Chapter 27
Sierra
“Are you absolutely sure you’re okay with this?” I asked Asher as we stood on the very crowded Congress Avenue Bridge the following evening.
I was thinking it might have been better to rent a kayak or something than to be standing on a crowded bridge.
The evening was pleasantly warm, even though it was fall in Austin.
Both of us were wearing light jackets, but it wasn’t exactly cool at the moment.
Asher told me that would change as soon as the sun set.
“I’m good,” Asher replied as he pulled me back against him and positioned us so we were facing east.
We were waiting for the night flight of hundreds of thousands of bats as they left the shelter of the bridge to seek out food.
The city of Austin coexisted well with the bats since they kept the insect population at bay during the warmer months.
The bridge design was a perfect bat cave for the Mexican free-tailed bats, and the nighttime show of them leaving that makeshift cave was supposed to be spectacular.
The bats would leave their summer home soon, and I was happy that we were going to see what would probably be one of their last flights of the year.
I leaned back against him, wondering what in the hell I could do to make this experience easier for him.
He’d told me his meeting had gone well, and he’d seemed pretty upbeat when he’d arrived back at our incredible hotel suite with a breathtaking view of Lady Bird Lake.
Maybe he was doing well in the city, but crowds like this couldn’t be easy for him.
The bridge was packed with people who wanted to see the upcoming spectacle.
“I’ll live, Sierra,” he said as he pulled me tighter against him. “I don’t love the crowd, but I’m not sweating it, either. This is something I haven’t seen in a long time. It’s worth a little discomfort.”
I relaxed a little.
He wasn’t doing this just for me.
It was something he wanted to conquer, too.
“Tell me if you want to get out of here,” I said sternly.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said drily. “You’ll know the minute it gets really uncomfortable.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious, Asher.”
“Relax, Sierra,” he said in a soothing voice. “I’m not going to hide anything from you. If I have issues, you’ll know about it. I want you to enjoy the show.”
The tension in my muscles eased a little more.
He was right.
I’d know if he wasn’t okay.
Not only did I trust him to be honest, but I’d seen enough of his discomfort in the past to sense when he wasn’t okay with the crowds.
“I’m sorry,” I said remorsefully.
“Don’t be,” he said and kissed my temple. “Don’t ever be sorry for trying to make life more comfortable for me.”
“It’s starting,” he added as the first bats started their flight.
It was sunset, and the swirling mass of fast-flying bats was breathtaking.
We watched in silence as the swooping mammals filled the sky, their erratic movements making it seem like the bats were dancing in the air.
I was stunned by the sheer size of the mass, even though I’d already known that the flight could include over a million bats.
My heart soared as I witnessed one of the most incredible sights I’d ever seen.
I’d considered taking photos or a video, but there were more than enough of those online.
I just wanted to experience it with Asher.
“It’s amazing,” I finally said to Asher in a breathless voice.
We’d been watching for a while, and the show still wasn’t over.
“I think I forgot how much I enjoy watching this,” Asher replied.
I swallowed hard.
I hated how isolated he’d needed to be for so long.
I knew the loneliness of PTSD, but I’d never had to be completely withdrawn to protect myself.
My heart ached every time I thought of a very young Asher trying to protect his little brother by taking the brunt of his father’s abuse.
It was hard to even think about the torture he’d been through and how he’d endured that at such a young age.
He’d probably felt so defenseless and probably very lost.
After the torture and physical abuse, it was a miracle that Asher had come out of the situation with any kindness or empathy.
Yet he was probably the most empathetic man I’d ever known.
People probably didn’t notice it, but Asher was watchful and observant.
He could sense the pain of other people, whether he wanted to admit it or not.
“Ready to go eat?” he asked.
I nodded as I took the hand he was offering, knowing I was going to cherish these moments and the experience I’d just shared with Asher.
The bat show was about over, and I was hungry.
Since it was late, we were eating at a Mexican café that was one of Asher’s favorites for casual dining here in Austin.
The place was within walking distance, and I followed behind Asher as he plowed through the people to get off the bridge.
I kept my eyes on him, trying to discern whether or not he was still tolerating the crowd.
I breathed a sigh of relief when we finally exited the bridge and the wall of people started to disperse.
“Okay?” I checked in with him.
He nodded. “I’m good.”
“You said things went well at your meeting today,” I said as we walked toward the restaurant. “Was it really that easy?”
He shook his head. “I didn’t say that. But it was tolerable. I think that’s probably the best I can ask for right now. I don’t feel like I’m about to lose my shit in a full boardroom anymore, and that’s something for me. I can be in a crowd without desperately needing to get out of it.”
I nodded, understanding why that meant something to him.
He had his control back, and he was able to master his emotions.
That was a lot to someone who once felt like they were panicking every time they were surrounded by people.
He might never be unaffected by crowds, but being in one didn’t rule his life anymore.
Exposure would probably help him become less and less sensitive to those situations.
“Did you finish your project?” he asked.
“I did,” I told him. “It was something I was doing as an experiment. I’ve been writing my own story when I have the time.
I’m finally done. I’m going to publish my own book, Asher.
I never thought I was a writer, but I enjoyed writing and illustrating this story.
I used your ranch as my inspiration. I knew that spot by the river was going to end up in a story and it did. It’s in my own book.”
“That’s fantastic,” he said enthusiastically. “Am I going to see this book?”
“When it’s printed,” I promised. “I’m going to self-publish, so it won’t be long before you’ll be able to see it. I’m not sure if I can sell my own books, but I’ve gotten my social media pretty active again and it’s growing as I do more projects. I’d like to think I can sell a few books on my own.”
“I think you’ll sell a lot of them,” Asher said confidently.
God, I loved this man who always made me feel like there was nothing I couldn’t do.
“I’m not ready to quit my day job of illustrating for popular authors,” I said jokingly. “But there’s a lot of creative freedom when I’m writing my own books. We’ll see how it goes.”
“You could quit working for other people,” Asher argued. “I’d be happy to help while you’re establishing your own writing career.”
“I know you would,” I said with a smile.
“But I need to feel like I have control of my own life. Maybe that’s hard for you to understand sometimes, but I’ve always taken care of myself financially, Asher.
I think I need to prove to myself that I can do it again.
I’ll let you buy me some of the things that I can’t afford, but I need to at least know that I’m capable of taking care of my needs.
I’d like to know that I can take care of my mom, too.
I need that confidence in myself. I completely lost control of that ability at one time.
I want to feel normal again. That need has nothing to do with you.
I trust you to take care of me, but I have to know I can rely on myself, too. ”
He squeezed my hand. “I’ll try not to let your independence be a blow to my ego,” he teased.
I bumped against him. “It shouldn’t be.”
In a more serious voice, he added, “There’s nothing I want more than for you to regain your confidence in yourself, sweetheart. I want you to feel your own strength because I’m not sure you always see that in yourself.”
“I think I’m a work in progress,” I admitted.
“It’s taken a long time for me to recover.
I think I need that to feel completely sure of myself again.
It’s been a long road, but I’m getting there.
I don’t think I ever would have used your card for so many niceties if I wasn’t getting confident that I could pay that money back if you wanted it. ”
“I don’t,” he grumbled.
I smiled because he sounded so unhappy about the thought of me trying to pay him back.
“I know that,” I assured him. “But I need to know that I can. I’m not with you because you’re a billionaire. I’m with you because I want to be. I’m with you because you’re the most amazing guy I’ve ever met, and because you make me happy.”
“Do you think I don’t know that?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I think you do, but maybe I want to prove it to you.”
“You never have to prove anything to me,” he said gruffly. “But if succeeding at your career makes you happy, then you know I’m supportive. Do you need any help publishing your book?”
My heart squeezed. “No,” I said softly. “But thanks for offering.”
And just like that…Asher was offering to do anything and everything he could to help me…again.
Maybe I should be used to that, but it would probably always touch my heart because wholehearted support was something I’d never experienced from a partner.
It was something I never wanted to take for granted because I knew what it was like to be gaslighted and sabotaged constantly.
It was one of the many reasons why I’d fallen for Asher so damn hard.
I let out a happy sigh.
Loving Asher was getting less and less scary for me.
Maybe because I was always sensing my feelings for him coming back to me.
We’d never talked about it.
We’d never discussed a serious commitment, but I knew Asher was as committed to this relationship as I was.
I knew damn well that Asher cared about me.
For now, as the two of us navigated this relationship, that was more than enough.