CHAPTER 36
Joanie
Deerbend was the tiny village outside of Lilyfield where Billie worked and lived. No one went to Deerbend unless they were looking for something so that was where I decided to hide. Billie lived in the carriage house which sat just behind the massive farmhouse she grew up in. Her bosses bought the entire property after she’d been forced to sell, but she couldn’t let the property go completely. The carriage house was almost as big as my house so there was plenty of room for me. Billie seemed glad to not have to drive to Lilyfield to see another woman, too. Not that I was much company.
I hadn’t stopped to grab anything from my house before running to Billie’s so I’d even been wearing her clothes. She was nearly half a foot shorter than me, though, so I was stretching all her clothes out and walking around her house like an ill-fashioned zombie. She was a good sport about it, despite my sour attitude. She’d also been watching me go from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other, in barely any time at all.
Just when I thought I was calming down, I’d get a text from one of the guys. Chase was the worst. He seemed to be going through the same emotional rollercoaster I was. His first texts had been apologetic and full of how much he missed me. Then, he got angry. I’d given up so easily and I clearly didn’t give a shit about them if I could walk away like that. The distance between the two emotions got shorter each day. Smith was hurt and texted me to tell me he didn’t like that I’d abandoned him. He also gave me updates about what was happening with them, about how sad they were without me. Bear… Bear didn’t text more than once. It was all it’d taken.
I thought you were someone different. For you to throw my shit in my face is beyond low, Joanie. I tried for you. Too bad you couldn’t try for me.
That text had set off an afternoon of crying. Part of me knew he was right. The other, louder, part of me said that he was part of the problem. They all wanted me to be something other than what I was. I wasn’t good enough for them. That was the feeling I got.
After four days, Smith stopped texting me. After six, Chase stopped apologizing. He sent me one last text dismissing me and it pissed me off as much as it hurt me.
If you’re even reading my texts, Joanie, I thought I should let you know that you won. I can only beg for forgiveness from a woman who isn’t here for so long. I won’t buy the company from you but I won’t push for anything else. Whatever happens to the diner happens. If you don’t come back to it, maybe someone else will want to step up. I came here for you and I don’t see a whole lot of reason to stay if you’re not going to be here. From the day I arrived in Lilyfield, I never doubted how strong you were until now. You’ve got three men dying to be there for you and you’re too lost in your own shit to let us comfort you. There’s only so much we can do. We’re staying for the battle but after that, you’ll be free of us.
I read and reread that text to Billie a dozen times. She got so sick of hearing it that she went to the main house to talk to her bosses, something she hated to do. After that, I realized I needed to stop bothering Billie with everything. She didn’t deserve to be as tortured by me as I felt by the guys.
I was angry at the guys for bringing my past into my present, even if it hadn’t been on purpose. I was angrier that they gave up on me. It didn’t make any sense, but I didn’t expect them to throw their hands up and walk away in less than a week. Did they even care about me if they were willing to abandon me so easily? Logically, I knew I was being unreasonable. I just wasn’t thinking logically.
That was the reason why when a big Dolls’ meeting was called, I told myself I couldn’t miss it. I’d skipped out on work and everything else for a week, but a Dolls’ meeting? I couldn’t miss it. It had nothing to do with how close I’d be to the diner. I definitely didn’t want to check on things, or on certain people.
The meeting was just Margaret announcing that Mayor Stevens had agreed on a date for the battle. It was finally going to happen. Way more important than the battle talk, Violet had come with Delilah. My ovaries felt like they were pouting as I watched her feed her daughter and listened to her tease her men. She’d finally been cleared for sex after the birth and she was having a great time. She’d tried to talk about me at the beginning of the meeting, but I wasn’t having it. I didn’t want to talk about my issues. I guessed I didn’t have any issues anymore since the guys were done with me.
Standing in front of The One and Only, though, I could see Chase, Bear, and Smith sitting at the bar. I hadn’t expected to see them and it turned me stomach with grief and worry. “You know… When I moved to Lilyfield, I thought I’d escaped asshole men with asshole attitudes and asshole bodies.”
Violet bounced Delilah on her hip and groaned. “Are they still bothering you about expanding?”
“About everything.” That wasn’t true, though. I was just too embarrassed to admit I’d run them off. I saw Chase look back at me and saw his scowl slam firmly into place. “If Ted Bundy asked me over to help him load his van, I’d do it overspending one more minute with that jerk.”
“Have you thought about asking Margaret for help? Or Coco? I feel like Coco would know how to handle them.” She smirked and I realized I’d instantly smiled at the idea of Coco shooting Bear with another dart. “Yeah, you go talk to them. I’m going to go home and shave every inch of my body.”
“You have the best life.”
“I really do.”
“No, you have the best life, Joanie.” I threw my hands up for dramatic effect and winced when my knuckles connected with something hard. I spun around to see what I’d hit and saw Chase holding his nose. It was dripping blood, and he was scowling even harder at me.
“Are you fucking serious?” He tipped his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did you come back just to make shit worse?”
“What? No! I came back for a meeting about the battle.” I crossed my arms and glared up at him. “It’s not like I meant to hit you.”
“Let me get this straight. You’ve ignored us for a week straight but you came back to town for the fucking battle? Wow.” He looked down at me and ignored the blood dripping down his mouth. “If you hadn’t made it so clear before that you don’t care about us, this really clears it up.”
The door opened behind him and Bear followed Smith out onto the sidewalk. They both stood at Chase’s side and crossed their arms over their chests. Smith looked upset but Bear just looked…cold.
“The prodigal business owner came back for a meeting about the battle, guys. Isn’t that great?” Chase wiped the back of his hand over his face and shook his head. “If the battle is what matters so much to you, maybe we’ll play the game.”
“I’d love to beat that dart-shooting old lady, so I’m in.” Bear shrugged and stared over my head. “Beating Joanie wouldn’t hurt, either.”
I glared at them and shook my head. “Stop it. You three are being dicks. If you want to be mad at someone, be mad at yourselves. You caused all of this.”
Smith sighed. “No, we didn’t. We found out how your old friends heard about this place and it wasn’t any of us. You can’t accept that, though. I can already see you shaking your head and thinking the worst of us. That’s fine. We can’t convince you to care about us and we shouldn’t have to try.”
I looked down at my shoes and swallowed a lump of emotion. “None of this matters, anyway. We’ve all made it pretty clear to each other that we don’t care anymore. You’ve moved on. I’ve moved on. What’s the point of this?”
“The point is that I want to ruin something before we leave.” Bear’s hard voice surprised me. “I want you and those other old ladies to lose horrifically before I leave because I’m pissed off and want everyone to feel just as shitty.”
“Why are you so pissed off? You didn’t even want—”
He cut me off. “I know that my girls aren’t your responsibility, Joanie. They’re mine and to a lesser extent, these two guys. But seeing how easily you could walk away from them just made me realize you’re not who I thought you were. You’d be terrible for them. They’ve been abandoned enough in life.”
My jaw dropped. “Are you serious? That’s fucked up, Bear.”
Smith looked uncomfortable but didn’t say anything. Chase just rolled his shoulders. Bear rubbed his hands down his face and shrugged at me. Without another word, the three of them went back into my diner, where my customers sat, watching the interaction with their faces all but pressed against the glass.
The diner looked just as busy as any other day and I felt another blow to my heart at the idea that everything was just fine without me. No one really needed me.
I was back at my car, trying to unlock it through a blur of tears, when Margaret and Coco appeared behind me. When I felt their presence, I turned around and jumped.
“Relax, Joanie. We just want to help.” Margaret rubbed her hands together. “We caught that interaction and we think we can help you.”
“Do you want to get back at them or get back with them?” Coco opened her two hands to reveal what was in her palms. In one hand, she had a stink bomb and in the other, a sparkler. “Your choice.”
I winced away from her. “Um. Neither? I just think I need to take some time to myself after everything. I’m not sure chemical warfare is the right choice.”
“You’re wrong. Chemical warfare is the world we live in. I’m going to make sure all the men in this town know who’s boss when we’re done. Women!”
I felt a stirring of excitement. Maybe that was what I needed.