Chapter 39
I take the elevator down to the lobby and walk out onto the street.
My heart races in a weird, heavy rhythm.
With sadness. But it’s a resigned sadness.
You knew it couldn’t last. You knew this kind of thing happens all the time.
You knew he was too good to be true. And with fear.
What if one of his guards or doormen sees me?
But no one seems to notice me. I remember the map and I know which way to go. It might be twenty blocks or so. Barely a stroll for a New Yorker.
The streets are busy with people getting on with their lives. It feels strange to be among regular people again. On the ground instead of on top of the world.
I don’t cry a single tear and I’m relieved. I cried all the time when I was with Dallas. I could never figure out why it came so easily, after a lifetime of barely shedding a tear.
Because I felt safe with him. It all just came tumbling out. Because a piece of me did trust him, of course it did. Look what I was able to overlook to get as close to him as possible.
I have a lot to think about.
Where are you going to go? Not home. You don’t have one of those anymore.
I have a lot I’m going to need to figure out.
What are you going to do about … your mistake? The one you insisted on making over and over again for almost an entire month and now you—and only you—are going to have to deal with the consequences.
Right now all I can concentrate on is finding Sadie. I’ll work on the rest of it later.
Daylight is starting to fade. It might be 5:30 or six. New York feels more wintery than it has before. As it should, since I’m outside the bubble of comfort now, cast back out into the harsh, gritty light of reality.
I get lost at one point because I can’t remember which street I’m supposed to turn at, but I ask a lady that looks nice and she tells me which way to go.
Sadie’s waiting at a table in Bryant Park.
As soon as she sees me she gets up to hug me.
Then she steps back to take a look at me, noticing everything.
The suede coat, a new one she hasn’t seen before, with a soft fringe that hangs from the sleeves.
The dress, even more beautiful than the last one.
The fleur-de-lis diamond necklace. The to-die-for knee-high boots that are half Italian high fashion and half Nashville.
But Sadie’s more riveted by my eyes, which I know are both overwhelmed and starry.
My face, both warm from the memories and cold from the future I’ve just walked into.
“Wow, girl. The Dallas Wilder transformation is complete.”
All I feel is a hard-shelled nothingness. It’s been my default for a long time, after all. Dallas somehow melted away the fortress wall with his million-watt sex appeal. But now, my forcefield has reassembled itself, clunking firmly back into place. “And this is as complete as it’s going to get.”
“What?” Sadie’s stunned.
“I left him. It’s over.”
“Oh my god, Ami. Sit down. Tell me what happened.”
I sit, noticing it’s a cute park, surrounded by tall buildings but with a quaint vibe.
Fairy lights have been strung through the trees and from the overhead beams at the bistro-style cafes.
There are kiosks offering coffee and desserts.
“He’s the billionaire who owns my hotel.
He’s owned it this whole time and he never told me. ”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah. He hid that from me this whole time.”
“Why would he do that?”
“Maybe because he didn’t want me to know it was him who put me through as much hell as any of those lawyers or debt collectors did. He forced the price so low it gave me no choice but to go bankrupt. He’s an unfeeling, cold-hearted devil, that’s what he is.” It was the only offer we had, but still.
“That asshole. I knew he couldn’t be trusted.” She takes my hand across the table. “At least you didn’t get in too deep, honey. It’s only been a month. Not even. You had some fun, got spoiled for once, cashed in your V-card in style and with gusto, and now you can move on.”
Oh but I am in deep. Potentially very, very deep.
I don’t tell Sadie about that particular detail.
I need to confirm it one way or the other before I start panicking.
Most likely it’s fine. When I briefly saw that nurse at the free clinic and I told her my periods were irregular, she said the pill could potentially regulate them.
She also said I should get a check-up to find out why my cycle is so sporadic because it’s not normal and it could potentially mean there’s an underlying health issue.
But the free clinic closed. And I don’t have health insurance.
That was just another thing I lost when I lost everything.
Maybe I can’t even have babies.
There goes the hopeful little fantasy of having your blue-and-green-eyed children running around your hotel, like you used to wish for. Of having a real family for the very first time.
Anyway, it’s better this way. The dream is dead.
“Look at the bright side,” says Sadie. “Now you can come hang out with me.” She smiles sympathetically.
“I’m sorry this happened, Ami. But maybe it’s meant to be.
He was kind of controlling and possessive of you, just saying.
I was wondering if he was ever going to let you out of your gilded cage.
He’s obviously some kind of maniac. You’re better off without him. ”
“I know.” But I love him. Correction: I loved him.
Now, I’m glad I couldn’t say it to him. He hasn’t broken my heart, a) because it was already broken, and b) because if you never tell them you love them then your heart can’t be broken. I didn’t write the rules but there must be some.
Sadie’s phone dings and she checks the incoming message.
“Saskia and her friends are already at the club. Let’s grab a cab.
Tonight’s on me. We’re going to hit the town and have some fun.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, girlfriend, and you look unfairly hot with your new makeover.
Every man in New York is going to fall head over heels in love with you. ”
“I’m done with love. I don’t think I’m cut out for it.”
But Sadie’s flagging down a cab and we’re on our way to the East Village night life.