Chapter 24
As my Uber weaves its way through Monday morning traffic, my brain can’t help replaying every vivid detail of my weekend with Noah. Not just the X-rated moments, as hot as they were, but all the small, tender ones too.
The way he would brush a strand of hair from my face when it fell across my eyes, almost absent-mindedly. So carefully.
The way he crooned to me as he was blowing my mind, to calm me as he eased my pleasure higher. And higher.
All those quiet, heartfelt gestures that were so…Noah. The ones he didn’t have to do but couldn’t help doing. Because he’s not only the most manly man I’ve ever met, but also the most empathetic. The most built. The most genuine. The most real . It all feels like such a rare combination.
I miss you already, Noah Steel.
I miss the haven of you. The all-encompassing cocoon of safety and comfort you so effortlessly provided.
I miss the hot surge of your thick, bursting cock as you held me down and gripped me, forceful and rough in the best kind of way, breaking me wide open with the kind of pleasure I never knew existed.
As I walk into my apartment building and take the elevator up, it’s strange how familiar everything is, yet also so entirely different.
Because I’m different.
On Friday, all I could feel was the full weight of my role as the captain of my father’s sinking ship, spending most of my time feeling just a little bit too alone and a lot too overwhelmed by the mountain of responsibilities and expectations I’ve been left to deal with mostly on my own.
Most days, it’s really, really heavy. Some days it’s downright terrifying.
For more than two days, I haven’t thought about any of those things. Not even once.
For two whole days, I felt fully alive .
I felt cherished. Wildly sexy . I felt appreciated, adored and more beautiful than I’ve ever felt.
I had fun . I laughed. I lived completely in the moment, like a fully-realized, technicolored version of myself, as though, before, I’d been living out my days in black and white.
Noah Steel realigned pieces of myself I didn’t even realize were off-kilter.
Who knew hot sex with a sincere, gorgeous beefcake could be so life-changing?
My time with Noah reminded me that I’m a real person with my own hopes and dreams that have nothing to do with the approval of ghosts. Maybe I can be more than just a caretaker of someone else’s legacy. Maybe I should try harder to follow my own path.
I don’t want to live L. Emerson’s life anymore. I want to live Lucky Irish’s.
Of course I can’t.
My weekend with Noah was a random, dreamy getaway. Inside it, I could fantasize about realizing my own dreams on my own terms.
But now, back in the harsher light of Real Life, all my demons, who had the weekend off, are back. They cluster around me like looming shadows that take on the shapes of all my worst fears.
You won’t even be able to afford to put your stuff in storage. All of it will get repo’ed or will have to be sold. Every last memento of your mother.
You’ll probably have to move out of New York to somewhere cheaper. Everything will feel so foreign and empty. You won’t know anyone.
A financial hole that big is going to be very hard—nearly impossible—to climb out of. Your life is about to get very, very difficult.
I hope I can see Noah again. Of course I do. I think I’m in love with him.
Even though he’s basically a stranger whose real name you don’t actually know.
Would he even want to see you again? Is he that hot and sweet and the perfect sex-on-a-stick cinnamon roll for all his girls? For Cleo? For Sloane? For Amanda?
I believed him when he said they’re work colleagues or a girl he didn’t want to date.
But what if they aren’t? You don’t know the first thing about who he is outside of that bedroom. A man doesn’t look like Noah Steel without getting the attention of a lot of women.
I gave myself to him in a way that was new.
Not just physically—and wow , did I give, and take—but all the way down to my heart and soul.
No one has told me they loved me since two hours before the car crash that killed my mother when I was four years old.
My father was too preoccupied for emotions.
Besides my very busy roomie I hardly see, I’ve been very alone for a very long time.
Noah made me feel like I wasn’t alone. It felt indescribably good. It was as addictive as the rest of him.
Can you handle losing your job, your money or lack thereof, your home and having your heart broken at the same time?
Probably not. Then again, at least you’ll have a place to stay. The mental hospital.
My eyes pool with tears.
Which is crazy.
I never cry.
Shit.
I need to get a grip and focus on the hellish day I’m staring down the barrel of. My meeting with Cash Maddox starts in less than two hours.
I’m just unlocking my front door when my phone vibrates in my bag. Again.
Taking it out—it’s on 2% because I didn’t charge or even look at my phone all weekend—it’s a number I don’t recognize.
Is it him?
What would I even say to him? I love you, Noah Steel. But that would require allowing myself to live my own life. And right now I’m too deep in the quicksand of someone else’s to be able to do that.
I let the call go to voicemail.
As soon Grace hears the door open, she comes barreling out of her bedroom. “Lucky? Where were you? Why haven’t you answered your phone all weekend?”
“Hi, Gracie.”
“Have you been with Noah Steel this whole time?”
“Um...yes?”
“Holy shit, tell me everything.”
“That’s going to have to wait. I have a meeting at ten that I would honestly rather die than go to, but I’m doing my best to cowgirl up. I need to get ready. I was supposed to go into the office first but the traffic was terrible. I didn’t know if I’d have time. I can’t be late.”
She walks up to me and stands in front of me, studying me intently. She takes a wild curl of my hair between two fingers. “Lucky, you’re glowing . You’re also crying. What happened?”
“He’s perfect and I spent all weekend having hot sex with him.”
“ What?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh my god, Luck, I can’t believe it. I mean, I can because you’ve been gone for three days, but you finally cashed it in, this is amazing!”
“Yes. Yes, I did and yes, it was.”
“Oh, honey, are you okay? Was it okay for you? What was he like?”
“He’s just…I don’t even know how to describe him. He’s beautiful. And nice, but also, like, seriously hot. And easy to talk to. Funny. And definitely…”
“Definitely what?”
“Like…” Oh, what the hell. I need to let some of this endorphin overload or whatever it is out . “… huge . Like, gigantic . And really, really good at…everything.”
“Eeeee!” Laughter bubbles out of her and she squeezes my hands excitably. “I’m so happy for you, honey. How did you leave it?”
“I…well, I left a note.”
“A note?”
“He was still asleep.”
“You walked out on him?”
“No. I just…I didn’t want to wake him up.”
“Has he called you since you left?”
“I’m not sure. Someone just did. But?—”
“It’s him! That means he’s obsessed already!”
“I don’t know.” Actually, yes I do. You’re so fucking perfect. I’m addicted to this sweet pink pussy, baby girl…
“Does he look like his photo?”
“He looks way, way better.”
“ Oh my god. ” More squealing. “I told you, those algorithms don’t lie.”
“You were right.”
“Did you tell him your real name?”
“No. We didn’t really get to that. I think we were just…enjoying being someone else for the weekend. Just living in the moment and not giving a thought to anything else.”
“Did you make a plan to meet up with him again? Tonight?”
“Not yet.”
“But you’ll have his number. On your call record. I bet you anything that was him. Let me see your phone.”
“My phone just died. I need to charge it. And I have a lot to do today. Noah Steel is going to have to wait.”
Grace is still holding my hands. “Lucky.” Sort of sternly but also with the kind of empathy that makes my eyes leak even more.
“Yeah?”
“Why are you avoiding him already?”
“I’m not.” I let go of her hands to wipe my tears. “It all just happened really fast. Everything was so… perfect . No one’s that ideal. There has to be a catch.”
Very gently, Grace says, “Maybe there isn’t. Maybe he’s just a really good match for you.”
“Maybe. I mean, he is. I know he is. But I have a lot on my plate right now, Grace. There are only so many risks I can handle in one day.”
“That’s fair. But don’t be scared just because he feels like the real deal. I mean, does he?”
I wipe another tear. “Does he what?”
“Does he feel like the real deal? Or just a really good fuck buddy?”
It’s no use. The tears just keep on falling. “He feels like both. Gracie, I could fall in love with him. So easily. I feel like maybe I already have and it’s giving me vertigo. Who does that after one weekend after just meeting someone? I barely even know the guy.”
Grace hugs me. It helps. I’m sobbing like a baby. I haven’t cried like this…since I was a baby.
“It’s okay to be freaked out, Luck. It’s a lot. I get it. Ethan just asked me to move in with him.”
“He did ?”
She nods. “After two dates.”
“Well, at least you won’t be homeless if I have to hand this place over to the evil brothers who are about to toss me a lead-weighted life raft.”
She holds my shoulders, squeezing lightly. “Whatever happens, I’ll be here for you in any and every way you need me to be.”
“Thank you, bestie. You’re the best friend in the world.”
“No, you are. Now go and charge your phone, take a long, hot shower, go to your meeting and we’ll figure out the rest of it tonight. Including what to do about Noah Steel.”
I nod, wiping more tears. She notices then the bracelet dangling from my wrist. She takes my arm. “What is this?”
“He gave it to me. It’s just?—”
“Is this real?”
“No. Of course not.”
Grace looks at the bracelet more closely. “Lucky. Did I ever tell you I worked in a jewelry store for a few months during that summer before I started my MBA?”
“I think…you might have mentioned it.”
“They made us study gemstones. It was part of our training. These are real sapphires, Lucky. This is real .”
I pull my arm gentle from her hold. “They can’t be.”
She grabs my arm again, taking the bracelet between two fingers to get a better look. “What color was the box?”
I think about it for a second. “Blue.”
“Like… duck egg blue?”
I know my blues. “Yes. Exactly.”
“Lucky.” Staring into my eyes. “This is a sapphire tennis bracelet from Tiffany’s . A fucking real one.”
“Are you sure? But?—”
“Holy shit, Luck. A man who looks like that and he’s fun and he has a gigantic cock and he bought you a Tiffany bracelet? Maybe it’s worth taking a little bit—or a lot—of a risk, sweetie. You have to call this guy back.”
I’m staring at the bracelet, shocked. Why? He said he bought it before he even met me. “You know what my father used to tell me to be careful of when it came to analyzing business deals?”
“What?”
“He said that when something seems too good to be true, it always is.”
“This isn’t a business deal, Lucky. It’s love. And sometimes when it seems like a perfect match, it actually is.”