Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
C ole Carter’s Review
Making Love to Sarah Sloan: Unfathomable Stars
She is the sun. The stars and the moon, too, and every astrological wonder in the endless sky. I soared to those, yet it was beyond the physical, beyond satiating instinct’s demands. I came to the place I truly belonged.
I will not let it – or her – escape.
The world was a dystopian hellscape.
The troops. The weapons. The danger. Jared.
And yet, something was different. For the first time, reality altered, memories blurred. There was someone else on that field, someone who didn’t belong there.
“Sarah?” Cole whispered, then shouted, to the form in the distance, the form too far ahead. Why was she there? How?
But she was there. Because from the distance, he heard a very soft, “Cole.”
“Sarah!” He started running. He knew what was coming, what always came. He needed to get to her before it happened. He couldn’t let her get caught in the firestorm. Then…
The world exploded.
“Sarah!” he shouted again. He desperately searched through the haze of smoke, the bodies of his fallen comrades, Jared . “Sarah!”
“Cole. Cole. Cole.”
She kept calling for him, but he couldn’t get to her. If only he could reach her, if only he could see her.
He gasped and shot up.
Sarah sat next to him, grasping his shoulders, gently shaking him. Distress twisted her features. “Cole, wake up!”
He waited as the dream faded into the background, as his heart stopped slamming against his chest like an ancient gong. Sticky sweat coated him, slickening his skin under the smothering blankets. He studied the beautiful woman above him, and his breath froze once more. For reality shattered, yet in an entirely different way.
It was moment the dream unlocked a truth he’d repressed for so very long…
The moment life rearranged to form an entirely new world…
The moment that would change his life forever…
He loved Sarah Sloan.
Everything became utterly clear at that moment, unable to be denied or challenged. He loved this woman, for so long, for so much and for ever . There was no use in denying it. He couldn’t pretend it was simple attraction when he’d never felt this way about another woman. He couldn’t imagine life without her beautiful smile, her lively conversation, her sweetness and joy. It might not be a convenient time, or a convenient place, but true love was unavoidable, inescapable and undeniable.
There was only one thing he could do about it.
Make her his.
Only not now, when he was still reeling from memory’s nightmare. With all that she’d endured, she didn’t deserve that. He sat up, slowly rubbed his hands over his stubbly jaw. “I’m sorry I woke you. I’m fine.”
“Fine?” A hundred untold questions lurked behind the single word. “Are you sure?”
“It was just a nightmare.” Cole stood, letting the cover fall to the floor. The pinkness in Sarah’s cheeks brought much-needed relief, making him far calmer than he normally felt after such an episode. It was just another indication of what she meant to him.
Of course, she didn’t let it go. “It must’ve been quite a nightmare.”
Cole put on his jeans, fastened the zip and the button.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Surprise made him momentarily pause. It was uncomfortable, this reversal of roles, with the woman he’d always protected caring for him. He fought the urge to tell her everything, to explain about the dreams, the daytime episodes. A second later, he forced away the temptation. She’d think he was unstable and could even use it to get him kicked off the force. After all he’d been through, it was only natural to have nightmares. Of course, daytime nightmares were not nearly as common, but he had much more important things to discuss with her.
He gave what hopefully passed for a lighthearted smile. “I’m really okay.”
As always, she knew him far too well to believe it. Her voice softened. “There’s no shame in having nightmares. If you don’t want to discuss it with me, maybe there’s someone else you could talk to.”
“No interest.” Cole shook his head curtly. “I have one nightmare, and suddenly I need professional help?”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t realize.” Her tone was kind, caring and nearly impossible to resist. “I just figured this wasn’t the first time.”
His brief hesitation revealed the truth.
“Cole–”
No. He couldn’t share this with her, not now, not ever. “I don’t want to discuss it. I’m sorry.”
She pursed her lips with the same disgruntled look she’d sported since elementary school. He moved closer to regain control, standing over her as she clutched the cover to her chest. He wanted nothing more than to make love to her again, and if he only planned a physical relationship he would. But he wanted more from her. Far more. “We need to talk about what happened.”
She edged back on the bed. Did she even realize it? The predator in him wanted to follow. “This was… nice… but we don’t have anything to discuss.”
“Do you actually believe that?”
She flushed, lifted her chin a notch higher, eliciting sheer satisfaction. She would stand up to anyone, even someone twice her size. “We don’t have time to discuss it now.” She gestured to the clock. “I have to get ready for work.”
In about two hours. Clearly, she’d forgotten he knew her work schedule. Still, at least she wasn’t denying their connection. If she needed time, he would give it to her. It didn’t change the outcome…
She was still his.
“Okay,” he said softly. “I’ll let myself out. I’ll see you at the station later?”
“Sure.”
He stifled a smile at her forlorn expression. Clearly, she didn’t want him to go. He didn’t want to leave either, but now he really did have somewhere to be.
It was time to discover the truth about Sarah Sloan.
The questions started the moment Cole walked through the door of his parents’ house.
“Did you send someone to the hospital?”
“Did you admit to high treason?”
“Did you kiss Sarah in front of an entire audience?”
So the “news” from the Renaissance fair had already travelled back to Harmony Creek, as usual, embellished to fairy tale dimensions. “No to the first two,” he told the man who was an older version of himself. “I didn’t even break his nose. Not that he didn’t deserve it. As to admitting to high treason…” Cole contained his laugh. Somehow his saying no comment to having broken the law had transformed into a capital crime. “Not even a little bit.”
His dad looked only slightly mollified. “And the third?”
“No comment.”
“Excellent.” His father rubbed his hands together, his lips curling into what represented glee for the typically restrained man. “It’s about time.”
What? His father was happy he’d kissed Sarah in public? That was definitely not a subject he wanted to discuss. “Actually, I have my own questions about Sarah. How long have you known she was being accused of crimes she didn’t commit?”
His father’s slightly raised eyebrow was the only sign of surprise. Would he confirm the truth that was now so obvious? It only took a moment. “Since she was in middle school.”
Regret, guilt, horror. Cole took a deep breath of all those, plus a dash of pure grief. All those times he’d accused her, lectured her, argued over her behavior, and she didn’t deserve any of it? “You got her off the hook not because you were lenient, but because she wasn’t guilty. You were both covering for someone, and I know who. Her dad committed those crimes, didn’t he?”
A brief hesitation, then a nod. “That’s right.”
Cole raked his hands through his hair. After all these years… How might things have been different if he’d known the truth? How might her life have been different?
“Cole, sit down.” His father waited until he did, then paced, his heavy boots reverberating on the wooden floor. “As you know, a sheriff sometimes has to make tough choices. We uphold the law, punish those who break it and protect the innocent. Only once in a while, those decisions clash in a way that leaves no clear path.” He paused. “You’re right. Sarah never did any of those things – her father did. And it’s absolutely disgusting that he let her take the blame for it. We could’ve easily sent him to jail after so many repeat offences.”
Cole stepped forward. “So why didn’t you? Why did you let me – and everyone – think she was some sort of career criminal?”
“Because I knew what would happen if I did.” For the first time in his life, Jack Carter seemed unsure of himself. “She would’ve been taken away from him and given to someone far worse. You’re too young to remember this, but Sarah had an uncle who used to live near here. I grew up with him, and even then, he was a bad seed. He was the type of kid who liked to hurt animals just for fun, yet he was far better at hiding his deficiencies than her dad. He moved a couple of towns over, and to the world he was an upstanding citizen.”
“When her dad first started having problems, I checked into what would happen if she had to leave him. I never thought the uncle would be interested in a little girl, yet the one time he visited, he was sniffing around her in a way that was just… wrong. He mentioned the possibility of her going to him, with a smile that made my heart stop. Again, it was too subtle for me to do anything, but he ticked every police instinct.”
“Back then, her dad wasn’t quite as bad. All the crimes were petty, stealing a pack of cigarettes or spray painting a fence. He loved her, and she loved him. Every time it happened, they begged me not to separate them. Plus, here the town could watch over her. I’m not the only one who knew the truth, you know.”
Cole didn’t hide his shock. “You’re not?”
Jack shook his head. “Her teachers looked out for her, too, which is why she did okay in school and got into a decent college. Most people just figured it out. Of course, we kept it from you kids because we didn’t want to make it even harder on her. Now obviously I wasn’t going to let her get punished for something she didn’t do, which is why she never went to juvie. She never had a record because we didn’t actually accuse her of anything.” Jack stopped, looked at the sky outside the windows. “Did I make the right decision? I’d like to think so. A few years ago, her uncle went to prison for the exact thing I feared. And she turned out pretty well. I can see you think so, too.”
“She turned out better than pretty well,” Cole all but growled. He looked down. He hadn’t meant to share so much.
But it didn’t matter. Clearly, his dad knew how he felt. Cole’s phone suddenly rang, and he looked down. He couldn’t stop the satisfaction as he clicked accept. “Hey there.”
The good humor vanished the second Sarah’s voice came, loud, clear and undeniably strained. “Cole, I need you.”
“What is it? Are you all right? What happened?” He sprayed the questions rapid-fire as training took over. “Where are you?”
“I’m not in danger,” she replied quickly. “But you need to come to the station right away. There’s been another fire.”
His muscles tightened. They needed to catch this guy immediately. “Was anyone hurt?”
“No, thankfully. It’s not that. It’s just… they found a clue.”
“They did? Isn’t that good?”
“No.” Her voice was a thousand shades of anxious. “I’ll explain when you get here.”
“I’ll be right there.” Cole hung up and turned to his dad. “I have to go. Please don’t mention our conversation to anyone. And if I say or do anything in the next few days that doesn’t make sense, don’t question it.”
“Of course.” His father nodded. “Good luck, son.”
He didn’t need luck, because he had strength and determination. He would do whatever it took to protect the woman he loved.
Always.
A single earring.
A tiny stud, not even silver-plated, with a plastic blue pearl in the center. It had been all of a dollar in the clearance bin at Sue’s Jewels.
And now it could cost Sarah her life’s work.
It had been found at the crime scene, the latest arson, where a bale of hay had been set ablaze. Somehow Donovan had found the tiny bauble in the big open field, in a spot Sarah claimed never to have been. She’d worn those earrings every day this week.
She was still wearing the other when the call came in.
Oh, they didn’t accuse her right to her face, and she didn’t expect them to. But doubts lingered in their eyes, suspicion and, in some cases, certainty. Suddenly she was a teenager all over again, defending herself against crimes she didn’t commit. It had ruined her life back then. Was it going to destroy it now?
“I’m here.”
Suddenly, the world brightened, ever so slightly, as the man she loved walked through the door. Dressed casually in jeans and a midnight shirt, he strode forward with his usual strength, not stopping as he headed straight to her. She beckoned him into her office and closed the door.
Cole closed the gap between them and opened his arms. She walked into them, allowing him to hold her for a single minute of respite. Finally, he leaned back. “I’ve seen war zones with less tension than this office. What’s going on? You mentioned a clue that could identify the arsonist.”
She edged back, crossed her arms over the shiny badge that may not be hers for much longer. It was a mirror’s reflection of the past – the endless suspicions, false accusations, self-proclaimed jury and judge convicting her of undeserved guilt. “The suspected arsonist is me.”
A flaring of the eyes was Cole’s only betrayal of emotion. His expression turned hard as a prison’s bars. “What evidence do they have?”
“An earring.” Sarah breathed deeply. “ My earring. The fire occurred in a neighboring farm, where I’d never been. Just as I was explaining that, Donovan found one of my earrings.”
“Are you sure it’s yours?”
His benefit of the doubt was as meaningful as it was unexpected, yet ultimately it changed nothing. “I was wearing the other one at the time.”
“The little blue one?”
How had he noticed something so small? She nodded. “No one is saying anything, but they don’t have to. Even Zoe and Scott are suspicious, and of course Donovan thinks I did it. But Cole, you have to believe me. I haven’t been there before today. Why would I jeopardize my job to set random fires? It doesn’t make sense.”
“No, it doesn’t,” a new voice agreed. The visitor walked in without knocking, but Sarah couldn’t complain. After all, the older woman could fire her with a single word.
“Hi Carol.” Her voice sounded strangely emotionless as she addressed the mayor of Harmony Creek. She gestured to the chair. “Please take a seat.”
“Thank you, Sarah, but I’ll stand.” Carol pivoted, her normally joyful face set in a grim line. The rest of the deputies looked in behind her with unguarded curiosity and suspicion, yet when Cole took a step towards the door, the mayor stopped him. “Please stay. Since this affects the entire department, I want all of you to hear. Everyone, come in.”
Sarah exhaled. So this was it. She was going to be fired, and in front of the entire squad. She stood silently as Scott, Donovan and the other deputies filed in.
“I’m sure you know why I’m here.” The mayor turned to the group. “These fires have frightened our entire community, turning everyday lives into a police television serial. Even without injuries or substantial property damage, the effect has been tremendous. People expect to be safe in our town, and when they start feeling otherwise, things change. Just the other day, a retiree backed out of buying a home because she’d heard about the crimes. Others are talking about relocating.”
Sarah closed and opened her eyes. Even if she wasn’t the criminal, she was allowing this to happen by not catching him. This was not the job she set out to do when she became sheriff.
“Of course, everything would change if someone got hurt. Even if the arsonist isn’t trying to injure anyone, a tragedy could happen anytime. Fires don’t always stay where you want them to stay.” Carol turned to Sarah. “We haven’t had any significant leads in the case before today, correct?”
Before today. The implication was obvious, the consequences devastating. The only clue they had was the earring, the only lead, her . But she would not betray her vulnerability, as she stood taller, said in a steady voice, “No.”
The mayor peered closer. “No one you suspect, no one who saw anything?”
Sarah shook her head, although the truth edged just under total certainty. Her father had seen something, yet no one would believe him. Of course, there was Cole’s suspicion someone was trying to frame her. The criminal’s presence at the Renaissance fair supported that theory, yet she would sound defensive if she mentioned it now. If someone was trying to frame her, she didn’t want him or her aware of her suspicions. Not yet.
“I understand an earring was found at the crime scene.”
“It was mine,” Sarah admitted. “And no–” She didn’t wait for the question that would undoubtedly follow. “I don’t know how it got there. I haven’t been there.”
“So I heard.” The mayor looked at her deeply, and Sarah met her gaze. If she was going to be fired, she’d take it with dignity. Yet then the mayor softened. “Obviously there’s a lot to consider in a case like this. Sarah, I’ve known you since you were a kid, and I don’t believe you had anything to do with the fires.”
She didn’t?
“Neither do I.” Zoe stepped forward. “Sarah worked hard to get where she is, and I can’t imagine she’d do anything to jeopardize it. I’m behind you, Sheriff.”
“I am, too,” Annie spoke.
“As am I,” Scott added. “I don’t know who did it, but there must be some reasonable explanation.”
Sarah nodded at the three police officers. Maybe the situation wasn’t quite like her childhood after all. Of course, she didn’t waste a glance at Donovan. Obviously, he wasn’t going to defend her. Instead, she looked to Cole. So did everyone else.
He said nothing.
Not a word, not a sound, not an utterance. Instead, he stared at her with heavy regard, impossibly close to suspicion. And that’s when it became clear…
He didn’t believe her.
He still thought she was a criminal, capable of setting their beautiful town ablaze. After all they’d shared, after how they’d connected, after she’d fallen in love with him, he still believed she was the villain of the story.
She was not the only one who noticed. The suspicion spread like a deadly virus, as the others watched with renewed speculation, asking what ifs she could not answer. The most respected man in Harmony Creek thought she was guilty. Did they now, too?
The mayor frowned deeply. “I’m not going to fire the sheriff over a single piece of circumstantial evidence, no matter how serious.”
Slight relief lightened the weight crushing her chest. Sarah exhaled slowly, focused on the mayor. There had to be a but .
It came a second later. “But I’m not the only one who makes these decisions. The town council has to weigh in, and they’ve convened a special meeting tomorrow. This is our only chance.” She addressed everyone. “If you want to help your sheriff, find out who is committing these crimes. The sooner we put the real criminal behind bars, the sooner your sheriff will be free to do her job.”
Everyone nodded. The mayor squeezed Sarah’s shoulder, then walked out of the office, followed by all the deputies except for Cole. This time he didn’t bother shutting the door, leaving their conversation visible, and audible, to the entire office.
It should’ve been wonderful to have a mayor who stood firm despite the evidence. To have three deputies who supported her, too. But there was only one person Sarah could think about right now, one person whose opinion, no matter how she fought it, mattered.
“You believe I’m guilty.” The words came on their own, whispered.
The response was no whisper. “I’m not your judge, Sarah.”
“But you didn’t defend me.” Her response rose in volume, even though she shouldn’t be having this conversation – not here, not now, probably not ever. Yet, she couldn’t stop herself. “When the others said I was innocent you stayed silent. After everything we’ve been through, I thought you would stand behind me. What about what happened at the diner and the fair?”
Cole’s expression betrayed no emotion. “After what you said happened. I didn’t see anything definitive in either place.”
She ground her teeth. “You actually believe I’m behind the fires? Why, Cole? Why would I deliberately sabotage the job I worked so hard to get?”
“Why does anyone commit a crime?” He shrugged. “I’ve never understood the criminal mind. Maybe you thought you’d make yourself look good by dealing with a serious matter.”
Criminal mind? “I’d look good if I solved the crime, not let it continue endlessly without a lead. And I certainly don’t look good now that I’m the prime suspect!” She was shouting now. “And that’s what I am, right? You think I did it, don’t you?”
She searched his eyes for the man she loved, the champion who stood behind her, but his expression remained unbending and hard. “You want me to judge you? Fine, I think you did it. You were a criminal then, and you’re a criminal now.”
The words pierced her heart like a sword of betrayal and shock. How could he not believe her? A gasp drew her out of her misery – she looked past Cole to the entire office staring at them. The deputies wore varying expressions of shock, disappointment, disgust and… suspicion. Every. Single. Person.
She grabbed her briefcase and every file they’d ever made for the arson case. “I’m going to work from home today. If anyone needs me, you know where to find me.”
But no one would, she knew, as she walked out of the police station into a gorgeous blue day that mocked the storm raging inside of her. Thanks to Cole, they all thought she was guilty. She was on her own.
She’d always been on her own.
But she would show them. She would take care of this, take care of herself. She’d never had anyone looking out for her, and she didn’t need anyone now. Even if she couldn’t stop Cole’s betrayal, she could still fight for herself. It didn’t matter that a greater betrayal lived in her heart…
She still loved him.