Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Emily
It had been a week since Jackson and I had our first fight, and things were going great. We both agreed to put it behind us and never speak of it again.
Walking into Tavern on the Green, I spotted Crystal sitting in a booth sipping on a cocktail. She smiled and stood up when she saw me walking towards the table.
“Emily, darling. You look fantastic.” She hugged me.
“How are you, Crystal?”
“I’m good. How’s the shop doing?”
“Really well. Thank you.”
I took a seat across from her and ordered a martini.
“I’m going just to come right out and ask you,” I spoke as I placed my napkin in my lap. “And I want the honest to God’s truth.”
She pursed her lips and took a deep breath while waiting for my question.
“Is Gregory my father?”
She picked up her drink and took a small sip. “Yes. He is your father.”
“How could you keep that from me all these years?”
“Because your mother asked me to, and she was my best friend. She told me that as far as she was concerned, Gregory never existed, and that part of her life was gone. The day she found out he wasn’t coming home from training, she changed. I didn’t think a person could change that much and so quickly. She said that you were the only person in the world who mattered, and she was going to start a new life in a new place. One where she could make a fresh start and raise you.”
“I don’t understand. She would have waited for him if she loved him,” I spoke.
“Your mom felt abandoned. Even though she told him she was pregnant before he left, he still wanted to go. He put his dreams before you and her, and she couldn’t handle it. Gregory was her first love, and she was so heartbroken that she convinced herself that all men were like him. They, too, would leave if she gave her heart to someone else. She told me that she couldn’t ever love another man because she didn’t want you to experience the abandonment she felt. It would be hard on you if things didn’t work out and you grew attached. She was trying to protect you, even though I didn’t agree.”
“So, you’re saying that I was the reason she never would allow herself to settle down with someone?”
“It was both of you. She was protecting you as well as herself.”
“Why did she lie to me about not knowing who my father was?”
“Because it was too painful to talk about him. Even after all those years that passed, she never got over him. She thought if she told you, then you would ultimately want to find and meet him, and she couldn’t allow that.”
“Why?” I narrowed my eyes.
“Because, Emily,” she placed her hand on mine, “he abandoned you before you were even born, and in her mind, he didn’t deserve to know you.”
I looked up at the ceiling, trying to prevent the tears from falling.
“That was my decision.” I pointed to myself. “She had no right to keep me from knowing my father because he broke her heart. All she had to do was wait for him.”
“Your mother had a lot of issues. Her father left when she was a child, and she watched every day how her mother waited for him to return, and he never did. In her mind, it was history repeating itself with Gregory.”
“But she told me that my grandfather died.”
“That’s what she told everyone. He told her and her mom that he was running to the store to buy a pack of cigarettes, and he never came back. A couple of days later, your grandmother found a letter from him in her drawer saying that he wasn’t happy and he had no choice but to leave. That was why she begged Gregory not to leave. She was trying to protect you from the pain that she had suffered for so many years with the abandonment from her father.”
I swallowed hard because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My mother, the person I trusted most in the world, lied to me. After talking for a while longer, I needed some fresh air, so I thanked Crystal for meeting with me and telling me the truth.
Stepping outside, I felt lost. I pulled my phone from my purse and stared at it as I contemplated calling Jackson, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to need him so much. So, I took a cab to the cemetery where my mother was buried and kneeled before her grave. The clouds were rolling in, and the air had become crisp. But it didn’t matter because I needed to tell her how I felt.
“Mom. I know you had your reasons, but why? Why did you lie to me? All your lectures over the years about happily ever after and relationships were to protect you. You made me believe that nothing good could come from being in a relationship. You made me believe that falling in love with someone was a horrible thing. I trusted you to tell me the truth. That’s what parents are supposed to do.”
The rain started to fall from the sky as I pounded my fists down on her grave.
“But instead, you told me things that you forced yourself to believe because you couldn’t bear to be hurt again. You may have thought you were protecting me, but you weren’t. You were only setting me up for failure. I’ve met someone, and he means the world to me, and because of what you taught me, I signed a fucking contract to be his companion. I’ve never been anyone’s girlfriend because I couldn’t allow myself to be after listening to you all those years. I’ve had sex with multiple men, and when they tried to want more of me, I ran just like you did. I played it safe because of everything you put in my head,” I yelled as the rain soaked me. “You molded me into you, and I never had the chance to be my own person.”
It felt like a new set of emotions flooded through me, as if the rain was cleansing my soul and opening up a part of me that I didn’t know existed. I wiped the tears and the rain from my face as I stood up and walked away. Instead of hailing a cab, I walked in the rain down the streets of New York until I stumbled upon a coffee house. Making my way inside, I took a seat at one of the small square tables by the window.
“Honey, you are soaked. Let me get you a towel,” the older woman with a friendly smile spoke.
A few moments later, she returned.
“Here you go. Dry yourself off. What can I get for you?”
“Thank you. I’ll have a vanilla latte with almond milk, please.”
“Coming right up, sweetie.”
I dried myself off the best I could, pulled my phone from my purse, and noticed a text message from Jackson.
“How did your lunch go with Crystal?”
It had been two hours since he sent it, and I didn’t know whether or not to respond. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. But I didn’t want him to worry, so I replied.
“It upset me to hear what she had to say, and to be honest, I’m not sure how I’m feeling.”
“Where are you? Are you back at the shop?”
“No. I’m sitting in a coffeehouse in Brooklyn.”
“Which one?”
I looked up at the menu on the wall.
“Blue Bottle Coffee.”
“I’m on my way. Do not leave there.”
I picked up the white coffee cup and held it between my hands as I sipped it and stared out onto the wet streets of Brooklyn. The rain didn’t seem to want to let up. As I reflected on my thoughts, the door to the coffeehouse opened, and Jackson stepped inside, closing his umbrella. Walking over to the table, he stood there and looked at me as he tilted his head to the side.
“Were you out playing in the rain?” he asked.
I couldn’t help but let a small smile cross my lips.
“Something like that.”
He sat across from me, and the waitress flew over immediately.
“You look like you could use a fresh hot cup of coffee.” She smiled.
“That sounds good. Just black.”
“Coming right up.” She winked as she walked away.
Jackson reached over and grabbed hold of my hand resting on the table.
“Give me the run down.”
I inhaled a deep breath as I stared at him.
“Gregory is definitely my father. My mother lied to me not only about him but about my grandfather. In fact, she lied to me about everything. She couldn’t stick around and wait for Gregory because of her own fears.”
“And Crystal knew this the whole time?”
“Yeah.” I nodded my head. “But my mother made her promise that she would never speak of it.”
“I’m sorry, Emily,” he spoke as his thumb stroked my hand.
“Me too. I went to her grave and pretty much told her off.”
“Do you feel better now?”
“A little.” I lightly smiled.
The corners of his mouth curved upward. I was happy he was here. In fact, I was always happy with him in my life, and it felt good. We talked for a while longer, and then we climbed into his limo, and he drove me home.
“I wish I could stay, but I have a meeting tonight,” he spoke.
“I’m fine, Jackson. Evelyn and Katie are coming over later.”
He leaned over and kissed my lips.
“I’ll call to check up on you after my meeting.”
“Okay.” I smiled.
I was exhausted, so I changed into my sweatpants and a tank top and lay on top of the bed for a nap before my friends came over.