Chapter 14
Asher
I was breathing hard after finishing an hour of laps in my indoor pool on the lower level of my home.
Fucking hell!
It was late, and I still felt wired.
My emotions had been on lockdown for years. Hell, probably more like decades, and all of that shit I’d tried to bury had escaped in a matter of months.
Okay, to be honest, the restlessness I was feeling tonight probably didn’t have to do with talking about my screwed-up childhood in counseling.
In fact, it was all about Sierra and the way I wanted to get her into my bed.
I’d gotten myself off earlier, but it hadn’t done a damn thing to alleviate my edginess.
That’s why I’d made my way downstairs to see if I could work off the agitation that was making me an insomniac tonight.
If you ever want anything from me, all you have to do is ask.
Hell, she had no idea what kind of dirty thoughts that comment had invited earlier.
I had to keep my mouth shut to keep from telling her how many salacious things I wanted from her.
I didn’t want her to pay me back in any way.
Helping her get on her feet financially was nothing to me.
I actually wanted to make damn sure that she never had to worry about where her next meal was coming from for the rest of her life.
I wanted to give her all her wants and not just her needs.
I needed to make sure she never suffered another moment of deprivation for as long as she lived.
Did I want things from her?
Hell, yeah. I wanted to get her naked and pleasure her until she was screaming my name with mindless abandon.
However, I didn’t ever want her to do that out of gratitude.
I wanted her to want me with the same madness that I wanted her.
I exited the pool, knowing it was going to be useless to do another round of laps.
It was two a.m. and my muscles were tired, but my mind wasn’t ready to shut down for the night.
I’d just slipped into my large hot tub and turned on the jets when I heard the door to the pool room open.
Sierra?
What in the hell was she doing awake at this time of the night?
I glanced up to see her walking toward the hot tub.
I’d purchased the swimsuit she was wearing, and it was extremely modest, a one-piece with big shoulder straps and a high neckline.
It was completely unprovocative, but on her slender body, it was the sexiest thing I’d ever seen.
She might be a petite woman, but she looked like she was all shapely legs in that black swimsuit.
“Asher!” she squeaked in a surprised voice. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you’d be here. I thought I’d use the hot tub. I can’t sleep for some reason.”
“Get in,” I suggested, grateful that the hot tub was large enough that we didn’t have to be in extremely close quarters.
She hesitated at the steps. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Get in,” I grumbled again, really needing her to submerge all of that bare skin under the water.
She entered with a sigh that made my cock get harder than it already was at the moment.
There was no way I could possibly control my cock when the two of us were in a hot tub together.
That just wasn’t going to happen.
She looked like she’d been in bed earlier.
Her hair was tousled, and her face was totally devoid of makeup.
Unfortunately, that was an incredibly sexy look on her.
“You couldn’t sleep, either?” she asked as she pressed her back close to the jets and closed her eyes.
“No,” I replied. “I swam some laps, but it didn’t help much.”
“Insomnia?” she questioned. “I thought it was getting better.”
“It is,” I agreed. “Tonight is the first time in weeks. What about you? I didn’t realize that you had sleepless nights.”
She shrugged and opened her eyes. “I usually don’t. I’m a little tense tonight. You were so quiet coming home. I guess I’m worried that I said something that irritated you in some way.”
Hell, that was unexpected.
Yeah, I’d been quiet because I’d kept thinking about her damn offer to do anything I wanted.
I’d been a little tense because I couldn’t get my mind off how much I wanted Sierra and what in the hell I was going to do about that.
Things were getting unbearable for me.
We were living together.
I was going to have to figure out a way to get over my sexual frustration.
Unfortunately, I still hadn’t figured out how that was going to happen.
“I wasn’t irritated with you,” I told her. “I had some things on my mind.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “Is it your treatment?”
“I hate it,” I confessed, deciding I’d rather talk about my therapy than my unholy need to bury myself in her gorgeous body.
“Most of the in-person, fast-acting therapy is done now. I’m doing online therapy sessions with one of the foremost authorities on PTSD in the country.
I have to force myself into those meeting rooms most of the time because I know I’m going to have to talk about the childhood that I never wanted to talk about again.
I’m not a guy who wants to spill my guts to anyone.
I’m the kind of man who just wants to leave that shit behind and get on with my life.
Talking about it ad nauseum seems pointless sometimes.
I know it has to happen, but I’ll be damn glad when I don’t have to do it anymore. ”
Her face softened, and she moved a little closer to me.
Hell, that was one of the many things I liked about Sierra.
She was incredibly empathetic, and seeing anyone uncomfortable seemed to trigger her instinct to help somehow.
Maybe that came from her own past, or maybe she was just one of the kindest women on the planet.
But that sweetness was fucking irresistible, and it was almost impossible for me not to touch her.
For a guy who didn’t like being touched, my instinct to put my hands on Sierra was highly unusual for me.
I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with her touching me, but I sure as hell wanted my hands on her.
“I remember what that felt like,” she shared with a sympathetic look in her beautiful green eyes.
“I had to force myself to go to therapy, too, because I knew it was going to be painful. I knew it was necessary to heal, and I got used to it, but it was never pleasant. You’ll get through it, Asher.
Just keep telling yourself that there will be a day that you’ll never have to talk about it again if you don’t want to. ”
“Is that how you got through it?” I asked.
She nodded as she settled next to me, our bodies not quite touching, but she was close.
“Yeah,” she answered. “I think I had to think about the future. I never would have made it through if I didn’t think about something more pleasant. I’m sorry this is hard for you.”
Fuck!
What in the hell had Sierra been through that had brought her so low that she hadn’t been functional?
She was a strong woman, and she was so upbeat that just the thought of how it had been for her a few years ago made my damn heart ache.
“I’ll live,” I drawled.
“You will,” she agreed. “But I hate that you’re not sleeping well. Is there anything I can do?”
“Not unless you want to get naked and let me touch you,” I said drily, surprising myself that I’d actually said those words out loud.
Christ!
I definitely needed to put a lid on my emotions.
I turned my head and our eyes locked.
I could see the confusion in her pretty eyes, and I hated myself for saying anything.
“You…really want me?” she said in a hesitant tone. “I know we had that kiss, but I didn’t think it really meant anything to you. I thought maybe you were experimenting.”
Fucking hell!
Did she really think she’d been some kind of experiment to me?
I snapped, tired of not telling her exactly how I felt. “I’ve wanted you in my bed since the first time I saw you. I can’t explain that because I haven’t felt this kind of desire in a long time.”
She was quiet for a moment before she said, “I want you, too, Asher. I don’t like lusting after my boss, but I can’t help the way my body reacts or how I feel.”
“It was probably better when I didn’t know that,” I said hoarsely.
She shrugged and continued to stare into my eyes. “Did you want me to lie and tell you that I’m not interested?”
“Fuck, no,” I replied harshly, right before I kissed her.
I took my time, devouring her lips and exploring her mouth until she could have zero doubts about how much I wanted her.
“Asher,” she said on a needy moan as I released her lips and explored the soft skin of her neck.
My body tensed as I heard her moan like that for the second time.
Once by the river.
Once more here in this hot tub.
Hell, she wanted me, and I wasn’t going to pretend that I wasn’t happy about that.
But I wasn’t going to be satisfied until she was screaming my name while a volatile orgasm was coursing through her body.
Her head fell back, and I gripped her hips to keep her close.
“Take me to bed,” she said in a sultry voice.
“We’re mature adults, Asher. We can satisfy our bodies.
I’m not going to expect anything from you, and I know you won’t expect anything more from me.
Can’t we just be lovers without making things complicated?
I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my entire life.
I’m afraid that will never happen again, and I don’t want to blow this opportunity if we both want the same thing. ”
I froze, so surprised that I wasn’t sure I’d heard her right.
I pulled my head back and lifted hers so I could see her face.
“Is that really what you want?” I asked huskily.
I could absolutely guarantee that the situation would get complicated for me, but I wanted Sierra so badly that I didn’t give a shit.
The desire in her eyes made my gut twist.
“Yes,” she answered. “No strings. No promises. Only a few conditions.”
“Tell me,” I urged.
“The bedroom has to be dark, and you can’t restrain me. You’ll have to trust me enough not to touch you without your permission. I have some scars, and that’s all I really want to say about that right now.”
That worked for me since I had scars of my own, and I did trust her.
There was no way I’d want her in my bed if I didn’t.
“Done,” I said in a guttural voice.
I wasn’t sure I even wanted to keep those boundaries of her not touching me, but the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her if I had some kind of weird, reflexive reaction.
I hoped that she didn’t end up regretting her decision, but I wasn’t about to give her time to second-guess her suggestion.
I scooped her up and carried her out of the hot tub.
I put her on her feet for a moment so I could dry us both off.
“I can do that,” she said, bemused.
“I’m always going to take any reason I can find to touch you,” I said roughly as I tossed the wet towel aside and picked her up again.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and sighed. “Even if this only happens once, I’m not going to regret it. Just once, I want to see what it feels like to be with you.”
Just once, my ass!
Now probably wasn’t the time to tell her that once I’d touched her, once I’d been inside her beautiful body, there was no way in hell I was ever going to let her go.