Chapter 39
***Memphis***
“I learned all about plants and flowers from a neighbor back home. Ms. Moore. She’s gone now, but when I was young, she’d let me come over and take care of her garden.
I’d make a few dollars and she’d have some company every day.
” I wiped my hands on Remy’s pants, the way I’d been doing since he sat down next to me.
For some reason, it made me feel special.
“What’d a silver spoon kid need with a few dollars?” Boone held a bulb up the wrong way and I flipped it in his big hand.
When I realized what he’d said, and what I’d said, a wave of panic crested over my head.
I stammered as I tried to explain myself.
“O-oh, my parents thought I needed to learn the value of a dollar. The hard way. They thought they were raising the next CFO of the company, I’m sure.
They could spend ten thousand dollars on a dress for my first dance, but I needed to suffer before I learned to spend that way. I guess it worked.”
“There’s valuing a dollar and there’s being a miser, Memphis.
” Boone leaned back on his elbows in the grass and watched me.
“It’s easier to picture you playing in the garden as a kid than it is to imagine you doing all the bullshit we had to do.
The cotillions. Oh, God, the cotillions.
Etiquette classes for days, so many rules, and then there was school.
If each grade wasn’t somehow better than the last, it was a failure. ”
I curled my legs under me as I faced them, forgetting my plants. “That sounds horrible.”
Remy barked out a humorless laugh. “That’s one way to put it. Don sent us to this designer boarding school right after Mom died. She’d only been dead for a few weeks when we found ourselves the odd men out at this school full of rich assholes who’d never been taught to be human.”
“Oh, that’s awful!” I pressed myself into his knees and looked at the three of them with a gentler gaze. “What was life like before that?”
They all sat in silence, seemingly lost in thought. I waited patiently until Boone spoke up. “I was three years younger, so I didn’t get as much time with her. I remember things being easier, though. She played with us a lot. I don’t remember ever being bored.”
Remy nodded. “She didn’t want us to be like the kids at that boarding school. She made us do chores and we didn’t get everything we wanted. We had dinner together every night and talked to each other. It was almost a normal life, just spent in this massive house.”
“She spent her free time out here, planting flowers and trees.” Wells stretched his legs out in front of him and got in a more comfortable position.
“I was nine when she died. Remy was ten and Boone was seven. It would’ve been world-altering enough, but Don was so angry that he wanted us to hurt like he did.
He sent us away after making sure to tell us that Mom had been on her way to meet her lover when she crashed and died.
He let us know that we’d been abandoned and was sure to blame us for it all. ”
My body shook with anger at what they’d been put through.
“What a bunch of horseshit. She tried to abandon him, maybe, but she clearly loved you three so much more than that. It would’ve been so easy for her to give into the lifestyle of nannies and hands-off parenting, but you’re telling me she wasn’t willing to let you three become three more rich dickheads in the world.
She wanted more for you and that’s enough for me to know that she was a great woman. I would’ve loved her, I’m sure.”
Boone tilted his head and looked up at the sky. “It’s complicated.”
I didn’t push the subject. “So, boarding school was bad?”
“Yeah. Wells and I were in the same class and we were together to fight for each other. Boone was alone.” Remy nodded to his brother and I thought I saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes.
“He was seven, showing up with bloody noses and black eyes. The teachers wouldn’t do anything about it and the headmaster was this prick of a man in a senator’s pocket.
The senator’s kid was the meanest kid of all. He’s a senator himself now.”
“Did you kick his ass?” I went up on my knees, so furious for their little selves. “I hope you stomped him into a mud hole. What a bunch of idiots. Do you know where they are now?”
Boone laughed, the sound welcome after hearing his sadness over his mom. “We’ve come across a few of them. It’s always sweet to turn them away.”
“And we did kick the shit out of that kid Taylor Clark. He was a year older than us and we caught him cornering Boone in the bathroom after lunch. Remy had him on the ground before he knew what was happening and he ended up calling for his mommy like a little bitch while we made sure he knew to leave the Hawke brothers alone.” When Wells’ smile faded, I knew I wouldn’t like what came next. “We got in trouble for that one.”
“Well, that’s bullshit!” I pressed myself into Boone’s chest, settling between his legs. “I bet you were so precious as a kid, too.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me. “I had a bowl cut and two missing front teeth.”
“Even cuter than today then.” I smiled up at him and held my breath as he lowered his mouth. Just when I thought he might kiss me, he pulled away and sent me a challenging look. “Hey. What’s that for?”
He grunted. “Avoiding me.”
I looked down at the grass next to his knee and plucked at a piece. “Tell me more about the people from this boarding school. I’d love to find them and teach them a thing or two about being bullies.”
“Smooth subject change. I don’t think anyone even noticed.” Wells flashed a wide smile at me and stretched his foot forward to gently nudge mine. “Why don’t you tell us about your childhood? It has to be nicer to hear about than this shit.”
I swallowed around a lump in my throat. They were telling me their private and personal stories and I couldn’t share much of my life without being exposed.
I didn’t want to lie to them. I hated it.
For a moment, I thought about calling the whole thing off and exposing myself, but imagining the looks on their faces as they realized what a loser I was wouldn’t let me do it.
“Memphis?” Boone gently squeezed me to get my attention. “You okay?”
I cleared my throat and forced a smile. “Yeah, sorry. I just zoned out for a second. Um. My childhood. It was fine. Yeah, you know? Nothing to mention.”
Remy narrowed his eyes. “Bullshit.”
“It’s a little hard to talk about right now.
I’m basically estranged from my parents.
They’re so obsessed with the business...
” I thought of how I could tell parts of my story without lying and chewed on my lip as I ripped up more grass without paying attention to it.
I guess it was challenging at times. I have two younger brothers and my parents just stopped parenting at a certain point.
I didn’t want them to be left to nannies or babysitters, so I decided to take care of them myself.
Knox is five years younger than me and Jackson is seven years younger. ”
“Seriously? You were so close to their age. How’d you take care of them?” Boone dropped his hands to my thighs. “Also, your mom really did love the location names, huh?”
“Yes, she did. You can tell that I once lived in Tennessee and Mississippi by their names.” I smiled.
“I was a mature kid. I aged fast. So, five years felt more like fifteen. I fed them and made sure they were bathed and ready for school. I walked them to school before going to my own school each day. I fought the people who bullied them. When they were big enough, they fought the people who bullied me. It all worked out.”
Wells sat up. “Where the fuck were your parents?”
“Who bullied you?” Remy growled as he put his hand over my knee and squeezed.
“Working. Building that wealth they care so much about.” I looked out across the yard and sighed before looking back at Remy.
“A lot of people. I was different and that’s a target when you’re young.
I’ve also heard that I looked like a bug until I grew into my eyes and mouth, so there’s that, too.
I’m sure a lot of the other kids’ animosity came from me never connecting to them.
I had other things to worry about, though.
I didn’t have time for friends. I was making sure Knox and Jackson were okay and then doing whatever I could to prove that I knew the value of a dollar.
When I was old enough, I worked multiple jobs around our neighborhood.
I don’t think I’ve ever really stopped going until now. ”
“Your parents sound like monsters, sweetheart.” Shifting closer, Remy pulled me into his arms and I listened to the racing beat of his heart as he pressed my head into his chest. “I’m not sure you can say you’ve finally stopped going, though.
You’re constantly working here. Cleaning or gardening, you’re always going. ”
“I’m making friends.” I looked up at him and smiled.
“I have more friends now than I’ve ever had.
Even at Yale. Cleaning with Bea lets me have time to chat with her.
Gardening with Pete is just a treat for me.
Pete is great and I get to play with flowers.
It’s fantastic. And Jake reminds me of Knox a little.
Talking with him eases the homesickness. ”
“Where are your brothers now?” Wells watched my face and frowned. “Don’t stop sharing now, Memphis. Please.”
“Jackson...he didn’t escape my parents without a few battle scars. Wounds, really. Festering things that never healed. He’s...complicated. His mind never really gave him a fair chance. He...”
Boone spoke up. “Go on, Memphis. Wells is a big boy. He can handle it.”
I met Wells' confused gaze and blew out a breath. “He was, probably still is, agoraphobic. He started having severe panic attacks at a young age and it just never got better. Until one day, it did. Not really, though. He’d just found a special cocktail of drugs that took away his ability to care. One thing led to another and he’s been an addict for eight years.
He’s in rehab right now. It’s not the first one he’s been in.
It’s hard to have any faith that it’ll be his last.”
Wells' entire body seemed brittle, like one strong breeze would shatter him. “So, you know.”
I nodded. “I do.”
“Do I remind you of him?” Six words and Wells had split my heart wide open. The pain in his eyes as he waited for my answer was nearly tangible.
Remy loosened his grip on me before I even started to move. He knew his brother needed comfort. I crawled into Wells’ lap and wrapped my arms around him. “Not even a little bit, Wells. Not even if you tried. You’re a rock, whether you know it, or not, and the bravest person I know.”
He snorted, but I didn’t give him a chance to argue.
“You are. Even when the world feels too big and terrifying, even when you probably feel like passing out or running, you just do shit.” I smiled and ran my finger over the scar on his cheek. “You’re brave, Wells. You should give yourself some credit.”
He pressed his face into my neck and inhaled deeply. His arms squeezed around me almost painfully tight but then they were gone. He passed me off to Remy and stood up so fast that he was already striding towards the house by the time I realized what happened.
Remy stopped me from going after Wells. “Just give him some space. Showing your vulnerable spots isn’t a fun time. He’s fine, though, sweetheart.”
I sagged into his chest. “I hate not fixing it.”
“Nothing’s broken.” Boone stretched out in the grass again. “This was fucking heavy. I came out here with a plan to throttle you. For hiding from us, again, and for setting us up with those kids. Instead, I feel like I just sat through a few hours of therapy.”
Remy growled. “You just froze when he mentioned the kids. You did it, didn’t you?”
I shook my head, but it was too fast and clearly desperate. “No. No, I didn’t. Why would I do that? I’d never.”
Boone scoffed. “You little shit. You set us up.”
“Fine! I did set you up. I didn’t know it was going to go so spectacularly, though!
I just thought that you needed to start spending some time with kids.
To prepare, you know?” I peeked up at Remy’s face and winced.
“Okay, I was also being spiteful. You hurt my feelings when you suggested that there were other women.”
“What?” His face twisted in confusion. “I never said anything about other women.”
“You made that comment about any old ass. Asses have bodies attached to them, Remy. Other women and other asses.”
Boone whistled. “Wait until I tell Wells that he had shit smeared all over his legs because you made a stupid fucking comment, Remy.”
I was saved from whatever punishment Remy would think was fair when his phone rang from his pocket.
He swore and I took it as my cue to run for cover.
Waving at them, I said a quick goodbye and ran to the guest house.
I’d probably already shared too much, anyway.
It was time for me to hide away and shut my mouth.