy for me as it seems to be for you three. It’s not going to go away overnight, the things you did, I mean.”
Lucas moved over and sat down next to us. He rested his hand on my calf and sighed. “We’re going to show you how beautiful you are. I hate knowing that we hurt the way you see yourself.”
“I shouldn’t have implied that it was all on the three of you.
That was wrong of me. The boyfriends I’ve had in the last decade did most of the damage.
” I sighed as I thought about it. “All of this is so crazy. My brain can’t work out how it makes any sense.
I came here thinking I was going to have to do my best to avoid the three of you.
I thought it would be more of the same. I thought I’d spend the two weeks moping over another failed relationship and then crying during the wedding because my love life is such shit. Instead, this is happening.”
“Tell us more. Let’s just talk like a normal couple would, and we can learn about you and you can learn about us. Maybe that’ll help.” Warren moved to sit on the coffee table so he could pull my foot into his lap and gently rub it.
I sighed at the feeling of him uncoiling my tightly strained muscles. “A normal couple? Is that what this is supposed to be?”
Andrew shifted me on his lap so Warren could have both of my feet. “I’m afraid to tell you what we want, for fear of you running out of the room, screaming.”
“You already told me you want to bend me over and take my...behind...” I flushed, unable to say the words fully. “After spanking me, to be clear. If I didn’t run after that, I think you can speak freely.”
His fingers tensed around my waist, but after a beat, they loosened and he chuckled. “It’s hard to remember that we’re just talking when you say things like that. Especially when I know you didn’t run after I said them. You wanted more.”
Lucas took my hand and rubbed up my arm. “This is not a conversation we should be having right now.”
“I didn’t mean sex, Cupcake.”
I tilted my head back to look at Andrew. He didn’t mean sex? So, what did they want? More? I shifted. “You’re right. I think I’m a chicken regarding that right now.”
Warren dug his thumb into a sore spot in my arch and met my eyes. “Tell us about these exes.”
I couldn’t help relaxing into Andrew when Warren and Lucas were massaging me into a helpless blob. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on speaking. It wasn’t easy, though, and I ended up just shrugging. “They sucked. End of story.”
Andrew clicked his tongue next to my ear. “Details, Cupcake. Maybe even addresses.”
I smiled. “There’ve only been four. Cody was the first. I lost my virginity to him and he dumped me three days after.
That was after we dated for a year and a half.
Next was a guy named Sam. We dated for two years.
It was two years of him waiting on me to lose an extra few pounds before he would introduce me to his parents.
That never happened. After Sam and before Milo, there was a lot of space and then James.
James traveled for work and had an entire family in Florida.
On our third anniversary, I found a picture of his kids.
And then Milo. Two years of never being good enough, never being home enough, never being what he needed.
Then I walked in on him with a woman who had to be a size zero.
She was perky. That might be the thing I hate most.”
Lucas had stopped rubbing my arm. “Addresses and surnames.”
Andrew growled. “Maybe slight descriptions so we know we’re annihilating the right person.”
Warren never stopped rubbing my feet. He just calmly cleared his throat and looked at both of his brothers. “Murdering assholes isn’t either of your jobs.”
Andrew scoffed. “Our jobs make it an easy option.”
I raised my eyebrows.
Warren just shook his head. “Andrew assumes that because he’s working on having more money than god, he can do mostly whatever he fucking wants. And Lucas there thinks because he’s a badass with tattoos who rides motorcycles, he’s automatically a member of Hell’s Angels.”
Lucas scowled. “I don’t just ride motorcycles.”
“And I’m not working on it. I do have more money than god.
And because of that, so do you.” Shifting me into Lucas’s lap, Andrew strode to the table and grabbed our plates of food.
Putting them down on the coffee table, he took mine and then pulled me back into his lap. “Fucking assholes. You’re perfect.”
I giggled as Lucas pouted. “I’m not a doll, Andrew. I can move myself.”
He handed me a piece of chicken and pushed my hand towards my mouth. “You need to eat. You barely touched anything earlier.”
“What is happening?” I looked at Lucas and Warren and met their humor-filled expressions with a confused one of my own.
“You’re experiencing Andrew feeling out of control.
Just let him fuss over you. He’ll come back to his normal level of bossy soon.
” Lucas shrugged like it was completely normal.
“We’ve all changed in our own ways. Andrew became a control freak and Warren got so fucking calm I wonder if he even has a pulse some days. ”
Warren nodded to the chicken I was still holding and smiled. “Better eat before Andy pops a vessel.”
I looked up at him and found him frowning at his brothers. I tilted my head back so I could press a kiss to his chin and then took a big bite of my chicken. “See? I’m fine.”
His face loosened and he let out a rough breath before stroking my hair again. “Lucas hasn’t really changed. He’s still a bull in a china shop in life.”
I took another bite and barely finished it before laughing out loud at the look of disdain Lucas was giving his brother. I snuggled tighter into Andrew and sighed happily. “This is nice.”
Warren leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “It’s nice for us, too. Now, about those names and addresses.”