Chapter 30
30
As soon as the dancing starts up again and Jessie’s back in Jacob’s arms, I sneak away, making my way into the house and up the staircase to the guest room Jessie gave me. She begged me to move in for a while, for as long as I want to.
I swipe at my tears, hardly noticing the French-style windows that are open, offering a spectacular view of the ocean.
Damn him, that sadist.
It really did feel real.
Sloane wasn’t kidding.
It’s what he does. DO NOT GO THERE, GIRLFRIEND.
Why oh why didn’t I listen to her?
Of course I wish I could believe there was more to this… marriage than there actually is. But I’ve also spent the last five days preparing myself for this exact moment. This was always how it was supposed to play out. I knew that. I was expecting it.
He’s free to go now and do what he does as a billionaire playboy from hell.
I’ll figure out how to get the marriage annulled and I’ll get my period any minute and I’ll set up my business without him.
I find my phone and I google it through my tears. Can you get pregnant if you miss two pills?
Yes, indeed you can.
If you have missed two to seven pills anywhere in the pack, your protection against pregnancy may be affected. You should use back-up protection like condoms.
Coulda shoulda woulda.
If you’ve missed two pills or even one, make sure your partner pulls out until you’ve taken seven consecutive pills.
Bad advice and too late anyway. I was having too much fun to use any pesky back-up protection like condoms. I specifically told him we didn’t need any. Pull out ? Yeah right.
Instead of behaving like a normal, sensible person, I proceeded to throw all caution to the freaking wind and fuck him like a wild animal day and night for an entire week. In gondolas where any passing skier could have easily seen us. In private jets and luxury condos and in every goddamn penthouse suite across the continental United States.
An alert pings.
It’s the one I set up in case I got another email from Eleanor Jaeger. I wipe frustrated tears.
Hi Lila,
Myself and the rest of the design team have met, regarding your job offer. We’ve received several glowing recommendations since then and we’ve also had a thorough look through your website and social media platforms. We think you’ll be a great fit for our team. I’m thrilled to be able to offer you the job of junior design associate here at RL. We’d like you to start as soon as possible.
In addition, Mr. Colton Maddox has been in touch and we’re confident that we can also reach an agreement about a collaboration with you; this can be further discussed when you’re back in New York. We’d like to meet with you both at your earliest convenience. Mr. Maddox mentioned Monday. How would 3:15 work?
I look forward to hearing from you soon. Congratulations, Lila. We’re excited to have you on board!
Best regards,
Eleano r
Holy shit.
There’s another alert too.
New orders: 1,695.
In addition to the other 1,283.
I sit down on the bed, covering my face with my hands and I cry like a baby. With happiness, because this is absolutely my dream job—and a collaboration is beyond any fantasy I’ve never dared to dream up. With nervousness and overwhelm but also excitement, because my business is suddenly exploding. With anger, because Colton Maddox has thoroughly infiltrated himself into every single corner of my life and now I don’t know how to un -infiltrate him. With jealousy, because I absolutely hated the sight of that girl who he once had a fling with, staring at him with stars in her eyes, just like I do (when I’m not shooting daggers, that is). With fear, because I’m late . And I’m married . And this is all just a big mess that’s way more than I can handle. Without him.
I miss him and I love him and I hate him so much.
I hear a loud bang outside the window.
“Fuck,” says a deep, familiar voice.
None other than the devil himself is climbing through my open window, his jacket long gone, blood on his hand, his shirt ripped and his hair a mess.
He’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.
“What are you doing here?” I seethe, because I have a lot to figure out and I can’t deal with more bombs going off in the middle of my life right now. Which he’ll no doubt set off, like he always does.
Colton comes over to me in his disheveled suit porn and he falls to his knees in front of me, pushing my legs apart where I’m sitting on the bed, moving his big, warm body close to mine. He takes my face in his hands. “I love you, Sunshine. Please don’t leave me. I love you so much. I’m sorry. Don’t cry. I’m here now.”
“I don’t want you here!” Damn him! “You said you couldn’t fall in love! So did Sloane. So did all the headlines about all those girls crying into their Cosmos. So did Olivia .”
“None of that matters. I don’t care about them. That was before. Before you. None of those people mean anything to me and they never did. I didn’t love them or even like them. I can’t remember their names or their faces. I know that might be hard for you to believe, but it’s fucking true. I never called them back or wanted to see them again. I never married any of them or fucking fell in love with them, did I? No, Sunshine, I did not. But you know what? Everything changed the minute I saw you at that bar at Noah’s with your silver eyes and your perfect little face. I fell in love with you. I think I loved you from that very first second, I just didn’t know how to recognize it right away because I’d never felt anything like that before. Not even close. It was like getting struck by a Lila-Bailey-shaped million-watt lightning bolt and I was fucking hooked .”
God, his eyes are blue. “How am I supposed to believe anything you say when you’re flirting with every girl you see— and who you’ve already slept with? How, Colton?”
“I wasn’t flirting. I told her to fuck off.”
“You did not.”
“I told her to have a nice night then I asked you to dance so I could get the fuck away from her. Same thing.”
“In what, asshole-speak? I don’t speak that language!”
He’s looking up at me with so much…I don’t know what it is. Passion. Tenderness. Devotion.
“Please, Colton,” I whisper. Please leave. But I can’t bring myself to say it.
“What do you want me to do, Lila? Grovel? Fine, I’ll fucking grovel all you want. I’m fucking sorry , okay? I’m sorry I was a player before I met you. I’m sorry I had other unsatisfying relationships before I knew you existed. I’m sorry I was allergic to any kind of commitment at all because I never met anyone I remotely wanted to commit to. Until you. I’m sorry I didn’t think I could ever fall in love because I was fucked up by my family tradition of fucking up relationships on an epic level and I felt like something in me was broken. I was trying to be an asshole because I thought it was baked into my DNA. But you proved me wrong about all of that, Sunshine girl. You blew it all out of the water with your lightning-bright eyes and your sweet, sassy mouth and the way you never take any shit from me. I suddenly wanted to be the best version of myself just because the only thing I want to do is be good enough for you. You’re strong and you’re smart and you’re so insanely talented I just want to be close to you and bask in your glow. Do you know why I call you Sunshine, Lila? Do you?”
I shake my head.
“It’s because you light up my life and you have from the very first second I saw you. And yes, I know that sounds cheesy as fuck but I don’t fucking care because it’s true. And you know what else?”
“What?” I whisper.
“I wasn’t that drunk. I wanted to marry you. I’m sorry it was sudden and I shouldn’t have done it like that, but all I could see was a chance to put a ring on your finger so I took it. But I want you to know that I’m going to give you the whole damn fairy tale, baby girl. I could read your mind today when Jessie took her vows. And I want that too. We’ll have another wedding with all your friends and your perfect dress and everything you ever wanted. Then I’m going to take you on the most romantic honeymoon you’ve ever seen, to all the places you want to go. Just tell me what you want and I’ll make it happen. I’m going to give you everything, Lila Bailey, because I can. Now I know why I’ve worked my guts out from day one. It’s so I can make all your dreams come true. Please let me try.”
I’m crying again because oh my god .
“Please believe me, sweetheart. Please don’t doubt me anymore. I’ll grovel and I’ll beg and I’ll buy you diamonds and sewing machines or whatever it fucking takes to convince you, every day for the rest of time until you believe me. I’m all in , Sunshine. I want you. I fucking need you. I love you, baby girl.”
It’s a lot. It’s everything I ever hoped might be true. And so I do it: I make a choice. I decide to believe him.
“Lila?”
“Yeah?”
He hesitates. “You’re not still in love with that douchebag, are you?” There’s a note of vulnerability behind the question and it kind of makes me realize something. There are two hearts in this equation, not just one. “If you are, just tell me so I can kill the fucker.”
“No. I’m not in love with him and I never, ever want to see him again. He’s gross and awful and a loser and I wish I never met him.”
“I’m glad you met him. Because it meant that all the stars aligned in a way that led you to me. Which isn’t something I ever believed in before now. But when Lila Bailey walks into your life, you tend to start believing in magic.”
I let my thumb brush along the stubble of his square jaw, letting his words rain onto my parched soul. And finally, start to seep in.
“That fucker was never good enough for you, sweetheart. I’ve been telling you that all along. He’s a million miles from your league. I’m not in your league either, because your league is basically perfection, but at least I’m a lot closer to it. Because I worship the ground you walk on, baby girl. And I’m going to prove that to you every single day starting now. ”
“Okay,” I whisper.
“I know you’ve been holding back on me, and I don’t blame you. I get it. I understand why. Your father left and it’s hard to trust when something like that has defined your entire life. Then Sloane planted a whole lot of bullshit in your head and most of it was probably true, but the thing that Sloane doesn’t understand is that you are my absolute dream girl. And I didn’t even know such a thing existed until you showed up. But then there you suddenly were and I just couldn’t imagine letting you walk out of my life after you fucking lit it up like you did. That’s why I wanted to drive you to California. I don’t have any fucking meetings, baby. I never did. I just needed to spend all my time getting to know you and getting close to you because I was already addicted. And it just keeps getting worse. The more I have of my sweet, perfect Sunshine girl, the more I fucking need. And now I can’t see straight I love you so much.”
He’s quiet for a second and I let my fingers smooth a strand of his thick hair. I say it quietly. “Don’t break my heart, Maddox.”
“Don’t break mine, Bailey. You’re holding it in your hands.”
He’s blurry now, but he still looks mind-numbingly beautiful. “Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t think I was that drunk either.”
A glimmer of hopefulness makes his eyes shine like blue embers. “We’re still going to have the dream wedding. You’ll move in with me and if you don’t like the apartment I’ll buy you something bigger. I’ll buy you ten houses, wherever you want. Just say the word, Sunshine. I’ll do anything. I just want you with me. Please, baby girl. Please believe me when I tell you that you’re the one.”
“Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“I forgot to take my pill two days in a row in Aspen.”
He blinks up at me and I can see it takes him a second to compute what I’m explaining to him. As the information and all that it might imply sinks in and the only emotion I can see is pure, manly joy, it’s then—right then—that I really allow myself to fall cataclysmically in love with Colton Maddox.
I remember what Jessie told me, about how Jacob’s reaction when she told him she might be pregnant was happiness, and how it partly clinched her decision to marry him. I understand it now. Even if I’m not pregnant, the fact that Colton not only doesn’t mind and isn’t upset by that, but actually wants me to be…it’s a very powerful thing. It’s comfort and it’s safety. Two things I was always starved for in my life, now being poured into it with the kind of force that feels remarkably like he just healed me.
“Do you mean to tell me that my wife might be having my baby ?”
He’s kissing me now and it feels so good to let go. To allow myself to love him. To fall, fall, fall.
Colton lays me back on the bed. He’s peeling off my dress, sucking my nipples almost reverentially. “So it’s settled then, Sunshine. No more arguing. My wife and my baby need the absolute best of everything. Lila Danger Sunshine Bailey Maddox, you need to be ready to be treated like the perfect angel you are. There is nothing you can’t have.”
“Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“I know you contacted Eleanor Jaeger again.”
“Yeah, I did. Sorry about that, princess, but everyone needs to know how talented my wife is. We’re going to turn your business into the next Big Thing.”
“I got another sixteen hundred orders this morning.”
“Yeah? Well, shit. We’re going to have to hit the ground running tomorrow. The jet will be waiting for us at noon and I told Eleanor we’d meet with them on Monday.”
“That’s really taking another liberty, Maddox.”
“You’re my wife so I can take all the liberties I want if they mean your life is about to explode with all your dreams coming true. I’m about to take another major liberty right now, baby girl, so get ready for me. Obey your husband and lie back.”
He’s got my dress fully off now and before I can continue to protest, he licks his way down my body, kissing my pussy, eating me hungrily, lovingly. Feasting on my pleasure like he’s so good at doing.
“Cole,” I gasp.
“Yes, wifey?”
“Come here. I need you. ”
“I’m yours, baby girl.” Colton lays himself over me, pushing his thick length all the way inside me, filling me completely with his hot, bursting beauty. “And you’re mine.”
“Cole?”
“Yeah?”
I hold his face and he’s quiet for a moment, staring into my eyes as he possesses me fully and completely. I gasp the words and he says them at the same time.
I love you.
It feels so good to finally say it .