Chapter 31
***Jud***
I took Ada again in the shower after her alarm went off and then I forced myself to kiss her goodbye as she left to get the kids ready for breakfast. I thought about going with her to wake up Milo but I knew that the way I was feeling was too intense to exist so fast. I didn’t want to scare her with how much I wanted her.
I forced myself to go into my studio and work on my latest piece for an hour before I gave up and went downstairs.
I’d just missed breakfast so I grabbed one of the sandwiches David kept in the fridge for the nights I stumble out of my studio at three AM.
I looked out the kitchen windows at the lake and felt like I was seeing it clearly for the first time in a while.
I hadn’t always been so lost in my work that I barely functioned.
I’d dated Milo’s mom and we’d been good friends.
Things had been better then. The way I felt that night with Ada haunted me, though.
It was always at the back of my mind, a reminder of what I didn’t feel with any other woman, including Stella , Milo’s mom.
Stella knew about Ada. She’d found the paintings and forced me to talk to her about it.
She hadn’t even been upset after. She said it made sense of things for her.
After trying to love someone time and time again, I felt broken when it never happened.
There were darker paintings from the nights I’d been convinced that Ada was a devil who’d ruined my life.
She hadn’t been a devil, though. She’d been a seventeen-year-old girl who got grounded because I hadn’t been able to stop myself from marking her throat.
All the ways my life had failed to go the way I thought it should weren’t her fault. They were mine.
“What are you looking at?” Kendall stopped next to me and nudged me with her elbow. “You shaved. You almost don’t look like the guy outside of the gas station by our school.”
I smiled down at her and watched her eyes widen. Sighing, I dragged her in for a hug and kissed the top of her head. “Thanks, kid.”
She hugged me back for a second and then she pulled back and punched me in the arm. She laughed but I didn’t miss the tears in her eyes. “Are you back?”
I felt like a piece of shit. I was only fifteen when she was born.
She was this little ball of sunshine and she’d made me feel hopeful.
Our family had been so fucked up but there she was, a tiny chance for something normal and healthy.
I’d taken care of her just as much as Joe had. “I think I am, Kenny. I’m sorry.”
She turned away to wipe her eyes and shrugged. “It’s fine.”
I pulled her in for another hug and grunted. “It’s not fine. I love you, kid.”
Joe walked in and froze. He took everything in at once, my clear eyes, clean appearance, and the way Kendall was hugging me back so tightly that it almost hurt. His face pinched in pain for a second but then his face went blank and it was like the hurt had never existed. “You look good.”
Kendall pulled back and glanced at her dad before smiling and then shrugging. “I have to go to rehearsal. Jessica’s mom is picking me up.”
Joe and I both watched her jog away before our eyes moved back towards each other. He looked me over and nodded. “Glad to see you again.”
I looked down and nodded, ashamed of the darkness that dragged me under so often. “Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. I heard you apologize to Kendall, too. You don’t need to apologize for shit.” He sounded gruff and for a second it was like we were sixteen and six again, with him taking care of me like a single parent instead of a brother.
I gripped the back of my neck. “I think I’ll see Dr. Barden. Milo’s getting older and I can’t keep on the way I have been.”
“Ada wouldn’t let you, anyway.” He looked past me and I turned to see that Ada and the boys were all hiking down to the lake.
She had Milo in her arms and when she threw her head back and laughed at something one of the kids said, I felt my stomach explode with nerves and excitement.
I turned back to Joe and shook my head to clear it of images of Ada spread out on the beach for me. “Something happened.”
Joe’s body stiffened. “What?”
I deserved his suspicion. I’d put him through a lot when I was still a kid. “Nothing bad, I promise.”
“Then what?”
“I found her. The mystery girl.” I rubbed my hands down my face as a stupid smile stretched my mouth.
“What?” Joe’s face brightened with a smile and he moved closer to clap me on the shoulder. “That’s amazing! How, though?”
Of course, my brothers knew all about the girl who’d gotten away.
They knew I’d painted her hundreds of times but they’d never seen the paintings.
I’d snapped a picture of them while in my studio because I knew what I was going to say was unbelievable.
I pulled my phone out and opened the picture.
“I don’t know how I didn’t recognize her, Joe. ”
Joe’s smile dimmed the moment he looked at the picture. Grabbing it and pulling it closer, he frowned. “You’re joking, right?”
I shook my head. “It’s her. She-”
“That’s not possible, Jud. It’s... Jesus.” He shook his head and scrubbed his hands down his face. “We need to go talk to Collin.”
“What? Why?” I followed him because he still had my phone. “Joe, what’s your deal?”
Joe burst into Collin’s office and I trailed in after him, a weird sense of anxiety sitting on my chest. Collin held up his hand to tell us to wait so he could finish his call but Joe leaned over his desk and hung up the secure line.
Collin stood up with a furious expression on his face. “What the fuck, Joe? That was an important call!”
I watched as Joe shoved my phone under Collin’s nose and Collin’s face shifted from fury to confusion to horror. He sank back into his chair and pressed his fist into his mouth.
Joe walked back over to the door and closed it. “We need to talk.”
Collin swore. “That’s your fair girl?”
I sank into one of the chairs across from him and felt Joe take the other.
“Yeah. I didn’t realize it was Ada until yesterday.
I don’t know how I missed it. Those eyes.
.. It took her coming into my studio and finding the paintings for me to realize.
She called me a creep because she thought I’d painted those since she arrived here. ”
“You’re sure?” Joe looked like he was hoping I wasn’t.
“She remembers. I went to talk to her last night and she was shocked, but it’s her. Ada is my fair girl.” I saw their faces pale and my stomach sank. “What? What’s the deal? I thought you would both be happy for me?”
Collin cleared his throat and wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m happy for you, Jud. I am. It’s just...”
When he trailed off, I felt like punching him in the throat. “Spit it out, Collin.”
“I slept with her. I didn’t know she was anyone to you, Jud.” He finally met my gaze and winced at what he saw.
“You slept with Ada.”
Joe sat forward. “Jud...”
Collin scowled at Joe. “You’re not about to say what I think you’re about to say.”
Joe glanced at me and then stared at his hands. “I slept with her, too.”
I stood up so fast that I knocked my chair over.
Joe and Collin both stood up and held their hands up like they thought I was going to attack them.
I let out a bitter laugh and shook my head.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t love that you both touched her, but I found her after all these years and I’m not letting her go.
As long as you both know that going forward, you need to keep your hands to yourselves. ”
“Wait a second.” Collin frowned. “I understand that you have history with her but she’s been here all this time and you never showed any interest. I can’t just turn off my interest in her because you came out of hiding, Jud.”
“Well, if we’re all being selfish, I’ll throw my hat in, too. She makes me fucking nuts but I want more.” Joe didn’t see my fist coming and he grunted before pushing me away and landing his own solid punch to my cheek.
Collin swore and hurried around his desk to separate us but he got punched for his effort. He stepped back and held up one hand while his other cupped his nose. “Fucking knock it off. I have a meeting later today and I can’t afford to look like an asshole with a black eye.”
I shook out my fist and felt the area around my cheek where Joe hit me. “She’s mine.”
“No, she’s not. There’s a reason she slept with me, Jud.
I’m sorry that she’s your fair girl, but that was a decade ago.
You don’t even know if you guys still have the same chemistry as the first time around.
” Joe worked his jaw back and forth and scowled.
“We’re even, Jud. Punch me again and I’m tossing you in the lake. ”
“We still have the same chemistry. We had it all last night and this morning.” I regretted the words as soon as they were out.
I didn’t want to brag about what we’d done together.
I just needed them to back off. “You guys don’t believe in the relationship thing.
If you just want sex, you can go out and find it anywhere. Leave Ada alone.”
Collin gritted his teeth. “Maybe we should just talk to Ada and see what she wants.”
I nodded. “That’s fine with me.”
Joe shrugged. “Fine. She’s down at the lake. Let’s go.”