Chapter 30
***Memphis***
Stumbling my way through dinner, I managed to at least sort of look like I knew what I was doing.
I followed Remy’s lead with the silverware and listened politely while they spoke to the people sharing the table with us.
I’d been introduced but I couldn’t remember their names.
I could barely remember my own. I wasn’t even sure what the point of pretending was when Presley was going to expose me.
I had to keep telling myself that breaking out in tears and running away wasn’t the answer. It was all I wanted to do, though.
Growing up, I’d never had the time or chance to feel ashamed of my status in life.
Everyone I knew was poor. Being at the gala and experiencing how the rich live snatched all my security away.
I felt like trash. I felt like the people around me, the richest of the rich, would be able to see through me in one glance.
I wasn’t like them. I was Trailer Park Princess.
That in itself was a painful reminder of my lack of belonging.
In the trailer park, when the other kids saw how I read all the time and heard how I wanted to go to college, they made fun of me for dreaming and thinking I was too good for them.
I didn’t fit in anywhere, but at least in the trailer park, I knew that no one around me could buy and sell my life ten times over.
I hated feeling stupid. I’d dropped out of school early to take care of my brothers and I’d always had a chip on my shoulder about it.
I’d gotten my GED earlier than most of my peers, but it didn’t matter.
I loved school and I’d failed at it. Feeling dumb triggered my insecurities and sitting in a room full of accomplished people talking about the stock market and the economy in Europe was making me feel several different types of dumb.
Wells bounced his leg next to me, never seeming to calm down.
I wanted to comfort him, but he didn’t know I knew about his condition.
I also needed comfort, though, so I reached over and gently rested my hand on his thigh.
He grabbed my hand and squeezed right away.
For a moment, I felt better, like I wasn’t so adrift.
It was scary to know that whatever comfort I could find in Wells could be so easily snatched away by Presley, so that comfort was short lived.
“I’m going to go talk to a donor really quickly. I’ll be back.” Remy touched my shoulder and nodded. “Everything okay?”
“Oh, yeah!” I would’ve groaned if I wasn’t paralyzed with the fear of making a fool of myself.
Things had been easier with Charlie. He was a monster, but he told me what to do, gave me clear instructions.
He lacked a soul of his own, I was pretty sure, so it was easy for him to be a chameleon and trick people.
He’d taught me a lot, but there were some things that just couldn’t be taught.
My discomfort at scamming men out of their money had never faded, much to Charlie’s dismay and frustration.
I’d also always been paranoid. I couldn’t have counted the times Charlie shouted at me for trying to jinx us with my talk of getting caught. I’d only ever been able to manage pulling things off with his help. I was glad I didn’t have it and that he was gone, but I was drowning in my mess.
“I’m going to run to the powder room.” I slowly got to my feet and watched as both Boone and Wells did the same. I smiled at them. “I’ve got it from here, y’all.”
A man across the table laughed heartily. “She’s adorable, Boone. Where’d you guys find her?”
I rushed away, not wanting to hear the sordid details.
Sticking to the outside wall of the ballroom, I found an exit into a hallway and walked down it, grateful to be out of there.
I didn’t care where it went, and when it led to a small balcony at the side of the hotel instead of the bathroom, I didn’t mind.
I let myself out onto the balcony and took a few deep breaths of. ..not so fresh air.
I coughed as the smell of city hit me. I was not in the country anymore, that much was for sure.
The sounds that filled the night were loud and constant.
I couldn’t imagine sleeping anywhere so loud.
The trailer park was full of fights and pickup trucks, but most of those noises settled down before it got too late.
I could imagine the noises I was hearing stretching straight through the night.
They felt never ending. Someone shouted in the distance and an alarm went off in another direction.
My head filled with the noise and I found myself rushing to escape again.
In no hurry to get back to the table where I’d have to poorly pretend that I belonged, I walked through a few more hallways, thinking of a library I’d seen pictures of from another country.
It lived in a building similar to the hotel I was in, and I imagined books lining the beautiful walls around me. The knots in my chest loosened.
The sound of jazz grew louder each time I got closer to the ballroom, but the hotel had enough offshoots that I could just slip down another and never even look towards the source of that sound. I had a feeling I was going to hate soft jazz when I made it out of the gala.
I was about to turn into another one of the offshoots and make myself scarce again when I heard Remy’s voice close by.
I didn’t want to be caught avoiding the ballroom and I didn’t want him to think I was seeking him out, so I stopped and turned around, set to leave until I heard what he was saying.
“You guys enjoying the new field? I haven’t been able to stop by and see it yet.” His voice was softer than normal and it did something funny to my insides, almost as much as his demanding tone did.
A small voice replied to him. “It’s awesome! Mr. Greg won’t let us play football, but we’ve been playing baseball.”
“No football? Man, that’s tough.” Remy grunted. “Maybe I’ll talk to Mr. Greg. If I can get you guys pads and helmets, he might be okay with it.”
More little voices spoke all at once. They were excited to be talking to Remy, I could tell. The moment he opened his mouth, they all fell silent.
“How about I come by one day this week and we see if you guys are any better at smack talk now?” Laughing easily, Remy sounded like a completely different man.
“Jones, don’t think that I haven’t noticed how much you’ve grown in just a few weeks.
You’re going to have to play as an adult soon if you don’t slow down. ”
That set off a gang of demands to be measured and when I peeked around the corner and saw Remy kneeling in front of a group of kids who couldn’t be older than seven or eight, I melted.
The little kids were all so cute, dressed in khakis and nice button-down shirts.
They were looking up at Remy like he’d hung the moon.
“Who’s that?” One of the little kids had noticed me and before I could plaster myself against the wall to hide, Remy shot a look over his shoulder and spotted me.
I winced and decided to leave him to the kids. It was probably beginning to get suspicious that I wasn’t back from the bathroom, anyway. Before I got anywhere, though, Remy’s hand gripped my arm and pulled me back around the corner and into the middle of the group of kids.
“Guys, this is my friend, Memphis.” Remy pressed his hand against the bare skin of my back and pointed to each kid, naming them without hesitation. “Megan and Sam thought it would be really special to have the kids involved tonight. These guys were lucky enough to get picked.”
“Memphis? That’s not a name.”
I grinned at the boy who’d said it. “It’s my name. Memphis King. It’s nice to meet y’all.”
Giggles erupted from them and I even felt Remy chuckle from beside me. It was clear that my accent amused them, but I didn’t mind.
“Okay, okay. Y’all had better go back with Mr. Greg. You’ve got a song to sing.” Still smiling, Remy high-fived each kid. “I’ll be by this week to wipe the floor with each of you.”
After the kids made their way through an open door halfway down the hallway, Remy turned to me and wrapped his hands around my waist, just holding my sides. I looked up at him and felt a surge of heat surge to life between my thighs.
“Spying on me?” He leaned against the wall behind him and pulled me closer.
I braced myself with my hands flat on his chest, loving the feeling of his muscles flexing under my palms. “No. I was exploring. I’m not sad I witnessed that, though. You’re great with them, Remy. I can’t believe I ever worried about you wanting kids.”
His jaw muscles worked as he studied my face, his smiles all gone without the kids present. “I brought you to the gala so you’d see we do care about kids. I didn’t plan on you seeing me with the guys, though. I would never use them.”
“Remy, I never would’ve thought that. You’re genuinely great with them. That’s not something you can fake.” I stroked my hands up to cup his face and smiled. “It was nice to hear you happy.”
He grunted. “I’m happy plenty.”
Patting his cheek, I made a face that made it clear I doubted him. “You’re broody and cranky plenty. You don’t laugh or smile very often, though. With them, you were all smiles. It’s adorable.”
“Are you trying to compliment me somewhere in there?” His grip tightened just slightly around my waist and he made a sound of disgust. “Adorable? Jesus, sweetheart.”
I stretched up and pressed a kiss to his chin. “You’re going to be a great dad, Remy.”
He stiffened against me, but was back to normal so quickly that I thought I’d imagined it.
I leaned forward, thinking he was going to kiss me, but instead he dropped his mouth next to my ear and whispered.
“I’m a better disciplinarian already, sweetheart, and I do believe you sneaking around and spying calls for a lesson. ”
I shivered and felt my body react like a match to gasoline. I’d never known I had a darker sexual appetite, but when Remy said things like that, I was ready to bend over and ask politely for whatever he planned on giving me. “Can we leave after the kids sing?”
Nodding once, Remy guided me back to the table and shot a look at Wells and Boone. “Text Jake to have the car ready and the partition up.”